The Lily (The Flowering Series Book 1) (2 page)

I was used to hanging off to the side since normally no one really ever noticed I was there, but something about Jake threw me off and I felt myself drawn into him. As if he were the last piece for my life puzzle.

Later Jake told me that he could not believe that someone as smart, funny and pretty as me could be so oblivious of my own attractiveness. Of course I immediately waved this ridiculous comment aside but he continued describing my outfit, my hair and even the thirteen freckles that I have under my eyes. He had not only noticed me, he had committed the night to memory.

I had no idea what to do with a situation like that. I usually felt plain and unassuming but that night Jake changed not only the path of my life, but my view of myself. I relaxed and felt myself drawn into conversation after conversation with him. It felt wonderful to be seen as an equal and I desperately wanted to know every little thing I could about Jake Petrillo.

Even while I was actively enjoying Jake’s company I felt fear crawl back into my head. I remember thinking how ashamed I would be if Jake found out that I was really just the same nobody that I grew up believing I was. It was not a new internal battle but one I often went to war over when faced with the opportunity to connect with someone on a deeper level.

Growing up the middle child had done a number on my psyche. My family had been a cold, controlled environment even though I knew deep down that I had fire and spirit running through my veins. I always felt the need to be heard while at the same time I continued to shrink into the shadows so no one would notice if I failed.

It was as if I was constantly being pulled in opposite directions. On a basic level I needed to connect with people on a meaningful level, but I had trust issues that prevented me from truly opening up to people. I think it is safe to say that those children who are scarred by the mistrust of their parents turn out to be either the strongest or the meekest. I was always working towards the former but it was an uphill battle.

As if it were the most natural thing in the world Jake held my hand for the remainder of the night. His eyes never left mine as we talked late into the night and the world somehow began to right itself.

Chapter 3:

I knew I should leave the party and protect myself from the impending control Jake would have over me once I fell in love with him. Ridiculous to be thinking of love after just meeting someone but it felt completely right. Despite the warning bells I could not let go of his hand. His smile warmed my soul and I felt myself slipping further into the blue of his eyes.

When I noticed that dawn was approaching I knew that I had no choice but to leave Jake. I had work to do before class and even though I was confident that Jake had already stolen my heart I was not about to make a decision that might affect my academic future with no contemplation and less sleep.

Jake shyly asked for my phone number as he walked me to my sorority house. It never occurred to me that I should say no. Some things were just meant to be and my instincts told me to embrace this chance with both arms.

As we stood at my door his hand cradled my face and I felt my eyes close as his lips met mine. I was a goner. It was not just the delicious feeling of attraction that ran up my spine, but the emotional connection I sensed in the kiss.

When he turned to leave I felt myself begin to panic and fear the worst. I remember trying to convince myself that no one as great as Jake would ever call me. The party had been a fluke and unless I wanted to be heart broken and humiliated I should forget it ever happened. I hated myself for always second guessing affection but my parents had really done a number on my self esteem.

The day after the party was horribly long and painful as I beat myself up buying into the belief that Jake would never call. Before long I even convinced myself that I was not even worthy enough to be thinking there might have been a chance between us.

Just as I had suspected there were no messages when I returned to my dorm room after classes. I was crushed but I put on my big girl pants and got ready for work. Someone still had to pay for my car and regular necessities and that someone was always going to be me.

By that night I wanted to slap myself in the face for acting like all the lovesick girls I had made fun of over the years. Every man I waited on at the bar reminded me of Jake and I went through a rollercoaster of emotions as I briefly allowed myself to believe he had actually come for me. Then there was the crushing wall of disappointment when it turned out not to be him. At the end of the night I cried myself to sleep assuming the worst.

The next morning I got up as usual and set out to plan my day. I ran for my normal five-mile run but today it was as if I was running through mud. No matter how hard I pushed I felt the world pushing back. It was all I could do to make it back, shower and head to class.

My stomach rejected the thought of any food curdled by the intensity of my disappointment. Then I realized that what was happening with Jake was just another nail in my coffin. I needed to stop hoping that someday a man would love the woman inside and stick with my plan.

While I was chastising myself for believing Jake could ever want to be with me, he was arguing with himself about how long was long enough before he could see me again. It seems that he did not want to scare me off with how passionate his desire was for me. It really is funny how things work out sometimes.

After classes I headed back to the house trying my best to keep the crying to a minimum. As I rounded the corner I saw someone standing outside on our porch. As I walked closer I realized that someone was Jake. I felt sucker punched. I was so excited and at the same time completely stricken with fear.

As usual I was very convincing inside my own head and before Jake had a chance to approach me I ducked around to the side door believing that he was only here to see Lily. I refused to be humiliated for thinking that Jake would actually be there to see me.

Little did I know that Jake had skipped all his classes that day to hang out on my porch because he could not wait another second to see me. So imagine his surprise and confusion when I walked towards him, turned pale as a ghost and high-tailed it around him. I barely eked out a 'Hi' as I continued inside.

Jake called out to me as I tried to hurry down the main hall, “Morgan wait up.”

