Beyond The Cage (8 page)

Fuck! I take a sharp breath, sucking air through my teeth. He pauses, a frightened look on his face.

“I guess I’m a little sore.” He starts to pull out and I grab his shoulders. “No, don’t stop.”

He pulls out anyway and walks to the bathroom, returning with a bottle of lube.

“Aren’t
you
prepared?”

Not even a smile. Kneeling between my legs, he removes the cap. I prop myself up on my elbows and keep my eyes on him as he pours some into his palm. He’s so serious…like he’s about to perform surgery. The moment he touches me, I throw my head back and moan. After spreading it around my lips and clit, he slips his finger inside me. I instinctively clench my muscles against the intrusion. Slowly, he moves his finger in and out, massaging the liquid into my walls.

“That feels good,” I tell him, but it doesn’t break his concentration.

Refilling on lube, he rubs it onto his condom-clad dick before looming over me, hands on either side of my head. I slip my hands under his arms and wrap them around his waist. Rocking his hips, he joins us inch by inch. He switches to a rotating motion, moving inside me. His eyes call to me. The grey irises seem greyer, black pupils blacker. They’re shining back at me like a cat’s…just glowing in the dark. That look he returns…it’s one I haven’t seen before, but it’s mesmerizing. I can’t look away.

My breathing is getting out of control. I slide my hands down and grab his ass. He increases the pace, his muscles tensing and relaxing beneath my fingers. Shifting his position, he rests on his forearms, burying his face in my neck. His hot breath on my skin and his chest rubbing against my nipples only heightens my arousal. When he starts sucking on my neck, I feel the walls begin to crumble.

“Oh, Cameron…”

He moans, pushing deeper and deeper. My muscles begin to contract around him and he stops moving. He growls low in his throat as I cry out, digging my nails into his skin. I shudder as a rippling sensation flows through my body. When my tremors die down, he starts to move again. I think he just wanted to feel me coming.
Aww
… He moves faster, grunting as he chases his own climax. Grabbing my thigh, he thrusts deep one final time and goes still, collapsing on top of me. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him close. He’s heavy but, at this point, I don’t care. After God knows how long, he raises his head and kisses my forehead. He rolls over onto the bed and I watch as he removes the condom, ties a knot at the end, and tosses it into the trash. Turning onto my side, I check the time – 4 a.m. That means I can get another two hours of sleep. He curls himself around me, throwing his arm around my waist.
I could really, really get used to this.

Pain is the best instructor but no-one wants to go to his class. – Choi, Hong Hi

Stupid alarm!
Before I even touch the phone, the incessant noise goes off.
Huh?
I open my eyes and find Cameron sitting in a chair by the bed, my phone in his hand.

“Good morning,” I greet him with a yawn and a languid stretch.

He smiles.

“Were you watching me sleep?”

Nod.

“Ugh…was I snoring?”

He blesses me with a gorgeous grin.

God knows this time it is way,
way
too early for him to be this sexy.

“I gotta go. I have an early class. Mind if I use your shower?”

I smile as he gives me a look that says ‘what the hell kinda question is that?’

Throwing off the covers, I lazily climb out of bed. I feel like I’ve been through the wringer, aching in places I never knew I could. As I pass by him, I stroke his chin. After I pee, he walks up and leans against the door.

“Are you going to watch me?” I ask with a smirk as I turn the faucet on. A little splash of cold water should wake me up.

He moves behind me, so I stand upright and watch him in the mirror. He doesn’t look too happy.

“Are you okay?”

Taking my wrist, he examines my arm. I follow his gaze, wondering what could deserve such scrutiny. Oh, my God. My arm is black and blue! I quickly look to the other. Make that arms…and wrists…and hips…and thighs. How did I not feel this? I turn back to him, and observant eyes have been replaced by devastation and remorse.

“It’s okay,” I tell him quietly. “Don’t worry about it.”

He releases me and takes a cautious step back.

“So…what? You’re not gonna touch me now?” I step toward him. “Well, too bad, ’cause I’m not gonna stop touching you. I want more of what happened last night. Lots more.”

He smiles even though he’s trying hard not to. Leaning in, I drop a kiss on his chest. “Now, get outta here so I can shower in peace.”

He steps around me and removes an unopened toothbrush from the drawer below the sink.

“Are you telling me I have horrible morning breath?” I smile as he hands it to me.

