Enduring Everything (Marked Heart #1) (10 page)

"Since Sophia and Ailin missed our wedding, they met up with me and Jacks on our honeymoon." I took a deep breath to gain my strength before continuing, "Sophia and I were out shopping when we ran into him. I panicked and told Sophia that I had no idea who he was," I looked down at my feet, avoiding Emerson's gaze, and continued, "Henley has been in town for a few weeks now. They came back today and I guess he found her and told her because she came to the house screaming at me, saying that I had lied to her her whole life."

Compassion filled Emerson
's eyes as he reached out to hug me. I stepped back, putting both my hands up avoiding his outreach.

"Just don't."

Appearing hurt, Emerson asked, "Why do you act like you and I were never friends?"

Somehow
, I knew this conversation was going to come up eventually.

Reflecting for a moment on how close Emerson and I used to be and how much I relied on him at one time in my life, I figured I owed him an explanation.

"I had to step away so you and Amila could have a real relationship, you know that," I said.

"You still could have come to me if you needed someone," he stressed.

Disagreeing, I snapped, "So you could hold my hand and say it's gonna be alright."

Emerson reached out to me a second time before I took two more steps back.

"I went to Hert, I met with Ignacio and neither one would or could stop this from happening," I shared before admitting, "I knew it would happen eventually. As much as I wished it never would I knew one day..."

Emerson broke in, saying, "That's why he left, isn't it. You didn't let Jackson know what was happening."

Deciding I was ready for this horrible day to be over, I griped, "Look, I'm gonna go home. I'm not going to feel better about anything and I'm not trying to feel worse about it either. Everything is over and I can accept that. I did it, I'm paying for it and I will move on just like I've done before."

"For someone who keeps saying they're moving on, you sure as hell don't ever go anywhere," Emerson stated.

Turning around, I questioned, "What are you talking about?"

Standing up tall in front of me, he replied, "I was a bad friend to you."

Shaking my head, I asked, "Why would you say that?"

"What friend would let you feel this way just to be close to you?" he replied.

Shrugging, I looked down.

Appearing as though he was having some sort of internal struggle, Emerson stepped in front of me.

With a serious expression, he shared, "I never tried to help you because if I did you wouldn't need me anymore. I am sorry for that. I'm also not that guy anymore. I cannot sit back and watch you do this to yourself again."

"Em, I don't think..." I started to say before he stepped even closer, saying, "Your parent's grave site is lovely. You know they are buried side by side." Searching his eyes with mine, I couldn't understand why he would say that as he continued, "Ever been by the house you grew up in? They rebuilt it about a year after it burned down."

"Emerson stop," I blurted.

Narrowing his eyes at me, he informed, "A family lives there. I drove by one day and there was a little girl playing with her father. Then her mom came out and hugged her. Such a loving family, so much better than yours."

I could feel my chest aching as I pushed away from him.

Grabbing hold of me, he continued, "Tell me why they hated you so much. What you did as a little girl to make your father beat you and your mother turn away. Why weren't you worth loving?"

"Stop," I breathed.

"It wasn't just them though, you devoted your whole being to someone that used you for sex and abused you in every way possible," he added before asking, "Do I need to bring Hert up?"

Struggling against him, I begged, "Please stop."

"You were just a means to an end with him and a reward for all his hard work," he assured.

Crying into his chest, I pleaded, "Stop."

"Was what happened that day at the old office your fault too?" he questioned pulling me away from him before he growled, "You give pieces of yourself to people that could not give a damn about you because you're not worth anything is that right? You don't deserve someone who is willing to love you like you're supposed to be loved." Em pulled me back to him and kissed the side of my head whispering, "Then why is it we love you so much? Ren, please let go of it and realize the only thing that's keeping you there is you."

18

An
Agreement

After the 'talk' with Emerson, I couldn't seem to get a handle on my emotions. Amila kept the kids upstairs and I stretched out on the couch crying and being angry. Refusing to let Emerson give me false hope where Sophia and Jackson were concerned, I laid there willing myself to fall asleep.

