Barefoot (21 page)

Toni climbed up the steep cottage stairs. There were two bedrooms, one just large enough to fit a double bed and a chest of drawers. His suits and shirts hung neatly on a hanging rail in an alcove.

She opened another door and found a shower room
, and the third opened onto another small bedroom, with a sloping ceiling leading down to a low window. There was a large box in it, almost as big as the room itself.

‘What do you think?’ She hadn’t heard him coming up the stairs after her.

‘It’s cute.’ Toni shut her eyes, trying to work out what she was feeling. ‘And it feels friendly.’

He seemed relieved. ‘It’s only short-term. Just till I work out what happens next.’

‘I like it.’

‘That’s for you.’ He nodded to the box.

‘What is it?’

‘A bed. For when you want to stay over.’

‘Cool.’ Toni began to see the advantages to the situation. Somewhere to escape from Arabella.

‘The bad news is we have to assemble it ourselves.’

They sat on the floor together and puzzled over the diagrams in the instructions, her father soon shaking his head. ‘I never was any good at DIY. I’m an accountant, for Heaven’s sake.’

Toni laughed. ‘Here, give it to me.’ She took the Allen key and began to piece together the base.

Her father stood up and stretched as far as the sloping ceiling allowed. He looked grey and tired. It struck her what a difficult time it must be for him. ‘I’m on top of this,’ she said. ‘Why don’t you make some coffee?’

‘Good idea. I could probably run to a cheese toastie as well.’ He kissed the top of her head before going downstairs.

‘Juice for me, please,’ she called after him.

She worked quickly and efficiently. When he came back upstairs, the bed was half-done.

‘Wow.’ He was amazed. ‘Clearly not my genes.’

Toni frowned, not wanting to think any part of her had come from her mother.

‘My dad was always good with his hands. Here.’ He handed her a plate with the sandwich on and a glass of water. ‘Sorry, no juice.’

‘It’s not a problem.’ She took them and turned to look outside while she ate. A small picket fence divided the raised patio from the one next door and beyond was a field running the length of all six cottages. A single horse grazed in it, either pregnant or very fat.

It was peaceful and simple.

And it suited him.

*************

If her mother had been easier to live with, her father would never have left. This simple truth dawned on Toni, and every day she felt herself becoming more resentful. She did her best to avoid Arabella. When she did see her, she was infuriated her mother acted as if nothing had changed. To make it worse, Arabella was back on her case about riding.

‘You have an appointment at eleven tomorrow to take your cast off. I’m busy and so, apparently, is your father. You’ll have to get yourself there.’

Toni didn’t even bother to ask how she was meant to get to the hospital on the outskirts of town.

‘Then your lessons start with Christine again the day after. Six-thirty as usual.’

So it was beginning again.

‘I’m not sure if I’m fit enough for a lesson.’ The only time she had sat on a horse in over six weeks was in the New Forest with Cal. The memory filled Toni with longing.

‘Well, the more you do, the fitter you’ll get, won’t you?’ Arabella snapped. ‘You need to put the work in if you want to start competing again.’

But do I want to?

It took an hour and a half and two buses to get to the hospital. The nurse who finally called her in was tired and brusque, and within minutes, Toni found herself standing outside again, scratching her arm with relief. It felt strange. Light and insubstantial.

The following morning it seemed as if she was riding for the very first time. Out in the New Forest on Buster, with Cal alongside, she had been relaxed and happy. But this was the first time she had ridden Grace since the accident. Her wrist was weak and she had trouble holding the reins firmly enough. Arabella stood at the side of the arena for the whole hour, watching and judging, and her scrutiny made everything so much worse.

‘That was crap,’ her mother said, as Toni led Grace out of the arena at the end of the lesson. Toni knew she had ridden badly. She didn’t need her mother to tell her.

Every morning for the following two weeks, she got up at six to be ready for her lesson. Her wrist began to get stronger and the rest of her muscles soon stopped complaining. But the real issue was her relationship with Grace. She carried the whip because Arabella insisted, but she hardly used it, and could sense Christine was mystified at the change in her.

‘You have to show her you’re the boss,’ the instructor pushed her, after a particularly bad lesson one day. ‘When she’s hesitating, just give her a whack.’

Toni shook her head. ‘If she’s nervous, surely what she needs is reassurance.’

Christine sighed.  ‘Look, I’ve seen hundreds of ponies just like her. I know what I’m talking about.’

Toni shook her head again, feeling mutinous now.

The instructor tried a different tack.

‘I know the accident probably knocked your confidence, but you just have to get over it, OK?’

Toni led Grace away. Ever since the New Forest she could feel something building up inside and it was getting hard to contain.

