Frozen Hearts (15 page)

I curled into myself, fighting to stay anchored to the real world but slowly the pain, along with the voices faded away, replaced by my own thoughts. An old movie projector played the important moments of my life. It flickered in and out but slowly the images, sounds and smells focused clear and strong. The smell of sweat and ice. The ting of a perfectly timed shot ricocheting off the crossbar. Cold, crisp air rushing into my lungs as I glided across the pristine sheet of ice. The freedom I felt as the chill of a winter's night burned across my cheeks. The scratch of my blades cutting patterns into the ice. Then he was there, leaning on his stick, watching me. A breeze ruffled his blond hair and an easy grin spread across his face. He glided toward me, eyes twinkling with unspoken challenges. The puck dropped and we played like carefree kids with our laughter filling the night air and echoing through the sky.

The stars twinkled above and the world quieted when our skates tangled, sending us to the ice in a heap. Tyce laughed as we slid into the boards. He was sprawled on top of me and when I opened my eyes, his face was so close that I could count his eyelashes. I waited for him to move, but he didn't, instead his blue eyes sparkled and my stomach flipped upside down when he flashed me a shy smile.

I shook the glove off my hand and moved a blond curl away from his eyes before I cupped his rosy, wind-bitten cheek. Tyce's eyes fluttered closed and he leaned into my touch. Before I knew what I was doing, I was kissing the chapped lips of my best friend.

I could see it now with crystal clear clarity. That had been the best moment of my life and I would do it again without a thought. People could judge and hate and frown and complain, but he was what made my world move.

Always have, always will.

It was really quite simple. I loved him. He loved me. What's so terrible about that? And I wasn't ready to let go of him. Our story wasn't complete.

"Tyce," I mumbled as the wail of a siren filled the air.

The loud rumble of an engine. More voices handed out instructions. Mind numbing pain. Numbers intermixed with my name. The slam of doors and a soft voice telling me it would be okay. The words 'tell Tyce I love him' were stuck in my throat.

"Get on the next plane. Please, baby," Arielle whispered into her phone. "I don't know if he's going to be okay. Come home now, Travis."

A prick in my arm. Bright lights blinded me. I was jostled. An eerie quiet settled in the air. Fear filled me and I didn't want to be alone right now. I heard a tiny whine and realized that Arielle was curled in a chair in the corner of an unfamiliar room, sniffling into her phone. A nurse came in and rubbed her back, whispering gentle words that made her whimper. Someone fiddled with a needle in my arm and I walked down a long dark tunnel.

Familiar voices roused me from a restless sleep. My fingers clawed at scratchy sheets. I had no idea why my mother and father were standing at the foot of my bed, arguing. It finally dawned on me this wasn't my bed. I wanted to shout at them to shut the fuck up but no sound came out of my mouth.

"I'm letting him in," my mother said.

"He is not allowed here," my father snarled back.

"You have no say in the matter anymore," she snapped.

"What do you mean?" My father asked, taking a step back.

"None of this should have ever happened. I shouldn't have let you take my son away. He was only seventeen and you tossed him out like garbage."

"I gave him a great opportunity," my father said.

"He was fine at home." She walked over to the side of my bed and touched my face, gently brushing the hair away from my closed eyes. "You've been nothing but a bully to him and all he did was love a boy."

Love a boy? Those three words almost made me want to open my eyes. My mother just said I loved a boy and she sounded okay with the whole thing. I must be dead. She had called me trash before.

"Keep your voice down," my dad growled.

"No, Paul, not anymore. If you can't handle him with Tyce then you can leave. Erik needs him now and I'm not keeping them apart. Besides he's a grown man. If you'd open your eyes you could see how much they love each other and no matter what you think, loving someone can't be wrong."

My father snorted, but my mother didn't let up on him.

"The picture," she said. "Look at the picture when they were only seventeen. It was already there. All Erik did was love him and we forced him to give Tyce up for an image and a game. All these years of listening to you tell me he was a monster. Well, here's a news flash. You had it wrong. We are the monsters, not them, and I'm not going to let you hurt him anymore. He's my baby boy and if he'll let me, I want to be a part of his life. So if you're not going to support him, get the fuck out."