~

Waking up on the Roberts' couch, I felt as if I had been hit by a bus. I wasn't surprised I felt horrible. I was surprised at how much I missed waking up with Jackson. It was a loneliness I had never experienced before. It felt like part of me was missing. Slowly sitting up, I looked over and saw Charlotte standing next to the couch.

"Can I help you?" I snapped, feeling uneasy about her watching me sleep.

With a heavy sigh, she informed, "Amila and Emerson took everyone to the park," then tossing a spiral on the coffee table, she stated, "There's my workbook."

Glancing around, I asked, "What time is it?"

"Eleven thirty, are we going do this or not?"

Blinking a few times in order to fully wake up, I looked at her and fussed, "You need to change your attitude with me real quick."

With a slight huff, she sat on the other end of the couch, saying, "I don't want to do this."

Not being able to really blame her
, since I didn't either, I lifted her workbook off of the coffee table.

Flipping through the pages, I couldn't believe what all was expected of her. Clearly whoever put the book together had no idea what it was like for Charlotte. It required things of her that
, to me, seemed unreasonable.

"They seriously want you to visit the place where you were most traumatized?" I griped before saying, "And then talk about how it makes you feel."

Giving me a 'see what I mean' look, Charlotte said, "Oh, wait until you get to the part where I have to look into the mirror each morning and chant, 'I am a worthwhile human being'."

Tossing her workbook back onto the table, I griped, "Okay, this is stupid."

Charlotte quickly replied, "Right!" before I informed, "But clearly you need help. So we're going to have to figure something out."

With an unhappy expression, she questioned, "So what's wrong with you?"

"A lot, but this isn't about me," I replied.

Shaking her head, she snapped, "I see, I'm supposed to tell you all my dirty little secrets but your life is private."

Her statement
, although hard for me to admit, made me like her just a little bit.

Staring at her, I came up with an idea.

"Okay then, I'll make you a deal. I will share one thing about my life with you if you swear you and I will come up with our own steps to recovery and you will make an honest effort at not being the nightmare that you are," I offered.

A satisfied smile spread across her face as she asked, "Why were you crying last night?"

Clearing my throat, I answered, "Some of the mistakes I've made finally caught up with me."

"That was the vaguest answer in the history of the world," she laughed.

Rolling my eyes, I fussed, "That is why."

"Wow, that was so informative, I feel like I've known you my whole life now. We're like long lost sisters or something," she sarcastically remarked.

My frustration provoked me as I replied, "Alright smart ass. My daughter found out I had lied to her her whole life about who her father was and then my husband left me because I don't know how to be in a functional relationship. Happy now?"

Charlotte stared at me for a long moment before saying, "I'm sorry."

Making a face at her, I said, "Yea, okay."

"I really am. William told me at your wedding that Jackson waited his whole life to be with you," she shared.

Focusing more on Charlotte, helped the tears that were threatening my eyes, to subside as I asked, "Is that how you know him? From my wedding?"

Nodding, she replied, "I know it was wrong for me to lie to him. Do you think he will forgive me?"

With a heavy sigh, I shared, "William isn't going to be the problem. He really does care for you."

Charlotte appeared remorseful as she explained, "He's so sweet. I didn't even mean to lie. When I met him, he asked who I belonged to. I said nobody and that I was staying with Emerson and Amila. I think he took it as I was just visiting or something and I never corrected him." Suddenly she was emotional as she shared, "I've been with guys since I was thirteen. No one was ever that nice. He actually asked to hold my hand. I...I wanted to know what it was like to be with someone like him."

Trying to grasp what she shared with me, I stated, "Okay first step. No sex at all with anyone."

Glaring at me, she replied, "That's a little drastic."

"You are seventeen," I snapped.

With a short exhale she said, "Fine. So how do I see William without Emerson flipping out?"

Shocked, I informed, "Oh you are not going to see him. Emerson is the least of your worries where William is concerned. As soon as his family, especially Auggie, finds out and they will, it's going to be bad."

