Hold Me (9 page)

Luc struggled to get himself back under control, but it was hard—in more ways than one. He tucked his gun back into the waistband of his jeans under the T-shirt and shifted so his arousal might be a little less obvious. But he didn’t hold out much hope that David hadn’t noticed his condition. It would have been kind of difficult to miss, considering how he was pushing out the zipper of his jeans. Fuck.

He tried to think and couldn’t. Holding Katie McCabe had been like setting himself on fire, and right at the moment he couldn’t concentrate on anything but the burn.

And wasn’t that just fucking great?

Somehow he managed to crawl to his feet, then took the crutches Katie handed him. He tried to read her expression, but she backed away, studiously avoiding his eyes, so he sighed and looked at David. The other man’s face didn’t give anything away, his features like burnished mahogany, unmoved and unmoving.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Luc asked.

“I told you I would check in.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect the pleasure of your company.”

“That much was obvious.” David’s eyes glittered with some suppressed emotion. Disapproval? Irritation? Luc couldn’t tell.

Luc pushed down his own anger. “I knew you were here, but you’re lucky I didn’t shoot you anyway when you snuck up on us like that. Where did you park?”

“I’m out by the barn. Next to that wreck you call a car.”

“You knew he was here?” Katie’s voice was an embarrassed wail, and Luc winced.

“I, uh, yeah. The light. It’s a signal, you know?”

“Oh, my God!” She didn’t sound pleased.

Wonderful. Now she probably thought he’d wanted David to catch them making out like a couple of hormonal teenagers. Rolling around in the driveway for sweet Christ’s sake. If she’d believed he was a jerk before, what did she think of him now?

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“Go. Go now. Just go inside and talk to David. I’ll get the bags out of the car.” Katie’s voice sounded strangled. He could practically see her willing them both to leave immediately, if not sooner. She still refused to look at him, but he noticed a deep blush of pink under her soft skin. Soft skin with freckles. Softer lips.

Damn it. Goddamn it. He hadn’t meant to touch her, let alone kiss her, but when she’d landed in his arms he’d forgotten everything. Everything. Forgotten that she was under his protection and in his care. Forgotten that David was in the house and would undoubtedly come out to see what was taking them so long. He hadn’t given a damn about anything but kissing her.

Now here he stood, so hot he was ready to spontaneously combust and wishing like hell that he could just ignore David, pull her inside and not let her out of his bedroom for a week. Shit, shit, shit!

Needing the space as much as she did, he turned abruptly, swung the crutches under his arms and limped past David. The other man hesitated, then followed without a word. Luc let the silence stretch, knowing he’d eventually get a lecture, but what the hell. It wasn’t like he could fucking run away. He couldn’t fucking run away from anything.

“Let’s go to the kitchen and talk,” David said once they were finally inside the house.

“It’s going to take me half an hour to get to the kitchen.” Luc hobbled down the hallway, his crutches scraping across the mosaic tiles he’d restored last year. “You might as well say what you have to say while we’re walking.”

David didn’t answer. They moved slowly to the modern wing. Spot had stayed with Katie, which was just as fucking well. Luc grimaced. Yeah, right. Like it had all been Spot’s fault. He wanted to throw something, to break something, to yell because he’d screwed up so badly, but instead he concentrated on moving the crutches.

“Care to explain yourself?” David asked, a pulse of anger vibrating in his voice. Apparently he was even more pissed off than Luc had assumed.

“It was a mistake,” Luc said, managing to sound relatively unemotional.

“A mistake, huh?” They walked for another minute or two. “I have to be able to trust you. I need to know Katie will be okay here alone with you.”

This was not the friend talking, not the surrogate older brother. Luc understood that. This was the squad supervisor. Still, friendship could never be completely stripped away between the two of them, and David’s words hurt.

“Last time I checked we were both adults. She doesn’t need you to babysit her.”

“She’s under your care. She can’t leave. We have a responsibility to her,” David snapped.

“You know what? I kind of figured that out all by myself.” Luc’s own temper flared. He looked at the other man. “You don’t trust me?”

