Envious (7 page)

“Aurora’s coming back tomorrow,” Eric stated. “I’ll have to tell her then.”

I nearly jumped out of my skin. “What?! You’re going to tell her?! Why would you do that?! You can’t!”

“I have to.”

“No, no, you’ll ruin everything, your relationship, my friendship with her. It will all be over, and no one will be happy.”

“I doubt Aurora would blame you for kissing me. Wait, that came out wrong. I doubt Aurora would be mad at you for something that I did to you. I kissed you.”

“But I shouldn’t have let you,” I answered as I cast down my eyes. “That’s what she’ll think. Listen, just hear me out. You were drunk, you didn’t know what you were doing. So, technically, you didn’t do anything wrong. Right? So why bother her over something so pointless? Why break her heart for no reason? What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Right now, the truth will. She’s going through a rough time and she needs you and me. If you tell her, she’ll feel more alone than ever, and who knows what could happen to her. She can’t take all this hurt. Her uncle
died
.” My heart tightened at the thought of Mr. Bacster. I continued through the burn of tears that threatened my eyes. “She needs time to heal and people to help her with that. Don’t tell her. Don’t ruin her life, or rather what’s left of it,” I added dramatically.

He stared at me, an expression of deep sorrow and remorse taking over his face and posture. He thought that telling her would be the right thing to do, but he couldn’t ignore what I had said. He knew that I was right. Keeping the kiss secret was the best thing to do. Eric swallowed hard and closed his eyes solemnly as he nodded his head.

Aurora returned on Sunday evening. She hauled her bag up the stairs alone. I didn’t see Eric with her as she came down the hall. Why wasn’t he with her? He couldn’t have told her, could he? He wouldn’t. No.

Aurora waved at me. “Sandy, hi!” She seemed to be herself, for the most part. She was smiling almost as sincerely as usual. That was a good sign. I was still mad at her for not telling me about Mr. Bacster, and I had a feeling that I would never get over it. Why should I? She claimed to be my friend, my best friend.

As I watched her unpack, I realized how hard it was to hate her when I felt so guilty. “How is your aunt?”

“Um, she’s doing better. Sandy? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about…everything…and stuff.” Her voice cracked, and at one point I feared she would burst into tears. Her voice wavered as she continued, “I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I couldn’t bear to make you cry.” She finished her last, highest pitched word just before her face turned red and a single tear fell down her cheek.

She had always been the emotional one. We both cried when Mufasa died in
The Lion King
, but she had continued in tears through the credits. I was used to seeing her cry. When her first boyfriend broke up with her, and when her second and third did the same. The thought rushed all my guilt into my expression. I turned away so she couldn’t see, pulling the last of her clothes out of her bag and putting them in her dresser for her.

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine. Well, um, I have to go to the computer lab. I’ll see you later.” I picked up my book bag and walked out the door.

I was at the end of the hall when I turned and saw Eric rushing into Aurora and my room. I backtracked silently, sneaking down the empty hall to the door that stood ajar. I stole a glance through the crack and saw the two of them hugging with such a strong embrace they might suffocate each other. But it was sweet, too sweet to ignore now that I knew what it felt like to be that intimate with someone. With
Eric
. I felt sick and left the hall.

It was Wednesday. Mythology class was tonight. What was once three hours of pure bliss with Eric was now the most dreaded moment of my life. I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t go. I couldn’t see Eric. He had been avoiding me. I had only seen him a few times since Sunday, but only once was he so bold as to shyly wave at me. All other times he turned his face away as if he hadn’t seen me at all. I stood from the dark green library sofa and headed down to the first floor. My head ached. I reached into my bag for some aspirin and swallowed it dry. The librarian looked oddly at me from behind her desk. I knew immediately that she thought I was taking diet pills. That’s what everyone always thought. To think that the world could be so preoccupied with giving everyone a problem, that they don’t realize their own. That girl must be fifty pounds overweight and she thinks I’m sick and anorexic? She should look in the mirror sometime. I shot her a dirty look as I walked out the door and started toward the English building where my class was being held.

There was still time. I could still turn around. The sun was beginning to tur
n orange in the sky, sending an awful glare into my eyes. I squinted as I trudged on, shielding my eyes and walking toward impending doom.
Don’t go into the light!
I smiled at my inner joke. It seemed strangely appropriate. The old brick building seemed to glow an eerie rust color from the backlighting. I was halfway there. Another thirty feet and I wouldn’t be free from torture for another three hours. I could go back.

Turn around, turn around now!
But that would only delay the horror. I would have to ask Eric for his notes. No one else in the class would entrust them to me. It was one of those weird classes, filled with old high school divas that thought their parents’ money still mattered to anyone. They looked down on everyone who didn’t have mad drunken sex every night and didn’t wear designer clothes. Through their narrowed eyes, you could see what they were thinking.
Can you believe that girl wore those jeans three weeks ago? Can you believe that? How nasty.
She’s probably never had a boyfriend, and even worse…I bet she can name all the guys she’s had sex with.
I couldn’t help myself. I laughed out loud at that joke. But it was so true. Something was seriously wrong with those girls.

“What’s so funny?” I heard.
What? A guy?

I looked up and saw the sleaze from the party. The one who had gawked at me and followed me. He was cute. He was clearly sober now and actually cute. He had a smooth face, perfect complexion and brown hair parted in the middle, swept perfectly back into place. I never would have guessed that he could look this good. Almost as good as Eric. But definitely not as tall. He was maybe four inches taller than I was.

“Oh, nothing,” I answered, in an effort to end to the conversation as we both continued on. He walked past me, looking me up and down the whole way. Ok, he was still creepy. I was sure that would never change. I sped up. There was no way I would turn around now. Not with the whole notes thing and also, I didn’t want
him
to think I was following him. No need to give him any ideas.