He leans down, places a soft kiss on my lips, and walks out. After brushing my teeth, I drop the toothbrush next to his in the holder. Hmm…I like it. I turn on the water and step into the shower. What I really need is a bath, but that will have to wait until later. Every muscle in my body is sore. After a quick shower, I step out and grab the huge towel I see hanging on the rack. I catch my reflection in the mirror and do a double-take. My hair is a mess, so I use his comb to fix it as best as I can. When I walk into the bedroom, he’s back in the chair and my clothes are laid out on the bed.

“You cut up all my clothes. What am I supposed to wear?”

He walks over to his chest of drawers and throws me a T-shirt. I catch it and hold it up in front of me.

“Are you kidding me?” It can probably fit three of me. “How about a tank?”

Again, he throws it to me. It’s not much better, but I guess I can work with it. I don’t even look at my panties; there’s no way I can wear them. Pulling on my jeans, I tuck his tank inside it. While I get dressed, I glance over at him periodically. He’s just watching me with a blank expression.

“What?”

He takes a deep breath and shakes his head.

“Well, I’m ready.” I put my shirt on and turn to him, a hand on my hip. “You owe me a bra and a top, mister.”

I grab my phone and underwear, leading the way out as I stick the items in my purse. As we walk through the gym, he continues to keep his distance. I don’t push it, leaving him to his thoughts.

After a quiet ride, he pulls into my complex, and I observe him from across the Cayenne. He’s staring straight ahead, one elbow on the door, the other resting on the console between us.

“Cameron.”

Nothing. Not even a glance. I place my hand on his, interlocking our fingers.

“This is the part where you’re supposed to tell me how wonderful last night was.”

He looks down at our hands, jerking his away at the sight of my bruised wrist.

“Please…don’t,” I beg. I can’t let him pull away from me. Not now.

He hops out and walks around the vehicle to open my door. When I step out, I throw my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest. His whole body goes rigid.

“Last night
was
wonderful. I enjoyed every minute of it.”

I tip my face up to his and he places a lingering kiss on my forehead. Pair that with the agonizing look in his eyes and it feels a lot like goodbye. I hope I’m reading him wrong. God, I pray it doesn’t mean what I think it does.

“I’ll text you later.”

He doesn’t acknowledge me, only shoving his hands into his pockets. I release him and head inside, stopping at the entrance to glance back at him. He’s watching me, an unreadable expression on his face. I wave and step inside the building, trying to shake the uneasy feeling I have.

Inside the apartment, I hear Chelsea’s shower running; at least I don’t have to deal with her right away. Besides, I need to change. After undressing, I slip into panties and a bra.

“Oh, my God!” Chelsea shrieks from the doorway.

She’s still wrapped in a towel, storming in with a horrified look on her face.

“What the hell happened?” she demands. “What did that bastard do to you? I’m gonna fucking kill him!”

“Calm down, Chels. It’s not what you think.”

“Oh, so you’re
not
covered in bruises?”

“I didn’t get them the way you think I did.”

I smile as she trails her fingers across the spots on my breasts. “
Those
aren’t bruises.”

“You mean…this happened during sex?” she asks in an incredulous tone.

I take a deep breath and look to the ceiling with a dreamy expression. “Amazing, incredible, awesome, mind-blowing, toe-curling sex.”

“Well, damn.”

“I guess he just…got a little carried away.”

“I’ll say.”

She drops down on my bed as I search my closet for a top with long sleeves.

“He was really upset about them. Wouldn’t even touch me this morning. I kinda got the feeling I won’t see him again.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s scared he’ll hurt me…physically. You didn’t see the look on his face when he saw them.”

“I take it you don’t want that to happen? You want to keep seeing him?”

“Yeah…but I’m not going force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. What happens next is up to him.”

I step into the bathroom to fix my hair and makeup, and she goes back to her room.

After my first class, I send Cameron a text.

Jasmine: Up for another all-nighter, Grandpa?

Yeah…like he’s the one who couldn’t keep up
. He doesn’t reply, and I try not to let it get to me. I send him a few more during the day, but still nothing. I leave work at 7 p.m., and I still haven’t heard from him. Either he hasn’t seen my messages or he’s avoiding me. Whatever it is, I’m not sending any more; I’ll give him space to work out whatever it is he needs to work out.

At home, I wrap some ice in a towel, place it on my bruises, and pop two painkillers. Bruise care 101 – ice for the first twenty-four to forty-eight hours. I need to wait two days before I can take my much-needed hot bath.

