Make My Heart Beat (9 page)

What am I doing? This is wrong. But, oh God, it feels so right. Connor’s mouth on my neck is making me forget that I was just running away, again. After the extremely awkward afternoon with Seth, I had driven over to the beach and just sat on the sand looking out at the waves. My mind was going in a million different directions. Every single thing that happened at Dean’s reminded me of Connor. It made me miss him and want to run to him. Except the way Seth was acting and looking at me; it made me feel so uncomfortable, but that's all washing away with the rain and Connor.

I don’t know how I ended up at Connor’s apartment. After leaving the beach, I guess my car just made its way there. His gruff voice and angry attitude had me wanting to bolt right back out the door, but his disbelieving voice stopped me, briefly. Just standing in his kitchen was enough to make it difficult to breathe and my throat felt like it was closing up. I couldn’t take it. By the time I had made it out of the garage, it had started pouring rain. The dark clouds rolling in over the ocean matched my mood. Tumultuous and melancholy. Connor’s voice calling out to me had me tripping over a crack in the pavement and I crumbled to my knees.

All the anger and pain poured out. I couldn’t keep it in. I beat my hands against his chest and told him how much I hated that I couldn’t hate him. Connor took it all, took every bit of my pain, then his mouth crashed down on mine and I lost all sense of reason. I lost all the resolve I had tried to build up within myself.

Connor lifts me from the ground as if I weigh next to nothing, then carries me back inside; so now I’m sitting on the kitchen island and it feels like I can’t get close enough to him. My eyes are closed and my head is leaning back as Connor kisses a trail from my jaw down to my collarbone. His hands are digging into my hips so hard that I’m sure I will have imprints and bruises later, but I don’t care. My legs wrap tighter around his hips and I pull him to me.

Rough stubble moves across my skin, igniting the fire within. It doesn’t feel like Connor has shaved in days. Memories of what that stubble feel like on other parts of my body has me panting in need. My hands move from his shoulders down to the hem of his shirt. I want it off. I need it off. Connor takes his mouth off of me only long enough to yank his shirt over his head and he sends it sailing across the kitchen. When his mouth comes back to mine, I don’t hesitate; I open for him and thrust my tongue against his.

I feel Connor’s grip on my hips loosen as he moves his hands up my sides and to the top of my shirt. He grips the top of my tank and tugs. I feel my shirt ripping along the center seam that goes down the middle, joining the two colors. My eyes pop open at the aggressive move, and Connor’s mouth leaves mine and dives to devour my breasts that are now exposed since I’m not wearing a bra. I gasp at the wet heat of his mouth and fall backwards so I’m lying on the cool countertop. Connor follows me, his mouth never leaving my body.

“God, I missed this, sweetness. I need you so much.” He breathes over my flushed skin.

My mind is screaming at me that I should stop this, that I can’t let myself get sucked into the passion and turbulence that is Connor Reeves, but my heart and body are begging me to continue. My body’s desire wins out the moment Connor sucks hard on a pebbled nipple and bites lightly.

“Ah! God! Don’t stop!”

“I’m never gonna stop. I love you. I can’t get enough of you.” Connor braces his arms on the counter, pulling up and away from me. His gaze bores into me, straight to my soul. My heart leaps up into my throat. I feel more tears burning, wanting to escape. Connor bends down to capture my mouth again.

His weight presses down on top of me and I feel his hands moving behind my back to pull me off the counter. Without taking his mouth from mine, he pulls me up into a sitting position. My legs are still wrapped tightly around his waist. Connor drags me to the edge of the counter and presses his hands firmly against my shoulders. Our chests are skin to skin and the heat between us is searing.

“Please.” I moan around his mouth. I’m not sure what I’m asking for. I just know that I need him.

Again, picking me up as if I’m a feather, Connor lifts me and carries me to his bedroom. He turns around and lays back on the bed so I’m now on top of him, straddling him. His hands are running up and down my back, making my spine tingle. I feel Connor’s hard length underneath me. Only the thin material of my running pants and his shorts are separating us. Without a thought, my hips move up and down, pressing us together, making him moan into my mouth.

