Memo: Marry Me? (8 page)

Finally, her fingers stopped moving. She stared at him while he fought with himself, fought his need. And she seemed to be fighting hers.

‘Hello.’ His mother entered the room, breaking the taut silence. ‘I’m glad I’ve found you together.’

A newspaper clutched in her hand, she glanced from his face to Lily’s tense frame. ‘Have I interrupted?’

It was Lily who stepped forward, and forced a smile to her face. ‘Hello, Anne. How lovely to see you again. You haven’t interrupted. You’ve found us with a work problem to sort out, that’s all.’

As she spoke, she retreated behind her desk and sank into the chair. She tugged her notebook forward and held it tightly. ‘We’ve just discovered a deadline that needs to be met, and there’s not much time.’

‘Oh.’ Anne looked at Zach with a hint of puzzlement. ‘You won’t be able to come to the school, then, to watch the hockey match.’

‘D
AMN
. I don’t know how I can be there, and take care of this problem too.’ Zach
never
ignored a commitment to his brother. He had never forgotten one before, either, but this had slipped his mind as all his attention centred on Lily. His computer diary would have beeped him a reminder, but even so…

‘Well, I’ll just explain, dear. Daniel will understand.’ His mother forced a bright smile, and pushed the paper into his hands. ‘I must be off so I don’t miss the start of the game myself, but you’ll want to see this. There’s a lovely little article about your birthday in the society column on page eight, with some photos.’

Zach took the paper automatically and spoke quickly, before his mother could get out the door. ‘Tell Daniel I’ll be there.’ He would figure out a way. His computer beeped that reminder as he spoke.

His mother left. Zach stuffed the Mulligan notes into his briefcase and cleared his desk, locking away anything that shouldn’t be left for the nightly visit of the cleaners.

He could feel Lily’s gaze on him, and glanced up. ‘I can’t believe my own stupidity. It makes me twice as angry at myself for the way I spoke to you earlier. About the phone message, and about — ’

‘It doesn’t matter.’ She cut him off quickly. ‘Maybe it’s a good thing that we cleared the air. We really do need to accept that there’s no way forward for these…reactions we have to each other, and put them behind us. But, Zach, when did you say that offer has to be tabled?’

‘First thing tomorrow.’ He could put something together this evening, but it would take hours for him to type it into his computer, and it would still need to be tidied into a professional looking document before morning. ‘Lily, it’s not that easy to ignore a hunger that has both of us on edge the whole time we’re together.’

‘Yes, it is. It has to be.’ But her eyes were wild and filled with the very hunger she so adamantly wanted to deny. She took a deep breath. ‘Now, I’ll come along to the school. I have a small computer note pad in my bag, although I don’t use it often. You can dictate the offer while you watch the game. I can type it straight in. Then all I’ll need to do is come in early tomorrow, upload it to the computer and format it properly, then print it out. You can sign it, and it can go by courier and be there when they open for the day.’

It was a good solution. It was the only one he could see would work, and he would be a fool to reject it. But did she really believe they could switch off what they felt for each other? Zach could disprove that theory in about three seconds flat. For now, he stuck to business, as Lily seemed determined to do. ‘I don’t like to ask you to put yourself out that way.’

She finished making a note in her diary, quickly tidied her desk, and turned to face him. The heat in her eyes remained, but she had done her best to bank it. ‘You didn’t. I volunteered.’

During the drive in his car, Lily, notebook in one hand, phone in the other, worked her way through a number of text messages on her cell phone. He heard her mutter things like, ‘Good work, Deb,’ and, ‘Good to know everything’s going well,’ as she made the occasional note. And Zach realised that he relished simply being near her, whatever she happened to be doing.

He parked the car near the school and got out, his gaze searching the grounds for his mother. Lily returned her cell phone and notebook to her bag and joined him.

‘I appreciate this, Lily.’ He took a step towards her.

