Authors: Abby McCarthy
Current (22 page)
The weather hasn’t been so great here over the last few days, that's why when we wake up today and the sun is shining through the window Jake mumbles, “Finally.”
“What’s that?” I question barely wiping the sleep from my eyes.
“It’s finally nice enough that I can take Lily fishing. After breakfast, I’ll take her into town and get some new poles.”
“She’ll love that.” I kiss him and then he gets up out of bed with a huge grin on his face. It makes me think that maybe there was a time when Jake’s dad took him fishing, and it wasn’t all bad. Maybe it was good before his Mom died, and he wants to give his daughter some of the same experiences?
“I’m going to stay here. I want you guys to have this time together.”
“You don't have to. I’d love for you to come with us.”
I throw on some yoga pants and a gray t-shirt, “No, it’s good. You two should have some time together without me. I think it will be good for the both of you.” Besides, I need to lay some ghosts to rest that I’ve been letting follow me around for all too long. I don’t tell Jake this. For some reason, it feels like I need to do this by myself and this feels like the perfect time.
Lily, who pretty much is always in a good mood, is exceptionally happy at the idea of spending the day fishing with her dad. We have breakfast together while Lily asks all about what type of fish they might catch, and I pack them a lunch to take with them. They both kiss me goodbye, and I wave to them as they pull out of the driveway.
I grab a pair of Mom’s mud boots from the hall closet and slip my feet into them. You never know how slick it’s going to be by the river’s edge especially with all of the rain we’ve had as of late. Jake is taking Lily to a spot where the mouth of the river is large and is designated for all kinds of fisherman. I think perhaps he doesn’t want to revisit the river down here, but I need to. Something deep within me needs to confront everything and make peace.
Outside, the air is sticky. I’m surprised by the humidity. Although, this far south it should be expected. I take my black hair tie off my wrist and secure my hair into a loose ponytail. I walk the same path that I traveled religiously that summer. It’s overgrown with branches jutting out of the ground and thick underbrush mixed with mud covering the path. I’m grateful for the boots. My feet squish with every step, but I barely pay any mind to it. It’s like an invisible string is leading me, and I need to follow it.
I pass the barn, and think about my first kiss. My fingers splay over my lips as I remember, then continue on my journey. When I reach the bank, I’m surprised when I see Mike Daniels’ boat tethered to the dock. It’s worn and rusted. Where it once looked like it was a great fishing vessel, it’s now coated with a thick green slime along the bottom. What’s left of the seat is torn and frayed. I hate to think what animals have taken up residence on the boat. My skin prickles. I get that same eerie feeling that I got the other day at the grocery store. I look around; I’m alone. I shudder, trying to shake off the heebie-jeebie feeling. I sit down on the small part of the dock that the boat is tied to. A little water splashes against it sprinkling my jeans with tiny dots.
I look at the boat and back to the water, images of the night that changed so much play before my eyes. I have to say what’s on my mind and so I give it all to the wind. This isn’t about forgiving Mike, it’s about forgiving myself and letting go, so that we can move forward. If anything, the last few days have shown me what kind of family we have. Forward is the only direction I want to go after this, no more looking back.
“Jake’s a good man. He was a good son, too. He took everything you gave him.
“All the hate.”
“All the beatings.”
“Everything. He took it all and you just had to go and try to hurt me, didn't you? I was a kid. He was a kid. He didn't deserve anything you did to him and he certainly didn't deserve the aftermath. You know he did time for your death? I’m glad it was me that knocked you overboard. I hated you for everything you did to him. You deserved to drown in this river. The best thing that happened that day was the current taking you away.
“We have a beautiful girl and we love her, in spite of you. You tried to hurt us, but look at where you are. You’re gone and we’re here, living. Jake is the best dad in the world and he’s only just begun. Our family is going to get bigger and you are done. You can’t hurt us anymore. Goodbye, Mike Daniels.” I release a deep breath, feeling so much lighter. The iron chains that were weighing me down have come loose and let me rise back to the surface. I don't know why coming here has made everything so clear, but it has. Crystal. He can't hurt us. He never really could. Our love has always been so much greater than Mike Daniels.
