The Beat of Safiri Bay (24 page)

Alex is waiting for me in the kitchen but we decide to have breakfast when we come back. Matt has already left for school. We do a warm up walk past the Strydom’s house and then jog slowly to the beach. I still feel good when we reach the beach and we decide to do our little circle route down the beach and over the dune by the fishermen’s path. When we reach the path we stop to enjoy the slow rolling of the waves and pinky orange sky. We walk down to the edge of the water and Alex picks up a green shell. I don’t think I can wait any longer so I muster up the courage from somewhere and ask him the question that has ruled my thoughts for the best part of the hour gone past. “You can tell me what it is,” I say and he looks at me and nods. “Come, let’s walk back down the beach,” he says and we turn around, change of plan. “You are making me very nervous Alex; just tell me if it is treatable? I swear I have had enough now I am willing to try medication if I have to I just don’t think I can cope with this.”

“Lay, what you have is not treatable,” my shoulders drop and my disappointment doesn’t go unnoticed by him. “You can’t treat being in love,” he says and I stop walking.

“What do you mean...” I say but he holds up his hand.

“Let me explain this from a different point of view,” he says and puts on his doctor’s face. “When you grow up your body changes and a whole lot of different hormones start working in your system. It seems to me that you have somehow kept them from doing their job for some time. So when you started to like me you woke up all these hormones that make you a woman. That is one of the reasons you are crying, laughing and getting angry for little to no reason. It is also why you have been able to suppress some of your fears and even the OCD. Being in love changes the way your brain sees and perceives things.” I think it over for a while.

“So you are telling me you are the reason I am so messed up right now?” He laughs and shakes his head.

“I think it would have happened even if I wasn’t in the picture. It was just your body’s time to tell you to start looking for a mate.” I blush and he smiles. “What I mean is even if I didn’t show up when I did you would probably have fallen for someone else,”

“Someone like Matt?” I say and he nods. “I think you are wrong, there is a reason my body woke up when it did. I have known Matthew for a long time and nothing ever happened,” I say but he doesn’t look convinced. “You asked him to kiss you,” he reminds me,

“Because of you,” I say. “Okay let’s say my body did wake up now, because of you,” I add, “Why would Matthew’s attitude towards me change?” It doesn’t make sense to me at all the way he is all flirty and rough and gentle all at the same time. “That’s easy,” he says. “These hormones change the way you smell, it changes the way you walk and talk and it makes you softer, more sensual. Men are wired to pick up on this even though we don’t do so intentionally. It is nature’s way of making sure we all get paired up.”

“So Matthew is attracted to my new smell and all that stuff you just said?” he laughs.

“Yes, well sort off.”  He says. I sigh and start walking again scratching my head. “Lane, how old were you when you got your first period?” I think I am beyond the point where my face will ever get back its natural colour again. “What does this have to do with...”     

“The older you are when it starts, the later in life you get attracted to the opposite sex.” He makes it all sound so casual, as if boyfriends discuss this with their girlfriends all the time. “I was sixteen,” I say still walking and never looking up from the sand just in front of my toes. “That makes a lot of sense. You are a late developer, it explains everything.” I can see out the corner of my eye that he is looking at me but my eyes still focus on the sand. “If I may ask, who told you about all these things? Did your dad...” I laugh at him then and look up from under my eyebrows. “Are you serious? My dad? No ways. I like to read and from an early age I found reading nonfiction just as satisfying as fiction. I read a few books on how women are supposed to grow so I knew that it would happen to me some day. I prayed that it wouldn’t but it did, shortly after my sixteenth birthday.” He looks at me again but it is a sad look. “What now?” I ask not making sense of his expression. “You learnt all this from a book?” he asks and I nod proudly. “It wasn’t that bad, I mean I would rather have it that way than have my dad telling me about it all.” He takes my hand and squeezes it hard. “Do you really have no one at all that you can talk to?” he asks in a low tone maybe scared he will hurt my feelings if he says it out louder. “No, I told you, I have Matt, or had Matt and he was everything I needed, until I met you,” he smiles and looks very pleased with my answer. “Lay, I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything I don’t care what it is I will never judge you so please, trust me.” I think about it quickly but hesitate to actually say it out loud. “There is one thing,” I say and he puts on his doctor’s face again. “Why if I am in love with you, do I feel unsettled when Matthew takes off his shirt or hugs me? It never bothered me before.” For a split second I thought I saw him hurt but he masked it quickly and nods his head. “That is just a normal reaction really. I guess if any guy that ‘you’ unconsciously think might be a match for you does that you will have the same response.”

“So I don’t have to worry about it then, it’s not like I am falling for him or anything,” I say to make sure of what he just said.

“You won’t fall for him not while you have stronger feelings for someone else.” I am satisfied with that answer and blow out a long breath. “Okay, enough with all that head spinning stuff. I race you back home,” I say and start running away from him but he catches up quickly and we run over the flat dune and up the road back home.              

Chapter 13

Alex left after breakfast for an appointment and I start tidying my room. Nothing is out of place but I like touching my things and straightening my stuff. When I am done and satisfied that everything is in its right place I pick up my phone and call Bessie’s house. Emma answers and is so happy to hear my voice. I was surprised to see her this morning since it is only Friday and still so early. She usually only comes home Friday evening. I invite her over for tea at twelve and we both hang up, happy to be getting to know each other even better. After I told Thandi about my tea date she gets all excited about baking us little cupcakes. She is the best cook ever and I can’t wait to have Emma over. I am a little bit nervous because I have never had a girl friend before except the few girls I knew at boarding school but I don’t think I could call them friends.