"Is he the jerk with the beard that walked with you at your wedding?" she asked.

Nodding, I answered, "Yes and he was happy that day. Auggie has always been protective of William because he was sick a lot and they're closer than the rest of the kids."

"I'm not scared of him," she assured before I explained, "I'm sure you're not but you don't understand how their family works and Emerson and Jackson have been friends for years. We are all family in a way. This is going to cause enough trouble on its own without you making it worse."

"I just want to say I'm sorry," she pouted.

Giving her a serious look, I suggested, "Then write him a letter."

Charlotte begrudgingly nodded.

When Emerson and Amila returned from the park with the rest of the kids, I thanked them for letting me stay the night and said I would be back after work the next day to talk to Charlotte.

~

Sitting on my bed, I closed my eyes. Both of Jackson's bags and all his suits from the closet in my extra room were gone. I never imagined my house would feel so empty. Not wanting to know what he did with our
Ren&Jacks
that fell off of the wall, it was gone too. The only thing he left was our marriage license. Holding it in my hand, it was on the bed when I got home.

I wondered what Sophia was doing, I wanted so badly to hug her and say how sorry I was for hurting her.
When I called her, she hung up. I called back and Ailin said he was sorry but she wasn't going to talk to me. Grateful for Ailin, at least she wouldn't be dealing with the reality of having me as a mother alone. He would love her and she would rely on him to help her make it through. She knew how to do that.

19

Speculations

Forgetting to was
h a load of clothes, with everything that went on over the weekend, started my Monday morning completely off balance. I was forced to break my routine of Monday morning attire and wear black slacks and a maroon v-neck sweater with black heels.

After purposely wa
iting ten extra minutes to leave the house, hoping Jackson would be in his office by the time I arrived, I did not want to get caught outside in the parking lot with him. I drove a little under the speed limit also, in an effort to kill even more time.

By the time
I quickly walked into work, waved at Mrs. Oleander as I passed her receptionist desk, made my way through the office and sat down at my desk, it was exactly nine o'clock. With an accomplished sigh, I told myself, this was my new routine.

Reaching over to flip my computer on, I heard my phone buzz.

With a light exhale I picked up the receiver and said, "Yes."

Jackson's tone was stale as he informed, "You're late."

"No, I was not late. I just wasn't early," I disagreed.

"Can I see you in my office," he requested.

I closed my eyes and paused before saying, "I will be in there to file reports after the meeting."

When there was not an immediate response from him, I hung up my phone and resumed my morning duties.

As I headed to the meeting room, I concentrated on looking directly in front of myself and hoped Jackson was nowhere in my line of sight. I successfully made it to the room without seeing him. It occurred to me he might be doing the same because right before announcements, Jackson glanced in my direction and then quickly turned and stared right at me. Swallowing hard, the only thing I could think to do was look away. When I did, I caught sight of Marabeth who was glaring at the two of us with an interested expression on her face.

Once the meeting was over, I left before anyone else. Pulling reports to file, I wanted to get
the necessity of being in Jackson's office over with. Thinking I could be in and out before he made it back, I hurried in and straight to the file cabinets.

My entire body tensed the moment I heard the office door close and Jackson say, "Ren."

I froze for a moment before shaking it off and continuing to do my job.

"Would you like to take a personal day?" he offered.

Instantly furious, I slammed the file cabinet and shouted, "You don't want me here."

Taken aback, he fussed, "Please lower your voice. The entire office doesn't need to know our business."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have announced it before we got married, hypocrite," I snapped at him.

Leaning against the front of his desk, he replied, "Ren, please."

My irritation quickly dissolved into sadness as I stated, "I just want to do my job."

Nodding at me, he asked, "Where were you?" before adding, "I came back and you weren't home."

Drawing in a deep breath, I answered, "I saw you got your stuff. I think you still have some things in the laundry, I can bring them here or take them to your mom's if you want."

Scowling at me before pushing away from his desk and stepping closer, Jackson shared, "I came back to talk to you and you were not there."