I slipped into class and into my usual seat, and waited, burying my face in my book,
The Odyssey
. The question now was where Eric would sit. Would he go to his usual place, next to me? Or would he go somewhere else? Someone sat in the chair to my left. I quickly glanced over and saw one of the divas shoot me a snotty look.
Oookkaaayy.
The clock read 5:59. The professor wasn’t even there yet. 6:00. Eric sauntered into the room and slid into the seat at my right. He dropped his books gently on the table and slouched low in his chair. When the professor entered, I closed my book.

1204

I sat and waited, and waited, until I could wait no more. I began my chores. I reached my hand into my chickens’ favorite hiding places and drew out two small eggs. The little hen pecked at my hand as I placed them in my basket. As I searched for more, I comforted my nerves by thinking of all the reasons for his delay. There were so many. An axle had broken, the horse needed rest, Eric was needed for another day…

Once I found all of the eggs, I returned to the road and looked out as far as I could see. No sight of a man, horse or cart. But when my eyes failed me, my ears did not. I heard a voice down the road. Gaining in excitement, I hurried inside and lifted the picnic from the table. He would surely be in a rush again today and would have no time to stay. I tucked the small parcel under my arm and…
Where was Joseph? Where was Elijah?
Father had gone off earlier in the morning but my younger brothers rarely went with him. In fact, I couldn’t even remember the last time they did go.

Those two had better not be making trouble. I have no patience for their immaturities.
I stepped out into the sunlight. The summer’s sun had already dried the morning dew. This day would be hot and make Eric’s task that much more daunting. I took a water pitcher with me and headed down the road toward the castle. It stood out on a small hill just above the horizon. A heavy rock and wooden structure as beautiful as the day it was built. I had been near it once before but never inside.
How magnificent it must be.

When I turned my eyes back to the road, I saw three boys, a horse and a cart. They were fighting. I somewhat carefully dropped what I carried and ran as fast as I could manage. I saw my brothers holding sticks like staffs on the man I loved. Eric was bleeding at the mouth but that was his only visible injury. The three stared at me, all clearly embarrassed, until finally Joseph, the youngest, spoke.

“He started it!” he said, pointing at Eric.

“I don’t see what this boy could have started when he is the one bloodied and not carrying a weapon! Put down those sticks, both of you!”

“You just want to kiss him!” he spat.

“What are you talking about? I’m going to tell father when he returns.”

Elijah said, “Ah, but it was father…”

This intrigued me. “What about father? Speak quickly.”

Elijah was my sweet brother. The loving one who told me secrets, not the family hostile as Joseph was. Elijah pushed a sweaty black curl behind his ear as he told me, “Father knows about your…meetings. He told us to put a stop to it. Today. He says he isn’t good enough. He’s poor, with nothing to show for anything. Says that’s all he’ll ever be and that you’ve become attached.” His voice was higher than usual and he seemed to be pleading with me. I couldn’t look at any of them.

“Go back to the house, both of you. I will speak to father tonight. Now go.”

Elijah left us, dragging Joseph behind him. They were afraid. They feared father; they feared me. There was no way to salvage this situation. I stepped up to Eric and he stood slightly slumped over. He must have been struck in the stomach. Eric spoke to me in a hushed tone.

“Cassandra…you need not fret my rank. I have been called to war. The king’s guard has seen my strength and skill. I return home today, but they will come for me tomorrow.”

I felt the blood drain from my face and hands as he spoke to me. “War?”

CHAPTER 8

IN THE DETAILS

I thought the professor’s droning would never end. Finally the three hours were over, although it felt like class had just begun; I could not recall any of it but the last five minutes. I had had another fantasy. That’s what I would call them. Fantasies. No longer the deceiving name of “memories.” A name carried more weight than the brain could realize. My mind was deceived by my own selfish thoughts and desires. No longer would I fall victim to my daydreams, no longer would I hurt the ones who were most true to me. Aurora had always been my friend, and that is the way she would stay.

I stood up from my metal chair and placed my books in my bag.

“Quiet today,” Eric said. Eric had spoken the first words since our decision about our betrayal.
Quiet today
… Why wouldn’t I be? I kept my mouth shut to keep from speaking to the person I was trying to forget. I dared not look at him. His gaze was far too powerful. Enchantingly beautiful.

“Cassandra… I think we need to talk.”

“We did talk,” I stated.

Although I could not see his face, I knew he was grinning as he said, “Oh, and we’re talking now.” I zipped my bag closed and pushed past Eric, careful not to touch him.

“Can we just talk… in private?” I saw the divas staring. “Well, not
private
private, but without people watching? No, that came out wrong too. I just don’t want anyone to hear… remember what we said? We agreed?”

It was fun listening to him trip his way though a sentence, but I knew what he meant. He wanted to talk about the kiss but honor our agreement to keep it secret. Therefore, we needed to be alone to talk, not to kiss.

“We have nothing to say,” I said, slightly amused.

“But I do. I was a jerk. I’m really sorry.” Before I could catch myself, my gaze rose to meet his eyes. Those deep, enveloping eyes. Without change through centuries and li-

No, I could not fall back into belief of those dreams, powerful as they were.

“I-I shouldn’t have…” he let his words trail off. Then, suddenly, he grasped my arm and guided me outside and around to the back of the building. It was dark and somehow the blackness drew us near. I felt dangerously close to him, and alone with him. I saw the look pass his eyes. He felt it, too. He felt the power of the navy glow on our surroundings and the close air that stole our breath. This was a place that we should not be. Together. Alone.