Undeniably Asher (The Colloway Brothers Book 2) (39 page)

“Asher…” Her eyes swim with unshed tears.

“Don’t say anything unless it’s yes.”

“No ‘yes or no’ ultimatum this time?”

“No. Because all I want to hear is yes.”

“Okay.” A devilish smile spreads across her face, but I’m still waiting to hear only one word.

“Okay? Is that a yes, or is that just an okay?”

“Yes.”

“Yes it’s a yes, or yes it’s just an okay?”

She laughs, her smile bright and happy. Cupping my face, she sobers a bit. “Your proposal was more of a demand than a question. You’re very bossy.”

My lips curl. “You love it.”

“Yes.”

“Yes you love it or yes you’ll marry me.”

After a few beats, she answers, “Yes to both.”

“Alyse…” My eyes close briefly before opening and capturing hers. I find myself tumbling into her dark, fathomless pools. I plan on staying blessedly adrift there forever. “God, I love you.”

“Show me. Show me I’m yours.”

I stand, wrapping her legs around me, my cock pulsing, dying to slip into her wet heat after two nights away. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you. Over and over.”

My mouth latches onto hers as I carry her to our bedroom and gladly fulfill
her
every demand this time.

Chapter 43

Alyse

“Oh my God, you look amazing!” I squeeze my sister tight, hardly able to believe how fantastic she looks. She’s absolutely glowing. Even in the two short weeks since I last saw her, her belly has rounded out a bit further.

“Soaking in vitamin D for two weeks does wonders for a person.”

“Somehow I don’t think that a few rays have you glowing like that,” I tease.

“You’re right,” Livia giggles.

“I missed you,” I tell her, truly meaning it.

“I missed you, too.”

“Liar.”

“No, I really did. It was great to spend some quality alone time with Gray, but I’m also glad to be home and able to get back into a routine. Sleeping in my own bed. Spending time with my sister.”

Gray and Livia returned from their honeymoon last night, and I’ve been dying to spend some alone time with her. I have so much to tell her.

“Can I get you anything?” I ask.

“No. I’m good. Thanks.”

I pour myself another glass of wine before taking a seat beside her, nerves setting in.

“So are you going to tell me about the blinding rock that’s weighing down your left hand?”

I can’t help but smile as I gaze at my almost three-carat cushion-cut platinum engagement ring that Asher and I picked out last Friday. In fact, I haven’t been able to stop smiling for over a week. He was pissed that the boutique jewelry store he wanted to take me to was closed on January first, so we had to wait until the next day. That was a whole week ago now. “Yeah, about that…”

“About that,” she mimics.

“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I wanted to tell you in person.”

She nods. “You look radiant, Lysee. So happy.”

“God, I am, Libs. Sickeningly happy. You don’t think it’s too soon?” I don’t. I know with every fiber of my being that Asher’s the one for me, but I guess I’m also seeking the approval from the one person outside of Asher who really matters.

My sister.

My friend.

My pseudo mother.

“I think the heart wants what it wants and when you know, you know. There’s no magical timetable for falling in love, Alyse. I fell head over heels for Gray the first time I saw him, even though I tried hard to resist his charms.”

“Sometimes I don’t think it’s real, you know,” I tell her, my voice low.

“Yes, I do know,” she answers just as softly. I sense those secrets I know she’s hiding coming closer to the surface.

Our gazes hold for a minute in solidarity. It’s time to spill my secrets again, but this time it will be easier.

“I have so much to tell you, Libs.”

“Me too,” she replies.

I take a deep breath and start my story from the beginning. I tell her about Beck. I tell her about our mother and how our father kept her away. I tell her about the baby I lost. I even tell her about my summer fling with Asher when I was seventeen, which makes her laugh.

Two more glasses of wine and half a box of tissues later, I get one last confession off my chest, so I can start this year completely free. Free from burdens. Free from secrets. Free from bitterness.

Free to be completely happy.

“I’ve had a lot of resentment toward you, Libs.”

She swallows and her eyes water again. “I know, Alyse. I’m sorry.”

“I’m trying to let it go, but when you left I felt abandoned. Again. I needed you more than I ever had and you were just…gone.” Telling a person you love that they’ve disappointed you is gut-wrenchingly hard. Let’s face it, who really
likes
confrontation? But it’s far better than letting that resentment fester deep inside until it becomes cancerous, permanently tainting your relationship.

Rising from the couch, Livia walks to the window. It’s snowing, and while I hate the cold and snow, from this height I have to admit the white flakes floating down from the heavens above are peaceful and beautiful. A complete contradiction to how I feel right now.

“I didn’t leave you, Alyse. I…saved you.”

“Saved me? From what? How could leaving me save me?”

Livia finally sits back down, takes my hand, and reveals yet another bizarre chapter in this fucked-up story that’s become my life. She tells me how our father “sold” her to pay his debts, but that the monster really wanted me. She tells me how she was beaten, raped, and lost her baby. She tells me how she almost didn’t make it out alive and how Luke/Grant (confusing) saved her.

When she’s finished, I almost wish for oblivion.

For years I’ve had it all wrong.

For years I’ve believed the worst of every person who’s ever loved me.

For years, I’ve believed I was never good enough.

Every person I thought didn’t fight for me or love me enough to stay, sacrificed
everything
for me.

Everything.

Except for one. My
father
.

He didn’t sacrifice enough.

Chapter 44

Asher

I’ve been on cloud nine for more than a week now. And if you tell me that sounds like a chick thing to say, I will tell you I don’t give a flying fuck. Within twenty-four hours, I went from thinking I’d lost the only thing that mattered to me to somehow, someway getting her to agree to spend the rest of her life with me.
Me
, the guy who has more personality flaws than I can count. I’m still in disbelief she said yes.

