Reaching Out to the Stars (21 page)

As I quickly hit the computer and logged on to Ticketmaster, I found that they were still working on an upcoming tour schedule.

Although still a huge Clay fan and an ongoing fan of American Idol, fearing its retirement at the end of the season, life for the last couple of years has been nothing but Castromania. While I was still on the Ticketmaster site, I typed in the magic words “Jason Castro” and found to my surprise that he would be performing at Berklee’s Café 939, live at the Red Room. I immediately asked Bryce if he would take me. Of course, it was a go and I immediately ordered two tickets for this May 15th performance in Boston. I was extremely excited for this event but had also found that in these present days of idol craze and other every day events in my life that I was incredibly stressed out.

Without realizing it at the time, for a long time things that normally were hobbies in my life that I enjoyed, things that would typically make me happy, I somehow found a way to make them stressful. For example, scrapbooking had changed from a joyful and happy event to an “Oh my God I have so much to do in these albums and no time to do it.” Martial arts had taken a back seat to book submission deadlines and to top it off I ended up sick three weeks before the show, which I was also somehow stressing out about. I had not been sleeping and I had totally lost my voice due to a virus and complete exhaustion. Even though I always had my music as my very first source of relaxation, usually Jason Castro tunes, I was frustrated that I could not even sing to them.

The night of May 8th, Bryce’s 36th birthday, my friend Jodi was up from Maine to visit because she was home to spend Mothers’ Day weekend with her family. We had started to talk about what was going on in our lives and I began to realize that I had been in denial about the amount of stress that I had been allowing to take over my body and how unhealthy it was.

I began telling her how excited I was about the show but even how much more stressed out I had become about it from not having a thing to wear, still carrying an extra 10 pounds, to the possibility that I could meet Jason due to the small venue he was playing in.

All this time it had been my dream to meet one of my American Idol crushes and now that I had this opportunity, I was not sure I wanted it. I always pictured myself meeting one of them and sitting and having a conversation with them person to person never wanting them to perceive me as the ordinary fan but someone they could be friends with. It seemed too overwhelming. I also was sick and worried about feeling nasty in the busy city, no quick way home to where I am so accustomed to being nowadays.

Jodi had been taking classes to be a life coach and was talking to me about my stress and felt that I really needed to take a step back and try to enjoy just the smallest things in life, such as a cup of coffee, not just sucking it down in the morning as I usually do, but taking a moment to actually enjoy it. She sent me an email of links, momentary sensory experiences that link us to joy, feelings of peace, safety, delight, connection and abundance. This is when I decided I needed to take her advice and pause to fully take in the things that inspire and relax me.

A couple of days before the big event, I really started to rest and relax so that I could feel good enough to go to this show which I knew would be inspiring within itself. As I started to put together something to wear, I had come to a pretty quick decision that I was not going to make a big deal about it. I wanted to be comfortable so I decided to just dress comfortable, as I have always felt that less is more.

I woke up the morning of the concert and tried not to think a lot about it until it was time to get ready to go. I was immediately dreading the ride into Boston and found myself a bucket of nerves the minute we pulled out of the driveway. I put on my Jason CD and tried to close my eyes and put my head back and relax.

Of course, after taking the Copley exit, we got lost. Feeling like I was going to either puke or have a major anxiety attack, I quickly texted David “Lost in Boston…Help.” He called me almost immediately. As he talked us to Boylston Street, we immediately parked in the Boston Common Garage, no more fooling around. I knew it was too good to be true when we found a space right away because as we walked through the Common to Boylston Street, as I looked up at number 120 I looked at Bryce and said, “We need to walk to 939?”

It took us thirty minutes to reach The Red Room and the line was already backed up about ten feet, an hour and a half before the show. As a woman began to give us an update on what was going on behind the scenes, she informed us that they would open the doors after the sound check and there was no seating, standing room only on a first come first serve basis. As I was already trying to fan myself with my tickets, I looked at Bryce and said, “I am not sure this is worth it. I am too old for this shit.” He immediately said with surprise, “Jason is not worth the wait?” I told him I would let him know after the show.

