Stand By Your Hitman (8 page)

He reached in and pulled out the third slip. “Bob. One vote for Kit, one for Liliana and one for Bob.”

Kit howled. My guess was that it just hurt having been the first vote and hearing it over and over again.

“The fourth vote is for”—Alan frowned as he read the paper—“Dr. Andy. One vote for Kit. One vote for Liliana. One vote for Bob. One vote for Dr. Andy.”

Julie was turning a little green at the gills. I guessed she didn’t like the suspense. But I figured it wasn’t hurting the show to drag it out to the last vote.

“Brick received the fifth vote.” Alan looked pretty worried as he again parroted the vote so far. Really, there only needed to be one more vote for any of those names and they’d be out of the game.

“And the last vote is for…” Beads of sweat broke out on Alan’s forehead. “Moe? Are you joking?”

We just stared in shock. No one had been voted off. Everyone had received one vote. What were the odds of that happening?

“Do you even know how to play this game?” Alan
shrieked at Inuit. “You’re supposed to form alliances! This kind of crap isn’t supposed to happen!”

I started laughing. Lex squeezed my knee (which is very close to
you-
know-
what
). Isaac winked and Sami whispered a
goddamn
.

“All right!” Julie took charge with the ease of a storm trooper. “We’ll just have to vote again!” She pointed at Moe and he slowly rose to go to the ballot box.

“You’re out of paper,” he said simply.

We all looked over and, true enough, there was no more paper. Obviously, there was no backup plan.

“Will this work?” A cabana boy threw a resort stationery pad at Alan. I noticed with a start that the resort audience had doubled in size. Kind of like that scene in
The Birds
where Tippi Hedren is sitting on a bench outside the school? And with each puff of her cigarette, more birds landed until she turned around and found the monkey bars coated with crows? Kind of like that.

Julie handed the hotel stationery to Moe and he wrote down his vote. One by one, everyone went up to cast their vote.

“Now, I’ll read the votes.” Alan pulled the whole handful out of the jar and flipped through them, reading as he went. “Kit,” he recited, causing Kit to start wailing again, “Moe, Liliana, Bob, Brick, Dr. Andy, goddamn it! You did it again!” He slammed the lid of the jar to the ground, causing it to splinter into a million pieces.

So, we watched as Inuit voted two more times, and
each time, each person (starting with Kit every time for some strange reason) received one vote and no one was voted off.

At first I thought it was some very clever strategy on Inuit’s part to avoid losing a teammate. And then I thought they were each writing their own name down in hopes of being voted off and hitting the buffet. But as we went on, the looks of complete surprise and frustration on their faces (especially Kit’s) led me to believe they really warranted that short bus.

“That’s it!” Alan’s face was turning red. “I’m thinking of a number between one and twenty.”

Julie turned toward him, stunned. “Surely you’re not going to just have them guess a number!”

I don’t know, it sounded pretty smart to me. I was getting sick of sitting in the hot sun with a bag of food hidden under my chair probably breeding all kinds of nasty bacteria.

“Yes, I am!” Alan stamped his foot. He pointed at Kit first (I guess it just seemed automatic at this point) and shouted for her to choose a number.

“Um”—Kit choked back a sob—“nineteen?”

One by one, the six of them told Alan a number.

“Ha!” Alan’s frown turned into a creepy-looking grin. “It was seven! Bob is the first person vot…I mean removed from
Survival
. Now bring me your damn torch and we’re done.”

Bob stood and nodded to the team, then walked his torch over to Alan.

“Yadda, yadda, yadda,” Alan babbled as he doused the man’s torch. “Bob, the tribe has spoken.”

Julie escorted Bob off the set and into the main resort building, where I guessed she was checking him into a room. Lucky bastard. We were still sitting there when he came outside with a grin and loaded up his plate at the buffet.

“The rest of you go back to your camps. Tomorrow we will have another challenge.” Alan had regained some of his professionalism, but I thought I saw a spark of madness around the eyes. The blonde had disappeared and the barbecue glob had fallen and smeared down the length of his white, linen shirt.

“That was a hell of a thing,” Sami muttered through a mouthful of fruit.

Everyone nodded as we sat on the beach eating our contraband food. Silas had managed to hide a bottle of beer for each of us and we were all feeling pretty mellow. For a second I thought about my glaucoma stash on Santa Muerta.

“At least we have this,” Isaac raised his banana-leaf plate.

Lex nodded. “I still can’t believe Julie didn’t notice us walking out of the pool area leaking barbecue sauce.”

I elbowed him gently in the ribs. “She’s too concerned about the nonvote and Alan’s extracurricular activities.” For a moment, I wondered if Julie was in love with Alan. Then I threw up in my mouth and the feeling was over.

“Do you think we should do that when we go to Tribal Council?” Cricket chirped.

