The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) (16 page)

“I am afraid that I must concur with your assessment, Mr. Temperance. Oh dear,  I say, take care, ZodGila!”

~WAMMO!!!~

“Hai, that second impact from Kitkara’s clenched, double-fisted claws has rocked the great ZodGila a second time!”

“If you please, my friends, the merciless Kitkara prepares for the third and final assault.”

~ZAMMO!!!~

“ZodGila ain’t beat yet, y’all, our boy is still standing!”

“Indeed, however, Kitkara is still in flight and ZodGila is barely conscious. I say, look at that. What is that super-monster up to now? He has brought himself to a stationary position directly above ZodGila. Kitkara is now slowly ascending. ZodGila is unaware of Kitkara’s position.”

“Hai, Persephone, Kitkara is so high up in the air, now, that he is just a very small super-monster to my eye.”

“If you please, Kitkara is now plummeting from the sky! He hurtles to Earth with a velocity unheard of!”

“He’s gonna land right on top of ZodGila! Look out, ZodGila!”

~SPLOOGE!!!~

“Bad show, I say! That naughty kitty has pounced upon our green hero! Kitkara has crushed ZodGila beneath his falling bulk!”

~whoom.~

~WHOOM.~

~WHOOM!~

~WHOOM!!!~

~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~

~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~

~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~

~WHOOP!WHOOP!WHOOP!WHOOP!~

“I don’t believe what my peepers are telling me! Kitkara is actually lifting ZodGila up out of the water by clutching ZodGila’s double row of roughly triangular ridges that run down his back!”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod, Kitkara is carrying ZodGila higher and higher into the air! ZodGila is slowly regaining his consciousness. I think he now realizes his danger and struggles to free himself, but to no avail! Clutching the hapless giant in his merciless claws, Kitkara now soars to dizzying altitudes!”

