What Happens Now (26 page)

He began to read.

I woke up late the next morning, after Mom had already left for work. On the kitchen counter was a shopping list for later, and instructions that I’d find Dani’s camp lunch and snacks in
the fridge. I could hear Dani’s cartoons on the TV in the family room. Richard sat at the table, reading the paper with his coffee cup pressed to his chest like something precious.

He looked up at me with red eyes rimmed with dark circles. He wasn’t sleeping again. There was probably a blanket and pillow on the couch. So much for Mom’s bed-sharing promises.

“She told you about Eliza,” I said. Richard nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about. You did the right thing, by getting it back on the shelf. I get why you didn’t want me to know.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“But I told your mother about letting you go to the lake.”

“What? Why?”

“I had to. She guessed it and asked me point-blank. She’s my wife, Ari, I’m not going to lie to her. Especially not these days, when everything’s already so . . . difficult.”

I sank down onto a chair.

“I put it all on myself,” said Richard. “I explained how I urged you to go. So she’s mad at both of us, if that’s any consolation. But it means I can’t fight for you on this convention thing.”

I stared at him. He couldn’t look me in the eye.

“It’s a moot point anyway, with her training session—” he began.

“Yes,” I cut him off. “Mom gave me the same official line.
You don’t need to repeat it.”

I never acted this way toward Richard. I never huffed or hissed or pouted. He looked genuinely hurt.

“Ari, this stuff is not easy for me,” he said, rubbing his eyebrow. “I try not to get between you and your mother. I don’t have a right. But I see things that should have been dealt with a long time ago, before your depression, and they’re still not dealt with, and it scares me.”

It scares me, too
, I wanted to say. And also,
What things?

“Thanks for sharing,” was all I did say, avoiding his glance. This was too much, too much when I was already running so late I didn’t have time to eat breakfast and I was wearing the same clothes as yesterday and Camden’s voice reading
Time Enough
still echoed in my ear. I grabbed the car keys and shouted down to Dani. “We’re leaving in two minutes! Your shoes had better be on!”

“Ari?” asked Richard, turning my name into an open-ended question.

I grabbed Dani’s lunch and snack from the fridge, stuffed them in Dani’s backpack and zipped it up, then grabbed my bag.

“See you at the store,” I snapped, rushing to the foyer to find Dani struggling with her shoes. I bent down and shoved one on, then the other, then opened the door for her. All without looking her in the eye. Miraculously, she followed.

We were both quiet in the car on the way to camp. Now that I’d given myself permission to resent my sister, she seemed
suddenly much older, more restrained. I kept waiting for her to ask about what she saw at the store, or to tell me I’d been a big fat meanie last night. I wanted her to. I wasn’t sure what it would mean if she didn’t.

She didn’t.

When we arrived at the rec center and got out of the car, I slowed my pace out of habit so Dani could grab my hand. She didn’t grab it right away, but waited a few more steps than usual. Because I couldn’t help it, I gave her fingers a squeeze.

Before Dani could squeeze back, she saw her counselor and let go, running to her. She wrapped her arms around the girl’s waist. I’d never seen her so happy to be at camp.

“Mikayla!” Dani shouted.

“Hey, pixie,” said Mikayla, who seemed genuinely glad to see her. She looked up and smiled at me.

That was when an idea dawned.

“Mikayla,” I said. “Are you by any chance free next Saturday?”

18

There was an
episode of
Silver Arrow
where Atticus Marr got a severe case of hypersickness. The crew had to tie him to a chair on the bridge because he was speaking in nonsense words. As Azor took over the captain’s seat, leading Satina and Bram as they steered through an asteroid field, Marr kept yelling things like “Shrimp!” and “Toaster in the horse manure!” It was one of my favorite episodes when I was a kid, because it made my mom laugh.

This reminded me of that. Minus, of course, my mother laughing.

Instead of Marr, it was Eliza dressed as Marr, riding in the middle row of James’s parents’ minivan. She did not look
happy, being relegated to second tier. The Tri-State SuperCon was her idea, her plan, her expected triumph. But Max knew how to get there, Max had the good GPS on his phone, so Max rode in the shotgun navigation position next to James. It was something he decided and directed, and he seemed to enjoy the look on Eliza’s face when he told her to get in the back.

