My Blue Eyes (16 page)

     It was a good week.  Nothing like having a paid vacation and the only money you had to spend was on booze.  Also, having sex every night with the ocean waves in the background was cool too.  
     Amy’s parents were pretty well off.  They owned a very well respected car dealership in Andalusia.  Her family was quite the royalty.  Like I said, she was way out of my league.  According to people who knew Amy, the guy who landed her would be set for life.  This was the furthest thing from my mind.

     Matt and I returned to Tuscaloosa to continue getting ready for our sophomore year.  Amy and Carly stayed behind in Andalusia, waiting to return once school started.  They did come up a couple times.  Matt and Carly got serious real quick.  It’s funny how adamant Matt was about not getting serious with anyone the whole year because he was going to play the field.  He would end up marrying Carly and living in Andalusia.  The next three years of college, when you saw Carly, you saw Matt.  They were inseparable.  I will get into more of that later.

     The last part of summer, Matt and I participated in a summer league for college players.  Needless to say, I tore shit up.  The talent wasn't nearly as good as the upper echelon leagues.  There were a couple of other leagues that were invite only.  They were usually reserved for juniors and seniors, and other guys hoping to catch on with a major league club.  Hopefully next year would be my year to play in that league.
     The whole state of Alabama was awesome.  They literally played baseball all year long.  It would have been heaven growing up here.  My sophomore year was approaching and something would happen, changing my life forever.
Chapter 38

     
It was September of 1994, and we had started our fall season.  There were high expectations for this year’s team and hopefully a trip to the College World Series.  Coach made us take an oath at the beginning of the season to cut back on the drinking.  We all agreed, even though he knew that was next to impossible to ask.
     I started off the season with a bang, hitting everything in sight.  My tennis ball workouts were working great as my power numbers were off the chart.  We had played close to eight games already when we had our annual charity game against a community college in Tuscaloosa.  They might have been a junior college, but they were a powerhouse in the state.  The event was named “Feed the Homeless” and all proceeds favored the local food banks in the area.  Our students always came out in full force and usually turned the event into a drunken fest.       
     We started off the game by raking every pitcher they threw at us.  By the top of the third, we were winning comfortably twelve to zero.  You could tell there was a little tension in the other dugout.  The game was for charity, but they always wanted to beat us.  We were just having fun and joking around.  They took it way too serious.  Last year’s game almost had a benches clearing brawl after one of our guys was beaned in the helmet. 