“I don’t know.” David returned his stare. “You’re obviously attracted to her. Under these circumstances, that’s dangerous.”

Luc agreed. Katie McCabe was very dangerous to his peace of mind. But he knew that wasn’t what David meant. The man thought he would take advantage of the situation.

Was he right?

What would have happened out in the driveway if David hadn’t been there?

It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly.

He couldn’t remember where he’d read that, but he knew without a doubt that it was true.

They finally made it all the way to the kitchen. Luc eased himself down onto one of the chairs. It was good to get off his feet. Foot. David, however, did not sit. Instead he paced with a rare restlessness. Luc wondered if Katie was sitting outside with Spot cursing him.

“You get involved with that girl and you’re going to hurt her.”

Luc raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? Sure about that, are you?”

“I know it won’t be intentional. But you will.”

For a moment, Luc struggled with annoyance and anger. He forced himself to take a deep breath. “Was that your only reason for coming out to check up on us?”

David glanced at him, then away as he continued to pace. “I’m clearing my plate. I’ll be able to come out here tomorrow,” he said.

“Tomorrow?” Great.

“You need help.” David stopped and turned to face him. “If somebody found this house you wouldn’t be worth a damn right now.”

“God, David, I sprained my fucking ankle. My leg wasn’t amputated.”

“How fast could you move if you had to run?”

“Fast enough.”

David just snorted.

“You want to keep an eye on me,” Luc accused.

“Hell yeah.”

“Jesus Christ, David, Katie’s going to be fine. I sure as hell don’t want to touch her again!” In his frustrated rage, he practically shouted the words.

They both saw the kitchen door swing open and Katie herself hesitating on the threshold. She was holding her purse and a number of shopping bags. Luc could tell that she’d heard his last outburst.

“Perfect,” he muttered and turned away.

Katie walked into the room, schooling her features so Luc wouldn’t know how his words had sliced her. She shouldn’t want him to touch her again, right? Wasn’t that why she’d just wasted so much time out at the car? Hadn’t she pretty much come to the conclusion that he was another loser like Tom? Someone who didn’t care who was watching as long as he got what he wanted? Someone who hadn’t even seemed to give a passing thought to the mysterious Liza of the flimsy teddy?

It should have been a relief to know he wasn’t going to try anything else, especially since she’d be alone with him again after David left. So why had hearing him reject her so baldly been such a kick in the gut? Why did it make her feel somehow…lacking?

Again.

She was overwhelmed by sudden fury. Yeah, okay, she shouldn’t have kissed him in the first place. And yes, knowing that he didn’t want to touch her again should have made her feel better, but it didn’t, all right?

What?
She seethed. Couldn’t she compare with the woman who could fit into that tiny little scrap of a silk?

She took a deep breath. “Of course Luc won’t touch me,” she said when she thought she could speak normally. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not going to give him the chance. What you saw outside was purely the result of proximity.”

“Proximity?” David asked.

“Caused by a very large dog.” The dog in question padded into the kitchen and lay down next to her food dish, clearly waiting for it to be filled. “And let’s just say there was a whole lot of stupidity thrown in for good measure.” Katie carefully avoided looking at Luc. “Anyway, David, I wanted to ask if you’d carry in the groceries. I’m going to take my clothes upstairs.”

“Sure,” David said. “Why don’t you rest for a few minutes.” His voice was so gentle that she wanted to strangle him and scream at him not to patronize her.

She forced herself to smile politely instead. “Thank you.”

“Katie—” Luc started to say something, but she ignored him and stalked out of the room.

David stayed for a while, but he finally left because he had places to be. For once, Luc was glad to see him go. They’d both calmed down some after Katie had stormed out of the kitchen, but the ensuing conversation had been stilted and excessively polite.

On the other hand, at least dealing with the other man had kept him from thinking. The house seemed awfully quiet after he’d gone. There’d been no further sign of Katie, which wasn’t too surprising. Luc figured he’d be lucky if she didn’t start having takeout delivered to his bedroom so she could avoid seeing him altogether. What with one thing and another, he’d managed to come off as quite the asshole this afternoon. Great. Just great.

