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Authors: M.T. Pope

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BOOK: Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends
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When I got home I was exhausted. I simply fell on my bed like a log. “Being a bitch was hard work,” but I had to keep up with what my father started, well Shawn Black, I don‘t know nothing about this Jerry Parks guy. I left that up to Alex to figure out, with his nosy ass.
Every since my father told us about his issues with his sexuality and that we weren’t his biologically, he started to spoil us. I think he was doing it to buy our love, but he never admitted it. I truly wasn’t all that fazed about him being that way, it was a part of life. And I knew firsthand what it was like to deal with that particular issue. I had no room to judge him. Even though we never really talked about it fully and in depth, I knew he wanted to and I did as well, but how do you start a conversation about something like that? I didn’t know how. And I never really sat down to think about it.
Times like these when I’m alone in my room and whole house is quiet, I think about what it would be like to not have these feelings for other females and where it stems from. I want to be normal like any other girl growing up and chasing boys, but it didn’t work out for me like that. Here I am a spoiled brat/daddy’s girl and I do chicks. Screwed up, huh? ... I will say so too if I was outside looking in, but being in my shoes isn’t an easy task and sleeping around with the same sex isn’t something you can just give up. I tried and it’s not that easy. I even consulted my pastor back home and I was told in order for God to clean up an issue in your life you have to want to get rid of it, he doesn’t just take it away. You have to hate it and detest it for it to be removed. I simply wasn’t ready to let go.
“Man, life is hard.” I got up out of my bed, walked over to the mirror on my dresser, and stared at myself for a few minutes. I was a good-looking chick to say the least. Not perfect, but I could pull a man if I wanted to. I had some hollas from men every now and then, maybe more than I noticed. But I did and that was a start. Before I could stop it, tears started flowing from my eyes and I was bawling. I wasn’t as hard as I played it out to be in front of people. I had a heart and I had feelings too. I was angry, but I didn’t know who I was angry at more, God, me, or my parents. I wanted to know who was to blame for the way I am now.
“Somebody has to answer for the shit!” I threw myself on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
Chapter 14
 
Alex
Me and my Baby
April 19th 10:35
A.M.
 
“How was your day, babe?” my girl asked me over the phone in a sensual voice that I adored. I was laying in my bed in my boxers and nothing else. I was a little ripped in my chest and abs. Nothing spectacular, but just enough to show off or pull my shirt off and get a couple of hollers.
“It was good, baby girl.”
“I love it when you call me baby girl.” She giggled. “It just does something to me.” The
something to me
was low and she dragged it out sexually. I was horny so I pulled out my dick and started playing with it.
“Keep talking to me like that ... I need to squeeze one off real quick.”
“Sure, baby. What you want me to say?”
“Anything ... just moan.” I grunted as I tugged on my manhood.
“Like thissss,” she hissed, “Ummmmmmmmm. And, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
“Yeah... . Yeahhhh... . Like that,” I was feeling the pressure building up and my balls were tightening. “Keep on doing—” I couldn’t even finish my statement before I was spewing all over my stomach and chest.
“Ahhhhhh.” I sighed. My chest heaved up and down. “Nothing ... like ... a ... good nut.”
“You got that right honey.” Baby girl giggled into the phone. “I wish I was there to give you some hands-on loving.”
“I know, baby. I’m just not ready for that step yet.” No, we haven’t been intimate yet. I just wasn’t ready to go the next level with her. Some things have changed about me and I wasn’t ready to expose it just yet.
“Baby, size doesn’t matter to me. I can work what you got. Believe that.” She laughed. I felt some kind of way when she said that. Women always are saying that mess, but when it get down to it, her girls and the whole neighborhood will be know about your “issue” before it‘s all said and done.
“Don’t worry, baby girl. The time is coming.”
“Okay.” She sounded disappointed. I hate to make her wait because of my issues. But it was what it was. I needed more time. I was just hoping she would wait it out with me until I felt more comfortable.
“Look, baby girl. I gotta go. I got practice and then work in about an hour. Can I call you back later?”
“Sure, daddy. I will be over my mom’s house looking after my dad for a few, but hit me up.” With that she hung up and I walked to my bathroom and took a shower.