Holy shit, my uptight, perfect mother just read my father the riot act and said the word fuck all in one paragraph. I'd never heard her question my father before and now she was standing up for me.

"Mom," I whimpered.

"Oh, Erik, sweetheart," she said, leaning in to kiss my cheek. "You're awake."

"Thank you," I said weakly.

She shook her head and looked away from me. Her hand shook when her fingers wrapped around a tissue and she dabbed at her eyes. "I should have done this a long time ago. I'm so sorry, baby."

I touched her hand and she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Where's Tyce?" I whispered.

"I'll get him," she said.

"He's here?" My father shouted at us. We both jumped. I'd forgotten he was still in the room.

"Paul," my mother said sternly. "Shut up or get out."

My father chose to leave.

"What's going on, Mom?" Arielle asked as she strolled into the room.

"You're father is being an asshole and Erik's awake. Could you go get Tyce?"

"Really?" Arielle said as slow smile lit up her face. I wanted to ask the same question.

My mother nodded and grabbed my hand, gently squeezing. A few nurses and a doctor wandered in and welcomed me back, checking on the various tubes and needles stuck in me.

"Is he going to be okay," my mother asked a doctor.

"He's going to be just fine," the doctor said.

"Erik," Tyce's frantic voice came from the doorway. I slowly turned my head and those beautiful blue eyes looking at me filled with tears. My mother squeezed my hand again and whispered that she was stepping out of the room. She grabbed a protesting Arielle by the arm and dragged her along.

"Hi," I mumbled.

"You're late," Tyce said.

"Sorry," I said. "I got held up."

"Oh, fuck, Erik." Tyce shattered. His chin dropped to his chest as big fat tears dripped to his shirt. "When you didn't show up, I had all sorts of crazy thoughts, but then"—he stopped and took a quivering breath—"the look on Dix's face when he showed up at my apartment. It scared the shit out of me. We drove about ninety miles an hour to get here, but they wouldn't let me see you. Dix refused to come upstairs if I couldn't, so Arielle came down every hour to tell us how you were doing."

The thought of him sitting downstairs in the lobby made my chest ache.

"Hey, why am I seeing you now?" Tyce asked.

"My mom told my dad to get fucked."

"Really?" he asked, swiping the tears away.

"It was fucking awesome," I said. "Tyce."

"Yeah?"

"You're really far away from me."

"You look like shit. I'm scared to touch you."

"I need you," I whispered.

He sighed and slowly inched forward until his forehead rested on mine. "Just so you know, Foxy, I love you so much. Always have. Always will."

"Hey, you stole my line."

Tyce chuckled and kissed my cheek. He sat down on the chair next to my bed and laid his head on my pillow.

"I love you too, Tyce. Always have. Always will," I said softly and closed my eyes, listening to the hum of the machines and his breathing.

The rest of the day moved along as the nurses and doctors started unhooking me from all the machines, informing my family that I would be discharged tomorrow.

I was half asleep when another visitor entered my room.

"Are you him?" Rochelle asked Tyce. He kept his back turned, staring out the window at the setting sun. "I'm sorry, stupid question to ask. Is he going to be okay?"

Tyce nodded, but still kept his back to her.

"I didn't… my brothers… shit… He used to mumble your name in his sleep."

That statement got Tyce to turn around. "What?"

Rochelle shrugged. "I am sorry for all this. I want him to know that I had nothing to do with what my brothers and their stupid friends did. Erik hurt me, but I would never ask for any sort of retribution. He's a great guy. He just didn't love me. He didn't deserve any of this."

"Rochelle," I whispered. Her head jerked up and she stared at me. Tyce rushed to the side of my bed, hovering like a protective mother hen. "I know it wasn't you and I'm sorry too, for all the lies and for hurting you, using you."

"It's all really screwed up, "she said, "but I want you to be happy. I'm still pissed and hurt but I'll get it over it and we did have a few laughs."

"We did," I agreed.