I sit up and shake my head. My hair is still dripping wet, and most of it has fallen out of my ponytail holder now. I look down at Connor laying beneath me. My eyes rake over his strong jaw; I can see the pulse point in his neck beating frantically. I look at his chiseled chest. My eyes rake over the tattoo over his right pec and shoulder. There is so much about Connor that I don’t know, that he keeps locked up within himself. I just want him to let me in. He’s seen all of me. I wish he would do the same.

“I need you.” Connor’s voice breaks through my thoughts.

I don’t say anything. I’m not sure I could find my voice, even if I tried. I move off his lap and toe off my shoes and socks. I pull my pants and panties down quickly. I’m not thinking, I’m just giving into my body. It's craving this connection with him. It's craving just him. Connor sheds his shorts in one fast sweep and tosses them over the side of the bed. His erection springs free, rock hard and throbbing. As I move back towards him, Connor grabs my wrists and pulls me roughly down on top of him. His hands tangle in my hair, and I feel him pulling the hair tie out. He sits up with me straddling his lap again.

I raise up on my knees and line myself up with his waiting and willing cock. As I lower myself down on him, I feel the barbells of his piercing gliding along my walls, creating the delicious friction my body has been missing. Connor groans beneath me. He looks up with hooded eyes, full of hunger and love. “I have you in my arms again, and I’m never letting you go.”

I’ve never been in this position before. Connor has always been on top or had me pressed up against a wall. As I move my hips in sync with Connor thrusting up, I feel so full; he feels so deep within me. I can’t even begin to describe how incredible he feels. Connor glides his hands up my sides to cup both of my breasts in his large hands, his thumbs brushing over my sensitive nipples.

“Oh! God!”

“That’s it, baby.”

Connor continues to thrust up and into me as I grind down onto him. My body is humming with need. I can’t get close enough to him. I brace my hands on his shoulders and dig my nails into his taut flesh. My mind goes completely blank. I have no coherent thought at all. I am nothing but sensation as I pick up my pace. Connor's hips come up and meet mine every time. We're both panting and moaning.

Connor leans back against the pillows, and it feels like his cock gets impossibly deeper within me. I toss my head back, pushing my breasts out and into his hands even more. His hands aren’t gentle as he squeezes and massages them. They feel full and heavy with want. I’m so close. I feel the tight coiling low in my belly, and Connor is growing thicker and harder. The end of his cock and that incredible piercing hitting me in a spot I didn’t even know existed before have me begging for more.

This isn’t the gentle lovemaking Connor and I have shared in the past. This is a raw release of all of the tension, pain and heartache we both have been holding onto. I’m letting it all out. I feel even more vulnerable and exposed now than I did the first time Connor touched me.

“I fucking love you!” Connor grunts, pulling down on my hips so hard that I’m sure I will have bruises where his fingers are digging into my skin. “Oh, fuck!!”

“I
—I…” I can’t form words as Connor moves one of his hands to rub between us. He presses right at the spot where we are connected and I splinter into a million pieces on a series of whimpers as I spasm around him. My body can’t hold itself up any longer and I collapse on top of his chest, barely able to catch my breath. My entire body feels like it's on fire. Connor stokes an inferno within me that will never be extinguished.

Connor thrusts up two more times before I feel him release inside me with a loud groan.

“Missed. You. So. Fucking. Much.” Each word is panted out. “God. I. Love. You.” He bands his arms tightly around my back, stroking up and down my spine. When his breathing finally evens out, he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck and whispers hoarsely, “Sweetness, I will do any and everything I can to keep you where you are right in this moment.”

