Quinn's Hart (11 page)

Quinn put a hand on his shoulder. "I'll get it." He ran the washcloth over Josh's stomach and chest, and then lower, making sure to get everything. Touching Josh's soft, warm skin was no hardship. Quinn admired Josh's slim, elegant muscles and frame, so unlike his own bulky body.

Josh lay back and watched him, eyes shining.

Quinn tossed the washcloth into the bathroom and lay down beside Josh. A sudden rush of shyness overtook him, and he didn't know what to say. The thought of coming across as clingy or insecure terrified him.

Josh rolled to his side, a move that put him closer to Quinn. He pillowed his head on his arm. One corner of his mouth turned up in a half smile. "You're the first guy I've ever been with who's bigger than me."

Not sure whether that was good or bad, Quinn frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah, I'm usually the big one. Or about the same size, at least. I thought it might freak me out to be smaller." Josh grinned. "Turns out it didn't."

Quinn couldn't help grinning back. "It didn't?"

Josh's dark eyes sparkled with amusement. "No. You being bigger than me is kind of hot. And you didn't make any assumptions about who was going to top."

Face heating, Quinn shrugged. "Guys always assume I'm going to top. A lot of them assume I'm going to get rough with them, too, and are mad when I won't do that."

One of Josh's long, slim fingers stroked along his cheekbone. "I hope you didn't mind that I wanted you to top. I meant it when I said I'd do it next time."

As if he'd let a little issue like who was going to top ruin his chances with Josh. Quinn caught Josh's hand and kissed his palm. "I didn't mind. It was good."

"Good? Try spectacular."

The indignant look Josh gave him made him grin. "That's what I meant."

Josh laughed.

Relaxed and happy, Quinn rolled to his back and lounged on a pillow. Josh got up and went into the bathroom for a few minutes. When he returned, he curled up against Quinn's side and trailed his fingers lightly over Quinn's arm, chest, and sides.

He paused when he reached a raised scar just above Quinn's hip. "What's this?"

"Burn scar." Quinn had never told anyone about how the mark happened, but he found himself continuing. "My dad got really drunk and decided to heat up some soup on the stove. When he brought it into the living room to eat, he stumbled and spilled some on me."

A sharp intake of breath was Josh's only reaction. His voice steady, he asked, "How old were you?"

Quinn shrugged. "Six? Seven? I was in first grade, I think."

After a few minutes of silence, Josh touched another scar, this one long and thin. "What about this one?"

"Broken bottle. I was twelve. That one he did on purpose." His dad had been angry at him for some imagined infraction. The cut had seemed almost mild, after the punches and countless hateful words that had come before it. Sometimes Quinn still had nightmares about that night.

"God, Quinn." Josh looked up, his eyes pained. "Didn't anyone try to help you?"

"Not until he died. I was good at hiding things." He still was, when he had to be. "Anyway, I got through it okay."

"I'm glad." Josh paused. "You're a strong person, Quinn. And not just physically."

"Yeah, right." A mirthless laugh slipped out before Quinn could stop it. Even worse were the words that spilled out right after, words he couldn't seem to contain. "I'm so strong I can barely stand to be in the room with more than one person at a time. My father hated that, you know. He thought he could beat the shyness out of me. He wanted to toughen me up, make me into a man."

The sudden, fierce expression on Josh's face caught him off guard. "Your father was wrong. You
are
a man, Quinn. A good man. There's nothing wrong with you just because you're shy and you don't use your size to intimidate people."

How long had it been since someone had defended him, if anyone ever had other than Stephanie? Quinn managed a tiny smile. "I know you're right. It's hard to remember that when I'm freaking out in social situations, though."

Josh kissed his chest. "You don't do as badly as you think you do. People are drawn to you. Like me. And Clay, apparently."

"Oh, yeah, bring up Clay, the guy who asked me to tie him up and beat him the first time we met." Quinn rolled his eyes.

"Okay, maybe that wasn't the best example," Josh conceded.

Quinn laughed. "Maybe." Then the moment was gone, and he sighed. "I've always been afraid I'd turn out like him. That's why I never drink. I've always thought that somewhere, deep down, I might have his temper." And why was he bringing that up? Nothing about this conversation was good for the first time sleeping with a guy he really liked. Quinn mentally cringed, hoping he wasn't putting Josh off more than he probably already had.

