I Got You | A Gay Romance: A Boyfriend for Rent Book | Gay For You (19 page)

"Yeah, it was nice." Benjamin answered. "I mean, what happened, happened."
Nice?
That was even worse.

"Cool, so I better get started," Jake said, turning toward the storage. It was hopeless to even talk to him about it. He just didn't get it and if the night didn't mean anything to Benjamin, maybe it shouldn't mean anything to him.

"Hey, so did she say something to you?" Benjamin asked. His eyes followed him, waiting for an answer. He wouldn’t give Benjamin the pleasure of an immediate response. Not yet at least.

"Who?" Jake said. Two could play this game.

"My ex."

He pretended not to know, not to care, but curiosity got the best of him. "Like what?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. She just has a very selective memory about ... things that happened in the past."

What things?
Jake wondered. Never mind, he really didn’t want to hear any bullshit drama. It had nothing to do with them as far as he was concerned. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten all wrapped up in his step-brother.  Every logical part of him told him not to. "That's your business. I really don't give a fuck.”

Jake’s tone must have bothered him because his nostrils flared, his eyes watching his every move. "You mad at me or something?"

"Why?" Jake asked, turning.

Benjamin approached him. "Hey, I asked you something."

Jake groaned. "Why does it matter? What happened, happened. You were horny, I was horny. You got off, I got off."

Did he really not get it? Seriously? Was he that cold? Goddamn, another clueless prick.
Jake had fallen for his charms and now that Benjamin had gotten everything he wanted out of him, that was it.

"Maybe you should just go home and cool off." His voice boomed ricocheting off the concrete walls. It wasn’t a suggestion.

"Yeah, maybe I should," Jake told him, heading past him.

"Do what you want," Benjamin said, shaking his head and scratching his five o’clock shadow.

"I always do," Jake said. He didn't even bother looking at Benjamin as he walked out the door, letting it slam with a bang.

CHAPTER 31

Fuck him.
Jake thought. He pedaled as fast as he could. Overhead, the clouds were dark and at any moment there would be a downpour. The wind whistled past him and the thunder rumbled over the rolling hills of evergreen trees.

He didn't care. Even that picturesque view wasn’t enough to block out what had just happened from his mind. Jake just wanted to run as fast and as far away as he could from his life. Just when he thought he met someone special he could connect with, just when he thought that his life might be turning around, this had to happen. The guy used him and tossed him aside, just like all the other men before him. Fuck love, it was just for romance novels and movies. This was reality and his reality meant that he'd be alone for the rest of his life. He could whore around like half the gay men he knew. But love, true love didn't exist and the sooner he faced it, the better it would be for his life.

He hated the thought of it though, he thought as he exhaled deeply. The fresh evergreen air wasn’t enough to wash away his pain. Every second he was outside it only reminded him of the special times he’d shared with Benjamin. Special times. Special ones...

He'd hoped that he would be one of those special ones in love. He'd been a good person, always helped other people, went above and beyond for them and never asking for anything in return. Maybe this was some kind of karmic payback for not defending Alberto as well as he could have. He wished he’d learn to defend himself much earlier. Now, it was almost too late.

He could feel his nostrils burn and though he didn't want to cry, the tears were about to come anyway. His life was so fucked up. As if balancing school and the rest of his life wasn’t enough. Every day the doctor called him, pressuring him, guilt-tripping him into pulling the plug. And now this break up or whatever the hell it was.

Honk-honk! Jake didn't even bother looking at the vehicle behind him. Fucking jerk, whoever it was, just scared him half to death. The rain came down like bee-bee guns pelting at his skin. It wouldn’t be long before he was soaked. He almost didn't care, maybe he deserved this hurt and pain.

Honk-honk-honk. Who the fuck was that? It was too dangerous to look back even for a second as the rain came down in sheets. He hoped it wasn’t some drunk redneck or worse yet, Steve.

The vehicle zoomed next to him and that's when he noticed Benjamin yelling out of the passenger door window. Part of him was glad to see his man, well, Benjamin chasing after him, but the other part of him wanted him to pay dearly for breaking his heart, for causing him pain.

"Hey," he yelled over the roar of the engine and stampede of rain coming down. "It's too dangerous to ride now. Get in. I'll take you home."

"Fuck no," Jake said, standing up on his pedals to pick up speed.

"I'm not joking with you. Last thing I need is you getting hurt." His tone was sincere and caring, but masked in anger.

Jake tried to pick up the speed, but he was no match for Benjamin’s truck. "Why the fuck do you care?"

Jake could see from his quick glance over to Benjamin that the man was sincerely hurt, tough of a stance as he tried to portray. "It doesn't have to be like this, Jake. We were cool before. There's no reason why that has to change."

Change?
He really didn’t want to get into it anymore. This entire conversation was a frustrating waste of time. And yet, he needed to get this all out in the open. "Well, it has, okay? Keep doing your thing. Your life was fine before me, it'll be fine after me."

"What do you mean ‘after you’?"

A crack of lightning fired dangerously close and Jake shuttered, now drenched in rain. "I mean, I don't need lessons from you anymore and you're using ... you’re done with me too. So, what's the purpose?"

He shook his head, his eyes darting between Jake and the winding road in front of him. "That's pretty fucked up man. I thought we were friends."

"Friends?" Jake chuckled sarcastically. "If that's friendship, I’d hate to see enemies."