     The top of the third started out like the previous inning, with their first hitter striking out.  Our fans started to heckle them a ton and especially the next hitter.  He was an incoming freshman at the school and was supposed to attend my school, but couldn't get in due to his grades.  Our fans were definitely inappropriate as they started a derogatory chant.  The public address announcer had to make an announcement about the behavior, which only caused the chant to get louder.  It must have pissed him off as he lined a ball straight up the middle, almost taking our top pitcher’s head off.
     The next batter stepped up to the plate with a little less harassment.  He took a couple of strikes before grounding a routine grounder to a perfectly placed Matt.  I was cheating a little towards third, but still within double play depth.  I sprinted towards the bag as Matt mistakenly bobbled the ball as he was pulling it from his glove.  At this point, he should have taken the sure out at first base as the base runner was barreling towards second, where I would be waiting.  Matt still thought we could make the double play as he threw a perfect laser to me on the outside of the bag about chest high.  I could see the runner as I took the throw and he hadn't started his slide.  I glanced the outside of the bag with my right foot and dug my left foot into the dirt while in the same motion releasing the ball.  The runner waited to slide at the last moment and slid into my planted left leg.  I couldn't avoid the slide as the force of his weight made my knee crumple.  I could hear it pop, and the pain that ensued was extremely intense.  Not being one who likes to show someone got the better of me, I pushed him off of me and attempted to get up.  As soon as I put weight on it, I collapsed in utter pain.  The runner got up and stood over me.  I could hear him say something, but the pain was too intense to understand him.  Matt saw this and all hell broke loose.
     Matt came in with a haymaker and connected, causing the kid to fall flat on his back.  The dugouts cleared and punches rained down on anyone involved.  A couple of scuffles broke out in the stands as the chaos ensued.  When the brawl was finally over with, the game was called.  This would be the last time this charity game was held.  Coach was incensed.  If you looked close enough, you could see smoke coming from his ears.  I ended up getting the worst of the brawl.  Unable to vacate, I proceeded to get stepped on with metal cleats and there wasn't a part of my uniform that wasn't torn.  Once everyone had cleared out, our trainers were able to evaluate me.  They expected a torn ACL, but it was worse.  After further evaluation at the hospital, I was told I had a torn both my ACL and MCL.
     This was devastating news.  I didn't know if I had a future playing baseball anymore.  There have been athletes who have come back from this injury, but they were never the same.  I was told these ligaments would never be the same.  I would likely lose some motion and the likelihood of it happening again was high.  Mobility is crucial for a shortstop, so there was a high probability I wouldn't be able to play it at a high level anymore.  
     It was a dirty play on the runner.  For one thing, the game was for charity.  He didn't need to slide that late.  A normal person would have just veered off to the inside and let the throw go through.  He was doing what a runner on first is always programmed to do.  If it’s a double play ball, you do everything you can to break it up.  That is, if it’s an actual game.  Our fans played a role in it too.  They should have never heckled him the way they did.  Maybe if he wasn't so pissed, he would have taken a more logical approach to the situation.  Matt shouldn't have thrown the ball to me either.  I couldn't blame him.  He did what we have been practicing since we first picked up a ball.  Our double play tandem knew no limits.
     The months that ensued would be non-stop physical therapy.  With the injury happening towards the end of September, I was expected to be out for six to eight months.  I was hoping to only be out for six months, so I would only miss a few games into the season.
     The news must have traveled fast back home as I received numerous calls, cards and letters.  Coach Bradley was devastated when he called me.  He had high hopes for me and expected me to play at the next level.  He told me a story about how he had the same injury and it forced him to give up his dream of playing in the pros.  Coach had made it to Double A before suffering his injury.  This was not exactly the news I wanted to hear.  He told me things were different now.  They had ways to make the ligaments stronger and I should be back to action in no time.  
     Troy was devastated too.  He came down the next day and tried to give me a bunch of pep talks.  I appreciated him being there.  If Mom or Dad was alive, they would have surely come down.  Dad probably would have went to beat the shit out of the other kid’s dad.  We talked about that and had a good laugh.  
     He stayed for a few days and went back home.  Whenever we got together, I never asked about Mary.  This time was different.  I guess I was just a little emotional at a possible career ending injury.  Troy told me she called him a couple weeks before the injury to see how everyone was doing.  Troy told her I was doing fine.  He said at one point, he thought she was crying on the other end of the line.  He didn't know why.  He said they talked for about an hour and she wanted him to tell me to keep doing what I’m doing and stay focused.  It was just like her, wanting me to achieve my dreams.  I asked how she was doing and he said as far as he knew, she was well.  She told him she was attending a local college and was hoping to become a nurse.  I thought that was a good profession for her.  Maybe she could concentrate on the mental aspect of patients and be able to help them more due to her personal experiences.  He asked her if she wanted my number, and she said no.  She told Troy I didn't need any distractions.
     I introduced Troy to Amy.  This was the first time he met her.  He was quite impressed.  He too knew she was way out of my league.  He kept complimenting her to the point I think he had a hard on.  Who knew he was so flirtatious with the girls when Sharon wasn't around.  I asked him if Mary called again, not to mention her.  He promised.
     The rest of the year, my relationship with Amy remained mostly physical, or so I thought.  When you lose your parents forever and your first love, you lose your ability to emotionally attach with people.  This was the case with Amy.  I liked her, I just didn't love her.  She, on the other hand, had fallen head over heels for me.  What complicated the relationship, was the fact Matt and Carly were going hot and heavy.  Most of the time, when Carly was around, Amy was around.  I didn't always mind.  She was extremely helpful throughout my rehab.  The sex was great because I didn't have to do much.  She was worried about hurting my knee, so she always insisted on being on top.  Sometimes I felt guilty.  She had become such a pro at it, easily satisfying me and herself.  The blow jobs became more frequent too.  She could have no doubt won a blow job contest if there was such a thing.
     I remember this one night in particular when she told me she loved me.  Unfortunately, I couldn't reciprocate the feeling.  It was a rough moment.  She asked if I loved her and I shook my head no.  I told her I wanted to, but I just wasn't there yet.  Mary was the only girl who I ever said those words to, besides my mom.  I didn't mention Mary in my response, but explained how the loss of my parents had affected me.  She said she understood.  I think she was just saying that though.  I’m sure when you get the nerve to tell someone you love them, and they don’t reply the same thing back, it can be horrific.  She pretended to be cool with it.  She even invited me to spend a couple days of Christmas break at her parent’s.  She said they were dying to meet me.  Thankfully, I had an out since Troy and Sharon were coming down to spend Christmas with me.  Once again, Troy had come through for me.  I knew meeting her parents would only intensify her feelings towards me.  My best bet was to avoid it at all cost.
     You can only avoid meeting your “girlfriend’s” parents for so long.  I had completed a crazy amount of rehab and was ready to play the first week in May.  Coach had relegated me as the designated hitter for the remainder of the year.  It was fine with me, just as long as I played.  I knew my knee wasn't completely healed, even though I passed all of the tests necessary for me to resume all normal activity.  It hurt like hell during the test.  I was able to hide the pain.  The fear of not playing the rest of the year had my adrenaline pumping.  I tried to hide it during practice.  Coach knew something was amiss though.  I had a noticeable limp when I ran.  I told him I was just getting used to my old running form and felt no pain.  He warned me not to screw up my future by coming back too early.  I shrugged it off.
     Her parents came up to watch my first game played in over six months.  It would have been nice to meet them before the game.  My nerves were intense with the eager anticipation.  I had a good game for my first game back.  I went two for four with two singles.  I swung the bat well and made solid contact.  The second game was more of the same.  I went two for three and stretched a single into a double.  It was a stupid move on my part.  The pain I felt in my knee was difficult to hide.  Coach took me out of the game once I scored.  We ended up winning both games.
     I met her parents after the game and they were both super nice.  Very down to earth for such high class people.  I could tell Amy was nervous.  She had confided in me she had never had a boyfriend serious enough to introduce to her parents.  I had been feeling guilty with the fact we were on such different playing fields with our emotions.  Truth is, I should have ended it with her a long time ago.  I was selfish and felt like I was using her to help me avoid thinking of Mary. 

