Good Girl (23 page)

As soon as they walked in her door,
Hunter took hold of her, as if proving to her that she belonged to him. He
cracked open her corset dress and laid her on the floor to take her right there,
hard and fast. She was overwhelmed by his desire and climaxed twice, but it was
raw sex not making love.

Afterwards, as he slept, Kali stayed
awake. She wandered around her place, tugging on the locked collar and
wondering why she felt so bad. Like doom was lurking in the corner. One off
night didn’t mean the end of a relationship! She was being melodramatic.

Even when she tried to go to bed, the
collar kept bothering her. The weight of it felt strange, and she didn’t like
it when the lock slid off her chest and made the collar hang off her neck. She
had nightmares of being strangled all night, and woke up after very little
sleep feeling grumpy.

In the morning, she faced her ravaged
image and the ever-present collar. She grabbed it with both hands and tried to
wrench it apart. But the darned thing was like wrought iron. Maybe it was made
to withstand a slave’s rebellion. Maybe her reaction was natural. All she knew
was that it left red marks on her skin where she had pulled it against her
neck.

After Hunter got up, Kali was grinding
the coffee he liked as he sat on the stool in her narrow kitchen.

“It’s such a nice day,” Hunter said. “We
should do something outdoors. Friends of mine are sitting in line for
Shakespeare in the Park in Central Park. They get there around two, and the
show starts at six. Everyone brings blankets so they can hang out and wait in
the line. It’s free, and they only take the first two hundred people.”

It sounded like something her dad would
have planned. But she felt a pang of worry. “Who are these friends?”

“People from the scene.”

“Anyone you used to date?”

“Well, there’s Heather. I’ve told you
about her. She’s got a boyfriend, though. Bert, is his name.”

It left a sour taste in her mouth.
“Heather is the one you spanked on her birthday?”

“Yes.”

Now that Kali knew what a spanking was,
that made it even worse. She could imagine Hunter holding a beautiful woman,
spanking her until she climaxed.

“Aside from Heather, anyone else you’ve
been with?”

Now he hesitated. “Well, Bert and I have
fooled around. He’s submissive and even though he’s not bi, Heather made him
suck my dick a couple of times.”

Alarm bells were going off in Kali’s
head. Not that there was anything wrong with being bisexual. But she hadn’t
realized Hunter was. Why had it taken so long for him to tell her that? Did he
think it would make a difference?

“It sounds like you and your friends are
very free with each other,” she said. “Like the orgy last night.”

“That wasn’t an orgy. But most of us are
polyamorous. So we’re bound to get kinky with each other.”

She didn’t like the sound of any of
that. Bisexual, she could handle, as long as he was monogamous with her. She
could see why anyone would want to have sex with Hunter, and he must get plenty
of offers from all kinds of people.

But she couldn’t handle casual sex with
multiple partners.

“Minx said you would never be satisfied
by only one woman.”

“When did you talk to Minx?”

Oops!
“At the
Paddles. She followed me into the bathroom.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you would have denied it, even
if it’s true.”

He stared at her. “Don’t you realize
Minx was manipulating you? She’s trying to put a wedge between us.”

“She
is
a wedge between us. She
put an end to our scene last night with one look.”

“That was because of you! I don’t care
about her. Do you think I liked waiting until we got home? I was nearly
bursting.”

Kali glared at him. It took a second for
her to realize he had neatly turned her attention away from her point. “We’re
talking about you and other women, Hunter. Minx said you won’t be happy
monogamous.”

“How can I know until I try it? I’ve
never felt this way about anyone.”

She felt herself soften, but she
couldn’t let him sweet talk her around again. She had to know what was going
on. “I’m worried that I’m not the kind of woman you need. It’s really
uncomfortable sometimes doing these things you want.”

“What do you mean? What’s
uncomfortable?”

“Walking around wearing practically
nothing. Watching people have sex in front of each other like it’s perfectly
natural. Wondering who you’ve been with. You were even going to have sex with
me in front of them.”

He waved his hand. “You loved it. Don’t
deny it. It turns you on when I force you to be exhibitionistic. You don’t want
to take responsibility for yourself. As long as it’s me making you do it, you
can enjoy it. You would have let me fuck you if Minx wasn’t there.”