He honked again, as if that would make any difference. "Dammit. Get in Jake. I'm not going to say it again."

He yelled and his voice strained. "Fuck you, Benjamin. Have a good life!"

And with that, Jake took a sharp right turn down a narrow trail he knew Benjamin couldn't follow in his truck. He’d disappear into the forest and come out the other end. It was a long way back, much longer than if he pedaled on the road, but he had to get away. Seeing Benjamin’s face, that gorgeous face he fell in love with hurt. He wanted to shut any thought of those crystal blue eyes out of his memory. He wanted to forget the special times they’d spent together, trained together from his mind. As the wind picked up and the lightning cracked above him ripping its way across the dark sky, he’d keep pedaling, running away from the man that broke his heart.

Even when Benjamin squealed to a hard stop, even when Benjamin got out of the car and called after him, he still kept pedaling. He wouldn't let this man hurt him again.
No, never again.

CHAPTER 32

"I'm sorry to hear that," his sister said as they folded clothes.

He shrugged as if it were no big deal, though it was all he could think about day and night. It’d been forever since he’d seen or heard from Benjamin. "It's no big deal, really. I mean the guy was an asshole."

"And you're sure nothing happened between the two of you?" she asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow. She forced him into another conversation about B-Sam. He hadn’t told her he was their step-brother yet because he didn’t want the drama or the potential of it, if anyone else found out. It was a sensitive situation as it was and he didn’t want the judgment. Whether she said something or not, the look of disapproval from her would be enough to break his spirit, or what little was left of it.

"Happened?" Jake asked nervously. "I don't know what you mean."

"Come on now, Jake. You know, hot dog in the bun type of thing."

He chuckled, averting his eyes from hers. "Hot dog in the bun? Really? I told you. He has a kid for God's sake."

He hated lying to her, but as much as he loved her, he wasn’t always sure he could completely trust her to keep her mouth shut. She clutched the laundry basket close to her chest. "I guess, maybe then you have no idea how to interact with straight men. They don't think like the rest of us, women that is."

He groaned. "I'm far from a woman."

She laughed. She loved to dig at him. Straight, gay, bi, Benjamin would have said they were all labels and he was right. All Jake knew was how he felt about the man and how good he’d been to him, taking him under his wing, training him to defend himself, listening to him, and bringing him into his inner circle. Until now that is. Jake followed her into the living room where she piled all her clothes. "I know that. But what I mean is that they may feel things but they don't express things the same way. They don't deal with their feelings the same way and that's okay."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Jake didn't really even want to think about it anymore, but his sister was the only one that he could really talk to about these sorts of things. He missed the days when he and Alberto could talk about anything. He would have completely tripped out thinking about this. Dating his step-brother? But Alberto wouldn’t have judged him. He would have supported him. He could almost hear Alberto's laughter, "Scandalous," he would have said.

"Just be careful," she said, staring into the sheets. There was more to her tone than just a passing thought. He needed to know.

He scrunched his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"People talk and ..." She sighed.

Jake stopped breathing for a second. "Did somebody say something?"

"You know this town and rumors," she said as if he needed any reminder. When his mother passed away from the botched surgery, there were all kinds of rumors of why she died. From poisoning to honest to God, a rapture of her spirit from Jesus Christ as their savior.

"Fuck. I can't have that happen. I mean, with his son and ... I don't want to fuck things up with his custody. Maybe it's a sign, maybe we shouldn't hang out together any more whatsoever."

She shrugged. "Do what feels right. I just would hate to have something happen, like with Alberto."

There she went again, the last thing he needed to hear right now. It was almost overwhelming. He wondered if he was going to regret this.

"Do you swear to God you'll never say anything?"

"About what?" She dumped another pile of unfolded clothes beside her, and began working.

"Just swear." He narrowed his eyes at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, Jake. I'm your sister."

He had to admit it, though he wasn’t used to talking about his sex life with his own sister, maybe telling her wasn’t such a great idea, but with Alberto non-responsive, he needed someone he could unload on. "We fucked."

She gasped, dropping her laundry. "Was it good?"

She licked her lips in anticipation. She was so nosy. He guessed months of not having sex after her own breakup made her desperate for details even in his own gay sexy life. Jake didn't even want to look at her, but his smile must have given it away.

Her eyes widened and she stopped folding clothes. "Oh, my God! Is he huge?"

He chuckled. "A fucking monster."

She leaned forward, gripping the shirt she just folded. "Oh, my God. How big?"

Jake gestured with his hands. It was huge, he almost didn’t believe it himself sometimes, but the man knew how to use it, how to make him comfortable, how to please him like no one had before in ways he only imagined.

She had a smirk across her face. "Good lord."

He grabbed her hand, looking her straight in the eye, pouring his heart out to her. How can you describe such an amazing man? How do you tell someone how you feel about someone that has trumped every other man you’ve ever run across? "And he's so amazing, sis. Such a great kisser and he takes his time, it's about me and how I feel.”

The memories came flooding back thinking about the touch of his lips, and the way Benjamin would look him in his eyes as he was on top of him. The time they’d spent together, just the two of them was more than he’d ever imagined it could be. “I know, I've had my fair share of men before
—
"

She raised an eyebrow sarcastically. His sister knew him too well. "Fair share?"

How could he explain what he wanted to say when it was hard enough to admit it to himself? "Okay, I was a whore before, but this
—
this is more than anything I've ever experienced. I ... love him."