Closer to the time with the cupcakes and little sandwiches ready I help Thandi pick out a tablecloth and set out the table outside on the deck. Everything looks pretty and I decide to go change into a summer’s dress that will match the sunny day. I hear Thandi talking to someone and slip on my sandals to go meet my new friend. Emma looks pretty in a pale pink dress and seems happy to see me again. I show her to the table and we start chatting about her school. A staff strike is the reason why she is home so early today but they have assured the parents and learners that the school and boarding will be back to normal on Monday. I ask about Sarah and she says that she is making very good progress. She is also doing her school work at the facility so she doesn’t fall behind. I am very relieved to hear that. The last thing she needs is to feel even more left out. Apparently Bessie is so home sick but is hanging on for the sake of her daughter. I don’t think Bessie has ever been away from home for longer than a few days. Thandi serves us tea with the beautifully decorated cupcakes and sandwiches. I am surprised to find that I am enjoying myself so much. I am completely relaxed and at ease with her. It is so different than spending time with Matt or Alex. With them I am constantly aware of myself and how I look and what I say. Emma seems to enjoy herself as well and Rocky is also pleased to see her again. We have been sitting there for about three quarters of an hour when Matt’s red Dodge drives up the road. I forgot that it is Friday which means a short day at school for everyone. He looks very smart in his principal’s attire and greets Emma and me both with a kiss on the cheek. Emma blushes and I am glad to see that I am not the only who suffers from Matt fever. I remember my manners and ask if he would like to join us for some tea. Off course he accepts and Thandi is in her element serving more tea and making sure everything is just right. I wonder what we would talk about now with Matthew joining in the conversation but he seems to choose topics wisely and Emma seems to relax a bit after a while. My phone rings and I excuse myself from the conversation to answer it privately. I walk over to the tree to answer Lin’s call. She wants to have a get together tomorrow night at ‘The Shack’ and I tell her that I will inform my babysitter of the plan. I hang up and turn to walk back to the table. Matt and Emma are sitting there laughing and he reaches over to pick up her hand and study her bracelet. A horrible feeling of nastiness starts up in my mind. I try to shake it off but it won’t leave. Why on earth would I be jealous of Emma and Matt, I should be happy that he is not harassing me. I think of what Alex told me on the beach and close my eyes to focus on Alex’s face. It seems to work. I feel the tension leaving and I slowly walk back to the table. Matt looks over at me quickly and then back to Emma and gives her his best half French all teeth smile. He is doing this on purpose. He is deliberately trying to make me jealous. I can’t believe that he would sink so low. I decide to join him in his little game. Now that I am aware of what is happening with me I am also aware of the unbelievable power a woman has over a man and I am about to put that power to the test, to teach him a lesson. I fake a big smile and walk back over to my seat. I slowly sit down sideways and cross my legs at the ankles. My dress pulls up a bit above the knee and I leave it just like that. I see that he is also aware of that but I ignore him completely and carry on talking to Emma. We laugh and I throw back my hair and play with my ring. Matthew looks at me openly now but I still ignore him. I pull on my necklace and run the little silver rose between my fingers. Then I let it drop again and it slips into the top of my dress. Matthew’s mouth drops open and I smile at him a big ‘what’s the matter now?’ smile. We talk a bit more with Emma and then she says she has to get going. She thanks Thandi for the tea and Matt and I walk her to the front garden gate and I put an extra little swing in my backside as I walk. Matt kisses her goodbye and I keep smiling as if it doesn’t bother me in the least. She is not even properly out the yard yet when he says through a fake smile and gritted teeth, “What do you think you are doing?” I smile and wave at Emma and turn around to walk back to the house, “Beating you at your own game,” I say victoriously. He grabs my arm and pulls me close to him. Thank goodness Emma has already gone around the bend. “Let me go,” I say in three syllables and battle to get out of his grip. “Only if you stop with this...” he stumbles over words, “This ridiculous act you are putting on,” I yank my arm free and move close to his face then I say it with as much conviction as I can, “Practise what you preach.”

I close the door of my room and lean against it. Just a few seconds pass and he knocks. “Lane open the door please,” I don’t say a word, “Lane open the door or I swear I will kick it down,” I move away and go sit on my couch. He carries on shouting at the door. After five minutes I am tired of it all and get up to open the ruddy door. “What do you want?” I say and he almost falls into the room. He looks quietly at me and I hate what it does to my insides. I try this morning’s trick again and focus on Alex. But before I have his image in my head Matthew is in my space and hugs me tightly. I try to break free but he holds me tightly and I give up. Tears spring to my eyes and I hug him back. “Lany baby I’m sorry. I don’t know what is happening or why I am being such a jerk to you. I promise it is not what I want to do it just sort of happens.” I forgive him just because I know exactly what he is going through. “I know, I feel the same way.” I say. We sit on my couch and I explain to Matt what Alex told me this morning. His eyes grow bigger and bigger as I finish. “So that’s it then, it is not something we have any control over,” I nod.

“It helps if I focus on Alex’s face when I start feeling a bit side tracked,” I say and he laughs. “I’m serious Matt, it works,”

“Yeah well the problem for me is that it is your face I will be focusing on and that defeats the whole purpose doesn’t it?”

“Oh,” I say and think of a way to solve this problem. “We could always get you someone else to focus on,” I try and he shakes his head. “Like who? Emma?”

“Well actually yes, that is a good option. She is a very sweet girl and she is pretty.” He gets up and walks to the window.

“Lany, that is not a good idea. I don’t want to think of anyone else.”

I am out of ideas. How will I convince him to forget about me? Maybe it is best if I just let him be. He will eventually see that I won’t be his. I walk to him and take his hand. “Matt I don’t want to lose you as my friend. You are very important to me.”