Emblaze (11 page)

It wasn"t real. It was completely fake. But that"s also why I desired it and as things got harder, even though it was him that was making them that way, I still felt lured by the prospect of escape. It wasn"t
Phoenix
- it was what he could do.

Guiltily, I looked at Griffin. "Don"t tell …"

„I wouldn"t," he said, impressing truth into his words.

Griffin smiled solemnly. "We are soldiers in an eternal war," he said, as if they were answer enough.

„How are you going, anyway?" I asked.

„You mean Magda?"

I shrugged, nervous to be raising the subject. No one had heard from Magda since the day she"d stormed out. It had been awful for Griffin to discover she"d been allying with exiles and deceiving him for so long.

He looked out the window, keeping his expression blank. „What"s done is done. Magda is no longer one of us. Looking back, I don"t know that she ever really was. To be Grigori you don"t have to believe in God, you don"t have to want world peace …" he sighed, „but … you have to believe in humanity, in our rights to exist and be free. Magda took that right from too many people."

„Do you think you"ll ever see her again?"

„I hope not, because if I do, it won"t mean anything good."

„Will you …?"

He looked at me now. „Find another partner?"

„Yeah."

His hands ran around the steering wheel, thoughtfully. „Theoretically, until one of us dies or makes a formal request - Magda and I remain partners." He sighed again. „I"ll get a new partner, eventually. I believe in the system. There are some that choose not to, deciding instead to be part of the clean-up crew, be teachers or one of the Rogue, but none of that"s for me. Anyway, I"m not ready yet."

I shifted in my seat to face him more directly. „Who are the Rogue?"

He hitched a shoulder and dropped his hands from the wheel. „Grigori who are not part of the system or not taken a new one after their partner has died, but for whatever reason they choose to go out alone. Not part of any particular territory, preferring simply to roam, they work on their own set of … flexible rules."

I could tell Griffin didn"t think much of the Rogue, but the concept fascinated me. The idea that there were Grigori out there just living their own lives. I wondered what they did if they were hurt since they wouldn"t have partners to heal them.

„So they don"t answer to anyone?" I asked.

„Yes and no. most of them work on a contract basis in return for income and other resources, but they don"t consider themselves part of any team and are unreliable at best."

„Is that what my mother became?" I"d always wondered what her role had been after she"d married Dad and moved here. Griffin had been in the city by then, but he"d swore to me he"d never crossed paths with her.

„No. From what I understand your mother was always loyal to the Assembly, but after her partner and finding your father she had taken …and extended leave."

-

I was still thinking about my conversation with Griffin when I opened my apartment door and saw Dad sitting at the dining table. With Caroline. He had papers strew across the table and was tapping away on his laptop while she sat close beside him, passing him documents. I failed to hide my surprise. He"d said he"d be waiting for me when I got him, but I wasn"t convinced he"d actually be there. And in as many years as she"d been working for Dad, he"d never brought Caroline home.

„Hi Dad, hi Caroline," I said, carefully.

„Hi Violet," Caroline said, chirpier than usual. She played with one of her long caramel curls, nervously picking up another piece of paper. She knew her being there said something.

Dad finished whatever he"d been typing, took the next document from Caroline and looked up.

„You"re early. Are you okay?" he asked, following textbook parenting and not acknowledging the fact that we had a guest - as if it were normal practice.

„Yeah, study period. I"m sorry about last night. We really hadn"t planned on being late home and we did try to call," I said, following textbook daughter vagueness. Also ignoring Caroline.

Dad looked at me for a sign of deception, but I held his eyes - I didn"t like it, but I could lie. I was my mother"s daughter, after all. But just then, he glanced at Caroline and she gave a minute nod.

„Well, I want you home around home more for the next couple of weeks. You"ve only got a short amount of school left and I know most of your exams are finished, but you still have a few subjects you need to concentrate on."

It was like I"d walked into the twilight zone.

Is my father actually practising real parenting?