Everyone laughed and we continued eating. I was feeling all warm and gooey—like marshmallow crème. At one point, Sami and I volunteered to get more kindling.

“Why are you here?” Sami asked me once we were too far away to be overheard.

I shrugged. “It seemed like something to do.”
My
family set me up to knock off Isaac
just didn’t have the right ring to it.

“How about you?”

Sami coughed and I heard her thoughts rattle around in her chest. She may not have been smoking anymore, but the damage was done.

“I know you think I lead this fucking glamorous life as a traveling electrician….” She politely paused as I giggled. “But behind the tiaras and French champagne was a woman who screamed for a fucked-up adventure.”

I nodded. “Yeah. It was just like that for me too. I couldn’t believe my luck to get a crusty Civil War junkie and psychotic camp counselor in the same deal.”

Sami looked off into the ocean. “Well, I guess we’re on the same goddamned page. Hell, we’re practically twins.”

“Oh yes,” I added. “Definitely separated at birth.”

Neither of us spoke for a moment.

“Fact is,” Sami said quietly, “I’m getting too old for this shit. I could use the money before some health problems force me to retire before my time.”

I was stunned. It never occurred to me that Sami would open up about anything. Her trust in me almost made me tell her I was an assassin. Almost. Okay, I never really came close, but the conversation touched me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, not really knowing what to say.

She shook her head. “Jesus Christ, I’ve said too much already, bitch!” A sad smile tugged at the heavily lined corners of her mouth.

“Did you say something?” I feigned. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening.”

Sami laughed and clapped me on the back. “Shit. Let’s get outta here. I’m sure Lex is waiting for you.”

I looked at her quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“Aw, fuck. Everyone knows he’s hot for you. Don’t give me any bullshit, because you know it too.”

We headed back to camp and I realized Lex and I hadn’t been as cautious as we thought. Oh well. It didn’t really matter in the end.

After the food was gone, everyone started to get ready for bed. Tomorrow would be another challenge and we didn’t want to go down like the other team did. The cameramen never did show up. Maybe they had more to film at the other camp, or perhaps they blended in at the luau for some ill-gotten time off.

Lex and I took a moonlit stroll along the beach. As he held my hand, I thought this couldn’t be more perfect. Well, except for being on the show and having to kill Isaac…

He sat down in the sand, pulling me down beside him. “I talked to Isaac and Sami about forming an alliance with us. They both thought it was a good idea.”

A Bombay forming an alliance with her Vic. Now, that had to be a first.

I nodded. “That’s good. What do you think about the other team? Anyone there look like a prospect?”

Lex stared out at the ocean for a moment before responding. “No. They all looked like they were nuts.”

“I’ll agree to that.”

The two of us sat there for a moment, listening to the surf pound the shore. I really liked Lex. I mean really, really liked him. My mind turned to that scene in
From Here to Eternity
where the couple make out, rolling around in the surf. That would be
awesome
. Of course, then we’d be covered in seaweed, choking on salt water and digging sand out of various crevices for days. I guess it didn’t sound so romantic when you put it that way.

“Any guesses on tomorrow’s challenge?” I steered the subject clear.

“I don’t know. Could be anything really. These guys don’t seem to have a clue. For all we know, we could be playing shuffleboard at the resort.”

I scratched the side of my nose. “That would suck. I’m no good at shuffleboard.”

“What are you good at?”

I thought about that for a moment. I mean, there’s only so much I could tell him. “I’m great at killing people using nothing more than a rectal thermometer and sunflower seeds”—that would probably be more than Lex wanted to know.

“I’m good at thinking outside the box,” I answered truthfully. Technically I wasn’t lying.

“Yes, I’ve seen some of your work.” He laughed. “Is that what you are passionate about?”

“What do you mean?” What did he mean?

“Well, is that what you’ve always wanted to do—invent stuff? Fit a square peg into a round hole?”

“Actually, I can do that. And yes, I guess it is my passion.” It surprised me that I’d never really thought about it before. Being creative and inventing things were just in my blood. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

Lex said, “You look confused.”

“No. Not really,” I lied. “I guess I just never had a dream about doing one big thing. I just love inventing.”

He looked at me for a moment. “There isn’t something you’d like to do with your talents? Invent the perfect mousetrap?”

I laughed uneasily. “I guess not.” It always bothered me a little that my inventions would go unrecognized by the world due to the highly secretive nature of the Bombay family business, but I wasn’t about to say that. “What about you? Any lofty goals for your life?”

Lex shook his head. “I don’t have it all together like you. Maybe I never will. My biggest goal would probably be just to find happiness. That’s all that really seems to matter.”

Damn, he had me there. Wasn’t that what everyone wanted in life? Sure, some people wanted fame and fortune. But this gorgeous hunk of man just wanted to be happy. How cool was that?