He leaned his head back against the cushions of the sofa where he’d stretched out after David had gone. Spot was lying in the middle of an antique oriental rug, snoring. Shifting, Luc grabbed his wine glass, took a sip of the ruby-red liquid. When he put the glass back on the table saw the book Katie had brought him that morning. He touched the binding gently, although he didn’t open it. He wasn’t in the mood for capricious Greek gods at the moment. He had enough troubles of his own.

Katie. Annie. Katie. Funny how he didn’t think of her as Annie anymore after so many years spent wondering about the girl with that name. The reality of Katie had pushed aside the dream of Annie.

He wouldn’t think about that amazing kiss.

Who the hell was he kidding?

“How are you doing?”

Luc jumped and pulled himself to a sitting position, turning his head to see Katie standing in the family room doorway. She’d come in so quietly he hadn’t even heard her. He shot Spot an accusatory look, but the dog had her head up and was wagging her tail. He’d just been too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice.

He forced a smile. “Uh, I’m fine.”

He ran his gaze over her face as she moved farther into the room. The young girl’s features from the photo were more mature now. Not hard, though. Soft. So soft. Her cheeks were slightly rosy, but that was probably because he’d given her whisker burn. She seemed composed and distant. He could have dealt with it better if she’d still been angry.

He hesitated, awkward and unsure of himself and hating it. He wished he knew what she was thinking. “Sorry about not getting up.” He gestured down at his ankle buried under its mountain of ice packs.

She waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

Silence.

“Where’s David?” she asked.

“He left. He had to go to a dinner or something. Why?”

“No reason.” Katie walked over to Spot and sent the dog into rolling ecstasy by scratching her head and chest. Luc cleared his throat as she straightened and faced him, meeting his eyes directly for the first time since she’d come into the room.

“Katie—”

“Luc—”

“—we need to talk.”

They both said it at the same time, realized it, and fell silent, staring at each other.

“Um, you first,” Luc said, knowing he was being a coward.

“Okay.” She seemed to gather herself. “Look, we can’t change what happened out there on the driveway, but it was nothing.”

Nothing?

“Katie, I—”

“Just let me finish,” she interrupted, her voice flat. “I know you’re involved with someone else. I know we both got, um, carried away.”

Luc rubbed his forehead to ease a sudden headache. “We did?”

“Sure. I’ve made enough mistakes to recognize one when I see it.”

Mistake? Well, yeah. Of course it had been a mistake. He just didn’t like her calling it one.

“It wasn’t that big a deal, so just forget about it. I have.” Katie clapped her hands together and gave him a bright smile. “Now,” she said, her voice fucking cheery. “I’ll cook dinner. How about chicken and vegetables? Or do you want something else? We bought plenty.”

Luc blinked at her.

“Uh, no. Chicken and vegetables sounds fine.”

“Great. I’ll get it started and you just stay there and rest your ankle.” She glared at him. “Don’t move.”

Still smiling, she left the room, Spot close at her heels. Luc watched her go, wondering what the hell had just happened.

She thought that kiss in the driveway hadn’t meant anything? Well, it hadn’t. Just a mistake.

Fucking hell.

He shoved the ice packs away, got up and hobbled after her, not bothering with the damn crutches.

“Wait, what do you mean that you realize I’m involved with someone else?” he demanded as soon as he got into the kitchen. He didn’t know why he was asking about that, since it apparently didn’t matter at all. Maybe because it was the one thing he could actually answer.

Katie was standing in front of the stove, hands on her hips as she studied it and the cabinets surrounding it. She turned to look at him and he saw the surprise on her face. Across the room Spot raised her head from her water dish.

“I mean your girlfriend, of course,” she said, then frowned. “At least I assume she’s your girlfriend.”

“My girlfriend?” What the hell was she talking about?

She nodded, as if that explained everything.