‘It’s no trouble.’ She cast one trembling glance in his direction, then hurried onto the school grounds and made a beeline for the huddle of parents already congregated in the observation stands at the edge of the oval.

The appreciation in Zach’s tone touched a chord deep inside Lily. She needed to feel valued, and, despite being sharp with her earlier, Zach had made it clear he did appreciate her. He just apparently believed there was no escaping their attraction to each other, which was something that made Lily rather uneasy. ‘Let’s greet your mother and find some seats.’

Once they were seated on the painted wooden-slat benches that stretched across the sheltered stands, Lily decided she had better check her phone messages. She drew the phone out and caught Zach giving her an odd look.

There were no messages, and she quickly realised she must have already checked through them. Well, she would have written anything down if needed. ‘I was just checking the time.’

‘Looks like the game is about to start.’ Zach drew her attention to the teams on the field. ‘There’s Daniel.’ The pride in his voice was completely unconscious, and made something deep inside her tighten with longing. He clearly loved his family.

The two teams moved onto the field. Daniel looked up and seemed to immediately find his brother, and his mother, seated some rows away.

Lily forced her lips to smile. ‘Is Daniel a good hockey player?’

‘He’s good enough.’ Zach’s grin suggested he thought his brother was a great player.

‘Maybe we should look at the article your mother gave you.’ Lily reached for the paper, and flicked through it until she found the article.

‘Yes. Let’s have a look.’ Zach lowered his head to examine the article and photos.

Lily’s interest in the article warred with more immediate ones. The knowledge of that head bent close to hers tingled through her. She could feel the heat of his body, could smell not only the scent of his cologne but also the pine-scented shampoo he used on his hair, and the fresh, clean scent of his skin that was uniquely Zach.

Her stomach pitched with a feeling of sharp awareness. His arm bumped hers as he moved closer to study the paper.

It wasn’t easy to focus on the article when all she wanted to do was turn and look into Zach’s eyes, and see if they reflected the awareness she felt. So much for fighting her reactions to him! ‘It’s a nice wrap-up of the party.’

One photo showed a group of people at the buffet. Another had her and Daniel grooving down, big grins on their faces. The last was of Zach and his mother, dancing beyond her and Daniel.

Lily doubted that a casual observer would have even guessed that the intent look on Zach’s face had been directed right at her. She hadn’t been aware of it herself, at the time. Or, rather, she hadn’t been aware of that specifically. It had been more of an overall sense of unbreakable connection to him.

‘I’m looking at you as though I want to swallow you whole.’ As Zach moved to look more closely, his leg pressed against hers from thigh to knee. ‘When it comes to you, I can’t seem to control that hunger. I’ve tried.’

‘W-well.’ What could she say to such an honest statement? Particularly when it made her entire body sing with recognition. When she refused to look at him, Zach’s fingers closed around the delicate bones of her wrist, clasping while he waited for her response.

It could have been intended as a comforting gesture. Lily’s sensory reaction made it impossible for her to tell. All she could feel was his gaze on her, his body against her. His touch on that super-soft skin at the inner side of her wrist.

With effort, she raised her gaze to his. ‘Look. The game has started. You’d best watch, or your brother will be disappointed.’

With a frustrated murmur, Zach turned his attention to the field.

Lily watched the game too, and lost herself for a little while in the fierce efforts of the boys on both teams.

‘Daniel’s very determined. Look at the way he goes after the ball.’ She watched the boy jump nimbly into the air and whack the ball away from an opponent, and felt Zach’s pride as they both clapped.

Play moved to the far end of the field again.

Zach glanced at the electronic note pad on her lap. ‘Let’s get this offer down.’

He dictated between play and, scared she might lose it all and not be able to remember any of it, Lily saved her work frequently.

Eventually the work was saved for the final time, the mini-computer tucked safely away in her bag.

‘Thanks for your help.’ He glanced at her briefly before turning his attention back to the game.

It got cold. Zach removed his suit coat and wrapped it around her shoulders, and she sank into the scent and warmth of him, and wondered what was happening to her.

