Decipher (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #3) (7 page)

“Did Mummy forget to get you one?”

“No, baby, I told her not to.”

“Don’t you want to come?”

“I do. Very much.”

“Then, why?”

It was impossible to explain the complex reasons why I couldn’t just jump back on a plane to Brisbane. Especially with the paparazzi causing me grief. “I have a few people I need to see first, then maybe I can.”

“When?”

“Soon. I promise.” I drew a cross over my heart. “Maybe while I’m waiting I can paint your room?”

She grinned. “Yes, please!”

“Shall we pick a colour?” When she nodded, I led her into my study and booted up the computer. Phoebe climbed straight onto my lap and “helped” me with the computer. Even with her playing with the keyboard or the mouse every time I took my hand off them, I managed to pull up a paint chart.

We were halfway through the purples when Alyssa came to find us.

“Well, I’ve got some good news,” she said.

I shifted Phoebe over to my other knee so I could talk to Alyssa better. “That’s good, because I could sure as shi—could really use some.”

“I just spoke to Mr. Kent—he’ll be my supervisor at Pembletons—and he said that I’ll be able to start work when they go back after their Christmas break rather than having to wait until after graduation.”

Christmas. It was still over a month away. If Alyssa wasn’t going to start her new job until after then, there was little hope that she’d be moving down sooner than that. I wanted to ask how that was
good
news.

“It’ll mean I’ll have to fly home to attend my graduation ceremony rather than staying for it, but at least we’ll be able to move down almost two months sooner.” 

Two months sooner was something to fucking celebrate.

I could only hope I’d be able to shake the presence of the paparazzi by then, otherwise we’d never have a normal life.

CHAPTER SEVEN: EXORCISM

“WHAT ARE YOU going to do after we leave?” Alyssa ran her fingers through my hair as the question left her lips.

After getting Phoebe fed, bathed, and into bed, Alyssa and I had headed back downstairs to watch TV and try to find a moment together. Almost the second we sat on the couch, she’d curled her body around mine and seemed intent on touching me as much as possible. I wasn’t going to complain, and in response, my fingertips dragged lazy trails over the thigh she rested in my lap.

I captured her hand in mine and brought it to my lips. “Don’t talk about it.”

“I have to know you’re going to be okay tomorrow night.”

Her insinuation and the concern in her voice made my teeth clench. After everything we’d been through, everything we’d battled, I thought she finally trusted me. With a simple statement, she’s showed she didn’t. Barely a day earlier, Eden had made similar comments.

It was like the two of them thought I would fall apart the moment I was alone. Their lack of faith in me was un-fucking-believable. I dropped her hand and leaned away from her. “I’m sure I’ll manage. After all, the keg’s been ordered and cheerleaders are on speed dial. Maybe the sex tape can help pay the bills.”

Even though my words had been barbed, I’d expected her to laugh, call me ridiculous or a jerk or some shit, and then make me feel better about the fact that she was leaving with her mouth, or her pussy. Instead, she twisted away from our embrace, stood, and then walked away without a word. Before she’d even left the room, a quiet sob left her lips.

Shock shook me as I watched her walk away.
Overreact much?

“Lys?” I leapt off the couch and followed her. I caught up with her at the bottom of the stairs. Not wanting to let her walk away on such a sour note, especially when we wouldn’t see each other until I could fulfil my promise to Phoebe to go back up to Brisbane, I coaxed her to turn around. “I was fucking joking. What happened to what you said about wanting to trust me? What happened to me not being a hypocrite or like my father?”

She refused to allow me to hold her, shrugging out of my arms. “I can’t do this right now, Dec. I just need . . . I need a moment. Please?”

“No.”

She spun around. Tears flooded her eyes, but her mouth was set in a hard line.

The emotions that swelled in her honey-gold irises were almost enough to drive me to my knees. The heartbreak and the pain echoing inside made me want to take back the words, even if I had no idea why they’d elicited such a strong reaction after she’d taken all the lies in the magazine article in stride. Almost as soon as she’d looked at me, she dropped her gaze again.

“Fuck, Lys, I was joking.”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

“How am I supposed to get anything, when I don’t even know what the fuck I’m supposed to be getting?”

Her tear-stained eyes turned up to meet mine again. The corner of her mouth lifted in a smile that held nothing but sorrow and regret. I lifted my hand up to caress her cheek, thankful when she didn’t pull away from me as I swiped her tears with my thumb.

