Unexpected Chance (17 page)

I wiped my tears. “Thanks, Jules; go home to
Brett and relax, and please pass my message along.”

“Okay, I’ll be back tomorrow.” She kissed the
back of my hand and left.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” My mom’s voice
was shaky.

“I feel horrible. I don’t know what I’m going to
do next.” I felt exhausted.

“Aubrey, we spoke to Dr. Griffin, and he’s going
to send you for another scan. If it looks stable, in a week or so, you’ll be
able to travel. We’d like to bring you back to Paris with us. We can take care
of you there, and you won’t have to worry about being on your own. It’s just
until you get better; then you can decide what to do, okay?”

I couldn’t think about this right now. “I’ll
think about it, Mom. Thank you and you too Dad. Dad’s here too, right?”

“Yes, honey, I’m right here.” My dad touched my
shoulder.

I love my dad. I love both my parents, but my mom
could be trying. “I’m sorry you had to rush all the way over here.”

Dad grabbed my hand. “We wouldn’t want to be
anywhere else. Think about what your mother said. It’s late and visiting hours
are over. I want you to rest. We’ll be back in the morning.” They kissed my
head, and I assumed they left because I heard the door open and close.

Chapter 21

There was someone in the room; I heard
breathing.

“Nurse Michelle?”

“No, it’s me.” He sounded exhausted, or was he
just feeling guilty?

“Get out, Alex. Please, just leave.” I felt the
tears escape my eyes and trickle into my ears. I could smell him and feel his warmth;
he must have been standing next to me. “I asked you to leave. I want you out of
here.”

“I am so sorry, Aubrey. This is my fault.”

“No, I don’t blame you. I blame myself for not telling
you about my journal, but most of all for trusting that you loved me, that we
were real. I tried to tell you about my journal a couple of times, but
something always stopped me. It didn’t matter; it was a non-issue. You should
have kept reading or called me to talk, but instead, you decided to hurt me by
being with the one person I detest the most. You believed what she told you all
those weeks ago, and you purposely hurt me. You promised you would never do that;
you promised me.” My tears came out like a waterfall, I felt air escaping my
lungs, and my chest hurt. Maybe I was actually feeling my broken heart.

“You knew that I was insecure and scared, but
what I saw . . . The last visual I will ever have is your mouth and hands on
Leah. I don’t even have to close my eyes to see it. It’s all I see in my
blackness.” I turned my head away from where I thought he was. “Please, just
go.” My chest was bouncing up and down in my hysteria, and I could hear the
beeping increase on the machine next to my bed. I tried to slow down and catch
my breath. I didn’t want anyone rushing in there and telling me I had to stay
in the hospital longer than necessary.

“I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I do
love you, only you; it will always be you. What I did was wrong. I know that
now. Julie made sure that I knew that. I can’t change what happened, but let me
help you, please. I’ll hire the best doctors, and we’ll get help for the
apartment; let me take care of y—”

“No. I’m moving to Paris.” Wow, I hadn’t realized
I’d made that decision. “I’ll be leaving as soon as I get the all clear. We are
over, Alex. What we had, whatever it was, is done. I’m done. Now, please, I am
begging you to just go and don’t come back.” I was doing my best to hold it
together; it wasn’t working very well.

I felt his thumb wipe a tear off my cheek and
then felt his lips where the tear was. “I will always love you. You can put
thousands of miles and an ocean in between us, and I will still love you. You
are my soul. I fucked up. I won’t say good-bye to you, Aubrey. I will never say
good-bye to you.” He inhaled, and I could tell he was upset. Was he crying? Did
I care? Nope.

I heard the door close. I broke down in sobs. I loved
him so much it made my heart hurt more than my head. I remembered the note that
he left me. He’d already said good-bye.

A couple of days later, after being discharged
with a “take care of yourself” and a walking stick, I was back in my apartment.
I was using the walking stick to try to navigate. I didn’t want any help. Julie
was over, and she was packing for me. She was going to Paris with me to ensure
that I arrived safely, because I was an invalid now. At least that’s how I
felt.

My parents had gone back the day before to
prepare for my arrival. Apparently, they were installing ramps and doing
whatever else was needed to have a blind person, excuse me, a visually impaired
person around. I was really trying not to be bitter, but I thought of how my life
was going to be. I had an education that I could no longer use, a job I could
no longer perform, and I was constantly banging into things. Okay, yes, I was
feeling sorry for myself.

