The Remedy Files: Illusion (14 page)

I let his words repeat in my head over and over again, trying to get them to sink in. There is so much to digest.

“Gavin, why do people want to feel? This is horrible. I am so glad you don’t have to.”

“Evie,” Gavin lets out a sigh. “I can feel. I’ve been able to for many years.”

“But you said you read a book…”

“I wasn’t able to explain to you about Remedy and what it was doing to you. I wanted you to feel so badly. It’s not always terrible. There are some great feelings. You will soon discover those too, I promise. Right now you are still experiencing withdrawal.” He ran his fingers lightly down the side of my cheek. “I can feel your smooth cheek and the slight hint of tears that are beginning to dry. Can you feel me?”

I can. I can feel Gavin’s finger stroke the side of my cheek. His touch feels so warm and welcoming. For the first time in twelve years since we have played this game, I am finally able to answer, “Yes.” My body begins to relax from his touch and my breathing becomes heavier. “Please keep doing that,” I request.

A hazy thought enters my mind and I barely find the energy to mumble, “Liam won’t hurt me?”

Gavin’s voice seems so far away as though coming through my ear as a slight breeze. “He asked the same thing about you.”

“What?” My word is slurred. Speaking suddenly seems like the hardest thing in the world to do.

“He knew you worked at the Clinic. He wasn’t sure how much knowledge you had of… things. No, he’s a good guy. You can trust him.”

That’s all I needed to hear. It doesn’t take long for me to fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.
 

CHAPTER 20

The next morning I am awakened by the sounds of numerous voices. I look over to the side and see Gavin asleep several feet away on a blanket set on a pile of leaves. I slowly sit up, my head is hammering but less so than what it was yesterday. 

To my left is where all the voices are stemming from. I barely see the outlines of several men and women who look busy with different activities. A couple of them seem to be cooking. I take a deep breath in. Yes, it smells so good. Roasted peppers and sausage. My nose has always been able to pick up on specific food smells. Jacqueline used to make fun of me.

My stomach growls. I feel hungry.
I feel,
I think again, smiling at the thought.

I swing my feet over the side of the cot and wonder if I should try standing up.

“Be careful.”

I jump a little and look behind me. Liam is standing there with a cup and plate in his hands.  

“Can I come a little closer?”

I nod and slide over on the cot to make room for him. Liam instead sits down on the ground facing me.

“Liam, I need to apologize…”

“Don’t. I understand.” He lifts up the plate in his hand. “I brought you some food. Do you want to try to eat?”

“Yes, thank you.” I grab the plate from him and survey the contents. There are tiny chunks of the peppers and sausages I smelled as well as a variety of berries and melons. I pick one of the berries and put it in my mouth. The juice squirts my tongue and I am enjoying feeling something I’ve never been able to feel before. I toss the berry back and forth in my mouth a little bit and finally swallow. Instantly my face becomes warm and my stomach twists. I don’t think the food is going to stay down. I take a couple of deep breathes and the feeling escapes. I think I will be okay after all.

I wait a minute to make sure the queasiness is gone and then pop another berry in my mouth. “So how long have you been here?” Hopefully the conversation will help keep me distracted as I attempt to eat.

Liam is swirling the contents inside his cup. He looks up at the sky, and then replies “It’s been a couple of weeks now.”

“Why did you leave our Community?” Then a horrible thought crosses my mind. “Were you punished as well?”

“No.” I see his mind working. “Well, not exactly.”

I tear a piece of the sausage off and put it in my mouth. The flavors fill my senses. This tastes so good. I shove another piece in my mouth before I swallow the last bit. “What happened then?”

“I guess you can say Gavin kind of saved me like he saved you. Despite the common hero, our stories are quite a bit different, though. It actually happened not long after I first met you…”

Oh no, the heat wave rolls through my body. All of a sudden I feel dizzy. I drop the plate and lean over to the side of the cot away from Liam as everything I just swallowed comes back up and falls to the ground.

Liam instantly jumps up and pulls my hair out of my face. He rubs my back as I heave over and over again, not leaving anything at all left in my system when there was already little to nothing. When I finally cannot vomit anymore at all, Liam tilts me back in his arms and pours some of the liquid in his cup down my throat. The cool water runs over the rawness of my throat in efforts to soothe it.

After the cup is empty, Liam continues to lean me all the way down until my head is resting on the cot pillow. “Get some more rest, Evangeline. We will try food again another time.”