     Today was different though.  I guess her vulnerability in showing her nervousness with me meeting her parents made me see her in a new light.  After her parents had left and it was just us two, I felt different.  I started to get that queasiness in my stomach.  That feeling of being with someone for the first time.  We had been together for almost a year, but it suddenly felt brand new to me.  I was actually starting to fall for her.  The only thing left for me to do was let my feelings go.  To let myself feel love again.  I had to let what Mary and I had go.  I was finally feeling ready to move on.
     I told her I loved her that night.  She cried and asked me over and over again if I really did.  She was so happy, refusing to let go of me the entire night.  She was clingy.  Not in a bad way though.  I felt happy for her.  She was an awesome person and the three simple words I told her made her more alive.  I felt happy for me.  
     My heart felt whole.  I was in love again.

Chapter 39

   
 
 I finished my sophomore season strong.  Compiling a .402 batting average and ten home runs.  My knee held up for the most part.  The same couldn't be said for the summer league.
     I was invited to play in the upper echelon league that year.  I was able to play the field and the coach was instructed to only play me at third.  It was a new position for me.  I had been a shortstop since I first played pee wee baseball.  I did well.  I fielded everything that was hit to me, but struggled to make any play that required me to make a quick adjustment.  I lost some arm speed too.  Most of my throws were from my back foot since I was unable to plant firmly on my left while making the throw.  The summer season was winding down and after my last game, I knew there was something wrong with my knee.  I went in for a routine checkup and found I had once again tore my ACL.  I was devastated to say the least.  Coach was shutting me down for the fall and more intensive physical rehab ensued.  The doctors agreed I should be ready for the start of the season if everything went right.
     I was the only one at fault for this injury.  I shouldn't have lied about the pain I felt when they completed my final test.  I was so hell bent on getting back to the field, I compromised any future of playing professionally.  The good news was that it wasn't the MCL too.