To be honest, I enjoyed it, too.

Kendall sat in the other middle row seat. Camden and I sat in the way back with our hands interlaced, our feet entwined. Basically every part of us touching, as far as the seat belts would allow. I needed this contact as a constant reminder of why I’d done what I’d done, and why I shouldn’t feel guilty.

I’d sent one text message to my mother and Richard telling them these facts and these facts only: where I’d gone, when I’d be back, the name and number of Mikayla, who was at the house with Dani and would be there until Mom came home. I typed out the word
Sorry
, but then slowly backspaced over it.

After I sent the message, I turned off my phone. My hand shook as I held down the button.

If this day was going to cost me, I was going to make it worth every penny.

Now the phone was tucked away in my Satina satchel. We were already in our costumes, except for the wigs, and except of course for Kendall and James.

This seemed to irk Eliza. As James pulled us onto the highway, she scanned Kendall head to toe and said, “You should have let me put together a Victoria Ransom outfit for you. It
would have been so easy.”

Kendall shot a puzzled glance over her shoulder at me.

“She was a teen who stowed away on the
Arrow One
’s maiden voyage and got stuck on the ship,” I told her.

Kendall turned back to Eliza. “Up until five seconds ago, I had no idea who that person is. You want me to spend the day dressed up as her?”

Eliza shrugged. “You’d rather spend the day wearing an X-Men T-shirt?”

“What’s wrong with my X-Men T-shirt?”

“You may as well be wearing a plain black T-shirt. Because it doesn’t say anything! X-Men is a given.”

“It’s better that I cosplay a character I’ve never heard of, from a show I’ve never watched?”

Max turned around from the front seat now. “Eliza. You know that’s not how fandom works.”

Eliza snapped her head away from him and stared out the window. “She might feel out of place, is all I’m saying. Frankly, I’m surprised she came, even if it does mean spending the day with Jamie.”

Kendall turned red and glanced quickly at James, who raised his eyes to the rearview mirror for only a second.

“Enough,” said Camden, leaning forward and putting his hand on Eliza’s shoulder. “It’s going to be an amazing day.”

He leaned back and his fingers found my fingers again. He didn’t look like he truly believed what he was saying.

Azor
, I told myself.
I’m here again with Azor
. I hadn’t come
for Eliza, to honor all her plans. I could barely look at her or talk to her. I’d come for me and for him.

The memories of those few magical hours at the fair were so vivid and tangible, I thought for sure I could step right back into them. But the truth was this: Camden was different now, because I knew him better now. And that meant his Azor was different, too. Maybe this is what it would have been like, had Satina and Azor actually hooked up. It would not have been simple.

Then again, neither of them would have wanted it to be.

We pulled into the parking lot of the Hilton Garden Inn shortly after 10:00 a.m. It clearly pleased Eliza that so far we’d stayed on schedule. We got out of the van and instantly, I could tell this was not going to be like the county fair. Because right over there was Iron Man, locking his car and slinging a backpack over one shoulder. A few cars away, two girls dressed as the tenth and eleventh Doctors from
Doctor Who
adjusted each other’s jacket lapels. A couple with a baby walked past, dressed as Na’vi from
Avatar
(even the baby was blue).

I turned to Camden, who had already slid his wig into place, his eyes sharp with excitement.

“This is it,” he said. “These are our people.”

He took the wig from my hand and slowly lowered it onto my head, glancing back and forth between the hair and my face, trying to get the position just right.

“There,” he finally said. “You’re Satina again. Hi, Satina.”

He leaned in to kiss me but Eliza stepped between us. She inspected me, then Camden, then gave a nod of approval.

Max, Kendall, and James had already started toward the hotel entrance, so we rushed to catch up. I watched as Kendall took pains to fall into step behind James, not next to him.

Inside the lobby, a huge sign on an easel said WELCOME TO THE TRI-STATE SUPERCON
.
Arrows pointed us to a registration table down the hall.

“Look,” said Camden. “The arrows are silver. That’s a good omen.”