I watch Liam clean up the mess I made and walk towards the center of Rebirth. I lay on my side, holding my stomach and wishing the nausea would go away.

When I turn over on my other side, I think I catch Gavin’s eyes open but they close before I can be sure he is awake. I watch him for a bit before my own eyes get heavier and I let the exhaustion overtake me.

***

I am in the glass box again. No! I pound on the clear panel walls and scream as loud as I can. “Help me! Somebody help me!” I lift my fist to beat them again and when I do, the walls move in a little closer. I pound again, and the walls move in even more so. The box is getting smaller!

I hear a loud noise and look out past the walls. It’s Gavin! “Gavin look at me! I am in the box again! You have to help me!” 

Gavin is walking down the street towards me. He is looking directly into my eyes. He must see me. Somebody can see me this time!

As Gavin gets closer, I feel the ground violently shake. In the distance behind him, tops of the trees fall to the ground and smoke billows up behind them. We’re back in the forest.

“Gavin, run! You have to run!”

The aggressively trembling ground causes Gavin’s walk to become unbalanced. The rumbling roar is growing louder and more distinct every second. The shiny steel frame appears, reflecting the sun’s rays and making the scene behind Gavin light up in a blinding glow. The train’s size is multiplying as it moves in closer to Gavin.

“Turn around! Train! Watch out for the train!” I hammer on the walls, screaming as loud as I can in efforts to get him to see what’s coming for him. The box I’m in is getting smaller, smashing my face and body between the panes of glass. I can’t breathe. 

Gavin is getting closer to the box and I see the smirk that I have grown so accustomed to-
my
smirk – start to appear on his face. Before it can spread completely, I watch in horror as the train knocks him down, rolling over his body, slicing him with the thin wheels.

“Noooo! Gavin!”

Cold water splashes my face. “Evangeline, wake up!”

I am sobbing and crying so hard I cannot catch my breath.

Somebody yells, “Get Gavin! Hurry, go find Gavin and tell him to get back now!”

Gavin? Gavin is alive?

I force my eyes open, wiping the water from my face with the back of my hand as best as I can. My body is shaking and convulsing so much I am having a hard time controlling it.

“Come here,” says a voice. Arms wrap around me. My head is pressed against his chest. I can hear a heartbeat. I focus on the steady thump, thump, thump. Gavin. Gavin is alive. I take a deep breath in. Soap, fresh water rain and a scent that I cannot place but just want to keep breathing in.

I pull my head away from his chest and look up. That’s not Gavin.

“Liam.” My voice can barely force his name out.

His hand travels from my upper back to my lower back, repeating the movement. The fiery chill ripples through me each time the cycle repeats. I glance down at my arm and see those tiny bumps appear that initially showed up weeks ago when I first touched Liam.

Suddenly he stops and pulls away. “I’m sorry Evangeline. I am probably the last person you want to comfort you. Gavin is hunting and I know this is what he does when you have your nightmares, and… well, I didn’t know what else to do… you seemed so distraught and I wanted to help.”

I look at Liam, allowing myself to get lost in his eyes. He’s kind and gentle despite his tall and broad shoulder frame. My eyes travel down to his mouth. His lips are slightly parted and surrounded by scruff in his slow growing beard unlike the clean-shaven man I had first met months ago. He smells so good. The scent alone relaxes me. I feel safe and I know this.

I slide closer to Liam and place my head back on his chest. He seems hesitant but then puts his arms back around me. This time, I put my arms around his waist and drift back off to sleep.

***

I awake to the morning sun shining brightly on my face. For the first time in my life, I can actually feel its warmth and I want to bask in it all day.

I begin to stir a bit but become aware that there are arms wrapped around me. I let my eyes survey the area as much as possible without moving. There is one arm propped under my neck and the other around my waist. I take a deep breath in.

Instantly I realize I do not want to move. It’s not just the sun I want to bask in but now I don’t want to leave these arms either. There is something so familiar about them. Something that I don’t ever want to leave.

Indescribable energy begins to fill my body as suddenly I have to move otherwise I feel as though I will burst. Inch by inch I begin to turn my body around until I am face to face with a sleeping Liam. He looks so peaceful. He has a hint of a smile on his face so the lines on the sides of his eyes are revealed. His breathing is steady and calming. I wonder what he is dreaming about, or if he’s dreaming at all.