I couldn"t help the small smile. It was just so „out there". But I really couldn"t afford this type of attention, so explained, „I already have plans this afternoon and
tonight."

„Change them," he said flatly, redirecting his focus back to his work.

I shot Caroline a look that told her I knew damn well this must be her doing. We"d always got on in the past, but she"d crossed a line.

„I can"t!" I snapped, which got Dad"s attention back and not in a good way.

„Yes, you can," he said.

„No," I said, thinking quickly. „I … I can"t. It"s … I have to go to the orientation night for the Fenton art course."

If anything would get Dad to back off right now, I knew that was it. But just in case, I gave him one more reason, realising as I said it that hit part was actually true. „And I was going to go to the cemetery this afternoon."

i hated myself instantly.

It might not have been a lie, but I shouldn"t have told him just like that, and not in front of Caroline. A veil of darkness floated over him and whatever seemed to have changed in him in the last week, changed back in an instant. He stood up, grabbing a pile of papers.

„We have to get back to the office," he squeezed out with an anguished expression.

Caroline moved quickly, slipping on her light trench coat. „I"ll wait downstairs, James."

She smiled kindly as she opened the door, which just made me feel worse. „Stop by the office some time. We miss seeing you around there."

I nodded awkwardly.

Dad was close behind. I didn"t expect him to say anything by the surprise me by stopping at my side as he passed.

„Violet, I know you"re hiding something. Just tell me you aren"t in trouble?" His voice had dropped and he was almost pleading.

I realised then that if something were to happen to me there would be little to hold Dad to life or sanity. I had always though I wasn"t on his radar, not enough. Now I saw the true story - I was everything to him.

„Everything"s fine, Dad," I swallowed hard. The deception now carried more weight. „I promise."

He gave a lopsided nod and left. I knew he wouldn"t come out of the daze again today.

Telling him I was going to see Mum had been cruel.

But
necessary
, a harsher voice within coaxed.

-

I didn"t visit my mother often. I always felt like a bit of a fraud when I did.

Dad and I used to go to the cemetery together and it was awful - the silence of the car trip broken by awkward forced conversation. I always felt like an intruder on his -
their
-

time. He deserved to visit her alone, not have to hold my hand. It was enough effort for him to just keep himself together, let alone carrying the burden of having to include me - worse -

assure me somehow that he didn"t blame me.

I knew he didn"t, but I could always feel his uncertainties about how much reinforcement his issue required.

Dad loved her so much. Completely. No, more than that. It"s a forever thing. He"s a lifer.

That"s why now he"s so lost. My earlier discovery that if there were any anchor in this life for him at all, I was it, made me sad for him and even madder at her.

I"m a poor man"s substitute. Not nearly enough.

Dad loved me, I knew that, but he had planned on loving me
with
her. When that didn"t happen … Let"s just say Dad doesn"t specialise in the roll-with-the-punches department.

I knelt down before the headstone. My long hair fell forwards and grazed the words I knew by heart.

Evelyn May Eden

„I will find you again,

my darling."

Beloved wife to James

Mother to Violet

I cleared the damp leaves that had stuck to the marble and laid down a bunch of white lillies that I"d picked up on the way. I always brought her lillies.

I didn"t say a prayer. It wasn"t my thing and I was sure it hadn"t been hers, either. I wished in a way I could cry for her, but I had never know her. I only knew of her lies. Well, that wasn"t altogether true any more. I knew some of her, maybe more than Dad ever would.

Like the fact that she held me for less than five minutes before she chose to leave us
.

I closed my eyes, placed a hand on the headstone of the mother I"d never know or understand and tried not to think,
How could you?

Perhaps it was for the best that I never knew, I couldn"t forgive her but I still respected her in my own way. She was a Grigori warrior. She had faced down a rival mightier than most ever crossed paths with, and survived. She was a legend among us, any story I had ever heard hailed her as a champion, a saviour even. As her daughter I had little compassion to offer her, but as a fellow Grigori I at least owed her this.

„I"m sorry. If it were you, I know you wouldn"t do it."