The doors opened at 7:45 and we ended up standing in the second row by the left wall which had an opening like a window you could look out of to the hallway along the side of the small room. We were so close to the stage. I remember thinking that I could have rolled up a napkin and hit him in the head with it.

The opening act was Michael Castro, Jason’s brother. Knowing that he tried out for American Idol twice and did not make the cut, after watching him perform I wondered what American Idol was thinking. He was really good. He had a great voice, played both guitar and piano and had a really good sense of humor. He was also a very talented songwriter.

At 8:30, the second opening act began, Camera Can’t Lie. As I could feel the music vibrating through my body, it was a little too loud for my taste. By the time they finished, I was just hoping that I could still hear when it was Jason’s turn to hit the stage. Bryce liked them. They dedicated a song to Red Sox fans which was cool and some jackass started yelling some crap about loving the Yankee’s. Only an asshole would do that in Boston. I just don’t get it.

I remembered when they were about half way through, I caught a glimpse of Jason walking to the left of me to the men’s room. As I turned in surprise to catch a quick glimpse of him there was a guy behind me who saw the excitement in my eyes and started laughing. Then he said to me, “Don’t be a stalker.” When I could not help but keep looking over my shoulder, Bryce shook his head smiling and said, “He is going to be standing five feet from you in about five minutes”.

Finally as 9:30 rolled around, it was Jason’s turn. I believe I had waited long enough. As he came on stage, it seemed a little surreal. I was so close to him it was crazy.

He was wearing a black t-shirt with light blue torn jeans with an acoustic guitar around his neck. He wore two gold chains, one holding a cross. He had several bracelets on his wrist and his hair was crazy. I turned my camera on to take pictures throughout the show but did not refrain from taking it all in because I really wanted to enjoy the moment. Jodi would have been proud of me.

He sometimes spoke in between songs. Although he seemed comfortable performing in front of the small crowd, it was obvious to me that he still had an uneasiness about him when he spoke. It was like he portrayed this goofy charm as a defense mechanism to deal with the interaction with the fans. Jason was great. He sounded just as good live as he does recorded. He did an unplugged version of “Hallelujah” right before his encore which was amazing. He then announced that he would be in the back hanging out after the show. That is when I was slapped with the huge reality that I may actually meet Jason Castro.

As we started to leave the room, the stage now empty, it was nearing eleven o’clock. We had told the sitter we would be home around midnight. I turned to Bryce and said, “We can wait, right?”

He actually made it pretty clear that we needed to go because we needed to be home by twelve and there was no telling how long we would be waiting. As I turned facing the room we had just exited, Jason was walking right toward me. As I could not take my eyes off of him, he never looked up from the floor passing right by me and headed toward the table in the back of the small room with Michael and Camera Can’t Lie.

He was now about ten feet away from me, a pool of excited fans separating us. I began to grow really sad because I knew this was an opportunity that I did not want to let pass me by. I had waited a lifetime for this opportunity and at that moment it was all about Jason.

I looked at Bryce and said, “If you think that I came here to stand on my feet for five hours and leave here without getting a picture with him when he is standing ten feet away from me, you are f’in crazy.”

As I started forward, I looked back at him and said, “You’re coming with me because you need to take the picture so let’s go.” He was not happy with me, to say the least, but I did not care. While waiting amongst the crowd, Bryce bought two CD’s from the lead singer of Camera Can’t Lie. I really wanted Michael’s alb, his reference to his EP as a short album, but time was an issue so I decided I would catch up with him on iTunes. As I kept pushing my way through, within ten minutes I was the next to see Jason.