While in the shower, I thought back to how I first met my baby. It was something else I tell you.
I was in an Omega Sigma Tau fraternity fund-raiser for homelessness. They were raffling off dates to some very fine ladies. It surprised me that the crowd of ladies was mixed with all ethnicities. I was just happy to be asked. A brother did have it in the looks department and it didn’t hurt that I was on the football team either. I was a good catch nonetheless.
I was won by a successful Asian doctor in the crowd who was battling it out for me with another Latino woman. I was overflowing with pride as they went back and forth. My testosterone was in hyper-drive. I even did a couple extra poses to make the ladies go wild, and they did.
Anyway, the next day the date was set for me and the foxy, hot Asian chick and it was a mess from the jump.
First, the restaurant that she picked was a seafood spot that I didn’t know about until I got there. I am allergic to seafood by the way, except for fish, that is. The menu only consisted of that and steak, so I went with that. I only ate red meat occasionally, but I decided to let it slide and do the meat and potatoes thing.
Second, I never thought this was going to be a serious, serious date. But homegirl had only one thing on her mind—dick. Don’t get me wrong, she had a banging body, but I wasn’t for a relationship just yet. School, family, football, and work were my main focuses right now. Adding a relationship would only further complicate things. I had enough of that dealing with Ashley and this whole James Parks research business. My plate was full enough.
Homegirl had feet like an octopus and I constantly had to push her feet from in between my legs. Her ass had actually palmed a part of my thigh trying to find my dick. I was floored. The chick had talent for sure. And I hadn’t been laid in a minute. All kinds of sexual thoughts were flowing through my head, but I calmed myself down by thinking about the time I saw my grandmother naked once when I opened her bedroom door without knocking. That did the trick every time.
“So why are you playing hard to get?” she said, attempting to get her foot in between my thigh again. “I’m trying to find out if the myth is true about you black men.”
“Huh?” I looked at her in shock. I wasn’t dumb. I knew the myth. I just thought that myth died out a long time ago. It wasn’t a family restaurant but, I did look around and see who was in an earshot of our conversation. Thankfully no one was paying us any mind.
“Don’t play dumb, you know what I want. I paid good money for a good time.” She smiled and then leaned over the table and whispered, “Me love you long time.” At that moment, I felt very dirty and used. Any other brotha probably would have jumped at the chance to bang an Asian chick and a doctor at that. If you were good in bed, you could be set up for life. But that wasn’t my MO. I wasn’t looking for sex. When I decided to be in a relationship, it would be for love and mutual compatibility. Not a hook-up.
Our conversation was interrupted by the loud vibrating of a woman’s purse at the table closest to us.
“My phone is vibrating,” She looked at us with nervousness all over face. She was alone at the table.
But, I knew better, it couldn’t have been a phone, because her purse literally started moving toward the end of the table. She looked on in horror as her purse fell off the table and her contents emptied out on to the floor. A large dildo fell out onto the floor and she scrambled to get all of her contents back into her bag. She immediately rushed out the restaurant in embarrassment. I felt sorry for her. She must have been mortified. I know I would have been super-embarrassed.
My date and I were close to the window. I was facing it and her back was to the restaurant window and I could see the lady from the other table standing outside smoking a cigarette.
“I am going to take a smoke, I’ll be right back,” I told my date, got up out my seat and walked away from the table before she could get a word out. The truth is, I didn’t even smoke. But I did carry a pack of cigarettes, just for instances like these. I had to be on my A-game at all times.
“Are you okay?” I said as I walked up to the lady from the restaurant. She was puffing away.
After a few seconds of looking at me she spoke, “I’m fine.” She still looked embarrassed. I wondered why she would keep that kind of thing in her purse anyway, but I didn’t question it. The freak in me understood it clearly though.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of.” I spoke with sincerity. “Everybody has an extremely embarrassing moment and that was yours. Just be glad it wasn’t your mother or father it fell out in front of.” She laughed and so did I. I looked back into the restaurant to see my date on her cell phone and paying me no attention. My guess would be that she was trying to find a replacement for the dick she wasn’t going to get from me tonight.
