The Lonely Hearts 06 The Grunt 2 (30 page)

Pulling himself away from his thoughts, Brett looked over at the two men beside him.  “What a night, huh?”

David just nodded as he took another shot.  He really was not interested in talking, just getting as fucked up as humanly possible. 

“One night is just like the other,” Gavin said, arms leaning on the bar.  Exhausted from the drive up from Wilmington, he was about to crash at the hotel when Brett had called him and invited him out for that beer they had previously discussed.  In truth, Gavin was tired of being at bars, but he could hear it in Brett’s voice that he needed to talk. 
Maybe he needed to talk too.
  

Brett starred at himself in the mirror on the other side of the bar.  He looked a damn mess.  The bruises had gone but the scars were permanent.  And yet, Courtney still loved him.  “Your sister hates me,” he said to David.

David downed another shot. “She doesn’t hate you.  She’s just mad at you.”

Gavin’s head quickly snapped over to Brett. “Why is she mad at you?”

David chuckled. “Because he’s stupid.”

Brett frowned. “I’m stupid?”

The alcohol burned David’s throat as it went down.  Swiveling in his chair, he turned his entire body toward Brett. “You’re a damn good Marine.” He lifted a finger.  “You’re the best Recon Marine that I’ve ever met outside of myself and my father. I’ll give you that, just man to man.” 

Gavin raised a brow.  This guy must not have seen him back in the day.  He made these new guys look like choir boys when he had two legs.  

Brett was taken aback by David’s compliment.  He glanced at the shot glass. “Maybe you’ve had one too many of those, man.”

David rolled his eyes. “I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass, and unfortunately, I don’t even have a buzz yet. I’m just putting it out there.”  He shrugged. “But you’re stupid because you don’t see that this transfer over to Wounded Warrior Battalion isn’t temporary.”  He picked up another one of the shots lined up in front of him and downed it, then pushed the empty glass down the bar.  He looked Brett in the eyes. “You’re not coming back.”

“You don’t know that,” Brett growled. 

“I know it,” David said, putting his arm on the bar.  “I’m your superior officer. You don’t think I know?  Everyone knows.” 

Brett shook his head.  “I can beat this fucking injury.”

“Yeah, you can.  You can beat it just enough to be transferred to an admin position.  Your MOS has to change. You cannot continue with a…” David pointed at Brett’s leg.  “You got shot by a fucking AK-47 in the leg!” he said in a strained voice, unable to understand how Brett didn’t get why returning was an option.  “You should be glad that you didn’t get shot in the face.”

Gavin nodded in agreement.  “Or in the balls.”

David motioned toward Gavin. 
He had a point.
“Or in the balls,” he repeated.

Brett wiped a hand over his face. “No.  I’m a fucking United States Marine…”

David cut him off. “So is everyone at the fucking bar.  So are hundreds of thousands of other men and women.  What is your point?”  He frowned at Brett. “What?  You think you’re special or something?”

“No, I don’t think I’m special,” Brett barked. Anger overwhelmed him. He hit the bar.  “But what the fuck am I if I don’t have it?  What the fuck am I supposed to do, if I’m not doing the job that I signed up to do that I was willing to die to do?  Who am I?” His voice rose. 

David blinked and shook his head. “You’re still Brett Black…a fucking Marine.” 

Brett bit his lip and inhaled a breath so vast until it nearly popped his lungs. “I’m not ready to retire.”

“And Joe wasn’t ready to die. Just be glad that you didn’t make that call.  Be glad that you didn’t cost four men their lives because you said go right when you should have said go left.”  David clenched his wide jaw.  Remorse darkened his bright brown eyes. 

Gavin put down his beer.  “You can’t possibly be serious?” he said to David.  “You give him this big speech just to sound just as stupid at the end.” 

Both Brett and David turned to Gavin. 

