Montana Secrets (14 page)

She didn't open her eyes. Grace kept her mouth glued to his while she waited to see what he would do. While
she
waited for the panic to come and overwhelm her. This time the test was for them both. Her heart raced, her breathing turned choppy, but then both those things had occurred before she'd pressed his hand there. She wasn't sick or nauseous. She was…okay.

She squeezed his hand again, urging him to touch her, and Seth's fingers flexed against her through the cloth of her robe and pajamas, gentle and firm as his thumb found her, circled, the tip of his nail rasping against the peak. “Ah, honey, this is how it's supposed to be. So good and sweet. I don't want to frighten you,” he muttered hoarsely. “Tell me if I—”

“Yes,” she said, biting her lip to hold back a
gasp when his hand slipped beneath the robe, her pajama top.

“Tell me no and I'll stop. Don't be afraid. Don't ever be afraid of me.” Seth's hand caressed its way up her body. The soft curve of her stomach, the shape of her ribs. By the time he made it to her breast, Grace held her breath in anticipation…and fear. What if she panicked again?

He'd stop.

But what if—

Seth's fingers found the tip, lightly pinched, and her lips parted in a hiss as she sucked in more air.

“Beautiful,” he whispered huskily. “You are so beautiful.” One of his large, callused hands teased its way up and down her spine while his other hand caressed her. “Grace, we have to stop. You're not ready for more, sweetheart. You know you're not.” He pressed a kiss to the skin above her breast, directly over her heart. “We have to stop,” he said again, as though trying to convince himself and not just her.

He pressed his mouth to her hair, her forehead. Chaste, tender kisses that didn't do anything to curb the heat burning inside her, or stop her thoughts from returning to the darkness within, to the place where doubts and fears abounded.

She hadn't panicked this time, but then, they hadn't made love, either.

 

S
ETH STARED AT
G
RACE
and frowned. She wouldn't look at him, barely talked to him over breakfast. Now it was nearly lunchtime and the silence was getting to him. Whatever she worried about had to be addressed. He was debating how to broach the subject when Lexi ran into the room, a book clutched in her arms and Blackie, the all-white kitten, scampering behind her.

“Uncle Seff! Look what Daddy brought me.” Without hesitation she climbed up on his lap and Seth dropped the free weights he held to help her. “A picture book 'bout Christmas! Can we go to the parade tonight? Please? Daddy has to work 'n' Mommy don't feel like going. Will you go 'n' take me?”

The change of topics occurred so fast Seth blinked at the blue eyes looking up at him. He tugged on one of her pigtails. “We'll go if Grace will take us,” he said, plenty loud enough for Grace to hear. “We'll make a date of it. The three of us.”

Grace spun around. Her mouth opening and snapping shut twice before she got any words out. “A…date?”

“Yay!” Lexi cried, grinning. “Uncle Seff 'n' Grace sittin' in a tree—”

“Lexi—”

“K-i-s-s-i—”

“All right, you, enough of that,” Seth said, his gaze on Grace's horrified expression. “We made our point,” he whispered to Lexi conspiratorially, winking. “Let me finish my therapy and then we'll eat lunch together. Okay?”

“Can I stay?”

“No, honey, right now it might be best for you to scoot. Go see if Maura will read your book to you.”

For once his niece complied without complaint. Lexi climbed down from his lap, retrieved her book from the floor where it had slid in the process, and skipped over to Grace. She wrapped her little arms around Grace's legs.

“Thank you, Grace.”

Grace fingered the curly end of a braided pigtail. “For what?”

“Makin' Uncle Seff happy again.”

Seth flashed Grace a knowing smile as he bent and picked up the weights he'd dropped. Grace
had
made him happy. In more ways than one. She'd fought with him and given him back his will to belong in the world—whether he recovered or not.

Grace watched Lexi skip from the room, sparing him a glare before she went back to checking the temperature in the whirlpool. “We are not going on a
date.
”

He finished his lifts, did a couple of extra because he now could, and then dropped the barbells again
before wheeling himself over to where she stood. “Yes, we are. Tonight's the Holly Days Parade in town and I don't want to miss it.”

“Hank can take you,” she murmured, her face averted.

“Hank'll be taking his own family. I want you.” He paused deliberately before adding, “To take us.”

Grace clearly knew what he meant. Her face revealed her panic. “Seth, you know as well as I do that last night was a mistake. I was wrong to let it happen.”

“So why did you?”

“Because…I guess because I wanted to know…” She shook her head and waved a hand in the air before stalking across the room. She grabbed a clipboard from the countertop and made a notation. “Y-You've helped me with my nightmares tremendously, but our little…experimentation doesn't change the fact I'm your therapist and I'll be leaving soon.”