She and Richard had enjoyed the typical intimacies to be expected of any committed couple, sporadically, and there hadn’t been skyrockets. But surely that was the stuff of fantasies, anyway? So why did the simplest touch from Zach, or just the scent of him, affect her so strongly?

As the match progressed to tied scores, tension in the stands escalated. Lily’s tension climbed too, but for a different reason.

When Daniel scored the winning goal with just seconds of play remaining, Zach gave a hoarse roar, and Lily’s own shout startled her.

She told herself it was the pleasure of the moment that had them in each other’s arms, laughing. But a moment later that embrace changed completely, and Zach let out a feral growl as he drew almost roughly away from her. ‘Do you see now, Lily, that this can’t be simply shut off? I think we’d better be on our way, now.’

He didn’t give her time to think. Just made for his brother and congratulated him. ‘Well done, Dan.’

‘Thanks.’ The boy’s pride was subdued. ‘It’s good exercise. I suppose I don’t mind it.’

‘Your brother seems a little melancholy?’ Lily brought it up during the drive to her house, but Zach shrugged the question off.

‘Dan’s just growing up. He was probably embarrassed about his win today. Boys get like that.’ He stopped the car. ‘You’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty today. I’ll be here to collect you tomorrow at seven-thirty, so we have time to organise the report and get it couriered.’

‘I can catch an early train.’ Her bag banged against her hip when she got out of the car, and she thought of Zach’s firm thigh pressed against her.

His mouth tightened. ‘You could, but I’d rather make it easy for you to get to work without any difficulties.’ He paused. ‘You don’t drive, do you?’

‘Oh, I can drive. It’s just that I sold — ’ She straightened and turned away, shocked that she had almost told him about selling her car to finance the start of her business.

He climbed out of the car after her, caught her wrist in the circle of his fingers. Her pulse beat rapidly. Could he feel it?

‘What if we explored the attraction, Lily? It might be a good way to get it out of both our systems.’ His fingers stroked her soft flesh.

‘Do you think that would help?’ Each time he touched her, she wanted him more. She suspected a conscious exploration of their interest would only escalate it.

His gaze held hers. ‘All I can think about is this.’

He didn’t rush her. His hands invited her forward, but it was her choice to move close to him. When the heat in his eyes and the tight awareness on his face made it clear he wanted to kiss her, she was the one who lifted up, who pressed her lips against his in that first, reckless acceptance.

‘I think this is the only feeling that’s been right in my world since I met you.’ The harsh admission was whispered against her cheek before he lowered his head again.

‘Zach.’ Even though she knew it was foolhardy, Lily gave in to the instinct that encouraged her closer.

He tightened his hold, drew her up against him, so that every part of her was pressed close. She welcomed it all. Their kiss changed, mouths softened. She gave vent to a tiny whimper of need.

‘I could look into your eyes and drown in you and never stop.’ His admission shook a tremor from her. ‘I’ve never wanted to make love with a woman so much. I want to take you to my bed.’

‘No. No…I don’t want…that from you.’ It was too intimate for the kind of temporal involvement Zach would want. Her body might say yes, but she had to listen to the warning of her mind. Her defences belatedly kicked in again. She backed away from him.

But Zach had only stated the truth. That he wanted her. And it wasn’t that statement of truth that scared her. It was her temptation, despite everything, to yield to him and take whatever he was willing to give.

Z
ACH
dropped a tape and several Manila folders into the tray on Lily’s desk. Lily was delivering documents to Steele on the finance floor. She’d been gone about five minutes, and already Zach missed seeing her here at her desk.

He had it bad. With a sigh, he picked up the sticky note pad on her blotter, jotted the time and date and stuck it to the tape, then grinned a little at himself. Sometimes it was a case of Lily training him to do things
her
way.

Without stopping to think about it, he dropped into her chair and did a full three-hundred-and-sixty-degree slow swivel on it. The scent of lily of the valley clung to the fabric back of the chair. Zach closed his eyes and inhaled.