“I told you all of this before. Why did you have to be drunk for it?” Her eyes sank closed as she leaned into my touch. “When you wouldn’t answer your phone, after you first left home I mean, I tried sending you an email. I had no idea whether or not you’d get it, but I hoped that you would. I hoped it’d help you understand how desperately I needed to talk to you.”

“Okay?” I had vague recollections of Mum mentioning something about Alyssa emailing me. At the same time, a flash of a conversation with Alyssa flittered through my thoughts, but the image was so fleeting it was hard to know if it was a drunken dream or born out of a desire to know why my words had hurt her so much. My brows dipped as I tried to grasp the elusive edges of the memory.

“When I opened your reply—”

“I wouldn’t have replied.” The words had left me before I could stop myself. They were enough to cause Alyssa to twitch away from my hold. In response, I shifted closer and moved my hand from her cheek into her hair to guide her gaze back to me. “I wouldn’t have, because if I’d let myself have a conversation with you, it would have ended with me back in Brisbane. Trust me, I wouldn’t have let myself reply.”

“You replied all right,” she said, tugging free of my hold again. Her sobs grew harder and it took everything in me to give her the space she so clearly wanted while her need for comfort was obvious. Only, it was equally clear she didn’t want to find her solace in my hold. “You replied telling me to go fuck myself. That you were no longer interested in hearing from me. And then you attached photos and video of you fucking three other women for good measure.”

Watching the pain in her movements made my heart ache for her. As much as I wanted to demand what her words had to do with why she’d walked off, I didn’t want to insist on anything that might hurt her further.

“Three cheerleaders.” The words were barely audible, but they struck my ears louder than thunder. My barbed, thoughtless statement had struck a nerve that was still raw and throbbing. Had clearly reminded her of one of the worst moments of her life. My knees quivered at the thought. No wonder she’d pulled away. It was probably a small miracle she was even allowing me to try to talk it out.

“Fuck, Lys, I—” I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers. She didn’t pull away from me and I was so fucking grateful it hurt. “I can never apologise enough.”

“The worst part was that I couldn’t even force myself to stop watching. Even after I saw the photos, with them and their pom-poms all over you, I couldn’t stop myself from pressing play. I was so pathetically desperate to hear your voice again, to see your face, that I couldn’t help it.”

I clung to her, hoping she’d keep me buoyed even as her words set me adrift on a sea of agony. She was the current dragging me away, and the life jacket holding me afloat. “I’m sorry, Lys. It meant nothing. They all meant nothing.”

“I know—” Her voice was thick with tears, and it seemed like an effort for her to squeeze out any words. “That’s what made it worse. I almost could have taken it if you’d moved on with someone else. If you’d found something meaningful. But to go from—” She choked back a sob. “From what we had, to a series of flings. To record them and share them. Seeing that video . . . it was the moment when I knew that the Declan I loved—the one who’d fathered the lives growing inside me—was gone. It shattered me, Dec.”

Tears were in my own eyes as I considered her words. I tried to reverse the situation in my mind. How would I have coped with the knowledge that she was happily screwing half the town? I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist and pulled her body against mine.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” My voice was hoarse as my throat held the words tighter than I’d wanted it to. “I can’t even explain why I did it. All I know is that I’m a better person when I’m with you.”

Even as the words left me, I could see the truth in them.

That was the real reason behind Alyssa’s lack of faith. Being alone would leave me stuck in my own head. She knew as well as I did that I kept my demons in control better with her at my side. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust me to win the battle, but that she didn’t want me to have to fight myself the whole time she was gone. And I’d accused her of lacking trust. Fucking arsehole.

“I’m going to miss you and Pheebs while you’re gone, so fucking much, but I’ll get through it because of the prize at the end. You’re my first place, Lys, and I’m going to fight my way to it.”

She rested her head on my chest. “I’m sorry I overreacted.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m sorry I made a crass joke without realising why it would hurt you. And I’m sorry for ever throwing away what we had and for making so much ammunition that would cause you pain.”

I held her in my arms for a few moments more, unwilling to let her go or give her any reason to doubt the sincerity in my words.

“Let’s head up to bed, shall we?” I said. “It’s been a long day.”  

When she nodded, I swept her up into my arms.

“Put me down! I can walk.” Her tears evaporated as she protested.

“Nope. Because tonight is my last night with you for a while, and I’m not letting you go until I absolutely have to.”