Gavin raised his boot cut pant leg past the gun holster and hit the prosthetic leg to make his point a little clearer.  He locked eyes with Brett.  “Here’s a wakeup call for both of you.  You get shot…you get FUBAR, there is no other recourse when you’re a Recon Marine and you end up lucky enough not to get killed but not lucky enough not to get injured. You end up either transferred or stepped out medically.”

Turning his fiery gaze to David, he tilted his head. “Someone has to make the call during an Op. Someone
always
has to make the call. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else with your rank.  That’s your job as an officer.  But once you make the call, the rest is not up to you.  What happens out there once we do what we’re supposed to do is not up to you.” He pulled down his pants leg.  “Sometimes you’re victorious, and we get to go back home happy.  Sometimes, someone gets shot or runs over an IED.”  His voiced lowered. “And sometimes you don’t get to come home at all, except in a body bag on ice.”  Gavin rested his forearms on the bar and took his eyes off of both of them. “But it’s not your call who gets to do any of it.  And it’s not our call either.  Otherwise, we’d win every battle…ever war; we’d never have funerals; we’d never need prosthetic limbs or wheel chairs or crutches or surgery or therapy or psychotropic drug or any other bullshit.  But you’re not in control of that.”

David needed to hear that, whether he knew it or not.  He sat there staring at Gavin for a minute before he straightened up in his chair. 

Brett picked up his beer and took a sip. 
What did they know?
Rolling his eyes, he pulled out his phone and checked it. 
Not one damn call from her.
 

“Courtney is my sister, and I love her,” David said, moving the attention off of him.  “Her happiness should mean more to you than the Corps.”

“Who says it doesn’t?” Brett asked defensively.

David laughed. “You’ve been walked out on, right?”

“Yeah, so what?”

“So, what did she leave you for?” David asked.

Gavin sucked in a breath. 
Low blow.
 

Brett didn’t respond.  He knew that David knew the answer to his question.

“Exactly.  Don’t make the mistake of losing a second woman.”  David thought of Kelly and sneered. “It’s really hard to find someone who not only makes you happy but tries to support you.  You have to support her back.  If you don’t…someone else will.” 

Brett threw his phone on the table. “I love her. I do, but I worry that she doesn’t want me. Not like this.”

“Cop out,” David said, unwilling to hear excuses. 

Brett sucked his teeth. “It’s not a cop out.  It’s the truth.”

“Dude, you got shot.  That handsome pretty boy mug got scared. So what.  Chicks dig that shit,” Gavin joked. 

“I’ve known my sister for a lot longer than you, and she’s never given a man what she’s given you…which is everything by the way.”  David watched Brett’s facial expression change from anger to sadness. 

“She told me to kiss her ass,” Brett said, still blown away by that. “She’s fed up with my shit.” 

“Correction. She told all of us to kiss her ass,” David chuckled. Now that had been actually funny and very much out of character for Courtney. It would definitely go down in Lawless history. 

Gavin chimed in. “I’m sure I would have been the only one at the table to oblige her, but for the team I would have literally kissed her ass.”

Brett looked down the bar at him. “And that would have been the last ass you would have ever kissed.”

“It would have been worth it,” Gavin said with a wide grin and wink. Brett’s wife was super fine. 
Too fine
for him in his opinion.  Although, he’d never even picture that scenario of kissing her ass.  Brett was his friend, therefore, Courtney was family, just like Judy. 

All three men laughed, breaking the tension in the conversation and giving them a chance to relax.    Finally, levity.  It was a hard thing to come by these days. 

“She just wants you to put her first,” David reiterated.  “Like she’s been doing for you.”

Brett knew that David was right.  “Yeah.  She’s been definitely putting me first.  It’s so uncomfortable.”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “She’s the glue in my life. She keeps all of us together.”  But it was more than that.  “I can’t live without her, but I know she’d do just fine without me.  I mean, she’s unstoppable,” he said thinking about all she had accomplished for them in just a short period of time. 

David wished that Kelly had felt that way about him, but obviously not.  What was obvious was that his old flame had serious ambition, but that only gave him more fuel for his career fire.  If it was the last thing that he did, he would make Commandant of the Marine Corps, just so he could rub it in her damn face. 