I was anxious, but I patiently waited for the fifty-something year old women and her two teenage daughters to have their time with him. The woman had handed her phone to Jason, as I overheard that one of the daughters could not be there. Then I was thinking to myself, “Oh my God, now I have to wait for him to finish a phone conversation.” After he finished the conversation, she kept going on about how much she loved him and how she loved him on Facebook and as he seemed a little uncomfortable, he was really patient and polite. She finally started to move away but got stuck in the crowd and I could not make my way to him as he was just kind of wedged in the corner.

Although up to that point I never made eye contact with Jason, I was amazed at how aware he was about what was going on around him. He definitely saw me waiting to get to him as he wedged his way behind the woman and stood directly in front of me, arms open as to say “Alright, here I am, I got around her.” As he made eye contact with me for a quick moment, he started to laugh about the situation and I also started laughing. At that moment, I was looking right at his face and as he kind of crouched down to my level, I realized that he was not that much taller than me. I always felt hugely attracted to Jason but there are no words to describe how I was feeling at that moment looking right into his beautiful face. It was amazing.

As we both stood their laughing, I could not speak a word to him. I almost wanted to say, “I guess I am as bad at this as you are.” What could I really have said to him without sounding as stupid as the woman in front of me sounded? Artists know you love them. That’s why we are there to watch them.

As Jason saw Bryce standing there with the camera, he just kind of knew that I wanted a picture with him so there was no need to ask. As I stood beside him and put my arm around his waist, all I felt were dreads. I believe I started to shake a little as he put his arm around me for the picture.

After Bryce took the picture and started to lower the camera I said, “Take another one.” I then heard the next girl in line who was waiting patiently as I just was say, “That is a good idea.”

After the second picture, I let go of him and turned to him but again I was lost for words. He just looked at me and folded his arms awkwardly and he said something, but I am not really sure what he said as I was still somewhat overwhelmed as to what was actually going on. I just had my arm around Jason Castro! As I walked away from him and left with Bryce my heart was racing and I was so excited to see my picture with him, the one and only memory that I would have of that night forever other than what would remain in my head for weeks to come. Just to be clear, it was definitely worth the wait!

As we walked quickly down Boylston Street to get to our car I was trying not to pee myself because I had to go so badly. I was trying to keep my mind off of how badly I needed to go by reflecting on this experience I had just encountered.

We reached the parking garage and got into our car, and not long after exiting the garage we got lost again. Why Boston, why? As we finally found the Mass Pike entrance, I called Kendra, the sitter, to tell her that we would be home closer to one in the morning.

Sleeping that night was difficult. I kept replaying in my mind the events that took place that night, and actually meeting Jason Castro. It had all happened so quickly and I could only get it back through memory. I kept thinking about the fact that I did not let it all in when it was happening, just like the coffee. Sorry Jodi.

As it kept replaying in my mind, sometimes to song, I felt like I was in an episode of Glee. Not only do I love that show for the music and for the singing, but it is just the fact that we all at one time in our lives or more take a situation and replay it as a production in our minds. The show is so close to real as far as where our imagination wants to take us…to some musical fantasy.

I had to wait until Sunday night to develop my pictures because the day after the show, my in-laws were coming to celebrate Ethan’s sixth birthday. After the small party, as Bryce put the kids into the bath, I went to CVS and waited for my pictures to be developed. I did get my picture of Jason and I in an 8 x 10, which is now sitting framed on my nightstand.

Even though I could not take it all in at the moment it happened, I am thoroughly enjoying the experience to its fullest from what remains in my mind from that night.

As I recapped it to Jodi via phone conversation after she saw my cherished picture on Facebook, was the experience all I expected it to be? The answer to that question is twofold, yes and no.

When I first started thinking about my interaction with Jason, I was beating myself up about it. For so long you dream about a moment like this and when it comes right down to this dream coming true, it never quite ends up like you hoped it would. I was mad at myself for not saying anything to him. I was mad at myself that I did not even thank him for the picture. On a good note, he will never remember that. I was mad that I did not soak up every moment of what was going on when it was happening. Then I thought, why didn’t I at least ask him for a hug? Then I would have been able to answer my own question of what he smelled like!