“Aren’t you on a date?” she asked me as she looked back into the restaurant and looked at my date.
“Sort of.” I shrugged. “She won me.”
“Huh?” She looked puzzled.
“She won me in an auction at a charity event my fraternity had yesterday.”
“Lucky her.” She smiled.
“Well ...” I looked away and blushed.
“I’m sorry for being so forward, but a sister is too old to be holding back. My clock is ticking honey.” She laughed. I did as well. I looked at her for a few seconds and noticed that she was an older woman. But she too was gorgeous: High cheekbones, tall legs and firm breasts. Our eyes locked and from that moment I knew that I would talking to her again. Again, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but a new friend definitely wouldn’t hurt.
I didn’t go back into the restaurant and from that day on, we talked almost every day. That was a couple of months ago and we have been getting closer everyday too.
 
 
The next day was Saturday and it went by fast. Practice was only two hours long and then I was out of there. I showered, chatted with a couple of the fellas and made my way over to the school cafeteria. I was looking good today too. Some blue linen Capri pants and matching shirt did a brother all right in this hot weather. After work, I planned on catching the bus to one of the addresses I wanted to spy on just in case Ashley was right and my “father’s” family was a bunch of lowlifes or something like it.
After work I decided to go home and get some rest, I didn’t feel like doing a whole bunch of traveling after I left work. A brother was tired.
Chapter 15
 
Grace
Constant Reminders
April 23rd 5:21
P.M.
 
“Hello.” I picked up my cell phone and sluggishly answered it. I was in my office not doing much of nothing at all. I had just finished instructing my last class. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I had so many decisions to make and none of them were easy.
“Hey, baby. How are you doing?” my elderly mother asked. I didn’t talk to her much, but this was the second time in a couple of weeks. I hoped she wasn’t starting anything new, like calling me everyday. She reminded me too much of a past that I did not want to remember, but now was being taunted with it daily, by others and myself. Alberta Candace Jones was my mother’s name. Most people called her Candace because she didn’t like Alberta or Berta, which is what close family called her.
“I’m still alive.” I blew into the phone. I was exasperated and heavy-hearted. I wanted to fall on the floor and cry, kick my feet and scream as loud as I could. But, I was an adult and that would have been childish. I tried to pretend that I could deal, but I was about to break any day now. I just knew it.
“Grace, what’s wrong?” She was so sweet, but I just couldn’t pretend like everything was okay.
“You already know.” I was stone-cold serious. There was a long pause, like there always was when we talked or didn’t talk about the obvious. I was fucked up for life and she was privy to all the facts. Yeah, she knew every fucking thing.
“Baby—baby—I—”
“Save it. Before you even start with your excuses about how you didn’t know and all that shit.” Mothers know when their children were being tampered with and abused. She just paid it no mind because she was getting what she wanted out of the deal. My uncle, who was also her brother-in-law John, was the nastiest pedophile in California. He took that shit to a new low. She would let this bastard molest me for some fucking liquor, which he would buy her by the gallons, to the point where she would pass out. She was on welfare and she would make sure the rent was paid and that food was in the house, but her ass was a stone-cold drunk. She couldn’t keep a man because of it. My father left her ass because of it. He never touched my older sister, Sherry, but he made it a point to babysit me and sent my mom and sister on trips to the movies and other places like that. His ass was staying with us because his wife put his ass out. I overheard him and my other uncle talking about how he was molesting his own son, Jerry, as well and how good it was. My stomach lurched and churned roughly as I thought about it as if it was yesterday. I was always sneaky as a child and I would always creep downstairs and listen to the conversations the adults were having on the porch. I knew too much about adult stuff at eleven years old.
He didn’t stay with us too long, because he was a “crazy paranoid muthafucka” as my mother would call him in a drunken stupor.
“I’m sorry, Mama. I’m just having a rough time right now.” Tears rolled down my face. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me and take me away, but I knew that was not going to happen. Well, not just for me. If anything that shit would take a couple hundred unwilling people as well with all the quakes that have been happening lately.