“That wasn't the question. What did you want to know? If you were beautiful? Womanly? If you could feel passion without fear?”

He knew he'd gotten it right when she stilled.

“It wasn't just an experiment, Grace. You are a woman through and through. Now go with me tonight. Lexi will chaperone us.” He rolled himself across the room and ran a knuckle down her bare
arm, pleased when a shiver racked her. “I can't do much in front of a five-year-old, now can I? Come on, Grace. Don't make me face them alone.”

It was a low blow, but he wasn't above using every advantage. Grace knew he hadn't been in town since the accident. It had been one of his midnight confessions. Facing his friends and neighbors again wasn't going to be easy. For his first trip he definitely wanted Grace by his side. Wanted her to have fun with him and Lex. Picture herself beside him for the rest of her life.

“That's not fair. And while it's easy to say it doesn't matter, I do have a reputation to think of. Yes, we have a past and you're not my typical patient,” she admitted, “but what if word gets out that I'm on a date with you?”

Seth nodded, absurdly pleased she'd said the word even as she balked. He thought for a moment, then picked her hand up and brought it to his mouth. “I'll take care of it.”

“How?”

“By firing you,” he said calmly, “until tomorrow morning's therapy session. See? Problem solved.”

She groaned, the sound weary. “Seth—”

“Getting Jake to back me up won't be a problem. Hey, Jake!”

“Seth, no!”

“Jake!”

“Shh,” she ordered, a smile on her lips. “Okay, okay, hush! Just hush or Jake'll never let me live it down.”

“You'll go?”

She released a resigned sigh. “Yes, but get back to work. You're going to pay for blackmailing me.”

L
ATER THAT EVENING
Grace rolled her eyes and sighed. “This is crazy,” she murmured to herself, yanking off the slacks—in an attempt to find something appropriate for her date with Seth. “It's not a
date.
”

She pulled a long black dress from her closet and held it up in front of her, staring at herself in the mirror. She'd bought the classic A-line dress for a funeral and considering she'd spent the last ten years in baggy, figure-hiding clothes, her options were limited. Her nights were usually spent catching up on laundry, reading or exercising. Anything and everything that didn't cost money considering Brent's tuition bills were always right around the corner.

Her brother didn't like accepting money from her, and had made her promise he could pay her back once he graduated, but until then…she did what she could to keep him from graduating college over his head in debt.

However, tonight was the one night a year the lit
tle town of North Star pulled out all the stops in celebrating Christmas, and she wouldn't mind having a look around to see how things had changed since she'd been gone. And she needed the right outfit to give her confidence.

“It's
not
a
date,
” she repeated, glaring at herself in the mirror. She turned around, threw the dress on the bed until she found the hem and scrunched it up to pull it over her head, twisting and squirming until she got the back zipper zipped. No matter what she looked like, this was it. She refused to change again. She tackled her hair next, pulling it up in a sloppy twist before curling her long bangs until they framed her jaw.

“Grace, you ready?”

She jumped at the sound of Seth's voice, then stuck her tongue out at herself in the mirror. Hands shaking, she spritzed on some hairspray, added a touch of lipstick to her lips, then smoothed her hands over her stomach and hips before glaring at herself again.

“Grace?”

She whirled around, left the bathroom and headed for the door between their rooms. She yanked it open and walked into Seth's room, only to stop in her tracks.

Seth was bare from the waist up.

“Oh, I—the way you were bellowing I thought you were ready.”

“No problem,” he drawled, his tone full of amusement. “Could you get a nice shirt from my closet? Maura's already ironed a couple and hung them up, but the bar's too high. Pick your favorite.”

Her favorite? Grace hurried to the open closet. She grabbed the first shirt that came to hand, but then hesitated and discreetly chose another, one that would bring out Seth's dark complexion and beautiful eyes.

She winced at the thought and turned, surprised he'd moved closer to where she stood without her hearing. Had he seen what she'd done?

Face heating, her gaze dropped. He'd regained the weight lost since the accident and filled out nicely. His shoulders were broad, his arms delineated from lifting weights. His chest muscular and lightly covered with dark curls that tapered down to his abdomen and disappeared into his jeans.

“Grace?”

“What?” Only then did she realize she'd been standing there and staring at him. No, not staring.
Gawking.
And Seth had noticed.

A seductive smile hovered at the corners of his mouth and it was obvious he enjoyed that she couldn't take her eyes off him.

“The shirt?”