***

Three weeks. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen or heard from Cameron. I haven’t tried to contact him either, even though I miss him like crazy. I poured myself into working, volunteering, studying…pulling all-nighters and surviving on an hour or two of sleep. It’s the only way I
could
sleep – collapsing from sheer exhaustion. If I didn’t keep busy, all I did was think about him. It was the worst at night. The moment I climbed into bed, I would imagine him next to me. It wasn’t even sexual; I just wanted to curl up next to him, put my head on his chest, and have him wrap his arm around me. I wanted to listen to his breathing, his heartbeat…have him stroke my arm. Okay, I’ll admit I’ve had more than a few dreams about our last night together. But now, finals are almost over. I only have one more to go. What am I going to do after that?

Chelsea tries her best to cheer me up. Her finals are over and she’s been foregoing her own private life to babysit me, having movie nights and girls’ nights. Tonight is movie night. I have no clue what we’re even watching.

“Chels, you can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“Giving up your life for me. I’m fine.”

“I’m not giving up anything, and you are most definitely
not
fine.”

“I am,” I insist. “You should be out partying instead of being stuck here with me.”

“There’s no partying without you.”

“There must be something you want to do. I’ll die of guilt if you keep this up.”

“Well…my parents
did
ask me to come home for a while…”

“Good…go. Please.”

She sighs in resignation. “Fine, but only for a few days. When I get back, we can both celebrate the end of finals.”

“Deal.”

Now I can wallow in self-pity all by myself – the way it should be. I’ll put Destiny’s Child’s “Where’d You Go” on repeat and mope in solitude. While Chels is on the phone with her mom, I nibble on popcorn, not really tasting it. I watch the figures – blurs, really – moving on the screen, hearing nothing. What is this feeling? I’m not sad or angry. It’s like I’m on autopilot, just going through the motions. I feel like a character from
The Walking Dead
…you know, one of the walkers. I’m just a mindless zombie, walking and eating. I’ve never felt this way before, not even when I broke up with Jamal. But that’s it, isn’t it? There was no ‘end’, no closure. The car broke down in the middle of the road, and he just walked off and left me with no idea of where he’s going or if he’s even coming back. Now, I’m stranded with a broken-down car and no clue what to do.

This is ridiculous. I need to forget the name Cameron Jackson.

“Okay,” Chels announces as she bounds into the room. “It’s settled. I’m leaving tomorrow. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Positive. Stop worrying, Mom.”

She rolls her eyes, snuggling up next to me while I pretend to watch the movie.

***

After Chelsea leaves, I drive to the mall. Maybe I just need a little retail therapy. Two hours, three tops, a pair of jeans, and several bras and panties later, I walk out feeling no better than I did when I went in. Today is a rare, completely free day for me, and I have no idea what to do with myself. Before going home, I make a stop at Bath and Body Works to pick up some scented candles. A long, relaxing bubble bath is in order.

When I walk in, the smell hits me as it always does, the different aromas and flavors mingling to create a unique scent. I move around slowly, trying different products, picking up a few that claim to promote sleep.
We’ll see
. I decide on Caribbean Escape candles and throw in a Vanilla Tini lotion for good measure. This is totally going to be a ‘me’ day. Just one more stop – the supermarket. I promised everyone at Little Sisters I would bring them my famous—yes, famous—double chocolate chip cookies. Rolling my eyes, I acknowledge that baking will keep me busy for only about an hour.

It’s after 3 p.m. when I arrive home. I change, put some music on, and start on the cookies. As I’m placing them in the oven, I receive a text from Chels.

Chelsea: Got in ok…How u doin’? Miss u…

Aww…

Jasmine: Great! I’m good, don’t worry about me. Miss u, too, sweetie…especially with all these double chocolate chip cookies ;).

Chels loves my cookies, so I know that’ll divert her attention.

Chelsea: No u didn’t! I hate u so much right now.

Worked like a charm.

Jasmine: Lol! I’ll make more when u get back…especially for u :).

Chelsea: U better! Talk to u later.

Jasmine: K Babe.

I drop the phone on the couch next to me and wonder what to do next.
Hmm…maybe some cleaning?

After removing the cookies from the oven and placing them on a cooling rack, I get to work. I clean the entire apartment then look around in satisfaction. The place is spotless. Time for my bath. I turn on the water and light my candles. While the tub is filling, I set my iPod in the dock and find a mellow playlist while I strip down. After checking the temperature of the water, I step in. I lie back, close my eyes, and try to empty my mind.

That was the plan, anyway. But
no
…my brain had to conjure an image of him – naked, with that sexy smirk on his lips. My mind’s eye moves down over his broad, tattooed chest, his remarkable abs, and finally…a moan escapes my lips as I think of his dick, hard and ready for me.