Days had passed and they’d been all the same:
dark. The doctor said the swelling had gone down enough for me to travel. He
was concerned about me finding a doctor in Paris, but my mom assured him that
she had everything lined up, including doctors, braille instructors, even a
driver to take me places.

“Thanks for your help, Julie. I couldn’t do this
without you. I will though, someday. I want to be able to be on my own and to
live my new life. I need to learn how to cope with this. Going forward, my attitude
will be thankful. And I am, Jules. I am thankful that I am alive and for you
and my family.”

“It’ll work out, I promise. I’ll always be here
for you.” The buzzer rang. “I ordered Chinese food; that must be it. Have a
seat on the couch and I’ll get the door.”

I loved that she didn’t try to help me to my own
couch. I found it just fine and sat down. I reached for the coffee table and
pulled it toward the couch so we would be closer to the food.

The door opened, but Julie didn’t say anything. I
heard whispering and a kiss sound. “Let me guess. Brett is here to see you off.
Hi, Brett.”

“You caught me, Aubrey! I couldn’t let my girl
leave me without a proper good-bye kiss.” They were so lucky. They never had
any barriers or lies between them.

“I’d leave and give you privacy, but you could be
naked right now and I wouldn’t know.” I laughed. No one else was laughing. “Okay,
guys, lighten up. I’m trying to get out of my self-imposed pity party, so you
could have laughed at that. Help me find some type of humor in this. I can’t
live the life I have now without humor.”

“I agree. Hi, Aubrey, how are you doing?”

“What are you doing here, Alex?” I would have known
that voice anywhere. I didn’t need my eyes to know it was him.

I heard him exhale as if he were frustrated. “Please
don’t be mad. I just wanted to tell you to have a safe trip and to give you
something. I’ll put it on the coffee table.”

I shouted at him and I knew I was loud. I wanted
to make sure that he heard me. I think I wanted myself to hear it too. “I don’t
want anything from you; please, take it back.” I started feeling around the
coffee table in front of me to find the gift. My hand felt a box about the size
of a ream of paper, but it was much lighter. Picking it up in my right hand, I held
it out. “Take it. I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from you except for
you to leave. As a matter of fact . . .” I reached down to my wrist and grabbed
my bracelet. I couldn’t release the clasp, so I tore it off. “Take this too.” I
threw it in the direction of his voice, and my hand slammed into his chest. He
put his hand on mine. “Take it!” I pulled my hand away and out from under his. I
was willing myself not to cry. I needed to stay strong. If he saw me upset, he’d
know he could still get to me.

“I’m not going to take my gift back.” I heard it
plop on the table. “If you don’t want it, get rid of it yourself.” Was he
getting mad? What the fuck?
He was mad at me?

“Fine, I will.” I stood up to go into my room and
banged my leg on the table, forgetting that I pulled it closer to the couch. “Shit!”
I reached down to rub my shin. That hurt like a mother fucker. I guess that was
a sign of things to come: my banging into things.

“Let me help you.” Alex grabbed my elbow. Julie
must have left the room with Brett or I would have heard her and she would’ve
been at my side.

I pulled my arm out of his grasp. “No! Don’t
touch me! Never touch me again. Get out! Just get out!” My voice was elevated
to the point where Julie started yelling. I could hardly hear her over my own
voice.

“What’s wrong? What’s going on out here?”

“Get him out, Julie, please.” I was gasping for
air. “Brett can stay, but Alex needs to leave.” The buzzer rang. It was the
Chinese food. “I’m going to bed. I’ve lost my appetite. Good night, Brett. Julie,
I’ll talk to you in the morning.” I walked slowly to my bedroom, moving my
walking stick side to side, and closed the door.

I flopped on my bed and shoved my head in my
pillow and screamed. I didn’t blame him. That wasn’t why I as upset. It was the
image that I couldn’t scrub from my brain and the fact that he’d broken me and had
set out to hurt me . . . with her. It didn’t even matter that it was her. I
tried to picture other things, the good times we shared or shopping with Julie,
but every time I did that, I realized that I would never do or see those things
the same way again. I couldn’t see what I was shopping for or watch a movie. I
just wanted to sleep and get as far away from Alex as possible. Truth be told,
I missed him and I really missed us. I loved him more than anything. I just couldn’t
forgive him right now or maybe ever. I wanted to expel him from my brain.