She laughed. “You’ll drop me!”

“Just because I did the last time I carried you like this, doesn’t mean I will this time. After all, you’re not wearing a ridiculously long dress this time.”

“Dec, please?”

“And I’m stronger than I was then.”

I glanced down at her and caught her staring at my shoulders, no doubt checking the truth in my words. Her breaths grew heavier and when her gaze met mine again, it carried a heat that I couldn’t resist. Needing to touch her, to kiss her, and hold her close, I moved to claim her lips. As I did, I placed her back on the floor so I could run my fingers into her hair and hold her to me.

My lips moved against hers, our tongues danced a slow waltz—tasting and teasing during the back and forth. With the sensation of the kiss racing through my body, my cock leapt to attention—ready for a take two on the disastrous attempt that afternoon. 

At the thought, flashes of the night with the cheerleaders flittered through the edges of my mind. I stepped away from Alyssa as my mind repeated the events that had led up to our kiss over and over. It wasn’t fair to her to taint our last night in Sydney by making love while I had any thoughts of other women in my head. Even if the thoughts were ugly, grey, and tinged with regret.

“What’s wrong?” Her breath was short and her chest heaved.

“I don’t know if I should . . . If we should . . .” My frustration at being unable to articulate my thoughts slipped from me on the end of my breath. “I don’t want to make love to you while I’m being haunted by thoughts of other girls.”

Alyssa’s eyebrows lifted at my words. They were poorly chosen, but accurate.

“I mean, we were just talking about the ways I hurt you, and now . . . well, I can’t help thinking that I don’t deserve it.”

“Dec—”

I silenced her with a look. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re right,” she said.

My heart stopped. Was this it? The moment where she saw how strong my demons were and walked away?

She grabbed my hands and wrapped them around her neck. “The you that sent that email doesn’t. But we both know that’s not who you really are. The you in here,” she put her hand over my heart, “deserves every bit of me. And you need to start believing that. I was upset at your words, at the reminder of what happened, but that doesn’t mean I was upset with you.”

“So you were pissed at me, but not actually pissed at me?” My mind refused to wrap around her words. “You know that makes no sense, right?”

She chuckled. “I’m a woman. We don’t have to make sense.”

“I’m going to shut my mouth, because anything I say now will probably just get me in trouble.”

Her smile widened and her laughter hung in the air. “See, you’re learning already. Now c’mon.” She held out her hand to me.

“Where are we going?” I asked as I wrapped my fingers around hers.

“Well, you said you were being haunted by ghosts and the demons of your past, right?”

“And?”

She pulled me toward the staircase. “And I think I’ve lived in their shadow long enough already.”

“Okay?”

“So I’m going to perform an exorcism.” When she turned back to glance at me, her gaze smouldered. Her tongue slicked across her lips in a way that made my cock twitch.

Fuck me.

“Besides,” she continued. “I’m not going to leave you alone in Sydney in a house filled only with memories of other women. I’m claiming my territory and giving you something to remember me by while I’m gone.”

Fuck, possessive Alyssa was fucking hot. Instead of letting her drag me up the stairs, I dashed ahead of her and pulled her along with me. Both of us were practically running by the time we hit the landing. We didn’t even make it to the bedroom door before we crashed together in a meld of lips and limbs.

We tumbled into my bedroom together. Her hands tugged at my shirt; my fingers caressed her hair. Kicking my leg out behind me, I snagged the door and swung it shut. A huge bang echoed through the house.

“Fuck.” The word left me between kisses and then I stopped and held my breath while I waited for the telltale scream that signalled the noise had woken Phoebe. When everything was still quiet after a couple of seconds, I renewed my attack on Alyssa.

Our clothes fell away as we kissed and performed our messy, uncoordinated dance to the bed. By the time we tumbled onto the mattress, all that was left were my boxers and Alyssa’s underwear.

The moment we hit the bed, Alyssa climbed on top of me and straddled my hips. Her lips peppered hot kisses over my jaw and down my throat. The swell of her breasts pillowed against my ribcage. The sensation of her hips rocking over mine removed all thoughts of everything but what I was feeling.

My hands traced small circles over her hipbones, playing with the cotton resting over them. When Alyssa kissed me again, I pushed the material down over her hips. She lifted off me just far enough to give me room to maneuverer her panties over her thighs. Climbing backward off the bed, she pushed the scrap of material the rest of the way off.