In the days since his brother’s school hockey competition, he had tried to leave her alone, to forget her. But he still desired her. Still noticed her every move, still tracked her through the days whether he chose to or not, and dreamed of her through the long nights.

Maybe he should capitulate about having one of her other workers in to replace her. Yet, even as he thought it, he knew he wasn’t ready to let her out of his life.

‘Hello. Is Lily not here at the moment?’ The familiar voice sounded from in front of the desk.

Zach snapped his eyes open and stared into Mark Uden’s calm face. ‘Ah, Uden. Good afternoon. No. She’s delivering something on another floor, then we’ll be packing up for the day.’

‘I thought I’d give Lily a lift to her volunteer session at the institute.’ Uden paused, and added, ‘I saw your photographs in the paper the other day. Let’s see, page eight, the society column, wasn’t it? Many happy returns for your birthday. I hope it was an enjoyable event.’

‘It was. Thanks.’ Zach rose from the chair, but remained standing behind the desk. ‘You appear to have a good memory.’ And what did Uden mean about a volunteer session? What institute?

‘I have a natural gift for all types of recall. Faces, places, names, dates. I’ve never used a diary in my life.’ Uden gave a self-effacing smile. ‘I confess, some of my colleagues find my ability quite aggravating at times. I try to keep the knowledge of that skill from my patients, of course. No need to make them uncomfortable.’

‘Lily wouldn’t last long if she tried that, but she does a great job with her diaries and calendars and sticky notes.’ Zach
liked
her zany, intense commitment to recording just about everything that happened in her day.

It wasn’t that odd. He scowled, recalling her commitment to her work, and his fixation on everything
but
her work, his fixation on Lily.

‘She’s confided in you!’ Uden’s smile was blinding. ‘I’m so pleased to know that. Lily is usually very secretive about her history, you know.’

Lily’s history? What could Uden be implying about Lily? Did the man mean her past engagement?

‘Lily told me about her past, yes.’ He refused to pretend that he found any pleasure in the knowledge that Lily had cared for someone once and maybe still did. He raised an eyebrow. ‘Whether she’s over it or not is open to question.’

Uden rocked back on the heels of his shoes. ‘It’s not really a case of getting over it. Rather, it’s about making adjustments. Because of the injury to her brain, she’s had to completely rebuild her confidence. That will take a long time, a lot longer than the year that has passed so far since her accident.’

‘What?’ Zach’s gaze narrowed. They were clearly at cross purposes. What was Uden talking about? ‘What do you mean, an injury? An accident?’

‘Ah, I beg your pardon.’ Uden drew himself up. ‘Did you not just state that Lily had confided in you?’

‘Lily told me about her
ex-fiancé
. I thought that was the history you meant, when you suggested she had confided in me. She hasn’t said a word about anything else.’ Zach faced the older man, stunned, unable to absorb that one, shocking truth. Lily injured. Her brain damaged.

It couldn’t be true. He knew her. Had worked with her, seen her skills, her ability. Yet, even as Zach thought this, he recalled so many incidents that had meant nothing at the time.

Lily having to leave a note on her door to make sure she didn’t let her cat get run over. Her difficulty remembering barrages of names or instructions. The way she had tried to check her phone messages twice before Dan’s hockey game.

Zach felt awe and deep heartache for all Lily must have endured. He wanted to hold her close and protect her from ever being harmed again. He wanted to tell her she was incredible. But if Lily ever knew that he had accidentally uncovered her secret…

‘I must ask you not to speak of what you’ve just learned to anyone, especially not to Lily.’ Uden’s face had paled. ‘I might wish she would trust people more easily with the truth of her condition, but this still should have been her story to tell, if and when she was ready.’

‘It’s not your fault. I won’t say anything to her, there’s no reason she need ever know.’ But Zach wanted to ask Lily about it, to understand, to offer support and comfort and encouragement…

‘Mark! What’s going on? Why are you swearing Zach to secrecy? What have you told him about me?’ Lily’s strident words brought Zach’s head around in abrupt attention.

