Authors: Stephanie Perry Moore
Get What You Give (15 page)
14
GARGANTUAN
I
t had been five days since I'd heard from Covin. I was walking on campus from my last class, passing by the SGA office. I was stopped in my tracks when I saw his car parked outside, but I kept replaying in my head what Cassidy had said. “Don't pressure it. Give him time to respond.” But it had been five days! I thought we had something special, and he at least owed me an explanation as to why I'd been dissed.
t had been five days since I'd heard from Covin. I was walking on campus from my last class, passing by the SGA office. I was stopped in my tracks when I saw his car parked outside, but I kept replaying in my head what Cassidy had said. “Don't pressure it. Give him time to respond.” But it had been five days! I thought we had something special, and he at least owed me an explanation as to why I'd been dissed.
Instead of going about my business, I walked inside. There was a purse on the desk where the SGA secretary, Barbie, was supposed to sit, but she was nowhere in sight. Then I thought back to a few months ago when she was really into helping Covin set up. Sure enough, I saw from way down the hall that Barbie was gazing in his eyes, eating up every word he put out. Whether he was for it or not, she wanted him. As I approached the SGA office doors, I heard voices.
“You are doing the best job ever,” Barbie said as her playfulness brought out a laugh in Covin.
I didn't want to make the old door creak, but I had to open it. He had to see me. I had to know what was really going on. To me, they were getting just a little too chummy. Was she the reason he hadn't given me a call? As soon as I touched the knob, they looked my way.
“Can't you knock?” Barbie said, very aggravated.
“Hey, lady,” Covin said as he walked over to the door, completely ignoring the fact that she was irritated that I was there.
“Hey,” I said halfheartedly.
I wanted him to understand that he had a lot of explaining to do, but I didn't want her to know we had problems. He opened the door all the way and gestured for me to come inside. Barbie looked so salty, irritated, almost upset that I had interrupted their time again. But, whateverâlike I cared.
“Can you excuse us?” I said to her when she would not leave.
She looked at Covin.
“Yeah. I need to talk to my girl,” he said as he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
As soon as she left the room, I closed the door behind her. It actually sounded like I slammed it. Disappointed and shocked at my attitude, Covin looked at me like
What's up with all that?
What's up with all that?
“You know what, let's just cut to the chase. Obviously, you're busy. You and your secretary working in here late after hours while everyone else is gone. Did you not get my messages? Did you not get my calls? Why didn't you call me back?”
“Okay, hold up. Hailey, I got your calls. I was gonna get back to you, but can't you see I'm, like, in the middle of stuff here?” he pitifully tried to explain.
“No, I just see the two of you shooting the breeze. Where's the work?”
“Well, we're catching up because I've been with my dad in session at the state capitol. I got to shadow him some.”
“It would've been great if you told me where you were gonna be these past few days.”
“I've been thinking about you,” he said as he reached out to touch my face.
Stepping away from his hand, I said, “I sure can tell that.”
“Come on, Hailey. Don't make a big deal out of it.”
At that moment, I had to hold back the tears. He had told me not to make a big deal of it. Was he crazy? Was he tripping? I mean, seriously, I had given him my body, my mind, my soul. Now, after he'd gotten it, it was like he'd thrown me away. I felt like trash or something. He couldn't even return my calls letting me know where he'd been. It was like he'd moved on to the next big thing. Screw whatever I thought.
“I can see you're upset, and that's not my intent. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but I gotta admit all the calls and you coming in here without calling is a little much. It's a little too overwhelming. I don't wanna lose my strong Hailey, the one who couldn't serve with me as my director of community relations because her plate runneth over. You know what I'm saying?”
I'm glad a tear didn't fall. I didn't wanna give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. He was saying he liked me when I wasn't all over him. The problem was I couldn't get the fact that he'd been all over me out of my mind. Could I go back to the Hailey that gave him distance?
“Take care of whatever you gotta take care of,” I said as I left.
We had a big issue between us. Covin called for me, but I kept past a nosy Barbie and kept walking. I didn't know how it could be fixed or if it could be fixed at all.
Â
“So, what do I owe to this surprise?” my uncle, President Webb, said to me as I made my way over to his office after seeing Covin.
I tried to be tough and say, “I just wanted to see you.”
But I couldn't hold back the tears. I turned away, hoping he wouldn't see me. He came to me and said, “Okay, something's wrong. I'm excited you came to see your uncle. We may not have spent as much time together as we did your freshman year, but I know when something's wrong with my girl. Let me take you to dinner so we can talk.”
I nodded, knowing he was just the medicine I needed. I remembered how close we were last year. We had formed a tight bond when I was little. I could always talk to him, especially since my dad was in the Navy and wasn't there a lot. My uncle would come and get me and make me feel like I was the most special girl on Earth. I guess, for a second, now that I was all grown up, I needed him to make me feel like that again, particularly since Covin had made me feel like something cheap.
My uncle asked so many questions on the way to the restaurant. When I didn't answer them, he just started talking about himself. “So, my divorce is final now.”
“There are so many marriages ending in divorce, I wonder why people even bother,” I finally opened up and said. “Your wife was such a jerk, only caring about herself.”
“Wait, now. I have to take some of the responsibility for our downfall. More people need to quit looking on the other side of things and instead look in the mirror. When I got married to your aunt, I wined and dined her. She was my world. Then I got this job, my dream job, and a part of me forgot the fact that I had to take care of my dream woman. I didn't balance them well. And while I can't say she was completely without fault either, I can say, had I been on my job and done a better balancing act, I wouldn't be alone,” he confessed, being more transparent than clear tape on a present.
