Soul Cry: The Ten Year Girlfriend (10 page)

I broke down in tears thinking about my situation. It was as if now that I'd verbalized it, I could fully digest the predicament I was in. What the hell was I going to do? I'd left everything to get away from Roderick. How I'd been so careful about taking my birth control pills...for ten years! The one time I slipped, I wavered and thought about giving Roderick what he wanted. The one time I grew so tired of begging him to marry me, I convinced myself I was making too big of a deal about being married. I'd gotten pregnant.

I knew the exact night it happened.  He hadn't touched me in two weeks before that night. The first time he'd actually hit me.

“ Ooohh Uh-Uh! I can't take two crying ass bitches! Get up and let me sit in the middle LaDaya!” Shavon commanded rolling her eyes at LaDaya and I.

LaDaya was in the midst of a fresh round of tears as she stood up. Several of the bus passengers were looking at us wondering what was going on I'm sure. Including the nosy ass brotha across the aisle.

Shavon sat down between us and grabbed each of our hands.

“ Now y'all get it together now! Amina here your ass is pregnant and on the damn run, LaDaya you listening to someone else's sad ass story and done dropped your man!”

“ Hell yes I dropped his ass! The more I listened to Amina's story it was sounding more and more like how mine was going to end up and I fuckin' REFUSE to go out like that. No offense Amina but each one teach one sista you know what I mean?” LaDaya blurted out,her tears had suddenly stopped.

The driver came over the speaker announcing we'd be pulling into Cleveland within the next ten minutes.

My mood was dark thinking about everything I had in front of me. I needed a home, I didn't want to tell my sister Amaya I was pregnant until I was out of her house. I needed a doctor,a job with some benefits but hell I'd gotten my degree in fashion with Roderick's encouragement but where the hell was I going to use it in Cleveland? I felt so lost and alone.

“ Okay now..., Shavon said interrupting my thoughts.

“ We've been on this bus all in each others business, so we need to exchange numbers right now Amina! We've got to keep in touch, be supportive of one another.” she said grinning.

Shavon's gold teeth were still gleaming, and you could damn near park a car in between LaDaya's gap  but I swear before God , they were so beautiful to me right then. The way they'd listened to me during this trip and oddly enough, regardless of their earlier conversation about women in long relationships, I didn't feel judged. I'd really misjudged them on sight and I felt ashamed about that. I'd revealed more to them than I had to Katrina. She'd been so negative about my relationship with Roderick lately, the last thing I felt like doing was telling her I was having his baby. I'd let her know once I got settled.  After I told Roderick which I dreaded but I knew I couldn't keep our child from him. My heart nor my conscious would allow me to deny Roderick his son or daughter.

* * * *

W
e pulled into the station and everyone filed off of the bus. My new friends and I had already exchanged information so that we could get together. I was hoping it would be soon because I already felt lost and alone in my new city.

I looked around for my sister but didn't see her anywhere in the station. I guess she's not looking forward to seeing me! I called and sent her a text letting her know the bus was on schedule.

Shavon jumped up and down letting out a shriek.

“ There's my baby!” she said jumping into the arms of a cute light skinned brotha. I had to will myself not to laugh out loud. He wasn't bad looking, they just looked odd together. They say opposites attract, I guess it's true. Physically they were opposites in every way. Shavon was dark, her fiance' was light. Shavon was about 5ft 8,her man was lucky if he reached 5ft 4....with his arms raised. The one feature they did have in common, were his teeth. His front row of top teeth were gleaming was a golden grill. He was shining with happiness at the sight of his woman.

I covered my mouth at his feeble attempt to pick her up and swing her around.

Have mercy! He's going  to drop her!
I thought holding my breath.  I let out a rush of breath when he decided maybe picking Shavon up wasn't a good idea for his back!

“ Do you need help with those bags?”

My heart damn near stopped at the sound of the familiar voice coming from behind me. It was only at that moment I noticed LaDaya and Shavon had stopped talking and were staring at me,better yet behind me. I looked at them my eyes pleading for help. I knew Roderick wouldn't make an outright scene,that wasn't his style. Roderick was very concerned about how he looked. I also knew that in ten years worth of arguments I'd never taken it this far. I'd never left our home for more than a night or two to cool off. The threat he made about killing me if I ever left him played over and over in my mind.

“ What are you doing here Roderick? How did you know where I was going?” I managed to croak out. I was on the brink of tears. I had to grab my bags and get the hell out of here.
Where the hell was my sister?
I thought looking around.

“ Look, where's your shit so we can get the fuck out of here.” Roderick spat never taking his eyes off me. “ I'm so goddamn mad at you right now Amina. You got me calling in to work at the last minute and hopping on planes to get here before you. What the hell is wrong with you. Let's go.”

“ I'm not going anywhere with you Roderick. If I wanted to be with you I wouldn't have left!” I said raising my voice.

“ Amina would you like a ride to your sisters place?” Shavon asked interrupting us.  Shavon was giving Roderick her best mean mug but it didn't last long once Roderick spoke.

“ Hello,how you doin' ? I'm Roderick and you are?”he asked nice and slick, extending his hand to her.

Shavon actually started giggling showing all 32 teeth as she shook his hand and introduced herself. I was too through! After everything I'd spent our entire trip telling them, here baby Sista Souljah was smiling all in the niggas face!

“ Well it's nice to meet you Shavon, my fiance' and I may be here a few days,we'll have to go out, have dinner or something. Is this your husband?” Roderick had no shame. His job had him trained to be comfortable meeting strangers and that's exactly what he was. Roderick proceeded to shake hands with LaDaya and was introduced to Will, Shavon's man.

I should have been shocked but I wasn't. I'd seen Roderick in action for ten years. By the time he got done, they'd be wondering why I left in the first place.