“Good morning.”

Surprised, I lift my head. Gavin is standing behind Liam. I quickly sit up which wakes Liam. His eyes slowly open and he blinks, with his thick eyelashes lapping over his eyes a couple of times. He looks at me and smiles. Then jumps off the cot backwards and plows into Gavin. I stifle a laugh at Liam’s clumsiness.

“Hi Gavin, Evangeline.” Liam gives a quick nod before turning on his heel, half jogging to get away from us.

Gavin watches him leave and then sits down on the cot in Liam’s place with his back to me. I lay my head back down on the pillow.

“Did you have another nightmare?”

“Yes. Earlier I did.”

“I am sorry I wasn’t here for you again, Evie.”

“It’s okay.” I try to reassure him, “Liam was here.”

Gavin stands up without saying a word. He begins pacing back and forth.

“What’s wrong?”

Gavin stops and looks at me. Initially his face is hardened but it eventually softens a bit and he sits back down on the cot.

“I just want to be here for you, that’s all.”

“It’s okay, Gavin. I know you have responsibilities. I don’t expect you to be with me all the time.”

Gavin turns around and places his hand on my cheek, stroking it ever so lightly. “But you are my priority.” He removes his hand and then opens his mouth to speak again, but stops.

“What is it?”

Gavin shakes his head. “I’m going to get you some breakfast.”

“Actually, can you help me walk? I would like to try to move. I am feeling a little better today and kind of sick of this cot.”

Gavin’s eyes light up. “Yeah, that’s a great idea. I’d love for you to meet everyone.” He sits down on the cot, putting one arm under mine and says, “You ready to try this?”

I nod and we both stand up in unison. Looking down, I notice a gray hoodie that Gavin must have put on me. Underneath it, the green dress is poking out. The dark spots are obvious and splattered all about.

Gavin sees the look on my face and says, “I had one of the women give you a cloth bath while you were sleeping. She tried to clean you up as much as possible. Once you can move better, we have some clothes for you and can direct you to the bathing area.”

“Okay.” I mumble, feeling overwhelmingly embarrassed for my appearance. I then smile. “Gavin, those emotions you taught me? They’re all quickly making sense.”

He laughs and I can feel the ripple effect it has on his body. These are things I’ve never been able to notice before. “And you thought those games were stupid.” He responds, teasing me.

We slowly walk to a bigger clearing in the woods and a mix of voices rise up. There are people milling about everywhere- maybe a total of twenty or thirty within eyesight. They are all working hard, gathering food, cooking, building houses and walls around Rebirth.

“Did something happen recently to Rebirth?” I ask Gavin.

“What do you mean?”

“Everything looks pretty new. I didn’t know if something happened like an attack or war or something like The Before.”

“Oh, no, Evangeline… that’s not the case.” He stops walking for a bit and looks at me, biting his lip. “Rebirth is… well, it is indeed new.”

“I don’t understand.” I’ve known Gavin for twelve years. How can his Community be new? He had to have been born somewhere, raised somewhere, lived somewhere.

“Listen, I will tell you, I promise. It’s a long story and right now, I want to get you introduced to Rebirth so you know your way around. We will talk more soon.” Gavin lifts his lips up to my forehead and then stops in midair. Despite my pain, I feel this burning from within to want to lean forward, to encourage his lips to touch my forehead. And this feeling… it surprises me.

He steps back, looking into my eyes. In a rapid moment, he’s back to my side, holding me up and we are taking steps forward as though nothing else had just happened.

Before I can think much more about it, Gavin yells out “Marlena! Hey, come here for a sec!”

Ahead of us I see a tall, slender woman, tan from the sun with long brown hair pulled into a ponytail. She’s leaning over  a piece of wood, sawing it as flecks of sawdust are floating in the air around her. She looks up when she hears Gavin call her name and waves with her free hand. She finishes sawing through the piece of wood, sets the saw down on the ground and jogs our away.

As she’s getting closer, I see how beautiful she actually is. She pulls her goggles up on top of her head, and wipes away the dust from her face. She has a big smile with perfect teeth, putting my slight overbite to shame. That’s when I realize, this must be Gavin’s pairing. She’s exactly as I pictured her- opposite of me in almost every single way. Inside, I suddenly feel a new emotion, a pinch in my stomach and immediately I deem it as jealousy.