Gavin picked up another shot.  “Hey, do you think a woman can tell that you can’t feel anything?”

David looked over at him and frowned. “Can’t
feel
anything?”

Gavin blinked slowly, head still facing forward.  “Yeah,” he said, recalling the conversation with Daisy.   

“What do you mean,
like
, you can’t feel her when you are inside of her?” Brett asked confused by Gavin’s question.
Where the hell had that come from?
 

“That sounds like a medical problem.  You should have that checked out,” David said, suddenly not feeling so bad about his situation.

Gavin rolled his eyes. “I can feel my
dick
.”  The words blurted out a little louder than he intended.  The bartender took his eyes slowly off the game and looked over at Gavin unapprovingly. 

Gavin lowered his voice and looked at his open palms. “I mean, I can’t…fall in love with a woman anymore.”  His confession was hard for him to admit.  “I can’t feel anything.  I just know what to say and know what to do to get what I want and make them feel like they want to give me what I want, but inside…nothing.” 

David laughed cynically. This guy was complaining about not being able to feel love when his heart was breaking into.  The irony of it…“It’s overrated.  Trust me,” he said, picking up his beer again. 

“I wouldn’t say it’s overrated.”  Brett raised a brow. “It is complicated though.” 

“Well, which one is it?” Gavin asked sincerely. “Complicated or overrated?”

David shrugged.  “Both,” he said, taking another swig of his beer. His thoughts were still with Kelly.  “It’s like this.  As long as you act like you don’t care where the relationship is going, they’re attentive.”  His eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of the situation. “They set up all these parameters, make you jump through all these hoops and lay down all the rules.”  He took in a deep breath. “As soon as you comply,” he slammed his closed fist in hand.  “Bam!  They don’t want you anymore.” 

Brett twisted up his lips.  He didn’t agree with David, but he understood his frustration.  Being rejected wasn’t exactly the type of thing that a man took well from his girlfriend.  “You’ll have to excuse him.  His girlfriend of over a year just broke up with him after he proposed to her.” 

Gavin bucked his eyes.  “
Damn!
Talk about #wastinghistime.”  And that was why he doubted he’d ever get married. Women were too much of a mystery.  He licked his lips. “Still doesn’t answer my question though.”

“You don’t feel anything, because you don’t love the woman.”  Brett raised his finger for another whiskey. “And if you don’t love her, she can’t feel anything, because there is nothing there to feel.”

David thought that they were getting ahead of themselves with the bar diagnosis.  “Wait.  Do you love her?  Do you like her?  Do you want to love her?” David asked, just for clarification.

The idea was preposterous to Gavin.  Did he want to love the bartender at the strip club?  “No,” Gavin answered.  “I just want to be able to love when I meet the right woman.” 

Brett downed another shot. “Well, then, there you go. You’ll know it when you feel it.” 

“Not true.  I felt it.  And she…didn’t.”  The men were silent at his response and at that moment, David suddenly felt like he had shared too much, allowed himself to be too vulnerable. So he shut it all off.  He looked down at all the empty shot glasses in front of them and pulled out his keys from his pocket.  Setting them on the bar, he reached out his right hand to Gavin.  “Keys, please.”

“For what?” Gavin asked. He didn’t have the least bit of a buzz right now, and he didn’t need a babysitter.

“Because we’re not drinking and driving.” David took Gavin’s keys and pushed both sets up to the top of the bar.  “Until you get a DD-214, I’m still your superior officer, Brett, and after that, I’ll just be your pain-in-the-ass brother-in-law.  Either way, I have a responsibility to look out for you.  I’ll call Uber and have them pick us up once we’re done.

“Uber?”  Gavin rolled his eyes.  He was more accustomed to having the girl he meets at the bar take him home.  And there is always a girl, no matter what.  He skimmed the empty bar. 
Usually,
there was always a girl.