She barely looked at him. Instead, her glance slewed to the man at Zach’s side. ‘Mark?’

Lily could have heard everything. Zach had been too absorbed in Uden’s shocking revelation to notice anything around them. All he knew was the hurt on her face now, and the need to make this situation right. ‘Lily.’

‘My dear…’ Mark’s voice trembled through pinched lips.

She looked at the older man with betrayal in her eyes. ‘You did tell him! How could you?’

Uden’s expression confirmed it. ‘It wasn’t intentional, my dear. I called in to ask if you’d like to ride with me to the institute and grab a bite at our cafeteria before you do your volunteer session. Your employer and I misunderstood each other, and I’m afraid I told him something I shouldn’t have.’

Lily held a large envelope in her hands. She lowered it to the desk with excessive care, and turned to face Zach as though she thought she might fly apart at any second. Accusation made her words sharp. ‘How dare you mislead Mark into blurting information about me?’

Her voice trembled at the end. Unshed tears pooled in eyes that seemed to have lost all their vivacity and had filled, instead, with deep hurt. ‘You had no right to pry into my affairs, and now you’ll
know
.’

She came to a choked stop.

Zach took an automatic step towards her. He wanted to comfort her, to make this right, but she was so upset. ‘It was a mistake. I thought — ’ He reached out a hand, but sensed her withdrawal even before she stepped back to avoid his touch.

‘You thought what — that you would find out just who Mark was and what he had to do with me? All because I went to lunch with him?’

Zach
had
been jealous of a relationship he now realised must have started as that of mentor and student, and progressed to friendship. Lily must have studied under Mark Uden in order to learn to function again after her accident. What exactly had happened?

Zach didn’t try to defend himself. This wasn’t about that, anyway. ‘I meant you no harm, Lily. I can only repeat that, and hope you believe me.’

Uden cleared his throat, and Lily turned her head towards him. ‘It’s all right, Mark. Why don’t you go? I’ll be there for my session, but I don’t feel like eating first.’

The older man hesitated, then after a moment nodded and left the office.

But it wasn’t all right. Zach waited until Uden’s footsteps receded before he spoke again. ‘Lily, please believe I would never have pried deliberately, and I’m sure your mentor wouldn’t have betrayed you, either. It was a very short conversation, stopped the moment we both realised what had happened.’

‘The end result is the same, isn’t it? You know my brain doesn’t work like it should. That I’m flawed and always will be.’ She drew in deep gulps of air. Harsh spots of colour dotted each cheek, alabaster whiteness behind them.

‘I’d like to understand about your injury.’
So I can help you. So I don’t blunder around and hurt you, as I must have done the day I got angry at you for forgetting to write down a stupid phone message.

‘I’m so sorry, Lily.’A great well of protectiveness rose up, and Zach realised that he did care about her. That he cared
for
her. Wanted her in ways he had never wanted another woman. It wasn’t love. It couldn’t be that. But it was something outside of his experience, it was strong, and he wondered if he could control it.

He should exorcise those feelings now, but how could he, when he only wanted to take her pain away?

Silently, Lily moved past him and retrieved her bag from the drawer of her desk. Anger, pride and a great woundedness surrounded her as she shut down her computer. ‘I don’t want to talk about this any more. I can’t think about it. I — I have to go.’

Zach wanted to find some way to get through to her and ease her hurt. But her hands around the straps of her handbag were clenched to whiteness, her expression haunted, and he knew now wasn’t the time. He stood back and let her leave.

‘Naturally, now that you know my situation, you’ll feel it’s best if I remove myself from your office immediately.’ Lily had thought long and hard about how to handle this interview with Zach. She had lain awake much of the night, plotting and planning, and crying into her pillow, while Jemima batted at her head with a kindly paw, as though to say,
what’s wrong? How can I help?