“ Come here Amina.” Shavon said walking away from the crowd. I quickly followed her refusing to look at Roderick.

“ Girl now this nigga is fine as fuck! I thought he looked good in the pictures but they don't do that brothas flesh justice!” she said sucking her teeth. “ That's neither here nor there. This nigga think he slick. What do YOU want to do? Your sister ain't here but you can roll with us no problem. You can come with me and LaDaya. We're best-friends and roommates.”

Just hearing she was so willing to help me caused me to burst into tears. I hugged her tightly. “ Thank you Shavon. I don't know what to do.” I whispered.

“ Now I ain't gon' lie. You need to talk to that man. It's one thing to leave the man but to leave with his baby is another story. Regardless of you being unhappy with the relationship he deserves to know the truth. No mater how hard it is for you to say.” Shavon said rubbing my back. It was so soothing I stopped crying and looked over at Roderick who was watching us like a hawk.

“ Give me a second to find out where the hell my sister is.” I said pulling out my cell phone. My sister picked up on the first ring.

“ Girl is Roderick there? He said he would pick you up.”

“ Amaya I can't believe you told him I was coming! Why would you do that to me?”

“ Chile please, ain't no one playing you and Roderick's games. Besides, your ass wasn't gonna do nothing but stay here a week and go running back to that nigga anyways. Shit after ten years you're used to living the good life. So you may as well work it out with ya' man!” she said laughing. “ I'll see you and Roderick's fine ass when y'all get here. I cooked some food too. We gon' party tonight girl!” Amaya said and hung up.

I felt sick to my stomach.

“ Girl my sister told him I was coming. I can't believe this shit.” I said shaking my head.

“ Look this is already about to get crazy. I'll just talk to him. He can drop me off at my sisters. I'll call you when he leaves. If my sister has it in her head he can stay there tonight I swear to God I'm going to a hotel.” I said as we walked back over to Will and LaDaya.

“ Okay girl, we got your back call anytime day or night and I'm not just saying that. I mean it.” LaDaya said.

* * * *

R
oderick  threw my luggage inside the white Cadillac Escalade he'd rented. We sat in the parking lot not saying a word for a good ten minutes. Roderick stared at me.  I stared out the window.

Finally he spoke.

“ So what, you don't love me anymore Amina? You done plotted behind my back for fucking weeks. Hopped your ass on that nasty ass bus for what? Because you're mad at me? You mad we haven't gotten married yet? What is it Amina?  You and I both know you didn't go through all this bullshit because you ain't in love with me. I've apologized repeatedly for slapping you that night. I've asked your forgiveness over and over. Sadly, only the Lord knows that I've beat myself up about it more than you ever could.”

I was speechless .I didn't know what so say yet a million words were churning in my brain. So I decided to just start with the basics.

“ It's been ten years Roderick. I loved you. You just don't love me. At least not enough to make our relationship legal. You were never going to marry me. There are things in my life that you've made it more than clear you're never going to give me.  “ I said soft and steady. I didn't want to lose my nerve and leave things unsaid between us.

“ Loved? Don't you ever fuckin' refer to loving me in the past tense. You love me and I love you. What the fuck don't I give you Amina? I give you everything! A house,cars anything you want I give you.” he screamed banging his fists on the dashboard.

“ You don't get it do you Roderick ?”

“ No the fuck I don't.”

“ Okay then . We don't feel the same. We don't want the same things in life so you have no choice but to just let me go Roderick. All I ever wanted to do was love you,marry you one day and for us to have a family. I never asked you for anything....”

“ Well your greedy ass damn sure didn't turn shit down either did you?” he said cutting his eyes at me.

It took all my self control not to lash out at him.

“ I never asked you any of that. I never asked for new cars,houses, nothing.” I said shaking my head. My tears won the battle and flowed freely down my cheeks. “ All I ever wanted was for you to love me and a family. I'd live with you in a cardboard box Roderick but I'm tired of asking you for something you just don't want to give me. I give up. You win.”

“ Amina I love you. If that piece of paper means so much to you. We'll get married in the morning. If that's what it takes to end all this goddamn nonsense so we can go home. We going to the courthouse in the morning. By the time we hit L.A. Again,you're going be Mrs. Roderick Jabri Thomas.” Roderick said starting up the truck and backing up.

“ You know I don't even like coming to Cleveland! Got me out here in no mans land. You knew I was gonna coming running after you. You like doing this shit to me.” he mumbled to himself.

“ You don't get it Roderick. I don't want to be your wife any more. I'm still in love with you but we can't be together anymore. The only thing I'm leaving this relationship with after ten years of loving you,being faithful and loyal  is your baby. I may not walk away from this with your name, but I'm leaving with the absolute best part of you.” I said wiping the tears from face.

The End.Or the beginning.

Discussion Questions

1.  Do you know someone or have you ever been part of an extremely long relationship as an adult?

2.  How long is too long to be part of a relationship that does lead to marriage?

3.  Is a legal marriage or union outdated or underrated?

4.  At what year should a couple decide to discuss marriage? After 2 years?

5.  If YOU desired marriage and your mate was content to leave things as is, would you set aside your true feelings just to maintain the relationship or would you move on regardless of how much you felt you loved your mate.

6.  Did Amina make the right decision to end her relationship?

7.  What did you think about Roderick? Was he REALLY that bad or did he seem to have “ Mommy Issues” ?

Read More Book

by

Candace Mumford / Ms. Bam

The “ Hoes Be Winning” and Ballad Of A Bad Bitch Series under the Ms.Bam pen name

Love Locked Down & ParkCrest View- The Love Chronicles Vol 1-5  under Candace Mumford