Chapter 22

Julie and I arrived at Charles de
Gaulle Airport where my parents picked us up to bring us to their chateau. It
was so odd being back in Paris. I started remembering the places Alex took me,
the food we enjoyed, and the walks we took. I guess coming here wasn’t going to
rid me of the memory of Alex. I needed to move on, not remember what once was. As
we walked through the terminal, I could hear the footsteps of many and realized
this was my life now: surrounded by people, but still alone—in the dark and
alone.

My parents’ chateau seemed vast; I could hear
Julie’s voice almost echo. I didn’t get the usual tour of the upstairs. I was
shown where my room was on the first level and the adjoining bathroom. It was
easy to maneuver with my walking stick. My mom had arranged the furniture in
such a manner that there weren’t any obstacles in the way.

Julie unpacked and came down to my room. I was
tired and lay on my bed just thinking. “Aubrey, I have something for you, and
before you get mad at me, let me explain what it is.”

“Why would I get mad? You make me sound as if I
turned into an ogre.”

“Well, it isn’t from me. Alex gave me the gift he
bought you. He wanted me to bring it with me and pass it off as my gift to you,
but I don’t want to lie to you. He took the bracelet, but not this. He
insisted.”

I sat up and I felt the bed dip where Julie sat
down next to me. “Fine, what is it?” I knew I sounded ungrateful.

“It’s a braille tablet. You can listen to music,
make calls, and download books in braille and audio versions. He actually
downloaded some for you already, and there is an unlimited credit account
assigned to you, so you can get whatever you want.”

I was stunned. I didn’t even know there was such
a thing as a braille tablet. Julie took my hand and placed the tablet in it. I
held it with my left hand and felt it with my right hand. “Thank you.”

“It’s pretty cool, right?” Julie was trying to
sound upbeat.

“Yeah, it’s cool.” For as cool as a braille
tablet could be, it was cool. “I apparently start braille lessons next week.”

“That’s awesome. Think of it as learning a
different language. I hope your teacher is from America!”

Julie and I burst out laughing. “Could you
imagine if the teacher only spoke French? I’d be totally screwed.” We were
laughing so hard that my eyes were tearing. It felt so good to laugh. “I’m
going to miss you, Julie. Promise to visit me, okay?” Julie hugged me and
promised we would keep in touch. We also made a pact that if I didn’t ask about
Alex she wouldn’t mention him.

~*~

The next couple of weeks were very
different for me. Julie went back to the States, and I was on my second week of
braille lessons. My teacher was great, very patient. She was an older woman
from London. I had class with her for two hours a day, so I was catching on
quickly and was making good use of the tablet.

My parents finally allowed me to venture out on
my own as long as I took the driver they hired with me. His name was Frank. I
asked him to take me to a coffee shop with Wi-Fi and we ended up at a quiet
café. The smell of coffee and pastries was overwhelming. I could gain ten
pounds by just inhaling. Frank walked me in and described the layout for me;
the ordering counter was at ten o’clock, the restrooms were at six o’clock, the
door was at three o’clock, and I was sitting at eight o’clock. He tried using
North, South, East, and West, but that didn’t work for me. So he utilized the
clock method. It seemed simple enough.

Frank brought me my coffee and told me that he
would be outside and to take my time. He was going to be in the car reading. He
was a man after my own heart; although, I doubt he was reading romance novels. The
thought of it made me laugh. My dad told me that Frank was a former military
man, so he was probably reading a historical novel.

I pulled my tablet out of my tote bag. My
headphones were already attached, and my braille teacher had taught me how to
navigate the home page to open books and start the audio feature. I was
inserting my headphones when I felt as if someone were watching me. I’d felt it
before, but this time it was different. I heard footsteps to my right, and then
they stopped.

A man cleared his throat. “
Puis-je vous
joindre
?”

Holy hell! That sounded sexy. Too bad I had no
idea what he said. “I’m sorry. I don’t speak French.”

“Ah, an American. Yes?”

He had a super thick accent, which made the
English language sound amazing. “Yes, I’m from the United States. What did you
say before?”

“I asked if I could join you.”

“Oh. Um . . .” Yeah, that was eloquent. Who was
this guy? I assumed that if anyone who remotely looked like a serial killer
walked in here Frank would have been in here in a flash. I didn’t know what to
say, so for fear of being known as a rude American, I said, “Sure.”

The stranger sat down and apparently was eating
something because the aroma that was coming from his side of the table smelled
delectable. “Pardon my manners. My name is Chance, and you are a very beautiful
woman.”

