Blurred Lies (The Blurred Series Book 1) (5 page)

“I can’t believe that, Natty,” he says, his face turning more serious now.

“Can’t believe what?” I ask, moving my focus from the string in my fingers to his strikingly handsome face.

“That a guy has never told you you’re attractive.”

“Well...not one who’s actually met me, anyway.”

He looks slightly pained by my last statement, which is odd. I don’t think I can take much more of this conversation. I need to make my escape.

“W-well I better go get dressed for the day and start looking for jobs. Thank you for breakfast, Ryan.” And with that, I turn on my heel and walk as fast as I can (resisting the urge to run) back to my bedroom, where I close the door and collapse face-first onto my bed, mumbling, “
WTF
” into my pillow, where my tears from the night before have now dried.

After taking a long shower, drying and straightening my hair, and applying light makeup to mask my tiredness, I dress in skinny jeans and an old Aerosmith T-shirt. I eye my comfy mukluk slippers, but opt to go barefoot for reasons I’m not willing to analyze right now.

I spend the next four hours poring over online writing jobs, selecting the most simple, given the fact that my mind was boggled soon after waking up this morning. They pay the least, but my mind can’t focus on much right now and they are quick and easy to complete.

I’ve only made about twenty bucks by lunch time, but I can’t even concentrate long enough to complete a one-hundred word blurb right now. Unable to stare at the screen (where potential jobs taunt me) any longer, I close the laptop and plop down on the bed with a sigh. I briefly consider going to find something to eat, since I could barely swallow breakfast this morning, but a light knock sounds at the door, startling me.

“Come in,” I say once I find my voice. The door swings open, but Ryan doesn’t enter. He puts his hands on the door frame above his head, leaning against it in a pose that makes his defined biceps bulge. My only saving grace is that he’s fully clothed now, in worn blue jeans and a tight black T-shirt, but then I notice that the positioning of his hands makes the shirt ride up just enough to spy a strip of tight abs and that hip tattoo.

Gawd!

A throat clears and my eyes snap up to his. When I realize Ryan just caught me eyeing his exposed skin, my cheeks heat to what feels like the temperature of the sun.

“Hi,” he says with a pantie-melting grin.

“Hi,” I whisper back. I don’t even have anything else in my brain to say. Not a thing. I just stare at him from my horizontal position on the bed.

“So, I was wondering if you had some time free right now. I was going to work on that project I told you about this morning.”

Finally coming to my senses, I sit up on the bed and smooth my hair to make sure it hasn’t returned to ‘nest’ status - it hasn’t -
phew.
“Um...sure. I just got done with the online jobs, so...sure.” I shake my head imperceptibly, wondering when I became such a fan of the word ‘sure’.

“Awesome. Come on, I’ve already got it set up on the computer in my room,” he says, motioning to his door and walking away a moment later.

His room!

I seriously need to get it together. I’m an adult, not a darn teenager.

I get off the bed, check myself in the mirror (not because I’m worried about what I’ll look like in Ryan’s bedroom), and eye my mukluks again.

Foregoing the comfort of my slippers, I slowly make my way to Ryan’s open door and peek my head in. He’s focused on his computer screen in the far right corner, so I take a moment to observe the space. The walls are a deep shade of gray and the hardwood floor is covered in various rugs with dark red and blue patterns, with some black thrown in here and there. It’s dark, but not oppressive. Almost comforting.

There’s some modern looking artwork on the walls, including some city skylines and bridges, and a huge metal-framed mirror above the headboard of the bed. Other than that, the room is fairly sparse with a king-size, black-framed bed sporting deep red sheets, matching bedside tables, a glass desk and leather chair where Ryan now sits, and a large chest-of-drawers, which looks to be a re-purposed tall toolbox on wheels.

Ryan must sense my presence, because as my gaze wanders to where he sits, he spins in his desk chair to look at me, still standing dumbly in the doorway.