“If you please, Kitkara has dropped the incomparable ZodGila! On and on, the massive behemoth plunges toward Earth.”

~~~BLOOMPH.~~~

“Poor ZodGila y’all. I don’t think that even the great ZodGila could survive that tremendous fall.”

“Oh, pooh, I once again must agree, Mr. Temperance. Here comes the victor, casually winging his way down to gloat over his victim.”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“Ha, ha! We have triumphed over the inferior super-monster of Earth!

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“I just flew in from Plane
t
Eckes
,
and boy are my wings tired.
”

“REEER-RORLL!”

“I think I shall just merrily prance to the nearest of Earth’s major metropolitan developments to begin my reign of terror and destruction.”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Of Earth’s super-monster”

“There is no trace.”

“I go now to devour”

“the whole human race.”

“All life on Earth”

“I shall erase”

“Oh, Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Oh, Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Oh, Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Oh, Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Oh, Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“If you please, Ichsa-bod, it appears that the mighty ZodGila is not to return. I am so sorry.”

~sniff~
“But, Miss Rhianico, Ma’am,
~sniff~
what are we gonna do without him?”

“Tut, tut, Mr. Temperance, you are not to worry, sir, for we
shall
persevere and overcome. Now then, the first order of business is to get word to ToeKey-Oh that another threat swiftly approaches. The city must resume the evacuation process. With any luck, the city never stalled in their initial exit, and it will be a depopulated city that awaits the horrific Kitkara, eh hem?”

“Hai, I hope you are right, Persephone. The fastest way to return to ToeKey-Oh is by these air service wings. Ichsa-bod has made the necessary repairs to his set, so all we need...”

“If you please, Jubei, I do not want to part from you again!”

“Nor do I wish to be separated from you, Mr. Temperance.”

“But Miss Rhianico, and Miss Plumtartt, Ma’ams, we only got the ’lectric-scooter and the two pair of wings. There ain’t no other way to get us all back to the city.”

“Oh, but if you please, Ichsa-bod, I am confident that I can operate a set of air service wings, myself.”

“Hai, Rhianico, I have given you a limited amount of instruction, but you have never actually flown! It is too dangerous!”

“If you please, Jubei, this is just as much my fight as any one else’s. Maybe more so, for it was my brother, Doctor Autwell Lionelstein, whose actions have brought ruin down upon the Earth, and shame to my family name.”

“Are you sure, Miss Rhianico, Ma’am?”

“If you please, hai, Ichsa-bod.”

“I say, I hate to be a damper upon your heroics, but I feel impelled to point out that we are without a high cliff or structure to launch from, eh hem?”

“Hai, Persephone is right, Ichsa-bod, what shall we do?”

“Hmm, oh, I know! We’ll fly a kite!”

---

“Are you ready, Jubei? Do those slidy shoes feel like they’re gonna skid properly?”

“Hai!”

“Hi! How about you, Miss Rhianico, Ma’am? You still wanna go through with this?”

“If you please, Ichsa-bod, how do you say, ‘let’s get her accomplished’?”

“Hi! Yes, Ma’am! All right then, get ready! On my mark. . . Here!  . . We! . . Go-o-o-o-o-o !  !  !   ! ”

~WHZZZ-Z-Z-ZOOOOOOM!!!~

“How are we doin,’ Miss Plumtartt?”

“So far so good, one might observe, Mr. Temperance! Our two tethered friends are still upright, having survived the initiation of our launch sequence, eh hem?”

“Good! How ’bout them slider baskets? Are they holding up?”

“They are performing splendidly, I am thrilled to report. As this high-powered speed cycle hurtles along the soft terrain of this sandy turfed and sea-grass graced Nipponese beach, our companions in tow are sliding atop the grassy grounds, their feet both encased in the reed woven baskets secured to our aeronauts’ feet.”

“We should have ’em close to being airborne by now, Miss Plumtartt. I hope so because we are quickly running out of drivable terrain, Ma’am.”

“They are aloft, Mr. Temperance! I am releasing the tow-rope!”

“Hang on, Miss Plumtartt!”

“Do not worry for my comforts, Mr. Temperance; rather, please concentrate on your duties as dynorator-cycle chauffeur, sir.”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtart Ma’am. I don’t feel good about endangering you, Ma’am, but our needs require that my piloting might at times border on the reckless. Please let me know if you need me to slow down.”

“I say, I do so very much appreciate your concern for my comfort and safety, Mr. Temperance. Under normal circumstances, I might be inclined to reprimand you for such egregious flagrance of local traffic ordinances; however, things being what they are, I am inclined to grant you complete autonomy in your driving habits.”

“Thanks, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. Um, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course, sir, how may I be of service?”

“Well, uh, it’s just that you and I are alone together...”

“I suppose that hurtling along together at speeds upwards of eighty miles per hour, dodging carts, wagons and assorted military vehicles, on a super-powered, electric-motored cycle does preclude the accompaniment of properly chaperoned companionship. However, the circumstances of having a colossal super-monster from the hostile origin of Planet Eckes should nullify any breach in accepted etiquette, my bashful paramour.”

“That’s good, Miss Plumtartt. Um, may I make another observation?”

“Oh, please do, sir.”

“Well, Ma’am, the way I am laying out across the top of this high speed scooter, with my head low and my feet up high, and then you’re back there, spooned in nice and tight, conforming to my shape and squeezing ahold of me with both arms locked in a crushing waist lock, hugging me like your life depends on it is a really pleasant sensation, Ma’am.”

“Eh hem, well, now that you mention it, the requirement of having to shout to make ourselves heard above the rush of the wind and my clinging to you with both arms as if my life depended on it because it does, aside, the proximity we share is, I readily concede, a pleasing thing to me as well, my tautly built beau. I confess, the press of your wiry frame brings me a measure of reassurance.”

“You too, Miss Plumtartt.”

---

“Well, here we are, Miss Plumtartt. This here is Toshi’s broadcasting station. From here, we are afforded an unobstructed view of the expansive valley basin that contains the harbour and sprawling city of ToeKey-Oh. You can see the damage that ZodGila wrought when he was here.”

“Need I remind you, Mr. Temperance, that we are not here as tourists. Rather, our interest lies in whether the city’s inhabitants have safely evacuated. I am relieved to see that ToeKey-Oh gives every appearance of being completely deserted. This is most fortuitous, for if I am not mistaken, I see and hear the approach of our strange visitor from Planet Eckes, the ‘
Ineluctible One’
, Kitkara.”

“Yes, Ma’am. He moves with stealth, braced for attack. I am thinking that he now realizes that there is no defense being offered here. His bearing has completely changed. He is now strutting around like he owns the place! Did you see that? He just nonchalantly knocked that great crane over with a casual flick of his weighted tail! Look at him now! He is ripping up the docks in a manner that makes me think he is just sharpening his claws. Uh, oh, he is getting really agitated now! I’m not sure, but maybe he is just acting like he is excited. He is all scrunched up and coiled to spring. His tail is flicking around uncontrollably! His ears are pinned back and he has a wild, untamed look in his eyes!”

“By the Emperor’s New Clothes! He leaps! Spreading his great, golden wings, he soars across the bay and now falls upon ToeKey-Oh proper! Clutching and biting, he pulls several city blocks into his grasp and with his rear feet, viciously rakes the buildings into kindling.”

“Whoa! There he goes again! He has leapt to another section of the city and is repeating the maneuver. Now he has jumped up. He is crouched low in front, and has his rear end sticking up behind. He is clawing and raking that whole neighborhood to smithereens, Miss Plumtartt!”

“Quite so, Mr. Temperance, yes he is. What the devil is this three-headed, feline dragon from the depths of the aether’s void doing now? Why, that pompous super-monster is happily marching this capital city into the rubbish bin! The great architecture of this dynamic city is crushed asunder. Oh, what a loathsome sight. Worse still, is the smug look on Kitkara’s faces.”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, he sure ’nough is proud of his’self. Don’t look now, but I think that rascal is fixin’ to toot his own horn again.”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“REEER-RORLL!”

“Ha, ha, ha!”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“Thus begins the end of the upstart Earthlings!”

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“None shall challenge the invincible might of Planet Eckes!”

“REEER-RORLL!”

   “Let us sing a quick song of victory before we continue with our wholesale destruction of this second rate planet!”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Mighty talons claw”

“Hind legs will rake.”

“This city’s dust is flour,”

“For the poison cookies I Bake.”

“Where has humanity run?”

“The insignificant specks.”

“I shall devour them all!”

“To the glory of Planet Eckes!”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Invincible!”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Ineluctible!”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“The mightiest creature in the Universe!”

“Kitka... urgh.”

“Kit... urgh.”

“Super-Controller!”

“Super-Controller!”

“Kitkara is the greatest weapon of the greatest person in the universe, Super-Controller.”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“I say, Mr. Temperance, was it just I or did you too notice a peculiar, if momentary, twitch, with the great Kitkara’s behaviours, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, all three snaky necks went to twisting, letting their cat heads loll about insensibly. Their kitty eyes, stretched wide and unblinking, went to rolling madly about, as the three heads were fighting an unseen inner battle for control of their voices.”

“However the struggle of id is now passed and the kitten has come home to roost. Once again, ToeKey-Oh is this fanciful feline’s litter pan.”

“Yes, Ma’am, and now, with one last complete spin, raking out chunks of the city to scatter over several miles, Kitkara, the three-headed, dragon-skinned, hammer-tailed, gryphon-winged, lion-bodied, hydra-necked, kitty-cat has sashayed out of sight, seeking other sections of this victimized city to further spread the malignant malevolence of Planet Eckes.”