“Liza,” she added when he still didn’t respond. Now it was his turn to frown.

“How do you know about Liza?”

Katie crossed her arms in front of her chest as she glared at him. “Why do you keep thinking that I’m stupid? You guys mentioned her at the police station. And then I found her, uh, teddy. In your dresser drawer upstairs,” she clarified when he knew he looked confused. “Last night. You said I was going to need to wear whatever I could find, so I had to look through your stuff. It’s your own fault.”

“Teddy?” What was a teddy? “What the hell are you talking about?”

She sighed. “There is a really, really tiny pink teddy, um, lingerie, in your T-shirt drawer. It has the name “Liza” embroidered on the tag.” She laughed scornfully. “God, is that pretentious or what? Does her underwear have the days of the week on them so she won’t get confused?” She paused. “It really isn’t yours, is it?”

“What? Shit, no, it’s not mine.”

He must have sounded horrified because she almost laughed.

“Well, good, because there’s no way it would fit.”

“Oh God, I didn’t know that was there,” he muttered. “Doesn’t that just figure? It’s the way things have been going lately.” He limped over to the kitchen table and sat down heavily in one of the chairs. “Liza is David’s administrative assistant, and my former fiancée.”

“Former—”

“Former as in I broke it off a year ago. There were, um, issues.” And that was putting it mildly.

“Issues?”

Luc forced himself to keep eye contact, but it was hard. “She, well, it just wasn’t right between us, and it turned out that she was with other men when I was out on assignment, so I ended the engagement. I, uh, when we were engaged she, um, stayed over…sometimes.” Great. Now he sounded like he was in eighth grade. “I guess she left the thing behind when we broke up.”

“Well, it was at the bottom of the drawer,” Katie said. “I can see how you missed it.”

“And just so you know, you’re the only other person who’s had an opportunity to find that…teddy in, um, months,” he said, wanting to be clear, but Christ.

“Oh.” She blushed.

“I wouldn’t have kissed you if there’d been another woman in my life, Katie.” He needed her to know he had at least that much integrity. “I wouldn’t have done that.”

She didn’t answer for a full minute. “Good to know.”

“I should have said something in case you, you know, came across some of Liza’s…stuff. It didn’t even occur to me that you might find something in my room.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay. I sure don’t go around telling a complete stranger about my crappy engagement either.”

Luc paused for one long heartbeat, then two. “What?”

Katie looked like she wished she could have bitten off her own tongue, but she shrugged again with a studied casualness. “It’s no biggie. It ended about six months ago.”

Luc was still trying to wrap his mind around that little bit of information. His elf? His imp? Katie had been engaged? Why the fuck hadn’t Melanie told him?

He fought back his emotions and tried to appear merely interested. “So, um, how long were you engaged?”

She turned to the sink and busied herself with what he assumed were the preparations for dinner. “Two years. Frying pan?”

He pointed absently at a cabinet. Two years? Two years? He was going to kill Melanie the next time he saw her. “What was he like?”

“Oil?”

“He was what?”

“Do you have any cooking oil?”

“Oh.” He pointed at another door. “I mean two years is a long time to be engaged.” Hell, he’d been engaged to Liza for eight months, and that had been plenty long enough.

“So they say.”

“What happened? Was he a complete slime? Or did you just find out that you were, uh, incompatible?”

Katie sighed and turned to face him. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“I’m just curious.”

“I’m sorry I mentioned it.”

“It was just a question.”

“I don’t think I want to answer it.”

“I’m trying to learn more about you. So I can protect you better.” He gave her his most winning smile.

“Yeah, right. Do you want to eat or not?”

Luc thought about it. He could tell by the stubborn set of her chin that it wasn’t going to be easy to get her to talk about this. But he had time. He didn’t have to push.

Yet.

“Eat,” he decided.

“Good.” There was some relief in her eyes. “Then change the subject.”

“So.” Luc cast around in his mind for a different topic of conversation. “How about those Phillies, hey?”

Katie grinned for the first time since she’d come downstairs. She opened a cabinet, found the cooking oil, then took it and the frying pan to the stove. “Please. Anything but sports.”