“Come on in. Have a seat,” he offers, patting a chair next to him and turning back to the screen.

Guess I won’t be sitting on the bed, then
. 

He almost sounds excited. I guess he’s just proud to show someone his work.
So cute.

I say nothing, but make my way cautiously over to where the seat is - right next to Ryan. I perch on the edge of the chair, clasping my hands together in my lap and wringing them nervously. “Okay, so how can I help?”

“Right, so this here is a website I’m designing. It’s for a female author who writes romance novels. She’s just starting out, so this is her first website. I’m in charge of designing everything, from the appearance to the functionality; she’ll just be inputting her info and content at the end. I’m not exactly an avid romance novel reader...or a girl, so I’m just a little unsure of the direction I’m going. You’re into novels, right?”

“Oh yeah, reading is one of my favorite hobbies.” I smile at Ryan, excited about his project now, and I study the screen in front of me; it’s beautiful. There’s not much web content yet, but the background is lilac with sparse white silhouettes of flowers and butterflies. There’s a white banner at the top of the page, which looks like paint bleed with a darker purple edge, melding into the lilac background. There are also various unnamed tabs down the left side of the page, which match the design of the banner.

“It looks gorgeous, Ryan,” I say in awe. It’s so pretty.

“Thanks. I know she’s into the color, but that’s about all I know. I guess I need your opinion on what you’d like to see as a reader. If you were looking for your next book, what do you want to see on this website?” He’s looking at me intently, like he’s hanging on whatever comes out of my mouth next. I can’t help but wonder what made him take this job. It’s obviously way out of his comfort zone, but the boy sure knows how to put pretty colors together - I’ll give him that.

Just like in my bedroom.

“Well, I’d expect that top tab to be about the author herself and what readers can expect from her books. The next tab should be a page featuring all her releases along with purchase links to wherever she’s selling her work. People buy novels from several different sources these days so she’ll probably need room for quite a few different clickable buttons on that page, under a picture and blurb of each book.

“The next tab should probably be like a ‘coming soon’ type of page. So that she can promote the work she hasn’t yet completed.” I realize I’m rambling quite fast, and Ryan’s typing frantically in each tab, making notes and trying to keep up with me. “Sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“No, this is great, Natty. You seem to know what you’re talking about, and I need all the help I can get. What else do you think we need?”

We.
It makes me irrationally giddy that he’s referring to us as ‘we’. Like this is
our
project now. So I continue, as he’s obviously happy with the input I’m giving him.

“Well, you’ll have to talk to her about how much work she’s wanting to put into this website, but she’ll most likely want a page for her blog, so make that the next tab. As a reader, I really like when authors suggest other authors’ books that are in the same genre, which they think their readers would also enjoy. So I’d take a chance and allocate a tab for that, too. 

“Even if she hasn’t thought of the idea, she might like it when you tell her about it. I think it’s probably a good way to get more hits on her website, too. Like when people are googling for their next read.” I smile at Ryan with that comment, feeling happy and confident about my opinions. I’m not exactly an expert, but this is the type of website I’d like for myself, one day. Maybe Ryan can create it for me when that day comes.

He finishes typing his last note and looks at me with a cute smile on his face. “This is awesome, Natalie. Thank you for helping me with this.”

“No problem. I’m having fun.”

“Good,” he says, turning back to the screen. “Do you think there’s anything about the design I should change? Is it too...purple?” He looks so unsure right now, it’s the cutest I’ve ever seen him look. Kind of...vulnerable.

“No, you’ve got a lot of white in the design, which really tones down the use of color. It’s perfect. Exactly what I’d want if I was an author. I think you nailed it, Ryan.” With that, his confident smile returns.

“Okay, great. Well I think we’re done here for now. Are you hungry? You didn’t eat much this morning.”

“Yeah, a little, I guess.” I forgot all about my hunger the moment Ryan knocked on my bedroom door, but at that moment, my stomach betrays me and makes a loud rumbling sound.

