And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (10 page)

“Please stay. And Ben, I do want you here with me.”
More than I should.

Friday and Saturday were a blur. They had dinner with Dottie and Bill but otherwise spent most of the two days in bed.

Ben stopped asking her questions and started telling her more about himself. He told her that while she was in Europe with Renie, he and the band would be on the road touring for the majority of the time. Their album was ready to release and the record company was pushing them to get out and promote it.

He said nothing about when they might see each other again. As far as she knew, he wasn’t even thinking about it. When he jokingly told her to check the CB Rice Facebook page for the tour dates, she got a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.

Sunday morning when she woke up, for the first time since he’d arrived, Ben wasn’t in bed next to her. She got out of bed and went into the bathroom. There was no sign of him, his toiletry kit no longer sat on her counter. She walked back out into the bedroom and looked around, his clothes and his duffel bag were gone too.

She threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, put her hair in a ponytail, pulled on her socks, and went in search of her boots. There was no sign of him in the living room or the kitchen either.

She went out the back door, holding her breath, willing his truck to still be in her driveway. It was not.

She wrapped her arms around her waist, putting one foot in front of the other, making herself walk in the direction of the barn. Halfway there she could no longer contain her tears. By the time she reached Micah’s stall, she let it all out, all the pent up emotion she’d been feeling in the last few days worked its way
to the surface, and she cried.

Ben was gone, and he’d left without saying goodbye
.

Chapter 8

She cried so hard she didn’t hear the truck pull in the driveway, or the barn door open.

“Liv! What’s wrong? Did something happen to Renie?”

“Ben? I thought you were gone.”

He held her close, and stroked the back of her hair. “I’m right here. Shh now.” He leaned back and kissed each of her eyelids. “You didn’t think I’d just leave, did you?”

She hiccuped trying to stop crying. “But your stuff. I woke up and you were gone, and your stuff was gone, and your truck was gone.”

Ben held her tight, stroking her hair, telling her again and again everything was okay. He tried to stop himself from . . . smiling. What kind of an asshole did it make him that he wanted to smile? And not just a little smile, he wanted to grin from ear to ear. She thought he’d left, and it wrecked her. And that made him
happy.
God he was a sadistic bastard.

“Liv, I wouldn’t have just left without saying goodbye. You should know that, if you know nothing else about me. I woke up, but you were conked out sunshine. I wore you out, and your body took the rest it needed. So instead of waking you up, I came out and fed the horses. When I was finished you still hadn’t woken up, so I went to put gas in the truck.”

“But the last couple of days . . .”

“What? I haven’t pushed as much? Haven’t made you as crazy hanging on you, asking you to promise me your heart, and let me stay forever?”

“Are you trying to be funny now?”

“Half-funny. Listen, it’s been what? A couple of weeks? Yeah, I realize I’ve been pushin’ you real hard, real fast. And no matter what I say, you won’t believe that I’m not usually like this, ’cause for whatever reason, with yo
u
I a
m
like this.” He laughed, but then got a serious look on his face. “I’m not gonna lie to you Liv, leaving today isn’t going to be easy. Every part of me wants to figure out a reason to stay or beg you to come with me. And before you say anything, I know how crazy that sounds.”

Liv’s head rested against his chest, but he wanted to see her face. “Look at me baby.”

She turned and looked into his eyes.

“I’m not letting go of this. Not at all. But I am going to go home and give us both some time to breathe, time to figure out what this means. And it definitely means something to me. Does it mean something to you Liv? I want you to be honest with me. If it doesn’t, I need to hear it.”

“No, it does. I mean look at me. I was
sobbing
because I thought you left.” She turned her head so her cheek rested on his chest. “I feel more than a little foolish,” she whispered.

Ben put his hands on each side of her face, turning her to look at him again. “Don’t. Don’t be afraid to tell me how you’re feeling. And don’t feel foolish because you showed me either.”

Liv closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. She was stunned by her reaction to thinking he was gone. This had been such a whirlwind between them, and even from the beginning, it hadn’t felt like just a fling. It felt like so much more. She was going to miss him. A lot. And maybe instead of trying to play it off as if it didn’t matter, she should just tell him that it did.

“I’d rather have waited to rest after you left.”

“I have some time before I have to get on the road if you want me to wear you out again.”

“I guess you’re packed, would the condoms be hard to get to?”

“Not at all little lady, I left ’em in the drawer of your night stand. And I counted ’em, there better be the same number left in there when I get back.”

“You’re coming back?”

“Soon as I can baby. Soon as you’ll let me.”

Before they were through the bedroom door, Liv was pulling Ben’s clothes off. She tore at them until he stood before her, naked. “What now Liv?” he asked.

She pushed him onto the bed, on his back, climbed up and straddled him. “My way this time,” she said and kissed him—seductively and wantonly; passionately and relentlessly. She bit his lower lip and it destroyed him. She ran her fingertips over his skin, each stroke felt like a flame. Liv touched his body, everywhere, as though she was trying to memorize it with her hands. Then she sighed and let herself cover him.

“I need you naked too baby.” Ben rolled her over and began to tear at her clothes, the same as she had done with his. “Need you now. Right now. Can’t wait.”

He wanted to go slow, he wanted to feel every inch of her skin against his, savor being with her, so in the days to come, he could remember this, every moment of it. But he couldn’t stop himself, his desire for her was all-consuming. His need to possess her overtook him and he buried himself inside of her. He went completely still, his hands in her hair, his face only inches from hers. “Liv—.” The words wouldn’t come, he longed to tell her that he loved her, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. It was too soon. She’d never believe him. But he did, like he’d never loved before.

