My Blue Eyes (14 page)

     Before she died, I never thought about heaven much.  I didn't need to.  Everyone I loved was in my life.  Mary and I spent a good portion of the movie talking about it.  We joked back and forth about what mom would be saying as she looked down on us.  I wondered if she would be mad or upset.  She would probably be happy that we were together even if it was for only a couple days.  She loved Mary like one of her own kids and I told Mary that.  It made Mary feel good she was loved.
     There wasn't a lot of making out while the movie played.  Truth is, even after my long power nap, I was still tired.  I really didn't have the urge to try.  I mean, I would have if she would have instigated it, but she knew all I needed was her lying in my arms.
     I dozed off and was reawakened around 3:00 AM as Mary was peacefully asleep in my arms.  It made me laugh, because she had a bit of drool dripping down from her opened mouth.  I gently woke her up and said we should probably get to bed. 
     Mary let out a big yawn as she stretched out her arms above her head, “Do you care if I just sleep here instead of the bedroom?”
     “That’s fine,” I said as I kissed her on the lips.  “If you need anything, you know where my bedroom is.”
     She smiled and drifted off back to sleep.  I didn't want to leave her, but out of respect for Mom, I did.  I got myself ready for bed and made my way to my room.  It was tough.  It was tough knowing that the girl I loved so much was downstairs and not in here with me.  I lied there awake for what seemed like eternity.  I thought about going downstairs and swooping her up in my arms and carrying her upstairs.  God it was hard.
     I looked at the clock and it was 4:00 AM.  I was going to be one tired S.O.B. tomorrow if I didn't get to sleep.  I was about to doze off when my door opened.  I looked and saw the silhouette of Mary standing there.  She didn't say anything.  I didn't say anything. 
     I pulled my cover down, indicating I wanted her to occupy the spot next to me.  She walked slowly to me, stopping at the side of my bed.  The light from the hallway lit up my room enough for me to see her standing there, looking beautiful as ever.  She undid her belt and slid down her pants, stepping out of them one at a time.  She crossed her arms as she gripped each side of shirt and slowly pulled it over her head.  She stood there in just her bra and panties, not saying a word.  I knew what I wanted to happen.  She placed her thumbs on each side of her panties and pulled them down.  Continuing to stare at me, she reached around to her back and unsnapped her bra, slowly taking her arms out one at a time.  She was absolutely stunning.  Mary crawled into bed with me…and we made love.  Not like two teenage kids doing it for the first time, but lovers coming together for what was meant to be. 

Chapter 34

 
   
 
I woke up the next morning before Mary.  She lay there in bed looking as beautiful as ever.  I watched her sleep for close to thirty minutes.  I knew this was possibly the last day I was ever going to spend with her.  I wanted to take her all in today.  She eventually woke up to find me staring at her.  She smiled and reached for my face, pulling me into her with a kiss.
     “I love you Darrel Watson.”
     “I love you too Mary.”
     We spent the rest of the morning and half of the afternoon lying in bed.  We talked about anything and everything.  Neither one of us bringing up the subject of this being our last day together.  I wanted to, but I held back.  Truth is, if she asked me to leave with her, I would have.  I would have done anything to be with her.  Even if it meant giving up my dream of being a professional ball player. That’s how much I loved her.
     I knew Mary would have never allowed it.  She wanted my dream for me as much as I wanted it.  This was the way it had to be.  I had to hope the old saying about loving someone and setting them free was true.  That if it’s meant to be, it will be.  I guess we were both setting each other free.  Me to follow my dreams and Mary to find hers to follow. 
     She said she was a lot better emotionally these days.  She surrounded herself with a good group of people and felt she was finally going to get control of her mental illness.  I prayed she would.  I couldn't imagine the torment she was going through dealing with it.  I hoped our little two day adventure wouldn't derail her progress.
     We probably would have spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in bed if Troy hadn't called me at 2:00 PM.  I answered the phone and he had a bit of panic in his voice.
     “Darrel,” he said.
     “Yes Troy.”
     “I know I invited you at 5:00, but you think you could come over now?”
     “Why?  What’s wrong?”
     “Dad’s a mess.  He’s been crying all day long.  Sharon and I have tried everything we could to get him to stop.  It’s bad Darrel, real bad.”
     I didn't know how the loss of a loved one was supposed to go.  I never had to deal with it until now.  Troy and I were dealing with it well, but we both had someone we loved comforting us.  Dad did too.  He had all of us, but I guess it wasn't enough.
     “We’ll jump in the shower real quick and head over.  Do you need me to bring anything?”
     “Just you and Mary, Darrel.  Please hurry.”
     I hung up the phone and turned to Mary, “Troy wants us to come over now.”
     “Is there something wrong,” she asked.
     “He just said Dad’s in really bad shape.  He won’t stop crying.  I guess Troy thinks seeing you and I will help.”
     We both jumped out of bed, still naked from the romance of last night.  We took a shower together.  I knew my dad needed us, but we needed each other too.  I’m sure you could imagine what took place in the shower.  It was definitely selfish of both of us.  It was probably a mistake to take a shower at the same time.  You get two young people naked and lathering each other up, it will lead to other things.