“It’s all right, baby. I know what ya mean. Your past has some way of sneaking back up on you at the least appropriate moments. I was just calling you to see if you going to be putting any flowers on your sister’s grave. This weekend makes the fifth year she been gone. I miss her so much.” Mother starts to sob into the phone and I get a little misty-eyed myself. Five years ago my cousin Jerry who changed his name to James and Sherry were brutally shot and killed in a murder-suicide in Baltimore. To this day we don’t have the reason why, just the burden of going to her grave. She had a son that she brought back to California. My sister was very smart and had the potential to be the best. She had a good career in law. But when she moved to Baltimore to get away from my drunk of a mother and to start fresh, she got caught up in some foolishness and ended up getting pregnant. She never told us who the father was and we never really asked. She was just as screwed up from my mom being a drunk and all the changes I was going through myself.
“Mama, I got to go now.” I tried to rush her off the phone. She had just taken me back further then I wanted to go in history and added some more stress to my already overloaded plate.
“You gonna go?” she asked.
“I’ll try.” I hung up the phone abruptly. I wanted to but I sincerely couldn’t. I just couldn’t handle going to a graveyard and talking to somebody who was dead, because I felt like I was close to it or I needed to be. Everything I was living was a lie and the truth was trying to drag me out kicking and screaming. Everything I said was a lie and now breathing hurt. I couldn’t and didn’t know how I was going to go on if the truth came out. Would my husband accept me for me in the condition I was in? Shit, if Ashley could then I knew he could. That shit puzzled me too. She was not only a psycho, but her ass was fucked-up in the head as well.
Makes you wonder how her home life was and her parents. They had to have some disorders and dysfunction going on. Shit, you born with that kind of crazy. I laughed but it wasn’t anything funny about it. I was still so curious about how she got the information. Only a handful of people knew and I kept that to a complete minimum. I didn’t even want to know half the time, but she knew and she had the proof. So here I was at her beck and call and couldn’t stop her if I wanted to. I like the peace-filled life I had before I met her and messed it all up by being vulnerable and letting my guard down. My regret is too little too late.
I got up out of my office chair, closed my blinds and left for the day. I was going home and prepare a meal fit for a king for my husband, because I didn’t know how long I would have him.
“Hello,” I said, answering my cordless phone that was on the wall. I was running around the kitchen a little. Everything in my kitchen was marble and stainless steel and I loved it, even if I didn’t cook in it as much as I wanted to. I was preparing a couple of baked chicken breasts stuffed with shrimp and crabmeat and a nice sauce drizzled over the top. I had baked potatoes and asparagus for sides and some corn bread muffins.
‘“What are you doing?” Ashley asked with a smug tone. I was so sick of her.
“I’m fixing dinner for me and
my
husband,” I said with some sass.
“Oh really, what you fixing for
your
man?” she countered. By this time I was getting a real attitude.
“It doesn’t concern you. Shouldn’t you be studying or something?” I asked. I had the phone in between my ear and my shoulder while I took the corn bread out of the oven.
“I am studying,” she laughed. “I’m studying your husband as he walks his fat ass in the house.”
“What?!” I quickly placed the tray of muffins on the counter and did my best to run to the front window. Sure enough, my husband was getting out of his car and walking up the driveway. “Where are you at?”
My breathing changed to a heavy pant as I walked briskly back to my kitchen to pretend like I was still cooking. I had a couple of seconds because of my husband’s weight.
“I’m in my car waiting to come in for dinner.”
“You can’t come in,” I blurted out.
“I can and I will.” She laughed. “A sister sure is hungry. I’ll be in in a couple of minutes. Oh and I might want dessert afterward. If you know what I mean.” I heard her laughing as I hung up the phone. This bitch has lost her mind. All I want to know is why.
Seconds after I hung up off the phone my husband walks in the kitchen.
“Hey, babe. What do I owe this honor?” He had a silly smirk on his face. I couldn’t blame him because I rarely cooked.
“Oh, it’s nothing special. I just wanted to cook for my man.” I smiled, trying to cover up the anguish on my face. I was going to have to put on the act of my life.
“Wow, I never saw this coming. Am I dying?” He burst out into laughter. I chuckled slightly trying to find something in me that would make me laugh as hard as he was, but there was nothing in me to laugh about at all.