Confused, I asked, "What?"

"I wasn't gone but for about thirty minutes when I came back. I needed a minute. You really hurt me but I got to thinking, how could I leave you there without anyone after what happened with Sophia. I sat there all night waiting for you. When I woke up in the morning and you still hadn't come home, I packed my bags and left."

Not knowing what to think or how to react, I just stood there staring at him.

Who leaves someone and comes right back? Saturday was such catastrophe I was having trouble remembering exactly what was said before he walked out.

Still finding it hard to believe, I asked, "You really came back?"

As Jackson nodded, his expression change
d.

"So was Ignacio sympathetic?" he questioned.

"What?" I asked, shaking my head.

With a serious expression, Jackson replied, "He's your go to guy when there's a problem, right."

"How could you think that?" I questioned, now wounded by his accusation.

Shaking his head at me, he replied, "I don't know what to think."

Nodding at him, I spouted, "Well I do," before sharing, "I think it's good you held onto your apartment and I am taking a personal day."

Storming out of Jackson's office, I grabbed my purse from under my desk and walked out of the building and straight to my car.

In lieu of going home to an empty house, I was glad Amila said I could come over early. As it turned out, she was going to call me at work anyway. Charlotte was in a fight at school and Emerson went to pick her up.

~

Sitting in Amila's kitchen, I felt at ease. I appreciated being able to just sit with a friend and enjoy a cup of coffee.

Her eyes were curious as she asked, "You didn't go to work today?"

With a heavy sigh, I replied, "I went but I didn't stay very long."

"Are you going to quit?" she asked.

Shrugging, I replied, "I don't want to. I mean, I love it there. What else am I gonna do if I don't work at JPT."

Her eyes where sympathetic as she offered, "I think it would be hard to work there since Jackson walked out on you."

Slouching in the chair, I shared, "It turns out, he didn't leave me. Not at first anyway. He left because he was upset but then he came back. I was here and when I didn't come home, he left the next morning."

Sitting up tall, she said, "Oh, then y'all are okay."

Shaking my head, I admitted, "No. He thought I was with another man when I left."

Confused she asked, "Why didn't you tell him you were here?"

Thinking that would have made sense, I answered, "That wasn't the point. It was that he thought I would do that the second he walked out and I don't know it's complicated."

Appearing unsure of herself for a moment, Amila rested he
r hands on top of the kitchen table before giving me a light smile.

"Ren, you and everyone else have so much history together, I feel like I'm out of the loop."

Smiling at her, I said, "Amila, you and I have been friends for years now."

Nodding, she replied, "I know and I'm not trying to be nosey, I swear, its just I don't understand a lot of what's going on with you or why you do the things you do."

Thinking 'join the club', I shared, "Alright. You know about my father because Emerson has told you but there is a lot more to it. Do you remember when I told you I was in a bad relationship before Hert?"

"The 'even when it was good it was bad' one?" she asked.

As I nodded in confirmation, I continued, "I didn't leave him because of what was happening. I left because I found out I was pregnant."

"Oh my gosh, Ren," she sympathized.

Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I explained, "When I left him, I ended up back here. I told Emerson first then he told Jackson and then I told Hert. Only the four of us were supposed to know and we came up with this plan. It seemed simple enough. Then I fell in love with Hert because I thought he had always loved me and it turned out that wasn't the case." Pausing to reflect on how naïve I was, I continued, sharing, "My father was one of the founding members of M.R. Industries so Hert needed my shares to take over and he had to be married to me for that to happen. When I finally figured everything out, it just so happened that we weren't the only four that knew about Sophia. It was scary for me and I was way out of my league so I hired The Brothers to help me. They did and... Ignacio, who is vice president of M.R. now, really... I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him." When I noticed the expression on Amila's face, I cleared my throat and explained, "I just wanted Sophia to have a better life than I did growing up with parents that loved her. And I wanted my friends to be okay and happy too. Then not that long ago, her natural father Henley, figured it out. I thought Ignacio might be able to help me because there is a history with Fiore and Henley also. It didn't do any good though because Henley told Sophia and now she hates me. Jackson found out I went to someone else instead of talking to him and got hurt and now here we are."

