The Boy Who Came in From the Cold (7 page)

But why shouldn’t Gabe be self-assured? He had a great apartment, even if it could be in a fancier building. He obviously had a good job or he wouldn’t be able to afford all this. He had a great body, and he was handsome (
gorgeous
). What did he need? “A pet,” he said aloud without even being aware he’d done it.
“A pet?” Gabe asked.

“A dog or a cat. That’s what’s left.”

Gabe looked doubtful. “I don’t know. I’m not home a lot. That wouldn’t be fair to a pet.”
“What? Why aren’t you home? Where do you go?” Todd asked. “Hitting the town? The terror of men, gay
and
straight, everywhere?”

Gabe laughed. “Just really cute
straight
ones,” he replied and it took Todd a moment to realize Gabe was referring to him. He blushed. He was doing a lot of that. “I spend most of my time at work. My friend Tracy says I work too much, but what else is there? There’s no reason to rush home.”

“A cat, then,” Todd said. “They’re more independent. You don’t have to walk them and you can get home late. Just make sure they have food and water and they’re happy.”

“I would want something that wants me,” said Gabe, and they locked eyes. Gabe’s seemed to go dark, and how could that be with eyes as light-blue as his?

(The color of a country summer sky…)

“I love cats,” Todd said. “It was the only thing that my stepdad would let me have. I left Leia behind, though. I didn’t know if I could take care of her. Now I worry.”

“You don’t think your stepfather would hurt her do you?”

Hope not. He might
. “I think he would ignore her, maybe kick her out, and she could get hit by a car,” he said. He looked away. “They didn’t even call on Christmas. My family. I don’t have a phone, but they had the manager’s number in case of an emergency. I waited all day—thought Mom would at least leave a message.” He gave a laugh. “No. I didn’t think she would. I just pretended. Fantasized, you know? Of course, with the asshole apartment manager, she could have called and he wouldn’t have told me.”

“Todd. Shit. I am so sorry. What—what did you do for Christmas?”

“Swanson’s,” Todd answered, quietly.
“Excuse me?”

“Swanson’s frozen turkey slices. It was good. And watched my DVD of
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
.”

 

“Oh, Todd.”

 

Todd shrugged. Could have teared up again, but the pesky things were all gone.

 

Good. Only a fruit cries.

There was another of those infinite pauses. “Are you sleepy?” Gabe asked. “Would you rather me shut up and make the couch?”
No. Yes.
He wanted the man to go away, and he wanted him to stay. All he could say was, “I
am
tired.”

“Of course you are. You’ve had a really bad day. I’ll be right back.”

Gabe went to get the bedclothes and was back in a flash. He turned the leather couch into a comfortable-looking place to sleep just as quickly. “I’ll leave you to it,” Gabe said. “You can turn the music off as you like, same with the lights.”

Todd nodded. “Thank you, Gabe. Thank you for—” and felt himself leaning toward the man as if Gabe were a magnet.
God. What is happening to me?

You want him to kiss you again
.
“It’s okay,” Gabe said. “It was nothing.”

Todd felt his throat hitch. Then straightened himself. “It was everything.”
The two men stood facing each other for another long moment.

Finally, Gabe: “Night, Todd.”
“Pleasant dreams,” Todd replied.
“Pleasant dreams.”

And as Gabe left the room Todd realized that it would be enough if he could just get through until morning without a nightmare.
Chapter 4

 

I
T WASN’T until Gabe got to his room and had slipped out of his

sweats and T-shirt that he saw the alarm clock and realized how early it was. Not even eight thirty. Todd might be tired, probably was and should be, but Gabe didn’t usually hit the sack until after ten at least. Tired he wasn’t.

Can’t even watch some TV. Hadn’t
he
decided there was no place in the bedroom for a television?

 

“If you won’t let me watch CNN,” Daniel, his ex, would whine, “then what about porn?”

 

“We don’t need to watch porn,” Gabe had said.

 

“What about your Logan McCree videos,” Daniel had replied with a lascivious tone.

 

“We don’t need to watch them in our bed,” Gabe had said, blushing.

“Is that the reason you got a leather couch?” Daniel asked. “Easier cleanup?”
Whatever the reason, Gabe was in his bedroom, without porn or his flat screen. A bedroom was for sleeping or making love. Gabe had been firm then, but now? Was hindsight 20/20?

But hell. A little porn might be just the ticket right now. Not only did he feel restless, he was horny. He couldn’t believe how he was

reacting to Todd. Like he was some kind of randy teenager instead of a grown man.

Just admit it. He reminds you of Brett
.
Brett. God. Don’t think about
Brett.

Shitfire.
Jerking off might be what he needed. But without the porn, he knew that all he would think about was Brett or Todd, and for some reason, he didn’t want to think about either of them that way. If he pictured Brett, he would just feel lousy five seconds after he came. And somehow it felt wrong to allow himself to fantasize about Todd. Like he would be intruding or being a voyeur. It was silly, but it felt that way. Wrong. Objectifying Todd. Turning him into a mental pornographic movie, when in fact, Todd was human and alive and had feelings.

Of course, so were porn stars. But they’d volunteered to be sexual objects. Todd hadn’t. As a matter of fact, he’d already blundered by coming on to Todd, who hadn’t appreciated it one bit.

And what about that kiss? What was that about? Why did you kiss him? Talk about objectifying.

Todd liked it.
Gabe knew he did. Was the kid gay or not? Every instinct told him Todd was, but it was hard to tell. Todd was confused. But hell. So was Gabe. Mixed-up feelings to be sure. But feelings. Very real feelings.
Shitfire! You don’t need to bring someone out.
Wasn’t that the truth. Hadn’t he learned anything? What had bringing someone out accomplished in the past?
Shitfire, I am never going to get to sleep.
Read. That usually helps.

Gabe pulled on a nightshirt, left his bedroom, went quietly to his office, and took a look at his bookcase. There had to be something. The middle shelf, the one with family pictures, was where he kept the few books he was reading.

What
was
he reading? He couldn’t remember.

 

Was it the new Patricia Cornwell? No, wait.
The Third Gate
. And it was good. Why had he put it down?

 

Because you’re a workaholic, that’s why.
Not a workaholic. I just don’t really have anything to come home to.
You’ve got friends. Tommy and Jude, Harry and Cody. They’re all right there, right downstairs.

Not friends. Acquaintances. If I knocked on their door, they’d answer and look at me strangely and ask if there was something wrong. I’m just not all that social. I like living alone.

Liar.
“Gabe?” came a call from the living room.

Gabe looked down at himself. No bottoms, but he decided the nightshirt he’d pulled on covered everything and went down the hall. “You okay, Todd?”

“I don’t know how to turn off the stereo.”

“Oh. Sure.” He entered the darkened living room and saw Todd standing next to the sound system. “It’s the red light there on the left,” he said, approaching the young man. Todd was shirtless, and even in the dim light, as Todd turned to him, he could see what a nice chest he had. Quite nice in fact. Not as developed his own—

It’s not like he has a home gym.
—but defined and with a fine dusting of dark hair across his pecs.

Gabe started to reach for the off button, but Todd was standing right in front of it. “Excuse me,” he said and reached past the young man, barely keeping from grazing him. Todd’s nipples were standing hard and erect, and Gabe wondered what they would feel like, taste like, in his mouth.

Damn. Get a hold of yourself.
He shook himself, turned off the sound system, took a step back. Todd looked up at him and their eyes locked for what seemed

forever. “Thanks,” he said quietly.