That was a different introduction. Was I
beautiful? I wasn’t even sure what I was wearing since my mom picked out my
outfit. “My name is Aubrey Ryan. It’s nice to meet you, Chance.”

“Are you hungry? I can get you a croissant or a
different type of pastry.”

“No, thank you. I’m happy with my coffee, but I
appreciate it.” God, his voice was so soft, and his accent almost made me
swoon.

“What do you have there?”

Where? Was he pointing to something? Then it
dawned on me that he didn’t know I was blind. “I’m sorry. I’m visually impaired.
Were you pointing to something?”

“Oh, I am sorry. Yes, the black little computer. What
does it do?”

Hmm, it’s black. I didn’t know that. “It’s a
braille tablet. It works like a normal tablet, except it has raised characters
so I can read it with my fingers.”

“That is interesting. I have never seen anything
like it. I mean I have seen tablets before, but nothing like that. Where did
you get it?”

This guy was full of questions. “A friend of mine
gave it to me.” I smiled at the memory of Alex. Then that fateful image of Alex
and Leah popped in my head, and I dropped my head a little.”

“This friend is a boyfriend, yes? You are too
beautiful to be single.”

There it was again, that word: beautiful. I felt
tears and shook my head to try to contain them. “It’s from an ex-boyfriend.” A
tear slipped. I quickly tried to wipe it away. I prayed he didn’t notice.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up an unhappy
time for you. I just went through a break-up not too long ago, so I
understand.”

He had noticed. “I’m not unhappy, not really. I
wouldn’t be good for him. I don’t think I was ever good enough for him, and now
that I’m blind, he would feel obligated to take care of me. I don’t want to be anyone’s
obligation. ” I hated that I felt that way and worse that I just blurted that
out. I shook my head. “Anyway, how is it that you speak English so well?” I
needed to get off the subject of my ex.

“I bought Rosetta Stone.” He laughed. “I kid you.
I spent time in America after I graduated school.”

“Well, your English is very good. I studied
English in college. It was my major, so I can assure you that your translations
are up to par.”

“Up to par? Like golf?”

I laughed and realized I hadn’t done that lately.
“Something like that. I might have to teach you some American idioms.”

“I look forward to it. Well, I should be going. I
will be back tomorrow at the same time if you would like to join me.” I heard
his chair back up. “I would like it if you did. It was nice meeting you.”

“You too. Bye.”

I stayed a little while longer and listened to my
audio book. I wasn’t really concentrating. I was thinking about Chance and what
a nice surprise that was. I hadn’t spent any time with a guy since Alex. Chance
was nice. I felt comfortable with him, and his accent was amazing. I realized
that I had no idea what he looked like. Was he older than I was? Younger? This
no sight thing was a bitch! The things we take for granted. Like my reading . .
. I missed reading the words.

I went outside, and Frank met me at the door. It
was such a weird feeling being dependent on someone. I was going to ask Frank
if he noticed any creepy guys walk into the café, but he would either think I
was nuts or he would be accompanying me every time I went there. I didn’t want
that, so I kept my question to myself.

He drove me home, and I was greeted by my doting
mother. “You’re just in time for dinner. Did you have a good time at the café?”

I knew that she would be worried and probably
called Frank a hundred times to check on me. “Yes, Mom, it was very nice. Frank
helped me get around, and I listened to a book while having coffee. It was
relaxing. I almost felt like a normal person.” I didn’t bother telling her
about Chance. She would have grilled me.

“Honey, you are normal. You just have a hurdle to
get over. And you never know; your sight may return. We’re going to see Dr.
Beaumont tomorrow. Let’s see what he has to say.”

Dr. Beaumont was apparently the top-rated ophthalmologist
in Paris, and my mom was thoroughly excited that she was able to secure an
appointment with him for me. “Okay, Mom, we’ll see what he says.” I knew my mom
held out hope that I would regain my vision. It wasn’t that I’d lost all hope,
but I didn’t want to get too excited. The last time I’d gotten excited about
something it all went to hell, and I couldn’t endure that let down again.

We had dinner, and I decided to relax with my
parents in the sunroom. They would normally be watching a movie before bed, but
as soon as I walked in, the television went off. “Please don’t do that. There
is no need to change your routine for me. I like listening to the television.” It
went back on.

“I’m not going to stay up too much longer anyway.
I have a braille lesson at eight in the morning and then my doctor’s
appointment after that.” I loved my tablet and wanted to finish listening to the
book I had started earlier that day before I was pleasantly interrupted by
Chance.