“There is one thing we both seem to be good at.” He grinned and leaned toward me.

My lips met his, and oooh la la! As Lex’s arms slid
around me I chastised myself for going all these years without a man.

My hands were just sliding up his nice, muscular arms when we heard shouting down the beach.

I wanted to ignore it until I recognized the word
help
being screamed over and over. Lex and I jumped up and ran down the beach toward camp.

Imagine our surprise when we found our shelter in flames. Sami tossed water onto the fire as Silas and Isaac tried to beat it out with giant leaves. I snatched up a couple of empty coconut halves and raced toward the sea while Lex joined the other men. For a moment I realized that Cricket was nowhere to be seen.

We worked silently for what seemed like hours. Sami and I ran back and forth with water and the men stamped out the remaining embers. Our shelter was reduced to ashes.

“What happened?” I asked when I suddenly realized I didn’t know.

“No fucking clue,” Sami began. “I went into the jungle to take a piss and I came back to see Silas and Isaac trying to put the fire out.”

Lex and I turned to the other men.

Silas shrugged. “I don’t know either. We didn’t have a campfire tonight cuz of all the food we got. I was collecting fruit and saw the smoke. Isaac showed up a few seconds after me.”

Isaac nodded but didn’t add anything.

“Where’s Cricket?” I asked.

Everyone shrugged. Lex examined the charred remains of our site. It was too dark to determine what caused the fire and I was more concerned with our missing team member.

“We can figure this out later. Right now, we should find Cricket,” I pressed, startled that I found myself so concerned about her.

We started combing the beach, shouting for our missing teammate. Nothing. It was far too dark to enter the jungle alone with no light. I was getting a little worried.

Lex pulled out the emergency walkie-talkie Julie had given us on our first day at camp. He was just turning it on, when who should walk out of the foliage but our little wayward camp counselor.

“Where the hell have you been, bitch?” Sami shouted. I thought I detected more concern than contempt in her raspy voice.

“What?” Cricket said a little defensively. “I was out getting mangoes for breakfast.”

That would’ve been a reasonable explanation, were it not for the fact that she had no mangoes whatsoever.

“How do we know she didn’t start the fire?” Silas squinted at her suspiciously.

“What fire?” Cricket squeaked.

“How did you find your way through the jungle without any light?” Isaac asked. I thought it was a pretty good question.

“What’s your problem?” she asked. “I told you where
I was, what I was doing. I didn’t start any fire.” Her eyes trailed the length of camp and stopped on the charred shelter.

“What happened?” Cricket made a slight movement with her right hand—it looked like she pocketed something she didn’t want us to see. Then she ran over to what remained of our sleeping area.

“All right,” Lex started, “let’s just calm down. We don’t know that she’s not telling the truth and we don’t know how the fire got started.”

Isaac nodded. “And we won’t know until morning light. Let’s just give everyone the benefit of the doubt and try to get some sleep for the challenge tomorrow.”

The others nodded grudgingly and we silently dug our own spots in the sand. Silas was snoring within seconds, but I had a feeling that everyone else was awake, listening for…what, exactly?

“I don’t want you to get cold,” Lex’s voice purred in my ear as he settled in next to me. His arm slid over me and I could feel my temperature rise a few notches. As I heard his breathing slow down to sleep tempo, my mind wandered.

What had happened here? Had someone deliberately started the fire? If it had been an accident, I was pretty sure one of my teammates would have owned up to it. And where had Cricket been? How had she maneuvered through the pitch-black jungle? And what was she concealing in her pocket that she didn’t want us to see?

My brain repeated these questions over and over until I realized that someone was moving around the camp. Very gently, I lifted my head and looked around. A dark shadow was moving against the canopy of trees. I couldn’t make out who it was, and I was pretty sure whoever didn’t want anyone to know what it was doing. Slowly I turned my head to see where the rest of my teammates were sleeping. I just barely made out the dark clumps of bodies, but had no idea who was up and around. One, two, three…yup. The shadow was one of us.

Lex rolled onto his back and I lay down with my head on his shoulder. It was probably just someone going to use the bathroom. Or maybe one of my team was trying to solve the mystery. After a couple of shuffling noises, the sounds ended. Whoever it was had gone to sleep.

The urge to jump to my feet was doused by the realization I might be overreacting. Everyone had to get up sometime in the night for the bathroom. What was I going to do, tie them up one by one and force them to confess under the threat of torture? All I had on me was the bracelet and fire. No, that was too Spanish Inquisition. All I really needed was some water, a coconut shell and some copper wire….

This train of thought was going nowhere. The fact was that we didn’t know what had happened. In order to stay in the game to do my job, I had to keep my teammates happy. And I was pretty sure they
wouldn’t be happy with me if I was grilling them about their latrine usage. I needed more evidence, so I turned off my inner Nancy Drew and tried to get some rest.