     Once we were done and dressed, we headed to Troy’s.  It was around 3:00 PM when we walked in the door.  Dad was sitting in the living room as we walked in.  You could tell he was a mess.  I think in the past few days, he aged ten years.  His eyes were puffy and red and it looked like he hadn't showered in a couple days. 
     He saw Mary and he lit up like a Christmas tree.  He got up and embraced Mary for what felt like ten minutes.  I looked at Troy with a confusing look and he returned the same look.  Dad would pull away from Mary, say something, and then hug her again.  We didn't know what he said.  Whatever it was, it made Mary laugh each time.  Afterward, I didn't ask her either.  It was their moment.  Whatever it was, my dad had a new demeanor the rest of the day.

     Sharon made a big spread.  Much like my mom would have.  Sharon said she learned to cook early on in her marriage to Troy from my mom.  It was true.  I remembered several times when mom needed help cooking, she would call Sharon.  They had their own unique relationship.  Troy was the first of her children to get married, so Sharon always held a special place in her heart.
     We talked a lot about mom over dinner.  I think this did my dad some good.  He had been keeping most of his feelings inside, even though his heartache was evident from the outside.  We shared a lot of fond memories.  We laughed at times, we cried at times.  Once the conversation started to drag, Mary asked my dad something that caught us all off guard.
     “Paul,” she said.  “Will you take a walk with me?”
     “I would love to Mary,” he replied, getting up from his seat.
     They walked out the front door as Troy looked at me with an inquisitive look.  I shrugged my shoulders, because I was as confused as he was.  I shouldn't have been though.  My parents loved her like one of their own.
     About an hour later they both came through the front door, laughing and smiling.  Troy looked at me and then looked at them.
     “Where the heck did you two go all this time,” Troy asked.
     Dad came up to Troy and pretended to shadow box him, “None of your business son.  It’s good to get some fresh air after a delicious meal like that.”
     Mary sat down next to me, falling back into my outstretched arm I had comfortably positioned on the couch.  She grabbed the arm and wrapped it around her.  She looked back at me and with her other hand pulled my head into her for a kiss.
     I wasn't going to ask her about what they talked about.  Whatever it was, my dad was feeling one hundred percent better.  He even decided to come home that night.  I secretly wished he would spend one more night at Troy’s, but it was good for him to come home.  Even if it meant Mary and I would be spending our last night together in separate rooms.
     We arrived home and I parked in the street directly in front of our house.  Dad stopped on the front porch, hesitant to go in.
     “I thought I was ready to come home guys, but I can’t,” he said as his eyes welled up.
      I looked at Mary and back to my dad, “Come on Dad.  You’re eventually going to have to do it anyway.  Just go in, take a warm shower and go to bed.  It will be alright.”
     He shook his head, “There are too many memories of your mother in the house.  I’m so used to her being there every time I walk in.  She’s not going to be in there to greet me with her kiss.  I can’t remember a time when I've ever walked in and she wasn't there Darrel.”
     I was at a loss.  I didn't know what to say.  Mary walked up to my dad and grabbed his arm, “Paul, we will all walk in together then.  You need to be strong.  She would want you to.”
     We walked into the house and my dad stopped at the front door and looked around.  The tears were no longer welled up in his eyes, they were streaming down his face.  I went in to hug him and he gripped me tight.  He buried his head in my shoulder and cried.  We both did. 
     About ten minutes later, Mary separated us, “Okay you two.  Paul, you need to go get yourself cleaned up and then to bed.”
     She grabbed my dad’s arm and led him upstairs, returning a short time later. “Your dad is a sweet man Darrel.  You’re lucky.”
     I nodded my head, “I hope he can hold it together tonight.”
     Mary sat down beside me, assuming her favorite position of leaning back into me and wrapping my arm around her.  “I hope someday we’ll love each other as much as your parents loved each other.”
     I squeezed her tight and kissed the top of her head.  I knew we wouldn't have that opportunity.  She was leaving tomorrow and in less than a month, I would be leaving for Alabama.  We didn't say anything else for a while.  We just sat there, together.
     Dad eventually came back downstairs to tell us goodnight.  He said something to me that let me know he was going to be fine tonight.
     “Don’t worry about sleeping in separate rooms tonight.  You can both stay in your room Darrel.  Good night.”
     He walked back up the stairs as I looked at Mary and smiled.  We were both thankful this last night would be spent together, side by side.  
Chapter 35