I caught a lump in my throat. Feeling for my uncle was hard enough. He was now hurting that his marriage was over. He'd always been so strong for me; seeing him down wasn't easy. To make me feel even worse, he pulled into the same place I was held up in a couple months back when the gangs were trying to kill each other and when the tornado blew through.
“Look, it's a grand reopening. This is great, right? Our state is getting back on its feet. What once was a club is now a restaurant. The paper said the owner made the change to reach for a more professional clientele.”
“This is good to see them open. I'm all for economic development. It's just ...”
“Oh, my gosh, Hailey. You were here during the shootout. We can go to another place,” he said, shaking his head. I could tell he felt bad he didn't remember.
“No, it's cool,” I said, realizing that I had to learn to face difficult situations. “I want to go in and see if the manager's here. It is huge to see that it's open again.”
As soon as we went in, we were greeted by the manager. He remembered me instantly and offered to comp my meal. Trying to support, my uncle wouldn't hear of it.
“Your niece is a brave young lady. The life of my bartender was spared because she risked her life to make sure we helped him. The guy was not only my employee but my friend as well. For your caring and help, I am forever grateful. She's got a big heart. You have to let me give you my best table and an appetizer and dessert,” the manager pleaded.
“If you must,” my uncle said. “We're just happy to see your business up and running again.”
Soon after the manager left our table, a waiter followed to take our drink order. I asked for water with lemon, and my uncle asked for sweet tea. The minute I thought the questioning was over, my adamant uncle pulled a fast one.
“So what's up?” he said with a look that said
I'm not going to leave this alone.
I'm not going to leave this alone.
“I guess I just don't understand men. And I do wanna spare you the details,” I said, realizing I did need to keep some of this private.
“Well, the same stuff your dad and I have been preaching for years about men is still true. And I hope you're not out there giving it up to them.”
“Unc!”
“Don't uncle me. Men still like the chase, and they respect the ones that make them work for it.”
I just turned away, and when I looked up there was someone coming over to us with two large shakes. “We didn't order those,” I said.
“No, the manager told me who you are,” the man said. “You might not remember me, but I'm the bartender whose life you saved that night. I just wanna thank you and tell you you changed my life. I now know it's not just about me, it's about making this world a better place. For the longest time, I asked myself why I had that big scare, and I had to admit that I had been selfish. My mom had used her savings to put me through school, and I'd partied and flunked out. Thanks to you, I'm saving up my money so I can go back to college next year.”
“That sounds wonderful, son,” my uncle said. “I'm president of Western Smith College, and that is great news.”
“Yes, sir. I'm planning to make you proud. Enjoy your shakes on me; I don't wanna take up any more of your time.”
“I don't like hearing you risked your life to save somebody,” my uncle said, “but I'm really proud of you, Hailey. This thing with your guyâI don't know much about where y'all are, but don't lose who you are. Guys are great, but don't be all up under him, and don't run him off. When you are the Hailey Grant I know and who that bartender was so thankful for, any young man going somewhere can clearly see he'd be better off with you as his girl. But sometimes women become so boy crazy, they lose themselves, and they can't see that's not attractive. You're smarter than that, and I know that won't happen to you. And if it has, reprioritize, and you'll get the guy you want. Take it from a man who has played the field and gotten back in the game. No matter how old, young, crazy, or in love a man is, he wants a woman who gives him his space and allows him to appreciate their time apart so he can long for her and treat her better once they get back together.”
I got up and hugged him tight. My uncle had given me some crucial advice. Now I could understand the medicine that Covin was trying to give me to cure our weakened relationship. It wasn't about me learning how to play the game, it was about me understanding that there was more to life than himâthere was me. And I needed to get back to loving myself.
Â
“You mean you got time to go with us to a sorority event?” Teddi sarcastically said to me as I hopped in the car with my line sisters to go to the statewide Founders' Day Celebration after days of exile.
“Lay off her,” Quisa said. “She's in the car already.”
I had been sulking for the last week. I wasn't going to defend myself, because I needed to be scolded. “She's straight,” I said to Quisa. “I deserve it. You get what you give. I haven't been giving a lot to you guys, so I just have to take it and deal with it.”
“Well, I don't wanna hear it,” Quisa responded and turned the music up. “None of us are perfect.”
When we got to the luncheon at the exquisite hotel downtown, we all were given blue candles representing the blue sapphire in our beloved sorority pin that symbolized our commitment to unending service. As we entered the ballroom, with theater-style seats and decorated in Beta Gamma Pi paraphernalia, I took in its lovely view. Every year during a five-year rotation, a different founder was honored, and that year we focused on that founder's major passion. This year was the last in the five-year cycle, and we were dwelling on public service, the one thing that had drawn me into Beta Gamma Pi.
As I listened to our State Director go on and on about giving, a part of my heart boiled over. I had given a lot since I had become a Beta. I'd tried to let others lead, I'd risked my life a few times to help others, and I still wasn't completely happy. It just seemed like when you gave so much, and for the right reasons, life should be great, life should be grand, and life should render nothing but happiness. If I had to live all the drama, yet I was a good person, a part of me wondered what the heck was the point?
And just at that moment, the State Director said, “As the flame of public service gets passed throughout the room, let us each recommit ourselves to why we give so freelyâjust like our founder Louise Lindsey spent her life tutoring underprivileged kids to give them a better chance and giving them piano lessons so they could understand how the arts could help instill greatness in them. I remember Ms. Lindsey saying, âGive from the heart and what you'll receive will be immeasurable.'”
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