Then Arabella announced she was flying to Ireland to see a new horse. ‘I’ll be gone for two days. Beth’s in charge of the horses.’

Beth, the groom taken on temporarily for Badminton, had ended up staying. There was something about the girl Toni didn’t like. But she didn’t need to have much to do with her. With her mother gone, she would have the house to herself at least.

It was time to take control of her life.

The first thing she did was to call Christine, pretending she had flu and needed to cancel her morning lesson. It was time to break free from Arabella’s shadow and she had serious plans for the day.

Clive, the farrier, arrived at nine. He began to work through her mother’s horses and it was nearly lunchtime before he got to the ponies. Toni led Grace out first and tried to soothe her as he worked. Then it was Buster’s turn. He was pretty chilled and usually she didn’t have to hang around and hold him.

But today was different. Toni had been rehearsing what she was going to say all morning. She watched Clive take the shoes off, one-by-one, and put them to one side, before beginning to trim his hooves. Buster stood patiently as always.

‘I’ve decided to have him barefoot from now on.’

There. The words were out.

She’d tried to make it seem casual, but her voice sounded strangled, even to her.

The farrier looked up sharply. ‘Sure about that, are you?’

Toni nodded. ‘Positive.’

He stood up and stretched himself, then perched on the tailgate of his van and began to roll a cigarette.  ‘You could be causing all sorts of problems down the line.’

Toni had always known he was going to try and dissuade her. She had to let him see she had done her research. ‘He’s native. And I’m not competing him anymore. From everything I’ve read, there’s a pretty good chance he’ll be fine.’

Clive put the cigarette in his mouth, lit it and took a deep drag. ‘So what does your mother reckon to this?’

Toni looked away. ‘He’s my pony. My decision.’

There was a stand-off.

‘Sorry, Toni. I need one of your parents to OK it. I’ll have to give Arabella a call and check.’

‘She’s away in Ireland. She won’t like it,’ Toni gambled. ‘I’ll call Dad.’

He shrugged. Toni walked over to the tea room where he couldn’t hear her, and called her father. He was clearly busy and irritated at being disturbed.

‘I’m hardly an expert,’ he grumbled.

‘Where’s your mother?’

‘On a buying trip.’ Toni avoided saying where and for how long. She didn’t want him to know she’d been left alone. ‘Please, Dad,’ she begged. ‘I know what I’m doing. Honest. But he just needs an OK from you.’

Her father sighed. ‘Put him on then.’

Toni handed the phone over to Clive and stood biting her lip. Eventually he handed it back to her.

She could see his inner conflict. Arabella was a good client and he didn’t want to risk upsetting her. He took another drag on the cigarette then pinched it out and put it behind his ear. ‘We could leave them off for now, I suppose. See what she has to say when she gets back.’

Toni breathed out.

‘You’ll need to toughen up those hooves, mind,’ he warned. ‘Make sure he’s on concrete for a couple of hours each day so they dry out.’

She nodded madly, willing him to leave, but he took his time, packing up his tools, then sweeping up the hoof trimmings.

‘You sure about this?’

‘Definitely.’ She could hardly contain her excitement.

He shrugged. ‘Your funeral.’

When he left, Toni felt ecstatic and hugged Buster again and again. When she led him down the track he picked up his feet carefully, as if puzzled by how light they were.

‘I know. They’ll be sore for a while,’ she told him. ‘But it’ll be worth it in the end. You’ll see.’

She felt as if she would burst with pride and needed to tell someone about the huge step she had taken.

There was only one person she wanted to tell.

Cal, of course.

With Arabella away it was the perfect chance for him to come over to the yard to meet Grace and Buster.

To her relief he agreed instantly when she called. ‘Sure. What time?’

‘After I get back from school.’

‘Ah, yes. School.’

Toni felt an idiot. She had just managed to remind him about her age. ‘Say four-thirty.’

‘See you then.’

She changed into her most flattering jods and put on a bit of mascara. By the time he arrived she was tense with waiting. He was back driving the blue pick-up, and when he climbed out and she saw him again, Toni felt she could breathe for the first time in days.

‘So you’re allowed back behind the wheel?’

He grinned. ‘Dad soon gave in. He needs me to do jobs for him all the time.’ He glanced around. ‘So… just look at this place.’ He whistled. ‘Am I about to meet the Queen?’

‘Don’t worry. My mother is away.’

‘Figures. So that’s why I’m allowed here.’

‘And my dad’s moved out.’ Toni felt her throat constrict, startling her.

‘I’m sorry.’ He moved towards her and she turned away quickly. It still felt too raw for him to see.

‘I can’t blame him. I’d move out too, if I could.’

‘Why don’t you?’ He took her seriously, even though she meant to be flippant.

‘Where would I go?’

‘Couldn’t you move in with him?’