Pushing himself up onto his elbow, Josh peered down at him, still fierce. "You're not like him. You would never hurt anyone, not even in the heat of the moment."

Quinn wasn't so sure. "I hope you're right. I tend to make people nervous."

"Those people just don't know you. You could've hurt me earlier, if you weren't careful, but you didn't. I'd never be scared with you."

Quinn couldn't speak over the lump in his throat. He hadn't realized how much he needed to hear those words until Josh said them. They lay in silence for a few minutes.

The air conditioner kicked on, pumping cold air into the room, and Josh shivered. "I'm cold." He wriggled around until he could get under the covers. "Stay. Please?"

"Of course." Quinn wouldn't have been anywhere else, not for anything. He got under the covers with Josh, pulling the smaller man into his arms.

Somehow reassured by Josh's presence, Quinn let himself drift off.

Quinn awoke slowly, something heavy and warm draped over his chest and shoulder. He opened his eyes and smiled. Sometime during the night he'd moved to his back. Josh had curled up on Quinn's shoulder and thrown an arm over his chest, effectively pinning him to the bed. Quinn could have moved the smaller man if he wanted to get up, but he stayed where he was. He liked the close, tangled-together feeling. He brushed his lips over Josh's tousled hair, joy bubbling up from somewhere deep inside.

Josh shifted and let out a tiny sigh. Without opening his eyes, he kissed Quinn's chest, right on one of his many scars.

Quinn's heart swelled. He could get used to waking up beside Josh. No one had ever treated him the way Josh had last night, or said the things Josh said. Quinn believed Josh when he said Quinn would never hurt anyone, and Josh would never be afraid of him. Josh's faith in him made it easier to hope that maybe there was more to him than his father had always said, and maybe he could be strong without ever being like his father.

Strange as it seemed, Josh liked him for who he was, not for money, or looks, or sex, or any of the other superficial things many people valued. He believed that, too, and the notion was liberating. He didn't have to pretend to be someone else.

Last night had been a revelation in several ways. He'd learned a lot about Josh, and he'd discovered a few things about himself, not the least of which were his own feelings for the man. What he felt was more than just liking. He wasn't in love yet, or he told himself he wasn't anyway, but this was no vacation fling. He wanted a future with Josh. Tracing a fingertip over the soft skin of Josh's bicep, he considered how to tell him that without putting too much pressure on him or freaking him out.

Josh sighed and opened his eyes. He peered up at Quinn, his dark eyes sleepy. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." Just-awake Josh was adorable. Quinn smiled.

"When did you wake up?" Josh yawned and snuggled against Quinn. He looked ready to go back to sleep.

"A few minutes ago." Quinn continued to stroke Josh's arm.

"Mm. Feels good." Eyes closed, Josh smiled. He pressed his lower body against Quinn as well. His erection nudged Quinn's thigh.

Quinn pushed back, his own forgotten morning erection gaining a renewed urgency. "I can think of a few other things that would feel good right about now."

Josh laughed. "Want to clue me in on what they are?" He opened his eyes again and gazed up at Quinn, mischief radiating from his face.

"Maybe I should make you guess."

Josh's eyes heated. "I like guessing games." He ran a hand up Quinn's thigh. "Am I getting warm?"

"Pretty warm, but you're not there yet." Quinn grinned, hardly able to believe how easy it was to tease and have fun when he was with Josh.

A loud knock on the door made them both jump. Josh's brow wrinkled with annoyance and confusion. "Who the hell could be knocking on my door at"--he looked at the clock--"seven-thirty in the morning?"

Quinn shrugged. "Somebody could have gotten your room mixed up with someone else's."

"That's possible." Josh's hand slid off Quinn's thigh. With an exaggerated sigh, Josh slid out of bed. Quinn admired his nakedness for the couple of minutes before he pulled on his discarded shorts from the previous day. He caught Quinn's stare and grinned. "I'll take care of it."

Josh padded over to the door and started to open it. His eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open.

Quinn never got a chance to ask what was wrong. The instant the door was fully open, a slim, tanned blond man about four inches shorter than Josh stepped into the room. He wore tight, artfully ripped designer jeans and a white polo shirt.