When I finally turned around I tried my best to look him directly in the eye when I asked, “Are you calling me?”

Jake nodded and I stuttered out, “I thought you might be here to see Lily since you never called yesterday I figured you weren’t interested.”

His response melted my heart, “I was so afraid I would scare you off if I contacted you too soon and I have never been this crazy about a girl in my life.”

The world stopped as he continued, “I cannot stop thinking about you Morgan. I want to be with you and I hope to God you feel the same way too.”

I remember finally letting my breath out and allowing myself to smile with the knowledge that Jake was here for me and only me. We were drawn together in a kiss that sealed the deal with passion and the sparks of true love that were beginning to flame.

We spent the rest of the day riding Jake’s motorcycle around town and when I put my arms around him and laid my cheek on his back, the wind blew through my hair and I felt whole. It was a strange and restorative feeling that I had been waiting for my entire life.

Dating Jake was amazing. I was the envy of every girl on campus especially since Jake and I could not stop displaying our growing affection with one another publically. Whether it was holding hands or stealing a few kisses before class, there was no doubt that he was mine and I was his. 

I actually had a lover that accepted all my scars. He was a fairy tale and there were plenty of days when I had to pinch myself to make sure that I was truly awake and experiencing the kind of life that I had barely let myself even dream about with my devastatingly handsome and sweet prince charming.

The week following the party was the first time Jake and I made love. Both of our living situations made it difficult to find sufficient alone time so we had to make do with a secluded spot on the beach. I do not think either of us planned to physically solidify our love that day, but our bodies had been patient and we were both ready to combust.

The blanket was probably uncomfortable and I vaguely remember the weather was too cool to be naked under the open sky. Yet as soon as Jake’s eyes drank in my bare body everything else in the world failed to exsist.

There are lovers who are selfish and lovers who will make sure you enjoy yourself but they are really in it for themselves. Jake showed me that day a completely unselfish and caring lovemaking style only read about in romance novels and seen on movie screens. Jake knew exactly where I needed to be touched and exactly when my body craved more.

We could not get enough of one another that day. We started slow and passionate, worshipping each other from head to toe. Jake used his very talented tongue to lick a trail down my body that his fingers soon followed. Before long the want and desire was too strong and we came together hard and fast unable to deny ourselves the chance to look into each other’s eyes as we pushed the other over the edge.

Forever that day will be etched in my memory as the day I was completely loved for the very first time. Even when it began a light drizzle of rain we continued our feast on each other, the steam from our heat rising off our bodies.

When we finally could not physically make love again we snuggled under the blankets napping under the darkening sky. As Jake drove me home that evening a sense of peace settled between us and our connection was further confirmed.

Jake was the first man to satisfy me in every way, shape and form. He was not the first man I had slept with but I can say with absolute certainty that he was the first man that met all of my needs in and out of bed. Jake knew when I needed to be held, sweetly made love to or ravished against the wall. I rarely needed to tell Jake what I wanted because he always seemed to know even before I did.

Each time I felt his arms around me I knew I had arrived home.

Jake was charismatic, charming and truly a handsome devil. He always surprised me by not noticing the attention he would get walking into a room when every woman young and old would turn to look. That characteristic made him a rare and extraordinary find.

There was no confusion that we came from two different sides of the tracks. His side was full of love and security and his parents taught him to be caring and patient. My side on the other hand was a total mess and I am lucky I made it out as self aware as I was. To his credit Jake never treated me like I brought baggage to the relationship. He always did everything in his power to make me feel the opposite.

What really made Jake and I work though was our deep respect for one another. Not just the people we were at the time we met, but also the people we evolved from and the people we would continually evolve to.

Jake and I were inseparable. There was no future without Jake in it. I wanted the house, family and all the love that came along with it.

Jake never missed an opportunity to tell or show me how much he loved me. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he never saw another woman after the night we met, just as I never saw another man.

Summer break came before we knew it and I was scheduled to work all summer so I was staying on campus. Jake on the other hand was headed down to the shore with his family as they had every year for decades. I felt the world closing in every time I thought of the two and half months we would be spending apart. I could not keep my mind from wandering into the unwanted territory of losing him. It was as much a protective mechanism as it was a deep seeded fear.

Although it seemed like forever, we had only been dating a month when Jake was scheduled to leave campus. He was due down to the shore by Memorial Day for his parent’s annual picnic. Several times he invited me to attend the big shindig but each time I declined because giving up the big tip weekend at work would set me back weeks once school started again in the fall. However, after many long kisses and very convincing pleading on Jake’s part I decided to go. It was the last time I was going to see him before August and I wanted to make the most of our time together.

Jake picked me up on his motorcycle and we took our time on the trip to the shore. We stopped as often as possible to squeeze in some alone time. Whether it was to take a walk hand in hand or steal a make-out session on a secluded road, we made the journey just as important as the destination. I had been warned that as soon as I stepped foot at the Petrillo’s I would be at the mercy of his mom and of course Lily would be there so there was bound to be girl talk.