I stand and turn to leave, but freeze in my tracks when I hear loud clapping coming from in the trees. That prickly sensation is back tenfold as a deep fear takes root.
“Bravo, bravo!” More claps as
that
voice rings through the air. My mind screams run, but my feet are firmly planted, frozen in place, because from out of the trees steps Mike Daniels.
Mike Daniels looks a lot like I remember him. He’s as tall as Jake, but he now has a scar brandishing his cheek. His hair is mostly gray and his clothes, for the most part, look newer. You would think he was an ordinary man at first glance, but you would be wrong. His eyes tell a different story. They are filled with one emotion, hate.
“June, right? Who names their daughter after a month, anyways?” He takes several steps towards me and my feet become unglued letting me step backward keeping the distance.
“You...you’re dead.”
He laughs at me. It’s the most villainous sound I’ve ever heard. “Tsk. Tsk. So dramatic, June. Nice speech, by the way. Did you get everything off your chest? Did it make you feel better? It sure amused the shit out of me,” he snickers and advances another step.
I take another step back and back myself up next to the boat. “How are you here?”
He shakes his head, almost with amusement. “That’s not the question you should ask.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, “What should I ask?”
“The question you should ask is what am I going to do to you?” His face is the most sinister face I’ve ever seen. I know his intentions are to hurt me. I can either jump in the boat or into the water. On an impulse, I decide that the water is my best option. I need to get away as quick as I can. I take a leap but I’m painfully yanked backward when his hand snakes into my hair. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”
Since Jake pulled into town he couldn’t shake this feeling that something bad was going to happen. He felt it the moment he drove into this town, and he felt it as he pulled away from June to take Lily fishing. He and Lily had talked about fishing for the last two days while they’d been rained in, and he wanted to do this with her. There wasn't a lot that Jake thought he could offer Lily, but this was one thing he’d learned to do with his own dad that wasn’t horrible. In fact, it was probably the only good memory he had with
that
man.
As Jake drives Lily to the fish and tackle store, that he hopes no one recognizes him, that was the last thing he needed. He’d made a lot of enemies in this town doing Eli’s work but he was also a lot bigger now and knew how to handle himself in ways he never dreamt possible, nor was it a way he was proud of. No, this town held more shame and hurt for Jake than he’d care to admit and as the familiar landscape passes he felt it, every bit of it.
He parks the truck, helps Lily down and walks into the store with Lily’s hand in his. It surprises him how different it looks. It used to be a dirty place that reeked of fish guts, but now it looks like a brand new store. It’s clean and organized with a fresh coat of paint on the walls.
Jake asks the clerk where the kids rods are and is pointed in the right direction.
“I want this one Dad!” Lily tells him, pointing to the only pink and purple rod they have. Jake smiles at his daughter, “Then it’s yours.”
They round the corner and Jake finds a graphite rod that has a good bend to it. It’s not the most expensive fishing pole, but it will do the trick. Next he shows Lily the cooler filled with worms.
“That’s so neat!” she says picking up an eight-inch nightcrawler. He smiles, loving that even though his daughter wants a pink and purple rod, she’s not afraid to get dirty by playing with worms.
“I’ll show you how to hook it too. Did you know if we cut that worm in half both parts will still wiggle?”
“No way,” her jaw is slack as she starts to pull the worm apart.
“We don’t want to do that just yet.” Jake places his hand on top of hers to stop her from ripping it in two, even though that’s something he would’ve done when he was her age. Minutes later, they check out of the store and begin walking to the truck.