She glanced down at the material now wadded in her clenched fingers and hurriedly tossed the shirt
at him, forcing him to lunge to catch it before it hit him in the face. He chuckled. “Thanks, darlin'.”

“I'm not your
darlin'
and this is not a date,” she argued.

“I heard you the first time.” He leaned sideways in the chair to pull the shirt on, a spark of mischievousness in his eyes. “And every other time you told yourself that in your room,” he added, amusement giving his words a lilt.

He'd heard her talking to herself?
She chose to ignore the taunt and stalked across the floor. “I'm going to go check on Lexi.”

“I'm glad you like what you see, Grace, and for the record, I do, too. I can't wait until I get my good-night kiss tonight. You know, when we end our date.”

“It's not a
date!
”

His knee-weakening laugh followed her from the room.

 

S
ETH LEANED BACK AGAINST
the bucket seat of the extended-cab truck and smiled. Grace's face was lit with a grin much like his niece's, and between the two of them, he wasn't quite sure who was more excited watching the parade amble by.

Horns honked, and elves dressed in green sweats and silly hats with bells on the pointy ends passed out candy canes. The high school band marched by,
and the crowd began cheering loudly, a sure sign Santa Claus had been sighted farther down the street.

“I can't see him!” Lexi complained. Grace picked Lex up and settled her on her hip, the move as natural as any mother's.

The band began playing “Here Comes Santa Claus” and Lexi shouted, “There he is! I see him!”

Grace glanced over her shoulder at Seth, then quickly turned back to face the street. She'd been doing that all night, giving him those quick, intense stares ever since he'd revealed the fact that he'd heard her talking to herself in her bedroom. And that he intended to snag another kiss before the night was over.

He smiled. Slow and steady wins the race, he mused, quoting his father's favorite saying. Even though the word
date
apparently sent pure terror through her, Grace hadn't actually protested all that much.

The noise level grew as the fire truck crawled by them with Santa waving and yelling out “Ho, Ho, Ho!” Once he passed, the crowd quickly scattered, most everyone falling into step behind the slow-moving vehicle for the walk to Main Street.

Santa led the way to the church located in the town square, and there, the man in red doffed his hat and knelt before the live manger scene. After a short
play where the Wise Men presented their gifts, the Christmas tree was officially lit and the church opened its doors for coffee, cider and cookies.

Grace and Lexi got back into the truck with Seth, strapped themselves in, and Grace pulled the truck out onto the busy street to follow the crowd. All without comment.

“You have to talk to me sometime,” he murmured.

“No, I don't,” she countered quickly, and then winced when he laughed because she'd broken her silence for the sake of arguing.

Seth sighed and propped his hand on the seat near her head. “What do you want for Christmas?”

She shook her head back and forth, carefully easing the truck along the street at a snail's pace so as not to get too close to the crowd. “Nothing. You don't have to get me anything.”

“I want a doll and a baby crib and a—”

Grace laughed softly as she slid a glance over her shoulder to Lexi. “Sounds like you need to write a letter to Santa.”

“Uh-uh,” Lexi corrected. “I'm gonna send an e-mail. He'll get it faster.”

They both chuckled at Lexi's response, but Seth's gaze never left Grace's full lips and amused expression. Grace loved his niece, and even though it shouldn't surprise him, at odd moments it did.

“Grace, hurry! We're gonna miss everything!”

“Okay, okay!” Grace laughed, then furtively glanced his way. He winked at her, then smiled when her lips parted in a gasp.

She was so easy to play with, so responsive to a look or a touch. A kiss. He closed his eyes and remembered her in his arms last night, how she'd moaned and sighed and arched into his touch once she'd pushed aside her fears.

Grace signaled and headed down an alley.

“There's an opening right there.” Seth pointed toward an empty spot. Grace parked the truck, then picked up the handicapped tag and placed it on the mirror.

“Look out there, Grace.”

She took in the bright, twinkling lights, the people walking and laughing. The couples, young and old, holding hands.

“Just so we're clear,” he murmured softly, leaning near her so Lexi couldn't overhear. “I want that with you. We had something close once, but this time I want more. I want everything. Take as much time as you need, but don't think for a second I'm going to let you run away again because of what happened.” He smoothed his hand over her hair. “I want all of you.
Especially
your past. Because it made you the person you are right now.”

“Are you kissin'? Come on, Uncle Seff, hurry! Let's go before Santa leaves!”

 

“I
WANT ALL OF YOU
… Especially your past.”