The blond smiled at Josh in what could only be described as an adoring way. "Hello, lover. Surprised to see me?" The man didn't wait for an answer before continuing. "I'm sorry I was mean to you before you left. Ever since we fought, all I can think of is you. I missed you
so
much, I had to come down here to surprise you."

To Quinn's horror, the stranger leaned up and pressed his lips to Josh's. The sight of another man kissing the mouth that had kissed him, teased him, and soothed him broke Quinn out of the paralysis he'd been in since he heard the word
lover.
Apparently Josh had not meant any of the things he'd said or done the night before. How could he, when he had another man at home? When he'd lied about everything? Betrayal washed over Quinn, leaving him cold and heartsick. Determined to escape before he humiliated himself, he rolled out of bed and scrabbled for his clothes.

The blond must have noticed the movement, because his gaze focused on Quinn. His eyes widened, and an expression of hurt appeared on his face. "We've been apart for a few days and you're already fucking somebody else?" The man narrowed his eyes at Quinn, although his words were for Josh. "Not exactly your usual type, is he?"

How many people had said those words, or variations of them, in the few days Quinn and Josh had known each other? He should have listened to them. He found his underwear and shorts and struggled into them.

Josh held out a hand toward him, two spots of bright color high on his cheeks. "Quinn, wait. It's not what you think."

If he had a dollar for every time someone had said those words... Quinn frowned and gave up the search for his shirt. He met Josh's beseeching gaze. Tired, empty, sad, he whispered, "Nothing ever is."
No matter how much I want it to be.

He crossed the room in a few large strides, brushing past Josh and the blond, who sneered at him. "That's right, keep walking. He's mine." The man curled his hand around Josh's bicep, right where Quinn had touched it only minutes ago.

Bile rose in Quinn's throat. He rushed to the door and yanked it open, his thoughts centered on escape. He could fall apart in his own room, but not here. Not in front of the perfect little blond, Josh's
lover.
Thinking the word sent another stab of pain through Quinn's heart.

"Dammit!" Behind him, there was a flurry of movement as Josh jerked away from the other man.

Quinn ignored them and kept going. Josh rushed after him. "Quinn. Wait a second."

Josh tried to catch his arm, but Quinn shrugged him off easily. "Leave me alone."

The few feet to his room felt like a thousand miles. At the door, he reached into his pocket for the keycard. He found nothing. His pocket was empty.

His wallet was gone, probably on the floor of Josh's room. The last place he wanted to be. He rested his head against the door, anger and hurt tearing at him.

Josh hovered a few feet from him, face tight and flushed with some emotion. "Quinn..."

"Don't. Just don't.
Go away.
" He stayed where he was, his gaze locked on a swirling pattern in the grain of the wood.

"Josh." The blond's plaintive whine grated on Quinn's ears. "Come back to the room, baby. Let's talk."

He closed his eyes, wishing to be anywhere else.

Leaning against his door, eyes closed, Quinn looked defeated. The sorrow and betrayal radiating from him broke Josh's heart. From the few things Quinn had shared with him about his past, there wouldn't be much that could hurt him more than being used and betrayed by someone who claimed to care for him. The fact that Josh hadn't betrayed him was irrelevant. Quinn believed he had, and was hurting.

And it was all because of Billy. Anger swept through Josh in a dizzying rush. He rounded on his ex.

Billy stood there, a practiced pout pursing his lips just so, his colored-contact-lens-green eyes full of manufactured hurt and pleading. What had he ever seen in this man? With Billy, everything was melodramatic and affected. Nothing was real, not even emotions. His tight, gym-toned body and almost pretty face, which had seemed sexy weeks earlier, left Josh cold now that he knew what it felt like to have something real.

Struggling to keep his voice level, Josh asked the question he'd wanted to ask since opening the door a few minutes earlier. "What the
hell
are you doing here, Billy?"

Billy blinked at him like he was trying not to cry. "I missed you. I wanted to see you. Then I find you with...that." He waved an arm toward Quinn.

Josh couldn't help it. He laughed. "You missed me?"

Billy stepped closer to him, trailing a hand up his chest. "I missed you like crazy. We're good together, remember?"