“Watch what happens when they recognize us,” whispered Eliza.

After we signed in and got our badges, we crossed the threshold into the heart of the SuperCon, aka a hotel ballroom filled with booths selling comics, books, figurines, T-shirts, costumes, and accessories. Most of the people browsing the booths were dressed as something. There was a lot of hugging and picture-taking going on.

Eliza grabbed my arm briefly, indicating that I shouldn’t move on yet. She wanted us to linger. To wait and see if anyone noticed us.

Her plan was this: we’d spend the morning on the exhibit floor, then there were a couple of panels to check out. Somewhere in there, we’d have lunch. At four, there was a costume contest—the highlight and whole point, really, of the day. At six, the dinner and dance party began. We’d be on the road by ten and home at eleven.

Eliza scanned the crowd and said, “I saw on the message boards that there’s a group here cosplaying the
Silver Arrow
Reboot. We have to find them.”

“Then we rumble,” said Max.

Kendall snorted but Eliza gave him a dirty look. “If you’re not going to take this seriously . . .”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” He spread out his hands and waved them all around himself. “I’m dressed as a silver-haired alien and trying as hard as I can not to feel like a douche bag! How much more serious do you want me to get?”

Something in Eliza’s face softened. “No more serious, babe.” She took his hand. “You look great.”

Max drew a deep breath and let her keep hold of his hand, but he didn’t relax into it the way he usually did.

“Why don’t we split up for a bit, meet back here in an hour?” I suggested.

“No!” said Eliza. “We have to stay together. Well,
those guys
can take off.” She indicated James and Kendall with a dismissive wave. “But we are a cosplay
group
. We are basically one costume.”

I nodded. It was a nice try, I guess.

It’s going to be an awesome day
, Camden had said, and I said it again to myself now. It would be awesome because I would make it awesome. The fact that everyone seemed on the verge of slapping one another had nothing to do with it.

Kendall turned to James. “Do you want to go off on our own, since we’re not part of ‘the costume’?”

“Yeah,” he said, looking relieved. “Let’s go. We’ll meet you guys at the cosplay panel later.”

As they walked away, Kendall gave me a quick, hopeful glance over her shoulder. I nodded.
Go have fun.

Two girls came up to Camden and me. “It’s you guys! Satina and Azor!” squealed one.

“We loved your pictures,” chirped the other, who then ran her eyes slowly up and down Camden’s entire body. I found myself reaching out to grab his hand.

“Can we take pictures with you?” asked the first, and we nodded. She turned and handed her phone to the closest nearby person. Who was Eliza.

Eliza not looking happy.

“Can you . . . oh, it’s you!” the girl said. “I love your Atticus Marr! Really brilliant!”

Eliza smiled, but the girl still had her phone out, expecting Eliza to take it. She did, and after the girls posed with Camden and me, she dutifully took a couple of shots.

Then Camden said, “Here, let’s get Marr and Bram in here, too,” and beckoned Eliza and Max to join us. All of us huddled close with these two people we’d never met. We found a passing Bender from
Futurama
to snap the photo.

After the girls left, Eliza led us forward through the exhibit floor. The booths were supposed to be the whole point of the place, but clearly, the real action was in checking out everyone else’s costumes. Calling out a person’s character, stopping to compliment him or her. I thought of the way it felt that day in
the parking lot at the lake, when we all found ourselves talking Arrowhead language. The sensation of being seen, of being welcomed back to a tribe you didn’t know you’d lost.

This was that, times a thousand.

At one point, Eliza was out of earshot and I turned to Max and Camden.

“Why is she being such a dictator?”

“She’s planned this day for six months,” said Max. “You know how important this stuff is to her. Although I know that doesn’t help when she’s making it so much less fun for the rest of us.”

Camden added, “Cosplay is the thing that helps her keep it all together.”

Max and Camden exchanged a glance. I couldn’t decipher its meaning.

“What does she need to keep together?” I asked.

Camden and Max answered simultaneously, speaking over each other.

“Stuff,” said Max. “We all have stuff.”

“Maybe she’ll tell you another time,” said Camden.