She"d sacrifice herself. Her partner had died. She"d sacrifice me, too. If she thought Lilith would return, I was confident she"d be willing to sacrifice Steph.

„But Steph … She"s my family. So if you think I"m doing the wrong thing, just remember, you made this way."

I shook my head, disappointed at myself. I took a deep breath and started again.

„I"m going to give Phoenix the key to releasing Lilith, and he"ll do it, too. I know he will.

And it"s going to be bad, really bad, because they will be here, together." Tears welled. „But I promise you, I"ll do whatever it takes to make this right. I"ll stop them." The enormity of the battles ahead swept over me and I considered the price of the promise I just made. I knew I would pay the price for it.

Walking away from her grave, I got the feeling it wouldn"t be too long until I saw my mother again.

„
…the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of
every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of
his own heart?"

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

I stood on the pavement outside my apartment building and marvelled at how the world, ever-unaware, continued to buzz around me even as I functioned in a seemingly doomed existence that was now dragging down the people I cared about the most.

I fidgeted as I waited - my hand nervously brushing the hilt of my dagger. It was 7 p.m.

Two hours left
.

It felt like a small eternity waiting for the car to pull up. Lincoln was driving, Griffin was up front and Spence kicked open the back door from inside. I jumped in, glad to get out of the cold.

„Hi," I said, including everyone but avoiding looking directly at Lincoln. I wasn"t sure I would be able to stop myself reaching out to touch him.

„Did you have any trouble with your father?" Griffin asked.

„He knows something"s up. He"ll leave it for now but," I blew out a breath, „I don"t know for how long."

Griffin gave me a nod. „We will have to give some thought to how we can manage him."

He was right, but I couldn"t get into it now. I knew it would just involve more lies. „Let"s just get Steph back," I said.

„Nice hair," Spence said with a smirk, causing Lincoln to glance back in our direction before he could stop himself.

Out eyes unwittingly locked and my chest felt crushed under the weight of his beautiful gaze. My hand went self-consciously to the hair I had pulled into an unusually slick, high ponytail.

„I didn"t want it to get in the way."

„You won"t be fighting tonight," Lincoln said, quietly and seemingly in control. The white-knuckled grip he had on the steering wheel suggested otherwise.

„Just in case. Where are we going?"

„Hades," Griffin said.

I shifted in my seat, uneasy with the idea of going back there. Not only was it the scene of the crime but without Dapper and Onyx - it felt wrong.

„Dapper"s back there," Griffin said, as if reading my mind. „He"s healed at a remarkable rate. I really would like to know more about what he is."

„So he"s okay?"

„Bruised and battered but up and walking about."

I was amazed. That man looked like he"d been turned inside out less than twenty-four hours ago. No wonder Griffin wanted to know more.

It was a short drive to Hades and we pulled up out the front in the no-parking zone.

Clearly Lincoln wasn"t in a law-abiding mood.

The security guy pulled open the door. „Any word on Onyx?" he asked as we passed. He seemed to care about him.

„Saw him today. Should be out of hospital in a few days," Spence said, reminding me I hadn"t even asked after Onyx myself.

It was a bit surprising to hear it had been Spence who"d gone to visit him. I wondered if they were becoming friends.

Inside Hades, the restaurant tables were filling up and the bar was just getting started for the night. Before long, the place would be heaving.

We went straight for the unmarked door that led upstairs and headed to Dapper"s apartment. Griffin knocked on the door. It took a while but eventually we hear a voice on the other side.

„Who is it?" he called in his normal gruff tone, but there was something else, too. Fear.

„It"s Griffin, Lincoln, Violet and Spencer," Griffin said, considerately ensuring Dapper would receive no surprise when he opened the door.

I heard his grunt and then a number of clicks as Dapper released what must have been at least eight deadbolts.

„Griff," I said, „maybe we should"ve gone somewhere else?" It didn"t seem fair to keep dragging Dapper into all of this stuff, especially when he hadn"t wanted be involved in the first place.