She stared at him with her mouth open.
She couldn’t even get past her shock to wonder if it might be true. Even if it
was, he shouldn’t be so horrible about it.

“Well, you’re
not
going to put a
leash on me.” Both her hands clutched the collar. “And I can’t stand this
anymore! When are you going to take this off me?”

He looked at her for a moment, then went
into the bedroom and got the key. As he returned, she held out her hand. But he
stopped her.

“I have to take it off. I put it on
you.”

She let out an exasperated sound, and he
gave her a piercing, scornful look. She stood for him to remove it, but this
time his touch felt completely different. She didn’t want it. She turned away
as soon as he unlooped the collar, rubbing her neck reflexively.

He set the collar down on the counter
with a soft clink. “You could have said something as soon as it bothered you.”

“That would have been the second you
locked it on me.”

“Was it that bad?”

“You, who sees everything, didn’t notice
that it was driving me crazy?”

“No.”

She was done with this. “I don’t believe
you, Hunter. You like to push me. You said it yourself. You’re pushing me all
the time, and I don’t know when you’re going to stop. I’m afraid you’re going
to push me into doing exactly what you want. I’ll just be a number in a line.
Minx is waiting to step right back in. And I’m sure Heather is expecting that
your spankings won’t stop. They never have before, so why would
I
make
any difference?”

He stared at her, his eyes shuttered and
cold. “I think I should go.”

“I do, too.” She turned away so she
wouldn’t have to see his face.

Behind her, she could hear him walk into
the bedroom to gather his things. Then he let himself out quietly. She almost
expected him to say something, but he didn’t. He never tried to defend himself.
He was expecting her to fit into his way of life, keeping her at a distance,
manipulating her emotions through the most amazing sex of her life, while he
was unable to truly commit to a real partnership.

She kept waiting for him to say
something. But he didn’t. He just left.

Chapter 15

Kali felt awful as soon as Hunter was gone.
She was so confused! She didn’t want to touch the beautiful collar. She left it
lying next to the stove. She never thought Hunter could look at her like that,
like she was nothing to him.

She went back to bed and cried herself
to sleep. When she woke up several hours later, she felt more like herself. She
should have known better than to try to have a serious talk while she was out
of her mind from being up all night. In spite of how bad she felt about
fighting with Hunter, there was some relief in being alone with nothing to do.
It had been a long time since she had a day off to herself.

She thought of the woman she had met
last night who had called herself Slavette. Slavette said she did whatever her
master told her “twenty-four/seven,” meaning all the time. Her master had
ordered her to fetch drinks for them, not even bothering to look at Slavette as
he did. Kali rubbed her hand against her throat, wondering if Hunter wanted
that kind of control over her. It went against every idea she had of herself.

She would never think that was cool or
fun, whereas being told what to do while they were having sex was the hottest
thing ever. It made no sense. But that’s how she felt.

When she caught sight of her neck in the
mirror, it was all red from her constant rubbing. She had to stop that. The
collar was gone now.

But Hunter wanted her to wear his
collar. She had tried to do it to please him. But it had gone terribly wrong.
Maybe she was being childish trying to win his love by giving him what he
wanted. Pam had said not to do things you don’t want to just to please someone
else. And her mom always said you can’t make someone love you.

So she had hit a brick wall on this one.
And clearly Hunter wanted so much more. There was a whole world of kink out
there. She had the feeling she’d still only seen the tip of the iceberg. But
did she really want to ride that iceberg for the rest of her life?

She checked out the website the girls at
the party had told her about—FetLife. To get on, she had to make a profile,
which she kept as brief and non-descriptive as possible. She didn’t want to use
a photo of herself, naturally, so she took a photo of the leaves outside her
window and used that as her profile picture. For a name, she picked
“Runningaway2.” Ironically enough, there was already a “Runningaway.” She
didn’t feel quite so alone when she saw that.

Then she searched for “collar.”

First she got a list of profiles for
people with collar in their FetLife name. Men and women, both. She checked out
the women, and they seemed perfectly ordinary. A couple said they had just
started to explore this “dark side” of themselves.

And OMG the lists of fetishes on
everyone’s profile! Right out there for everyone to see: mutual masturbation,
caning, dildos, toys, strap-ons, discipline, cross-dressing. Hair pulling! Sex
in public! Those were things that she had done with Hunter.