“No, babe. Go wash up while I set the table.” I kissed him on the cheek as I walked into the dining room to set the table for three. How in the hell I was going to explain to him Ashley was coming in to eat was beyond me. All this lying and hiding was taking its toll on me for sure.
“Oh, honey we will be having a guest coming to join us for dinner,” I called out down the small hallway that leads to his study and our small first-floor bathroom.
“That’s great, honey,” he said as he came in the dining room and sat down.
I walked back into the kitchen and prayed to the lord god that Ashley would get hit by a car or something before she got to our house. I needed a serious miracle right now. The chiming of the doorbell told me that I was on my own. I couldn’t even blame God for not answering my prayer. I was asking for a lot. I slowly walked to the front door. I had to walk past the dining room and living room before I got to the door and I took as much time as I possibly could. I straightened up a flower arrangement and picture on the wall before I got to the front door. Shit was just that bad.
I stood at the door and sighed for another second before I opened the door. Ashley was dressed in a calf-length denim jumper and a white shirt underneath it. She looked innocent, but I knew better than that.
“Hello, Ms. Ashley.” I perked up my tone just in case my husband decided to come to the door after me. “I’m so glad you could make it.” The smile on my face was that of the Joker in
Batman
. I was smiling so hard my cheeks were shaking like the muscles were about to give out. I let her in and waved at a neighbor across the street. I wanted to scream for help, but decided against it. It was of no use anyway, because I couldn’t begin to explain my situation to any one and not have them looking at me like I had two heads.
I closed the door and showed Ashley to the dining room. I let her seat herself and I made my way to the kitchen to get the food and take one last breather before I walked back into the dining room. I made several trips back and forth before everything was finally set out on the table.
We had a large dining room table with six chairs to match. One chair on both ends and two chairs in the middle. I sat on one end and David sat at the other end. Ashley sat on my left and in the chair closest to me. I filled both their plates before I sat down to eat myself. I only baked in glassware and my nervousness showed up several times when my metal spoon clanked the side of the glass as I served the food.
“Is everything okay, babe?” my husband questioned me with a frown.
“Yeah, I think I’m just moving too fast. I know how you like your food ... hot.” I smiled and then looked at Ashley.
“You’re right about it.” He laughed. “My baby treats me like a king.” He looked Ashley’s way.
“I bet she does.” She smiled back. “Because she sure gives her students the first-class treatment as well. She bends over forward for me all the time.”
“What?” My husband drops his fork on his plate and looks at me. All kinds of shit flooded my mind and body, so much that I almost slide out of the chair and onto the floor.
“Oh... . my bad... . I meant she bends over backwards for me all the time.” She laughed and looked at me.
“Oh ... okay.” He laughed as well and picked up his fork and began eating as well. I was beyond mortified. If that was her way of letting me know she wasn’t playing, it was now well understood on my part.
“So I take it you’re one of my wife’s favorite students, because she’s never invited anyone over for dinner. Ever.”
“Yeah, you can say that. I was having a little trouble in her class and she was more than willing to help me after class.” All the while she was saying this; her bare foot made its way up my skirt and rested in between my legs. She was impressive, because she never missed a beat while talking and eating. I, on the hand, had completely loss my appetite. And conversation was the last thing on my mind.
“Wow, babe. I’m so proud of you for taking special interest in your student’s academic well-being.” He smiled and continued to eat his food.
“I do what I can,” was all I could manage to get out.
I noticed that David was finishing his food so I decided to get dessert ready. I slid my chair out and made my way into the kitchen to get the Bundt cake I had baked.
“I’ll be back in a sec. I am going to get dessert.”
“All right now.” My husband smiled. I loved to see his smile, especially when I cooked. “I’m going to sleep good tonight.”
I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a few dessert saucers and a cake knife to serve. Ashley snuck up on me as I was rinsing the knife off in the sink.
“I’m ready for dessert now.” She grabbed my behind and squeezed it, causing me to jump and yelp a little.
“Look! Stop it before my husband catches you.” I scolded her as I turned back around. She backed up a step and looked at me. I was afraid of what she would do next. But I stood my ground and kept the serious face I had.
BOOK: Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends
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