     
Mary’s mom arrived bright and early the next day for the long ride back to Minnesota.  It was hard to see her leave since this would be our final goodbye.  There weren't any tears or anything like that.  In the past week, I think I cried enough to last me a lifetime.  We wished each other well and hoped one day we would be together again.  She refused to give me her phone number.  She said I needed to concentrate on school and my future.  I begged her for it, but she wouldn't budge.  I knew it was just as hard for her to leave, so I stopped pressing.  As she pulled away, I knew it was over.  We shared something special the night before, and I will always have that memory.
     I stayed outside until I could no longer see their tail lights.  I took a seat on the porch steps and wondered what might have been.  In my mind, I replayed every moment we spent together.  Both the good and the bad.  
     I thought about calling the coach in Alabama and taking back my commitment.  I could just go to a college close to Mary and walk on to the team.  I wondered what she would do if I did.  This was all just a pipe dream.  I couldn't renege on everyone who was counting on me going to Alabama.
     Dad came out on the front porch and took a seat beside me.  He stretched out his arm and placed it around my shoulder.
     “How you doing Darrel?”
     “I don’t know yet Dad.  It hurts right now, but I know once tonight comes, it will hurt even more.  I know this is a little selfish, but she’s helped keep my mind occupied to where I wasn't thinking about mom all the time.”
     “I know this is a rough time for you son.  Hell, it’s a rough time for all of us.  You and I can’t just sit around the house moping around.  Your mom would be disgusted with us.”
     We both laughed, “You seem to be doing better today Dad.”
     He nodded his head, “I can’t cry anymore.  I just can’t do it.  You know your mom’s probably in heaven pissing vinegar seeing me down here pouting.  Knowing I have all you kids and grandkids to look after now on my own.  I loved your mom so much Darrel.”
     I looked at Dad and returned the favor of putting my arm on his shoulder, “You were a lucky man Dad.  We all were.”
Chapter 36

     
The time had come for me to go off to school.  I hated leaving Dad in the house all by himself.  He was doing better with every passing day.  The nights were the worse for him.  He prayed every night before he went to bed.  Sometimes, if I was in bed before him, I could faintly hear what he was saying.  He liked to pray out loud and he would ask God to watch over mom.  He would also pray for the Lord to take him too.  It’s what he asked every time I heard him.  It was hard for me to hear the only parent I had left alive asking to die.  The thought of not having him here made my heart hurt, but I knew he needed to be with Mom.
     We spent a lot of time together that past month.  We did things we hadn't done together in years.  Fishing, hiking, catch and movies were just a few of them.  It was good for the both of us.  
     I didn't hear from Mary.  I figured I wouldn't.  For someone as emotionally fragile as she was, she stuck to her guns.  She wasn't going to interfere with whatever the future was holding for me.