The words echoed in Grace's mind over and over as the Christmas skit ended. She bowed her head as the prayer was said and Santa stepped forward to take his place for pictures. Lexi squirmed in her arms and wanted to join the throng of kids rushing the poor man, but Grace kept to the back of the crowd and waited patiently while most of the parents retrieved their kids and formed a sprawling line.

“Uncle Seff's talkin' too long, Grace. I gotta tell Santa what I want since he's here. Please?”

Grace looked over at Seth and found him surrounded by men, laughing and talking, at ease for the time being. “Well…he does seem to be holding his own, so I guess it wouldn't hurt.”

“I'm glad you're dating us.”

Grace pointedly ignored the child's comment and lowered Lexi to her side, capturing the little girl's hand before she could take off through the crowd.

“Better stay close, Lex. You wouldn't want Grace to lose you again.”

Grace stiffened at the sound of Roy Bernard's voice and turned to find the ranch hand standing nearby, his gaze sliding over her with indecent thoroughness. Grace's hand tightened on Lexi's when the child tried to pull loose, and Bernard noted the movement, a smile twisting his mouth.

“Here, I got you something,” he said as he held a gift bag out to Lexi. Before Grace could stop her, Jake's daughter grabbed the bag and yanked free of her hold to stick her hand inside. She pulled out a fragile-looking doll.

“Oh, thank you, Roy!” Lexi pulled the doll to her chest and danced in place. “She's so pretty!”

Grace hesitated. “Lexi, I don't know that you should accept her. She looks very…expensive.”

“It's a Christmas present,” Roy gritted out, his voice low. “She's been talkin' about wantin' a fancy doll the last couple months.”

“Then maybe Santa or her parents would've brought her one.” She glanced down and put her hand on Lexi's shoulder. “I can tell you like her, but I think you should give the doll back to Roy.”

Roy stepped closer to her, and even though she was surrounded by a crowd of jovial people, Grace knew a threat when she saw one. It took everything in her not to give in to her impulse and back up a step.

“Earl said you liked to talk back. Told me how he'd punish you. Now be nice to me or else we'll have one of those
talks
like you and Earl used to have,” he growled, his voice too low to be overheard by anyone else.

Dizzy, shocked, Grace stared at him in horror until Roy turned on his heel and stalked away, dis
appearing into the crowd before she could form a response.

“There're my girls,” Seth said, joining them. “Let's go inside where it's warm.”

Grace looked down at Lexi and found her petting the doll's curly hair and talking to it, holding it as if the gift were precious. Shaken, disbelieving, she bent and grabbed the empty bag at Lexi's feet.

“What's that?” Seth asked.

Lexi clutched the doll closer. “I want to keep her. She's mine!”

Grace looked to Seth, unable and unwilling to keep quiet. No matter what Roy threatened. “Roy was here. He gave Lexi a doll for Christmas, but I told her she should give it back.”

Seth ran a gloved hand over his face. “Grace is right, Lex. It doesn't look cheap and he doesn't get paid enough the way it is.”

“No!”
Lexi stomped a foot. “She's mine. He
gave
her to me.”

Grace cleared her throat. “He—Roy said some things to me, too,” she continued, unable to look at him. “Threatening things.”

Seth reached for her hand. “What'd he say? Are you all right?”

“Can I keep her? Please, Uncle Seff, please?” Lexi whimpered.

Grace nodded, accepting the hand he laid on hers
and squeezing his fingers. “We can talk later,” she murmured, knowing neither she nor Seth would let Roy get anywhere near her the rest of the night.

Seth pointed to the open doors of the reception hall. “Let's go in and warm up. Maybe we can talk in there.”

Apparently trying to gain favor by behaving, Lexi forgot about talking to Santa all together and quietly followed her uncle as Seth led the way into the church. He snagged an empty spot in a far corner where his chair wouldn't block the walkway and tried to get Grace to sit with him and tell him what happened with Roy, but Lexi's demand for cookies couldn't be ignored.

Plus Grace didn't want to discuss Roy in such a public setting, where someone might overhear, so she used Lexi as an excuse to avoid the topic for the moment.

Grace grabbed a couple of cookies and a cup of hot chocolate for Lexi, and tried to put the incident behind her. She wanted to enjoy her time with Seth while she had the chance.

She prodded Lexi forward through the thickening crowd and into the corner where Seth now sat surrounded. Lexi darted her way through the people and climbed up to sit on her uncle's lap, and Grace's heart lurched at the sight.

Seth was so dark and handsome, whereas Lexi
was angelic-looking and pale. If what everyone said was true, she could only imagine how gorgeous Arie must have been in person, and what a striking couple she and Seth must have made. Jealousy stabbed her before she could suppress it.