"I've got to go," she said as she inched toward the door. "I always knew there was something you loved more than me. I convinced myself it was hockey and that I had a chance because you could only play the game for so long, but you were never mine to have," Rochelle said. "Bye, Erik."

Tyce collapsed in the chair near my bed. "Interesting day."

"I would give anything for a boring day," I said.

"Me too."

"We interrupting anything," Marshy asked.

Marshy, Dix, and Arielle were standing in the doorway grinning like fools at us.

"Hey, come on in," I said.

Marshy shook his head and gave me a quick guy hug. "Don't ever fucking do that again. You scared the shit out of me," Marshy whispered.

It was good to see them. Marshy told us everything he could possibly think of about the world of professional hockey. He was disappointed the playoff run didn't last longer, but it would be nice to be able to relax for a few weeks before he had to be back for training camp. Dix talked about the new recruits coming to campus. Some seventeen-year-old was being heralded as the next big thing in college hockey.

The nurses finally kicked them out after midnight. Tyce made no move to join them as they walked out of my room. The nurse checking my vitals said nothing when I moved closer to the edge of the bed, making room for Tyce. He gave her a mischievous smile when he snuggled into my side.

"No physical activity," she said sternly and walked out of the room.

We burst out laughing.

I clutched my side. "I think laughing is a physical activity," I groaned.

"It's been all over the paper," Tyce said.

"I know. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to have your named dragged into this."

"Tell me you didn't just apologize to me again."

"But," I mumbled.

"Erik"—he shook his head—"I'll stand beside you no matter what happens. Always have, always will. Now go to sleep. We're getting out of here tomorrow."

"You occupied my thoughts after it happened," I murmured into his hair.

"Something dirty, I suppose," he chuckled.

"No, it was the night I first kissed you at the rink. It felt so real, like I was being offered a second chance to make the right decision this time." I choked. "I really thought I was going to die, but thinking about you kept me tied here. I didn't want our story to end yet."

"I'm glad you're still here. I plan to keep you around for a long, long time."

"I couldn't leave without telling you that I was sorry and that I loved you," I muttered. "You're everything to me."

Tyce choked. "See it was good you acted like a jerk then. Sleep, Erik. I'll still be here in the morning."

True to his word, Tyce was still there in morning, along with a doctor and two nurses, my mother, Arielle, Sam, Marshy, and Dix.

"Oh my God, they are so sweet," Sam said.

"Shut up, Sam," Tyce said, burying his face in my neck.

One of the nurses shooed everyone out of the room, so the doctor could check all my parts and make sure everything was still in working order. I got the all-clear nod from the doctor and an hour later, I was ready to get the fuck out of the hospital. Five days stuck inside was long enough. What I really wanted to do was go to the rink, but I knew no one would agree to that request. Instead I let them load me into my mother's car, so she could take me home. It wasn't really home. It hadn't been home since my dad made me pack up my shit in the middle of the night and transfer schools.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Mom," I said when she pulled into the driveway.

"Nonsense," she said. "Your father has decided to stay at a hotel. Tyce has agreed to stay and help with your care."

I wanted to tell her I wasn't an invalid but if Tyce was going to be with me, I wasn't going to argue with anyone.

It was weird being back in my childhood room. I thought my parents would have redecorated, but it was the same way it was the night I left. There was even a small photo of Tyce and me stuck to the wall above my desk. We had spent the day outside on the rink. We both had rosy cheeks and wide smiles. Tyce was so cute with his blond curls sticking out of his wool cap.

"Hey," Tyce said as he opened the door. "Your mother just shouted at me for pretending to get the bed ready in Arielle's old room."

"Oh my God," I choked. "I don't know if I can handle this new version of my mother."

"I like her," Tyce said. He looked around the room and stared at the picture of us.

"You were my best friend, Tyce. I didn't want to leave."

"You were only a kid. What could you have done?"

"I should have contacted you," I said.

"Erik, it's in the past."

"It's this room," I said, patting the empty spot in my bed.

"Lots of good things happened in here," Tyce said.

"The blowjob," we both said and started laughing.

"I'm not sure if that counts as a good memory," I said.

Tyce snorted. "It was good until Arielle tried to get in the room."