An older woman wearing a thick white shawl around her shoulders, who is naturally leaning forward due to the gravity of old age places her hand on Jake’s elbow as they move down the sidewalk. “Jake Daniel’s is that you?” Her voice, even though it’s ages and has a slight shake to it, is a voice that Jake could never forget.
“Mrs. Jones?” he asks not believing his eyes. Mrs. Jones was old when she taught him about music. He had just assumed that she would not be around anymore. Seeing her again was a shock to him, but it was a good shock; a welcome shock.
“That’s my boy. Now come here and give me a hug.” Jake wastes no time bending down and wrapping his arms around Mrs. Jones. She was the only good thing in those first years when he was forced to work for Eli and seeing her again somehow makes him feel happier than he’d already been, and Jake had been plenty happy as of late.
“Mrs. Jones, I never thought I’d see you again. This is my daughter, Lily.” Lily halfway hides behind her dad and peeks her head around his body, not sure what to make of the stranger.
“I won’t bite sugar, let me get a look at you.”
Jake puts a hand on Lily’s shoulder sensing that she is nervous and he finds it amusing considering Lily has never once come off as shy as long as he’s known her.
Lily’s dark hair and blue-green eyes that match her daddy’s, look up at Mrs. Jones in wonderment, “Hello,” she finally says after several long assessing seconds.
“I don't bite. I swear it. Look at her Jake. She’s your spitting image, prettier, though.” Lily gets a good look at the softness in Mrs. Jones eyes and she smiles thinking that this must be the oldest woman on the planet, and so she asks her, “Are you the oldest woman alive?”
Mrs. Jones laughs, “Oh no, my sister she has five years on me, now she’s the oldest woman alive,” she says winking.
Lily looks up at Mrs. Jones in wonderment. “Lily, Mrs. Jones taught me all about music. She taught me to play the keyboard, to read and write music and to use my voice.”
“That’s so cool,” Lily smiles and Jake can’t help but flash her a huge grin.
“It was so good running into you. I’m sure that June would love to meet you. She’s Lily’s mom.”
“The one you’d sing about?” Mrs. Jones asks shocking Jake that she remembers.
“The one and only. We’re only here for another day or so, but we’d love to have you over for dinner. What do you say? Tomorrow night?” Jake asks hopeful, not wanting to lose this connection with Mrs. Jones since she was such a huge influence in his life.
“That’d be real nice Jake.”
“Great, June will be so excited. June’s family's place is just off Burton St.”
“She wasn’t related to Merda was she?”
Jake scourers his memory and snaps his finger, “I think you’re right. I’m pretty sure that’s her aunt. Did you know her?”
“I sure did. I know right where her house is. Is four too early? I’m afraid I can’t make it much past eight o'clock these days without falling asleep.”
“Four would be great!” Jake says beaming.
“You have fun fishing,” Mrs. Jones says, starting to walk away.
“Wait! How’d you know we’re going fishing?” Lily asks.
Mrs. Jones taps her temple and smiles and then walks away. Jake smiles again because they were walking out of the Bait and Tackle store carrying fishing poles and it was pretty obvious what they were up too.
Jake and Lily drive to the fishing spot, only to find it overcrowded. Jake was hoping it wouldn’t be this bad, but he figures since they’re here he might as well make the most of it. Even if they have to eat their lunch in the bed of his truck because the only few picnic tables are already taken.
He teaches Lily how to bait a hook and where some girls would be squeamish, Lily doesn't mind it one bit and then they find a space among the other fishermen and cast their lines.
The men around Jake annoy him. They’re cursing and drinking beers, not the type of thing he wants his little girl around. He could say something and put them in their place or he could walk away. Jake shoots the men a glare after he hears the F word being thrown around again and then decides that there is no reason that he needs to put up with this.
“Lil, we’re going to go fish somewhere else.”
“What’s wrong with here?” she asks too caught up in her fishing pole and trying to figure out if she has a bite or not to notice anything else.