“You don’t like sports?”

“I grew up with three brothers who, in their prime, gave a whole new definition to the word fanatic. They even made up flashcards so I could memorize the stats of all of their favorite players.”

“Yeesh, that was a little over the top. Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Memorize them?”

“Well, sure. Brothers, you know. Besides, Michael pinched me every time I got one wrong.”

“Ah, the whole Pavlov’s dog theory.”

“Or the bratty little brother theory.”

Luc realized he was smiling. “So what’s the problem? Sports should be your middle name.”

“Yeah.” She turned away from the stove to look at him. “See, here’s what happened. One fall they decided that I needed to learn how to play touch football.”

“Touch football?”

“Darren had been studying the Kennedys at school, and he realized we had our own team. Frolic in the fall leaves, that sort of thing.”

“What happened?”

“I, uh, accidentally kicked him in the groin.”

“Ouch.”

“Um, pretty hard too. They had to take him to the hospital.”

Luc couldn’t control a purely male shudder of horror at the thought.

“They never let me play with them again,” she continued. “So now, alas, sports hold only bitter memories for me.”

“Scarred you for life, huh?”

“Naturally.”

“Well, can you blame them? They were probably terrified of you after that.”

She shrugged and turned back to the stove. “Well, Darren never forgot to wear a cup again.”

“I’ll bet. Okay, no sports.” He thought for a moment. Unfortunately the only subject he really wanted to discuss was her mysterious fiancé. Ex-fiancé. And the reason for the “ex.”

No. Not now. He wouldn’t ask now.

“How about medieval morality plays?” he suggested.

“Oh, yeah, that sounds exciting.” Whatever she was cooking sizzled and popped and smelled really good, like onions and garlic in oil. He didn’t believe a woman had ever actually cooked in this kitchen before.

“What’s exciting? Oh. Yeah, the morality plays are pretty freaking exciting. Do you know all about them too?”

“Very funny. I don’t even know what they are. Pasta?”

He pointed. “Then, see? It’s a good topic.”

“Maybe if I wanted an English lecture.” She turned to face him and crinkled her nose in a delightful and unexpected way. Jesus God, when had he gotten so sappy? “And, no offense, but it’s a little late in the day for that.”

“Humph. Cretin.”

“I don’t believe you’ve even read one. I don’t care how many books you have upstairs.”

“I’ve read one,” he protested.

“Yeah? Then tell me the plot.”

He paused. Well, now that he thought about it, he wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe he’d fallen asleep in the middle of it.

“It’s very complicated,” he said loftily.

“See?” she said, pointing the spatula at him. “I’ll bet you don’t know what they are either.”

Luc watched her cook for a few minutes, watched her move gracefully around his kitchen. The silence wasn’t strained now, just companionable. It was good to have her there. In his house. In his space. In his life.

Damn.

He knew he wasn’t right for her. She didn’t know the things he’d done, the way he’d lived, what he’d had to do to survive. She needed someone…someone…well, just someone better.

Jesus. He dragged a hand through his hair and briefly wished that he hadn’t quit smoking a couple of years ago. He knew no matter what he did, no matter what he said, he was going to mess up, and that made him feel both pathetic and vulnerable.

Suddenly he was angry. If there was one thing Lucas Vasco was not, it was pathetic. Or vulnerable. He stood on his own two feet. He made his own way in the world, and to hell with everyone else. He’d never been pathetic, not even when he’d been a powerless kid.

How did this one woman manage to turn him upside down? She made him needy and he didn’t like it.

He glared at the back of Katie’s head while she continued to chop and stir and make his house a home merely by her presence.

“I didn’t act very professionally this afternoon,” he said abruptly. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

Katie turned and looked at him, her expression cautious and a little surprised at his abrupt change of mood.

“David called me on the carpet for it,” he continued, “and he was right. I don’t have any excuse for my behavior. I hope that you won’t let it influence how you feel about being forced to stay here or your opinion of the FBI.”