“I need you,” he finally said.

“I’m right here,” she answered, her eyes burning into his, questioning.

“Come with me. Come home with me.”
Give in to me, give yourself over to me was what he really wanted to say, to demand.

“I can’t,” the words came out almost as a sob.

He brought his head closer, his lips hovering just above hers, her hair still twisted in his hands. He started to move slowly inside her.

“Come home with me, Liv.” He demanded again. He knew she wanted to, she just wouldn’t give in to him.

“I can’t,” she said again, crying out as she did.

“I need you,” he breathed. Never before had he felt this overwhelming need for a woman. He wanted to worship her body, treat her tenderly. He brought his lips to hers again, kissing her gently but deeply. He broke the kiss, needing to take another moment, again, just to look at her. When he closed his eyes he wanted to be able to see her face, just as it looked right now. He wanted the image seared in his memory.

Her long hair fanned out around her and she gripped the back of his head, pulling her closer as their lips met again. Ben started to move faster, harder, Liv arched into him and cried out.

“I’ll never stop needing you,” he gasped as he exploded into her.

“Ben.” Just the way she said his name, every time, it was as though she reached in and squeezed his heart.

***

They’d gotten dressed and Ben was out on the deck, the door between them closed, and he was on his cell phone. He paced as he spoke, his hand rubbing over the top of his head.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust that he handled the horses just fine earlier, it was more that she needed something to do with herself. The nervous energy was eating her alive. She longed to saddle Micah and take him out for a long, hard run, but that could wait, until Ben was gone. Just the thought filled her with an ache she couldn’t put words to.

She walked over to the fence where Micah stood, clearly expecting she’d have a treat for him. She reached in her jacket pocket and pulled out a red Twizzler. She couldn’t stand licorice herself, red or black, but for her horses, there seemed to be no better treat. He nuzzled up against her, as though he knew she needed his affection.

She heard the back door close and saw Ben walking toward her. The way he looked at her, such passion in his eyes, and when he smiled—Lord help her, her knees went weak. Did all women react to him this way? And did he know it?

“Time to go?” She wanted to be the one who said it first.

“Yeah, as much as I don’t want to, I’m already getting a late start, and if I don’t get on the road, I’m going to want to stay another night.” He pulled her hard against him, so hard it almost hurt. But even then the hurt inside overpowered it.

“Come home with me.”

“I’m already home Ben. This is my home.”

“Just for a few days. I’ll fly you back when you’re ready.”

“Ben, I’m not going with you.” She stroked the side of his face and reached up to brush her lips over his.

“Next time?”

“Maybe.”

He held her so tight she couldn’t breathe. And when he kissed her once again, he took the rest of the air out of her lungs. She felt dizzy, but it didn’t have anything to do with breathing. It was just him. He made her feel that way.

***

Liv didn’t watch his truck leave the driveway. It might have been nicer of her to turn and wave him off, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Instead she walked in the opposite direction and didn’t look back.

She brought Micah into the barn and saddled him up. They headed east, away from the sunset and rode and rode and rode.

When they got back to the barn, she felt ridden out. She got Micah settled and brought the other horses in. She swept out the barn and walked around, looking for something else to busy herself with. She pulled up a barn stool and read through the week-old newspaper someone had left behind.

Finally she ran out of things to occupy herself with, she had to go inside the house. It was the last place she wanted to be.

***

Ben pulled up to his house just before ten. He thought about stopping at his parents’ place, but when he drove by all the lights were off, so he didn’t. He considered going back into town and swinging by the Goat, but it would be slow on a Sunday night this late in the ski season. Without a big crowd to distract him, being there would make him think of Liv. Everything did.

He went inside and slung his bag on the floor of the laundry room. He walked into his kitchen, and only felt a sense of disappointment, in it and the loneliness of his house.

Tomorrow his boys would be home and he hoped their antics were enough to distract him. He was always present when he was with them, the same way his father had been with him. His boys were his world, the two most important humans on the planet to him. But now there was another human, a person, a woman, who he could not stop thinking about.

His arms felt empty, he longed to hold her. He’d gotten used to being able to hold her whenever he wanted to.

He went back into the laundry room and picked up his bag. He took it into his bedroom, threw it on the bed and sat down next to it. He reached over and opened the zipper, pulling out the last thing he had packed. One of her scarves. He meant to tell her he took it before he left, but it had slipped his mind. Maybe by now she’d found his shirt, the one he left hanging on the knob on the back of her closet door. He’d left it for her on purpose.

He brought the scarf up to his nose and inhaled deeply. He loved her smell, he closed his eyes and imagined she was with him. Scent was the most powerful of the senses when it came to remembering. He rested his head back on the pillow, holding her scarf close to him, and drifted off to sleep.

***

Liv climbed into bed and slid under the sheets. They smelled of them, him and her together. She nestled into the pillow, breathing in the scent he left there.

She rolled to where her cell phone sat on the night stand, and for the first time in almost a week, she checked Facebook. There was nothing. Twitter. Nothing there either. She scrolled through photos he’d posted before, some from months ago. There were so many of him performing. In some he was looking straight at the camera, smiling. She loved his smile.

She wondered if he was home yet, or if he was still out on the road. She hadn’t heard from him since he left, but she hadn’t expected to. And she had no idea when she would again.