“There’s too much noise here. It’s scaring all the fish,” he tells Lily and packs up their things deciding that even though he’s not ready to go back to his old home to fish, anything is better than here.
Lily reluctantly hands over her fishing pole and the two load back up the truck and head towards his childhood home. Jake knows the best spot to fish and if he pulls out by the barn he can avoid making eye contact with
that
house. He would do anything to never have to see it again.
Driving past June’s family home, Jake is relieved to see June’s SUV still parked in the same spot. He still has that feeling deep in the pit of his stomach that he can’t explain, but knowing she is home, lessens it some.
Jake pulls down a dirt road that leads towards the river and is glad that his truck is four wheel drive when his truck easily moves through the mud.
He passes the barn and something about the way the door is perched partly open makes his gut churn. He doesn’t know what it is about that door, but he doesn't feel like fishing anymore. He feels like turning back to check on June, but one look at Lily and he knew he needed to give her the afternoon. She was already so disappointed that they left the first fishing spot and he wanted to give her this, so he trudges on, ignoring the feeling.
He parks his truck at a small bank. Two huge tree stumps are still perched on the edge of the bank where he rolled them years ago. He always loved this spot. It’s dense trees often hid him when he didn't want his old man to know his whereabouts, especially those nights he would sit here with June. The air is warm and smells fresh. It’s a smell that calms him. Suddenly, it doesn't feel so bad bringing his Lily to where he used to fish. This wasn't a spot that his dad tainted. This was a place that he shared with June.
“Your Mom and I used to come here.”
“You did?”
“We sure did. She was so fearless, still is. I was a few years older than her so I thought she should stay away from me at first, but she wouldn't have it. She swam right up to me in the river once. Just down there,” Jake points down the river.
“And what’d you do?” she asks holding on to his every word.
“Splashed her and then the next day she showed up at the barn we passed. She helped me with the chickens.”
“You had chickens?”
“We had all kinds of animals. She helped me clean fish too.”
“Mom did that? I can't imagine. She doesn’t like to get dirty,” Lily says casting her rod into the river after her second attempt.
“Good now reel it in nice and slow.” He grins at his daughter loving this talk. “She’d clean anything to help me get done early. We were inseparable.”
“It’s like a fairytale,” Lily sighs as she reels her line all the way out and casts it again.
Jake laughs, “Maybe it was. Maybe the best part of the fairytale has yet to come. Don’t reel your line so fast this time. Let the water take it a little.”
“Like this?” she asks.
“Yeah, baby. You’re doing real good.”
“Mom would be a good queen and then I could be the princess,” Lily says and then her eyes get big as she feels a tug on her line. “Dad!” she whisper yells.
“Reel it slow baby and then let up for a second. You gotta make the fish think it’s got a fighting chance. He’ll hook himself even more.”
She follows his instructions making him proud.
“Fast Lil. Do it fast now,” he coaches and is ready to step in if she needs a hand. The fish flies out of the water attached to her hook.
“I did it, Dad! I did it!” A small fish he’s going to throw back dangles from the line.
“You sure did!” he says, knowing how good that feels to catch one for the first time and so grateful he’s getting to share that with Lily.
A loud bang and then a scream echoes through the trees making Jake freeze in his steps to free the fish. His stomach turns. June, he has to get to June. “Lily listen to me. I need you to get in the truck. Take my phone and call 911 after you lock the doors. Can you do that?” he asks hurriedly shoving the phone into her hands.
“Dad? Was that Mom? I’m scared,” she asks.
He grabs her hand leaving the fish to flop on the ground and rushes her to the truck. “Get in. Lock the door. Call 911. Don’t open it for anyone, but me, Mom or the police got it?”
Lily doesn't answer she’s scared and doesn’t understand what’s happening. “Lil, it’s important. You got it?”
She nods as he hands her the phone. “I love you, kid,” he closes her in the truck and rushes towards another scream, his June’s scream, a scream he wished like fuck he wasn't hearing.