With a hint of understanding, Amila said, "Ren, I remember how bad it was. I didn't know all that but I remember feeling so bad for you because you always looked so...broken. Sophia doesn't appreciate what you went through for her?"

"She doesn't know any of it either," I replied.

Amila quickly blurted, "So tell her!"

Shaking my head, I shared, "With all that, comes things I don't want her to know about me. All she knows is that my parents are dead and there is nothing left from them because the house burned down. And that her dad owns M.R. Industries. I don't want her to know what I was like then."

"I guess I understand," she replied.

Giving her a half-hearted smile, I said, "I know you don't really but I would rather her think I made one huge mistake than for her to find out about the multitude of things I've done wrong in my life. I went through things that I don't ever want to think about and I don't want to explain them to my daughter either."

A
mila stood up from her chair, stepped over and hugged me.

~

Charlotte stomped up the stairs with Amila right behind her, the moment she and Emerson returned to the house. Shaking his head, he sat down on the couch with a frustrated expression.

"I honestly have no clue as to what to do with her," he shared.

Sitting down next to him, I asked, "What happened?"

With a heavy sigh he replied, "I grounded her for two weeks because she got into a fight and she is acting like I am the one who did something wrong."

"She should have already been grounded for what she pulled Saturday. So why did she get into a fight?"

Emerson took a deep breath and informed, "I assume what happened Saturday has a lot to do with it. A few girls were calling her names and one of them shoved her. Charlotte hauled off and punched her in the eye."

Trying not to smile, I replied, "Oh," nodding my head.

Glaring at me, Emerson fussed, "It's not funny Ren, she is supposed to be a young lady."

Giving him a dose of reality, I asked, "Do you consider me a lady?"

"Of course I do but..." he started before I said, "I would have done the same thing."

Shaking his head, he admitted, "I don't know how to parent her."

Nudging him, I consoled, "I thought that's why you called in an expert," with a wide smile.

Emerson started to laugh
, stopping the moment Charlotte stepped in front of us.

Amila leaned down and kissed Emerson before hugging me again and leaving to pick their other kids up from school.
An unhappy expression covered Charlotte's face as she stared at Emerson.

With a slight huff she stated, "Sorry."

I watched as Emerson stood up in front of her, replying, "Thank you for apologizing," before he turned away and walked upstairs.

Looking up at her, I suggested, "You should be nicer to Emerson. He loves you."

"Please, he just doesn't want his family to look bad," she argued.

"Charlotte that's not true, he just kicked down someone's door for you," I reminded before saying, "I promise, he really does love you."

Appearing uncomfortable, she questioned, "Does he love you?"

Nodding, I replied, "Yes, very much and he's never once kicked down a door for me. I hope that gives you an idea how he feels about you."

Glancing around the room for a moment, she asked, "Can you give this to William?" pulling an envelope out of her back pocket.

Scowling at her, I said, "That depends, what is it?"

"An apology letter," she replied.

Taking the letter from her, I realized I left my purse in the car as I stood up and said, "I'm going to go home and think of some things for you to work on. But step two, definitely no fighting."

Charlotte stopped me after I shouted goodbye to Emerson, saying, "Wait, you didn't tell me anything about yourself today."

"I said I would tell you one thing about myself not something every time we meet," I assured.

Making a face at me, she griped, "Whatever."

Rolling my eyes at her, I caved, "Alright then, when I was seven, I gave my best friend a bloody nose then taunted him relentlessly for several months because he cried."

Charlotte instantly started to laugh. Finding some joy in the memory
, myself, I smiled, walking out of the door.

In my car, I grabbed my purse to stick Charlotte's letter to William inside. Noticing a flashing, I gr
abbed my cellphone and saw I had five missed calls from Mrs. Thomas. Convinced I couldn't ignore her, I called her back.

A cheery hello, made me feel terrible as I greeted, "Hey."