She clicked on the pictures. Good Lord!
The things people did. And they put it all out there, even the ones who had
recognizable photos of themselves doing it. She would never! Even with a fake
name.

But she was on a fact-finding mission,
so she clicked on the groups.

In the collar groups there was talk
about slaves and owners and property. Some people referred to themselves as
beloved pets. Maybe it was all fantasy, but the real emotion was there in the
groups dedicated to those who had been uncollared. The slaves were devastated.

Pickings were slim, so she searched for
“slave” since that was the word she saw the most.

Bonanza! There were lots of groups dedicated
to masters and slaves. As she avidly read, the one question that scared Kali
the most came from a man asking how to convince his wife to let him dominate
her outside the bedroom.

It was her biggest fear; that Hunter
wanted to control her entire life. He decided what they did together not only
in bed but out of it. She hadn’t really thought about it because she was new to
the city and was still exploring. But he had never asked her what she wanted to
do on any of their dates. He always made suggestions or decided outright what
they would do.

The word that kept leaping out at her
was “service.” Service was big among slaves. It sounded so noble, giving of
yourself. It was something Kali felt more than understood. But now that she
thought about it, Hunter always asked her to do little things for him. She had
cut his nails yesterday morning, smiling up at him as she knelt in front of
him, using the emery board on each fingertip to make sure his nails were smooth
for when he raked them down her body later. She fetched him drinks whenever he
asked, and plumped pillows for him as he reclined on the couch sketching. There
were so many ways she took care of him now.

It sent a chill through her. She liked
doing those things. It made her feel closer to him. She thought it was
intimacy, but maybe he thought she was serving him.

Where would it lead?

She looked over at the collar lying on
the counter next to the stove. The collar was the key.

Summoning her courage, she joined a
Master/slave group and asked her question:
My boyfriend gave me a collar
last night. He wouldn’t take it off until this morning when I asked him to.
What does a collar mean?

She went to make herself a cup of tea
and by the time she got back to the computer there were nine responses. Some were
snarky and not very nice. But most were very short, asking her in return:
What
does it mean to him? What does it mean to you? A collar has the meaning you
both give it.

She should have asked Hunter last night
what the collar meant to him. He said it was a symbol of their commitment—but
what was their commitment? Maybe if she had asked, she wouldn’t have been
strangled by nameless expectations all night.

She did some more research, but her
heart wasn’t in it anymore. She should have talked to Hunter when she had the
chance. That’s what he kept telling her—be honest. Ask questions.

Kali was sure that if she called Hunter,
he would come back and talk to her. But she didn’t like the fact that their
entire relationship was unfolding in her space. Why didn’t he take her to his
place? She had even mentioned it to him, but nothing had come of it. It was
like he was keeping his distance from her while he insisted that she had to be
completely open to him.

What if Minx was with him now?

She hated herself for even thinking it.
Was she turning into a jealous, insecure girlfriend? Or was she smart to call
him on the red flags?

Kali slowly fixed her hair and her face,
and put on a short raincoat against the light drizzle. It was overcast and
gloomy outside.

She walked to the subway and took it
deeper into Brooklyn instead of the other way into Manhattan, like she did
every morning to go to work. She kept remembering her first subway ride with
Hunter, when he had faced down that gang of guys. He had become the hero of her
dreams, standing ready to protect her at all times. She hoped he really was
that hero.

As she walked to his place, she
considered phoning to let him know she was coming. But that red flag bothered her—why
didn’t they ever go to his place? Surprising him was distrustful, but she had
to see what he was up to when he didn’t know she would see it. He had been
controlling more than she had realized throughout their relationship, just as
her mom had been controlling her more throughout her life than she had
realized.

Kali hadn’t called her mom since
visiting home, and uncharacteristically her mom hadn’t called her to check in,
like she did every week. Her mom was giving her the long-distance silent
treatment to pressure her into giving up Hunter, but Kali was doing her best to
ignore it.

There was a guy leaving Hunter’s
building, and he helpfully held open the door for her. She hesitated, but
decided it was a gift she couldn’t waste. She went up the wide, dingy steps to
the second floor and paused in front of Hunter’s door. It was a big steel
thing. The sound of music thumping came from further down the wide corridor.