~

I’m still lying on top of Connor. It’s been at least two hours. He's fallen asleep, and his steady breathing is soothing to me, but I know that I have to leave. As much as I want to stay here in his arms and never leave, I know that I can’t. We haven’t talked about what happened, we haven’t talked about what made him say all those poisonous things to me. My heart wants to forgive him and forget about everything, but my mind is telling me that I have to do what is right for me and the baby. I let passion and fire cloud my judgment. I need a clear head right now. I have to get out of here, and without Connor waking up. If he looks at me again with those sad emerald eyes, I will completely fold.

Gently, I maneuver my way out of his tight grip. My pants are on the floor beside the bed, but my shirt is nowhere to be seen. Oh, that’s right. Connor ripped it clean in half in the kitchen. I open up a drawer and pull out one of his shirts. I bring it to my nose and inhale. God, I almost can’t stand to leave him. Mumbling from behind me makes me turn to make sure Connor is still asleep. He is, he’s just rolled over onto his side.

“Lynae, sweetness,” he murmurs in his sleep.

My heart calls out to him, but I quickly pull my pants back on and slip his shirt over my head instead. I can’t find my hair tie anywhere, but I don’t want to waste time looking for it. Crouching down on the floor, I tug my running shoes back on and quietly slip out of the bedroom, being sure to pull the door closed behind me. I'm taken off guard when I see Seth bending down, picking up my torn shirt from the kitchen floor, growling to himself.

“He gives me fucking shit for touching her and talking to her and here he is with some skank. I’m gonna kill that rat bastard. God, I can take care of her so much better than he can.” Seth turns around with my shirt in his hand, mouth hanging open.

I can feel the flames engulfing my neck and face. I notice Seth’s nose looks like it’s broken, and he has the start of some serious bruising forming under his right eye. That wasn’t there this afternoon when I left him at Mother Fluckers. Connor must have seen us or found out about us. That explains what Connor was yelling about when I first came into the apartment earlier too. This is all my fault. I’ve caused so much trouble. I have to leave.

“Lynae? What? What are you?” Seth stutters.

I take a deep breath and straighten my shoulders. I walk past him without looking back or responding. I can’t look at him. If I do, I’m sure I'll burst into tears. I already feel them burning behind my eyes. He can probably see the anguish written all over my face too. Seth doesn’t make a move to follow me when I start walking down the steps, even though I feel his eyes on me until I round the corner.

The rain has stopped, and the moon is full and high in the sky. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should have never come here in the first place. I should have just sent Connor a text telling him about my appointment, and let him know that it would be okay if he came. There is just too much pull between us. I felt it when he came up to the hospital last week, and I felt the current zapping between us tonight. When I get into my truck, I notice my phone has three missed calls and four text messages from Michelle, and one missed call and two texts from Seth. All from a few hours ago. Michelle must be looking for me, and Seth must have wanted to check on me after I ran out on him. I don’t feel like dealing with any of it right now. I just want to go home and go to bed.

~

“Where in the hell have you been?” Michelle cries, leaping off the couch as soon as I walk through the front door to my apartment.

Great. Why did I not think that she would be here? Especially if she couldn’t get a hold of me on the phone.

“I was out,” I reply, tossing my keys and purse on the kitchen table.

“I was freaking the fuck out. I called here, I called your cell, I called John. Hell, I even called Sly to see if he knew where you were.” Michelle comes up to me, grabbing my shoulders and looking me up and down, examining me to see if I’m okay.

I shrug her hands off and start walking back towards my room.

“Whose shirt is that?”

I ignore her. I walk into the bathroom and shut the door as I strip off my clothes and turn on the shower. I’m just stepping in and pulling the curtain closed when I hear Michelle come into the bathroom behind me. “Yeah, she’s here. She’s not talking to me, but she’s here.” She pauses. “Okay, babe, love you too.” I hear her tossing her phone on the counter. “Sly says your ass needs to call him and tell him what’s going on. You need to tell me what’s going on.”

The hot water should be soothing to me, but it’s not. I don’t want to talk about what I’ve done with Connor to her. She hates him, and I know she'll blow up at me if she finds out I went over there. Michelle has already been really pissy with me lately because I haven’t been talking to her about my afternoon disappearing acts.