How embarrassing!

“Oh, my god. You did not just hear that,” I grumble, putting my red face in my hands.

Ryan laughs at that. “Come on, let’s see what we can rustle up.”

I giggle as I follow him out to the living room.

“I could totally go for one of your mom’s special recipe sandwiches right about now. I miss those things like crazy,” he says, unthinking, whilst rifling through the freezer.

My chest gets tight and I feel tears welling in my eyes.

Don’t cry, he didn’t mean to bring that up.

“Shit. I’m so fucking sorry Natty,” Ryan says, turning from the freezer with a pained expression on his face. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“I know. The brain-to-mouth filter thing. It’s okay,” I say, trying to ease his guilt whilst holding back my own emotions.

This really sucks.

* * *

After pulling myself together, sharing a plate of pizza rolls, and Ryan telling me all about the work he does designing websites and IT consulting, I excuse myself, feigning tiredness and the need for a nap.

What I really need is to talk to Land. I enjoyed my time with Ryan, but the whole ‘mom’ incident has put my mood on a downward spiral and I need cheering up, which Land always seems to do (apart from when he’s not logged on).

It’s around the same time as I talked with him yesterday, so I’m hopeful he’ll be logged on now.

OffLand18 is online.

Yes!
I open the chat box and our earlier conversation is still there. I blush at the thought of it. The things he said, and the things he thought about me doing with him. I’m getting hot all over just thinking of it. I don’t see him typing yet, so I figure I’ll start this time.

BabyDove94 says: Hey :)

It takes a few minutes, during which I begin to worry, but he finally responds before I begin to freak out.

OffLand18 says: hey, baby :)

BabyDove94 says: I missed you last night.

Okay, so I’m not going to tell him about my emotional breakdown the night prior. That might freak him out, but I can still be mostly honest, right?

OffLand18 says: I missed you too. Sorry I had to leave so abruptly :(

BabyDove94 says: That’s ok. So… I gave you a description of me…can I get one of you now you’re not in such a rush? ;)

Cue distraction to cheer me up.

OffLand18 says: Oh yeah, of course! I almost forgot you don’t know what I look like either. Here goes – I’m like 6’1”, have dark hair and light hazel eyes. I’m pretty athletically built. I’m kinda hot TBH ;)

BabyDove94 says: LOL! Yeah you sound hot, and totally modest.

OffLand18 says: Oh, totally. I also have big hands, I forgot that part.

BabyDove94 says: Big hands? Lol. That doesn’t seem particularly relevant, but ok.

OffLand18 says: Oh it’s relevant, baby ;)

Oh, my.
I finally catch on to his meaning and my cheeks are so red, I’m worried he’ll be able to see them through the computer screen.

BabyDove94 says: Right, got it! *embarrassed*.

OffLand18 says: Don’t be embarrassed. I want you to stop feeling embarrassed or shy with me, ok?

BabyDove94 says: I’ll try. So, do you have any tattoos?

Don’t judge. I can’t help myself.

OffLand18 says: That’s for me to know and you to find out ;)

I relax, somewhat, after that and move to my bed where I can chat with Land for a long time, comfortably.

I tell him about getting upset last night, blaming it solely on the changes that have happened in my life and not his absence. I don’t want him blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault.

He tells me that he’s finally making headway on a job he’s been finding a little problematic, and I let him know that I’m getting along with Ryan a lot better than I thought I would, which he seems happy about. I hope he doesn’t get jealous if I spend more time with Ryan, but I’d also understand if he did. I don’t have many friends, so if Ryan and I could become real friends, I wouldn’t want anything getting in the way of that. 

I make a mental note not to talk too much about my roommate in the future - just the essentials.

After chatting for a long time, about nothing in particular, the conversation shifts.

OffLand18 says: I can’t stop thinking about our conversation yesterday. Have you been thinking about it, too?