Kali knocked, feeling like she was
making a big mistake.

The door opened, and Hunter was grinning
in greeting before he realized it was her. His surprise was not at all glad to
see her.

That’s when she knew. He
was
hiding something.

“Kali.” He was still standing in the
doorway, looking at her.

“I thought I’d come over so we could
talk.”

Hunter backed away from the door so she
could come in. She could feel it, as she went in deeper. Then she saw the couch
against the wall.

Minx was kneeling in front of it.
Smiling.

Kali’s hands clenched into fists. She
didn’t try to hide how angry she was to see Minx there, acting so smug. Her
brightly-colored hair and exaggerated makeup made her look like a sex toy. She
was wearing a denim shirt with the sleeves ripped off, tights and a black
taffeta skirt with combat boots.

“Minx’s staying with Jeremy down the hall,”
Hunter explained. “He’s not home yet, so she’s waiting here.”

Kali glanced around. The studio was
clean, the floors uncluttered. She trailed a finger across the polished
countertop. “I see.”

“Go wait down at Jeremy’s,” Hunter
ordered Minx.

“Yes, Sir.” She hopped up and left.

Yes, Sir!
He
was still her master.

Kali felt a scream rise up in her
throat. It was everything she had feared and more.

She tossed the collar he had given her
onto the table. “I came to ask you what that meant. But I guess it doesn’t
matter now. You have what you want.”

“I don’t want Minx.”

“Don’t lie to me! I can see how you are
together. She still belongs to you. You probably feel that way about all the
women you’ve played with. That’s why you’re still playing with so many of them.”

“I’m with you, Kali. Don’t forget that.”

“Right now, yes. A minute ago you were
having something special with Minx.”

“I didn’t have a scene with her!”

“Then why was she kneeling on the
floor?”

“She’s not allowed to sit on the
furniture.”

Kali did let out a little scream of
frustration. It didn’t make her feel any better. “If she’s still following your
orders, then you’re
still
in a relationship. That green collar she’s
wearing—did you give it to her?”

“Yes. But it doesn’t mean the same thing
as the collar I gave you.”

She glared at him. “She’s
still
wearing
your collar! I know a few things, you know. That means you’re responsible for
her.”

“If I was, then I would have let her
stay here when she got kicked out of her place.”

“Looks to me like she
is
staying
here.”

“She isn’t. She’s staying with Jeremy.”

“So she’s nice and close to you. A
technicality I’m sure anyone could appreciate.”

Now he was glaring at her. It was a bit
frightening, actually. “When I tell you she’s not staying here, she’s not.”

Kali backed toward the door. “I need to
go. I’m too mad to talk to you right now.”

He suddenly came after her. “Don’t go.
Stay and we won’t talk anymore right now. I’ll make you some tea.”

Kali really didn’t like it that as soon
as she said she was leaving, he was ready to do anything to get her to stay.
Seconds before, he had acted like he didn’t care.

“No, I’m going.” She marched over to the
front door.

***

Hunter felt like nothing had gone the
way he intended. It had happened too fast. “If you have to go, let me call you
a cab, Kali. You can’t walk to the subway alone at this hour. Remember what
happened last time.”

He was ready to pretend to call a car,
to do anything it took to delay her. If she would only cool down, she would
realize this misunderstanding wasn’t worth a fight. He didn’t want Minx. He
hadn’t touched her!

But Kali stepped through the door and
turned to look back at him. “Don’t come after me. I mean it, Hunter.”

He couldn’t let her go. But when he
stepped forward, she raised her hand. “Stop, Hunter.”

Her safeword. He watched in dread as the
door closed behind her. He wanted to follow her in the worst way. But he had to
respect her safeword.

It was his fault she was walking through
his neighborhood and taking the subway alone. He felt like he
had
to go
after her. He had to do something. Then again, maybe that was his own messed-up
shit kicking in.

It was his own fault. He knew when he
left her apartment this morning that it would force her to reach out to him. It
worked every time when he wanted to stop a fight.

But he hadn’t expected her to come to
his place without warning. It was so unlike her. Clearly she suspected that
Minx might be here, and when she found out she was right, she had looked no
further. The truth was, he had found Minx waiting outside for Jeremy in the
rain just a few minutes before Kali came. He wasn’t even tempted by Minx.