I am the luckiest goddamn man on the face of the planet. I will never take a day with her for granted. I feel like I’ve waited my whole lifetime for her. In many ways I have.

What Alyse has been through is unimaginable. She’s a strong, determined, loyal, and loving woman despite her rough life, but I will do everything in my power to keep her from suffering another day for as long as she lives.

And what Livia went through to save her is almost too horrific to comprehend. I owe her everything, my heartfelt apology being the first thing. She sacrificed more than one person should have to because of the love she has for her sister. I have absolutely no doubt I would not be with my soon-to-be wife had it not been for her selfless act. Alyse had just been through something so traumatic that there’s no way she would have survived the hundred kinds of hell Livia had to have endured. I’m ashamed at the horrible things I’ve thought about her all this time.

I hear the chime of my phone and grab it off my nightstand, smiling. Alyse is out with Livia, Addy, and Kamryn for a few engagement celebratory cocktails, insisted on by Addy, and I have little doubt I’ll be the recipient of a mind-melting blow job in about an hour.

Alyse and Addy have quickly become good friends. I’m glad. Alyse has so much to give and anyone who is let into her very small inner circle is precious to her. I guess I also have to accept that both Cooper and Beck are in that circle, like it or not. And for the record, I
don’t
fucking like it. At all. But I’m dealing, until I can figure out a way to shove them out permanently. I guess I’m not making too much progress in the jealousy category, but I am trying.

Alyse: want me to pick up that cheesecake u like on my way home

Me: ur all the sweet I need, baby. i plan on indulging later

Alyse:
 
luv u

Me. not more than i do sweet alyse

I set my phone down, not expecting her to respond again, getting back to the task at hand. I’m going through my pile of clothes to take to the dry cleaner tomorrow, making sure all the pockets are emptied. I’ve lost all kinds of shit because I’m too lazy to clean out my suits. Wallets, money, business cards. So now I take ten minutes to scour my clothes every Sunday night.

Tonight I have a pile on the floor in my closet that includes probably five dollars’ worth of coins and nearly a hundred dollars’ worth of paper money, along with several scraps of paper.

I’m scooping the scraps up to throw them out when I notice the crumpled up one that Conn gave me several weeks ago now. The one with Natalie’s phone number on it. My mother’s words, which were meant for Alyse, but that I overheard anyway pop into my head.

“Forgiveness? That’s hard. Much harder than holding onto our hurts and wrongs. It takes courage and bravery to forgive. Oh, but Alyse…forgiveness is freeing. Healing. In both mind and spirit…”

I think about Alyse and how she’s been able to forgive the wrongs that were done to her. She’s even listening to me about possibly meeting her mother. And then I think about how I need to do the same. I need to let my bitterness with Natalie go, once and for all so I can be completely free of that dead weight.

I pick up my phone and dial.

“Hello?” her soft voice chimes through my earpiece.

“Natalie, it’s Asher.”

“Asher?” Her voice perks up, full of surprise. “Hi. I’m glad you called.”

I’m not. “What did you want, Natalie?”

“I—I wanted to see you.”

“That’s not going to happen.” I curse myself for being so short, reminding myself of my purpose. Forgiveness. Move forward without baggage. With Alyse. “But I have a few minutes now to talk.”

“Yes, okay. I’d like that. I, uh…I wanted to apologize. For everything that happened.”

“Why, Natalie? Why now?”

“Because I made mistakes and I hurt you. I was wrong and I wanted you to know that.”

“Why would you do that to me?” I need truthful answers if I have any hopes of ending this conversation with a lighter heart.

Her prolonged silence irritates me. “I was lonely, I guess. You were gone all the time and Rick was just there. And part of me…part of me wanted to get back at you.”

“Get back at me? What the hell for?”

“I know there was someone else, Asher. The last few months we were together, you’d call out a woman’s name in your sleep. You even said it a couple of times when we were having sex and you were drunk.”

I sigh heavily, not wanting to rehash the same shit more than four years later. I’m beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. “Natalie, we’ve been over this before. There was no one else.”

“Then who was Alyse?”

My heart stutters, my breath momentarily stolen by her words. “What did you say?”

“Alyse? Who was Alyse?”

Even though it’s highly inappropriate, I laugh, unable to believe what I’m hearing. “Why did you never mention her name to me before now?”

“So it’s true?”

“No. It’s not true. Alyse was an old friend.” A friend I wanted to fuck, but we were never officially more than that. “I didn’t see her the whole time we were together, Natalie. I promise you.”

“But she was someone you cared about?”

I guess Alyse was buried deeper than I ever realized. “Yes. I never realized that I’d never really gotten over her. I’m…I’m sorry, Natalie.” I almost need to say thank you. Natalie’s insecurities and inability to effectively communicate kept me from making the biggest mistake of my life, pushing me back toward the love of my life instead.

“I’m sorry, too, Asher.” Her voice cracks and I hear sniffling. Now I feel like a piece of shit.

“I guess we both made mistakes,” I tell her. I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend. Too worried about climbing the corporate ladder, I didn’t pay enough attention to Natalie or her feelings or insecurities. This is the first time I ever admitted my culpability for the demise of our relationship, and apparently it’s far overdue. I can now see I did my fair share of pushing her right into her lover’s arms, even if most of it was unconscious.

“I guess we did. I’d do it all differently if I had to do it over again.”

“I know.” I can’t say I would, because then I wouldn’t have Alyse. I’m not sure even if she confronted me about this back then that I’d have tried to pursue Alyse. I would have tried to smooth things over with Natalie. Make it work with Natalie, all the while never knowing my true destiny was waiting elsewhere for me.