Dawn had found Lily dry-eyed and determined. She had phoned Zach at his home. Had asked him to meet her at a coffee shop near his work at eight a.m., and had disconnected before he could ask questions.

Now they sat here, their knees almost touching beneath the small square table. Men and women in business clothing bustled in, bustled out, coffee in paper cups clutched in their hands as they anticipated the first caffeine fix of the day.

Few sat, and she and Zach had found a table tucked into a corner away from the general bustle. The coffee shop was redolent with the scents of ground coffee-beans, vanilla, and sweet pastries. Lily nursed her mocha caramel latte and knew she shouldn’t have chosen it.

The warm, sweet smells inside the shop might promise enticing, creamy delights, but her rebellious stomach had other ideas and was twisted quite firmly into resistant knots. Lily would have been hard pressed to choke down a regular coffee at the moment, let alone this sweet, cream-topped version.

‘That’s why you wanted to meet early here this morning? To say you want to leave?’ Zach pushed aside his sensible, simple cappuccino and examined her with a deep, penetrating gaze that seemed to want to see right into the very heart of her.

It wasn’t fair that over the top of all the other, stronger scents she could detect his aftershave lotion.
That
made her stomach tighten in quite a different way.

‘Why?’ He went on. ‘Just because I know there’s a reason you write yourself a few sticky notes to ensure you stay on track?’

‘It’s a lot more than a few reminder notes!’ Oh, she had been right to want to replace herself. If he had agreed then, she would have been gone before he’d known anything about her past. Already she could see a difference in the way he looked at her.

Zach leaned forward. His gaze seemed to contain a great deal of understanding — the pitying kind!

‘I won’t pretend that what I learned yesterday doesn’t change things.’ The softened tone of his voice confirmed her fears. He did pity her.

When he spoke, it only made it worse. ‘I’ll treat you differently from now on.’

‘You don’t feel the same way about me.’ How
could
he still want her, now that he knew of her condition? ‘I understand, Zach. You don’t have to explain.’

‘Thank you. It’s hard to articulate…’ He watched her silently for a moment, before relief slowly bloomed across his face. ‘You have my respect, Lily. I think you’re amazing, coping the way you do. This is very mature of you. I just…I don’t want either of us to feel uncomfortable.’

This was just what every girl didn’t want to hear. Next thing, Zach would say he hoped they would stay friends. She decided to head that one off before it happened. ‘I’m glad we had this conversation. It’s always good to take the chance to clear the air.’

Zach seemed to hesitate, and said quietly, ‘Before we talk about work any further, would you explain your situation to me? I’d like to know exactly how extensive your…difficulties are.’

‘But I’ll be leaving. Surely you don’t need to know all that?’ Panic welled inside her at the thought of exposing the details of her condition.

‘You’ll be staying to the end of the agreed time.’ Zach sounded very calm as he tossed this statement down. ‘But, as your employer, I think I should know how your condition affects you.’

‘And how it might impact on my work for you.’ An angry, determined part of Lily rose up and pointed out that she could do very close to as good a job as anybody else, even if she did go about things differently. ‘I volunteered to leave. That’s why I asked for this meeting. To let you know Deborah could take over now.’

‘You may have decided that.’ His voice softened to a silken thread. ‘But I don’t recall being consulted, and, as it happens, I don’t consider it to be in my best interests to have to undergo a further change in staffing right at the moment.’

‘Why not? Deborah — ’

‘I’ll explain my reasons.’ His gaze again pierced her. ‘After you outline your condition to me.’

‘Fine. I’ll explain.’ She didn’t see what difference it would make, and Zach clearly did have a changed view of her now. Maybe he was able to simply forget he had ever desired her, and was willing to put up with her idiosyncrasies to avoid that further change of staff he had mentioned?

She kept her chin up, and hoped he couldn’t see how much all this was hurting her. ‘I have damage to a large portion of the short-term memory area of my brain. The majority of things that would normally be retained there now get forgotten instead.’